Eternal Sunshine Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 You should simply text him "Are you free to hang out on Saturday night?" Or "When are you free to hang out?" Just to eliminate any confusion....
MarlyStar Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 I would expect him to choose me over his mother. In my world you make a commitment to the first engagement you set up. Thursday we made plans to hang out because we didn't have plans on Friday. Few hours later when he got off work he canceled saying he had to take his mom out to dinner and he just found out. He asks her out, she accepts. A few hours later he 'has' to take his mother out. And he just finds out. After he made a prior engagement. Yes, I would expect him to say, "Mom, I have other plans, how about lunch, or Saturday or Monday...." That's what grown ups do. And a reasonable mother would understand. I have 3 young men sons and know that this would be with us. I also know a momma's boy mother would insist she come first. Anyone over the age of 20 would honor his first commitment. However, that's just in general. There's a couple things we don't know. One, how old is this guy. Is he 17 and living at home. Well, then he has no choice. A couple people have assumed that he 'forgot' he had a prior commitment to taking his mother out. There's no evidence of that and the words 'had to' and 'just found out' indicate that's probably not the case. Why not tell her, I forgot I have to go out with my mom? Also it doesn't sound like the dinner with mom was anything special; it sounds like it was quick since he still had time to interact with her. I know my sons if they were strong armed into taking me out would delay the date rather than cancel if they were interested in the girl. Dinner with me bet 6-8; then out with her the rest of the evening. All of them have done two Thanksgiving dinners or two bday dinners on the same day because they had obligations to both. I also don't think this is a good sign. However, it matters if he's still in high school. If not, I'd out and out ask him, how did it come about that you 'had to' take your mother out after making a date with me? See what he says. And I'd also be very aware of him and his mother and what kind of a person they are. I'm older than a lot of people here and I know women who have been involved in momma's boys--and it is a miserable experience. The thing about momma's boys is they present well at first--because they've been so trained by mommy to be sensitive to her needs and feelings, they seem very intuitive and insightful. And it attracts women. But then the woman finds out that that sensitivity and agreeableness is reserved mostly for mom and the girlfriend/wife just gets the leftovers--if mommy agrees.
MarlyStar Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 ... then he said "It shouldn't take long to grab a bite to eat cuz then I'll have nothing to do when I get home." It's not a good sign that he didn't say, "We can do something then, want to try out a movie? Go bowling? Shoot some pool?" This makes me think it's not necessarily a mommy boy thing, but a 'he's just not that into you' thing.
MarlyStar Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 UPDATE: He texted me "Hiii :)" and he said " Rog (our mutual friend) invited me out tonight to the bar." I said, "Ohh u going?" he said, "I might since I haven't seen him in a while." So he's not in high school. If he's old enough to go to a bar, he's old enough to tell his mom, "I'd love to grab a bite to eat with you mom, but I already made plans." You have a gut feeling on this guy. Don't ignore it.
Author chelle21689 Posted March 26, 2011 Author Posted March 26, 2011 This is probably my first time trying dating since my long relationship. Ugh, no matter what if you're in a relationship or not it's still a a headache. No one told me about this. lol... He always texts me every night or calls even when he's out with his friends. This is the first time he hasn't. I feel like all of a sudden it's games. If this continues I'm going to try to not care and just move on again with my life. Ugh men.
ReturnToSender Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 I empathize with your frustration... Personally, definitely its great to see a man treat his mother/sisters well, but I dont agree with it that he should devote as much time as possible to his mom cause those are the times he will cherish once shes gone. Just as his mother was granted the liberty of having a family of her own, a partner and children...I feel that said children deserve the same liberty as well and should not be expected to push moving forward in their life aside to spend as much time with mom as possible instead. Anyway...alllll of that aside, I prefer a man who can be upfront and direct. All of this would have been a non issue if..lets say he had made plans with his mom first and forgotten...to say so and then either ask if he could meet you later, or ask if he can meet you the next night. He was so wishy washy about it that yeah, that would turn me off big time too.
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