Thursday Afternoon at the Opera.

[Imajerk17]

Well, her behavior was definitely rude and inconsistent. If she had a problem with you, she would have been better off not encouraging you to come to the opera, instead of encouraging you to come, and then later embarrassing you by having the guard tell you to leave.

 

There is still a small amount of doubt about what really happened. Give her a little more time to get back to you.

 

HOWEVER, doing things like giving a girl in anything like the situation described, flowers (even if it was only ONE and even if it was FREE to send) or any other such gifts, is always a bad idea. It only puts the woman on the defensive. That might be what happened here. Don't do that again, with any woman!

Edited March 25, 2011 by Imajerk17

[Mrlonelyone]

Well, her behavior was definitely rude and inconsistent. If she had a problem with you, she would have been better off not encouraging you to come to the opera, instead of encouraging you to come, and then later embarrassing you by having the guard tell you to leave.

 

Precisely. If I made her that uneasy why not tell me just not to come and not spend my money.

 

Folks take a look at this opera house. They don't need their dancers to drum up business. I snagged one of the last available seats as they were all sold out months and months in advance. So what Carhill was saying...does not quite fit...she gets no commission for people showing up. Very different from his bank employee.

 

There is still a small amount of doubt about what really happened. Give her a little more time to get back to you.

 

I know. I'm not sweating that. She's not a big Facebooker like I have said before.

 

One rejection by one woman is something I can deal with. The sum total of rejections over time as it adds up...can only wear a human being down.

. Edited March 26, 2011 by Mrlonelyone
replacing link to picture with one that keeps the mystery of who she is.

[SingVoice]

I love how I am the "resident opera singer." Thanks...I am flattered!

 

She might have even invited you because...well...singers are vain and maybe she wanted you to hear her so you would think she was even MORE fantastic. Or maybe she just wanted you to see the production because it was fantastic.

 

Any other opera date questions...throw em my way! Haha

[Imajerk17]

Precisely. If I made her that uneasy why not tell me just not to come and not spend my money.

 

Folks take a look at this opera house. They don't need their dancers to drum up business. I snagged one of the last available seats as they were all sold out months and months in advance. So what Carhill was saying...does not quite fit...she gets no commission for people showing up. Very different from his bank employee.

 

 

 

I know. I'm not sweating that. She's not a big Facebooker like I have said before.

 

One rejection by one woman is something I can deal with. The sum total of rejections over time as it adds up...can only wear a human being down.

.

 

Sure.

 

That said though, I see you ran with the first half of my post but didn't really take the second half....

[Eternal Sunshine]

One flower is one flower too many....

 

Basically it makes you stand out and not in a good way. I date a lot and have received flowers...twice from the men I was dating. NOT ONCE in the last 5 years from the men I wasn't dating.

 

I am just saying it is unusual and probably made her think "OMG this dude is crazy about me". Then few weeks later you claim that you just want to be friends, yet your actions say otherwise (waiting to see her after opera). It's just too much effort for a "friend" that you barely know.

 

You have set off her creepy alarm...

[Mrlonelyone]

The second half is a matter of style and taste. I don't like to leave my intentions a mystery. I sent a single pink rose, small bear a card that said "thinking of you" and written in the card "My good friend on this day".

 

Oooh what a stalker. It could have just as easily made me look cheap huh? :LMFAO:

 

Barely know? from July to November 2010 we spent a total of two to three hours per week scantily clad learning to pole dance and giving eachother lap dances. Barely know? Yes barely clothed and getting to know eachother. One could call it getting to first or second base without going on a date.

 

It would be an insult if I did not think some thoughts after that!

Edited March 26, 2011 by Mrlonelyone

[Eternal Sunshine]

The second half is a matter of style and taste. I don't like to leave my intentions a mystery. I sent a single pink rose, small bear a card that said "thinking of you" and written in the card "My good friend on this day".

 

Oooh what a stalker. It could have just as easily made me look cheap huh? :LMFAO:

 

Barely know. from July to November 2010 we spent a total of two to three hours per week scantily clad learning to pole dance and giving eachother lap dances. Barely know? Yes barely clothed and getting to know eachother. One could call it getting to first or second base without going on a date.

 

But you weren't on a date. You were in DANCING CLASS where this was expected. There was no meaning behind it.

 

Again, sending flower and teddy to someone you are not dating is very FAR from what is considered normal by most women in this day and age. It may seem normal and sweet to you - I am just giving you another perspective.

[Imajerk17]

But you weren't on a date. You were in DANCING CLASS where this was expected. There was no meaning behind it.

 

Again, sending flower and teddy to someone you are not dating is very FAR from what is considered normal by most women in this day and age. It may seem normal and sweet to you - I am just giving you another perspective.

 

Yes. I agree with ES's take on this.

 

It's not just what you meant by the gesture mrlonelyone, it's how she took the gesture. She didn't take it the way you thought she did.

[Mrlonelyone]

Expected but she did not have to choose me. Sunshine again this is a matter of my approach to relationships.

 

To me doing things together when sex is not specifically on the brain is MORE significant than when it is IMHO. I belive in being friends, getting to know eachother, then dating.

 

I really don't see how there is some magic to having gone through the phony, contrived, ritual of going "on a date".

 

I had a child by a woman I took chem class with.... We spent the one hour break eating with eachother... by your logic those all meant nothing....because we did not go on X number of "dates". :smh:

 

@Imajerk

 

I can only know how she would take it in hindsight. Looking forward from February 10th it's not so clear. Remember hindsight is 20/20...foresight is foggy.

 

If it makes a difference to you I'm a jerk she does not look like this.

Edited March 26, 2011 by Mrlonelyone

[Imajerk17]

Expected but she did not have to choose me. Sunshine again this is a matter of my approach to relationships.

 

To me doing things together when sex is not specifically on the brain is MORE significant than when it is IMHO. I belive in being friends, getting to know eachother, then dating.

 

I really don't see how there is some magic to having gone through the phony, contrived, ritual of going "on a date".

 

I had a child by a woman I took chem class with.... We spent the one hour break eating with eachother... by your logic those all meant nothing....because we did not go on X number of "dates". :smh:

 

@Imajerk

 

I can only know how she would take it in hindsight. Looking forward from February 10th it's not so clear. Remember hindsight is 20/20...foresight is foggy.

 

If it makes a difference to you I'm a jerk she does not look like this.

 

Not in this case.

 

Don't get gifts for women you are not dating! This includes women who aren't sure that they were dating you and it certainly includes the woman you were crushing on. Simple as that.

Edited March 26, 2011 by Imajerk17

[Mrlonelyone]

Imajerk

 

I was more responding to the "barely know" part. Let me ask you do you in general think that one can go from friends to lovers at all? Are you one who thinks that can never work? In which case your philosophy of relationships would not allow what I was trying to do and have done successfully before.

 

IF your going to make the friend, lover leap you need to make a strong move. You can't approach as if you are a stranger. You do know the person already...often better than people going on that first date after which according to ya'll flowers would be ok.

 

At any rate I had no romantic expectations from yesterday... other than what almost happened that I might meet someone new and available.

 

Can we agree to disagree? In talking privately with SingVoice with her particular expertise there is a good chance that she did not 100% know I was even there. That her seeming to look directly at me could be a mistake on my part. This could be a series of misunderstandings on all parts. So lets just wait and I'll let you know if she ever says anything.

[elaina]

The second half is a matter of style and taste. I don't like to leave my intentions a mystery. I sent a single pink rose, small bear a card that said "thinking of you" and written in the card "My good friend on this day".

 

That was a beautiful gesture, and someday a woman who adores you would be overjoyed at that gesture. However, it's best to wait until a woman tells you she has such affection for you before sending her a lovely gift like that.

 

Oooh what a stalker. It could have just as easily made me look cheap huh? :LMFAO:

I wouldn't go so far as say stalker, but I would feel uneasy if a man I didn't love sent me a beautiful rose. I am sorry... that's how many women think.

 

Barely know? from July to November 2010 we spent a total of two to three hours per week scantily clad learning to pole dance and giving eachother lap dances. Barely know? Yes barely clothed and getting to know eachother. One could call it getting to first or second base without going on a date.

I am sorry, but strippers do this all the time, and they do not consider it dates to have lap dances, right?

 

Sometimes women disassociate pole dancing and lap dancing from real life, not unless they deliberately do it for someone they have already proclaimed love for.

 

It would be an insult if I did not think some thoughts after that!

I suppose it is natural for some men to associate some emotional feeling with that, and I am sorry for what you've experienced concerning her. I think it's safe to say to let her go, but I firmly believe that someone special who will make her fade into the distance can come into your life and will make you glad it didn't work out with this lady.

[Mrlonelyone]

 

That was a beautiful gesture, and someday a woman who adores you would be overjoyed at that gesture. However, it's best to wait until a woman tells you she has such affection for you before sending her a lovely gift like that.

 

I wouldn't go so far as say stalker, but I would feel uneasy if a man I didn't love sent me a beautiful rose. I am sorry... that's how many women think.

 

I am sorry, but strippers do this all the time, and they do not consider it dates to have lap dances, right?

 

She's not a stripper. If I had paid her for it you would have a point. She did not have to do that with me at all. We did not have to talk or hang out at all. We did not have to be friendly at all.

 

She did not have to offer to let me into the dress rehersal at all. That's what prompted me to think she was interested.

 

I am not going to respond to the rest of what you wrote because as I pointed out your premise is faulty.

[elaina]

I did not say that she is a stripper. I was making the point that strippers do pole and lap dances, but that doesn't make them dates.

 

If you do not wish to respond, that is fine. It is your decision.

 

Peace

[Mrlonelyone]

elaina

 

I said that you were basing your argument on bad information. Envisioning what occured as just being like going to a strip club isn't really correct either. I guess you would have to take a class to know what I meant.

[Mrlonelyone]

Not that I am in any way fixated on this topic. After all I have been on a date with someone off OKC. However this particular issue came to mind as I was rototilling my garden plot.

 

I was reminded of something else that occured before the Opera that could explain the 180 that she did.

 

Before the Shows at this particular company there is a lecture. They tell you about the history of the partuclar work. I was one of a handful of brown faces in a sea of white, and no one would sit next to me. So the seats to either side of me were open. (Kind of like this one NY Times columnist writes of in this column. )

 

Then this older woman who looked vaguely familliar sat next to me. We had a good little chat before the presentation started. Like we were already acquainted. She told me a bit about her self. I think that older woman was E's mother. I'm not 100% sure but she resembled her picture on FB enough. By her own self description of what she does etc she fits perfectly.

 

Let me make this perfectly clear, I was already sitting there and she sat next to me.

 

If E found out that me and her mother met and got along THAT more than anything could explain such a freak out...IF that's indeed what occurred. Forget the flower, forget anything else...meeting someone's mom...even by pure chance could make someone your interested in freak out. That would make some sense.

 

I have heard nothing back from E. I may never know if what I was told was true. That's life, it's sad in a way. However, there are other people out there. In this case I don't think it's anything I did or could have done significantly different to "win" her.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Your last post doesn't make sense. She didn't freak out because of the mother incident by itself. She freaked out because she got the stalkerish vibe overall.

[Mrlonelyone]

Your last post doesn't make sense. She didn't freak out because of the mother incident by itself. She freaked out because she got the stalkerish vibe overall.

 

I don't see how? :/

 

She invited me to the dress rehersal of this very Opera.

 

She gave me hints on how to dress for this performance when I asked her for them.

 

She spent most of the time I knew her in 2010... talking about her performances with people in class ... and encouraged people, me in partcular, to listen when they were broadcast on the radio.

 

She made all kinds of moves towards me... then back away.

 

Then her mother of he own accord sat next to me at that lecture. I did not seek her out or even recognize her right off the bat.

 

How in the hell can I be called a stalker?

[Mme. Chaucer]

MrLonely, from what I've gathered reading your posts since you've joined, there is definitely a stalkerish quality about you with regards to women. I'm sure if we can get that from reading what you write, people in the physical world must really feel it.

 

You've pretty much gone off into deep fantasyland with this scenario.

[Eternal Sunshine]

MrLonely, from what I've gathered reading your posts since you've joined, there is definitely a stalkerish quality about you with regards to women. I'm sure if we can get that from reading what you write, people in the physical world must really feel it.

 

You've pretty much gone off into deep fantasyland with this scenario.

 

I actually agree with this :eek:

[Mrlonelyone]

MrLonely, from what I've gathered reading your posts since you've joined, there is definitely a stalkerish quality about you with regards to women. I'm sure if we can get that from reading what you write, people in the physical world must really feel it.

 

You've pretty much gone off into deep fantasyland with this scenario.

 

Whatever.

 

I guess a woman inviting me someplace shouldn't mean I should actually show up?

 

Completely unsolicited..... when I mentioned possibly seeing one particular opera...

 

Actually I would recommend coming to see Carmen not {this other opera she was in}, I mean, both are good, but I think Carmen will be great. If you can't find tickets for that one, I think I can get you in to the dress rehearsal for free, I can let you know what date that will be.

 

That's where I got the idea she might want me to I don't know... COME AND FREAKING SEE CARMEN SO BAD THAT IF I COULD NOT GET TICKETS TO A SHOW THAT IS OFTEN SOLD OUT MONTHS IN ADVANCE SHE WOULD GET ME TO SEE THE DRESS REHERSAL.

 

What Universe did I warp into where someone inviting you to their place of business then actually showing the hell up is it called stalking. How do I get back to the one where people asking you to come to them means that you should go?

Edited April 3, 2011 by Mrlonelyone

[SingVoice]

You know that I of course am going to comment on this.

 

It doesn't mean ANYTHING to invite someone you know to your show. It just doesn't. I have invited complete strangers on the street to my shows. Doesn't mean I like them. I have invited friends, family, whatever. It's just what you do...try to expose people to the arts.

 

Also if you had mentioned to her that you had an interest in opera or classical music...that is probably why she suggested you go.

 

I think you probably read into that. And asking for dress suggestions...that means nothing either. Most people who go to my shows will ask me what to wear...because its not common knowledge.

 

As for inviting you to the dress rehearsal...also means nothing. (Sorry but it doesnt!) She was merely suggesting that because Carmen is an excellent show (and a good one for newbies) that you could come to the dress. Performers LOVE to have a full house at the dress...because it's more like a real performance then. That's why oftentimes companies will send a lot of invites to the dresses...or encourage their cast/crew to invite people to the dress. Also if you can see a dress for free and enjoy it then you might actually want to pay for a ticket to a real show.

 

There. Hope that clears it up. First and foremost this is a business...and this person obviously understands that.

[Mrlonelyone]

I guess so SingVoice.

 

I was looking at this from my perspective as a scientist. Taking the equivalent actions is something we don't do for just anyone. (Which would be asking someone to come to a scientific colloquium etc.)

 

How on earth was I, a non-performing artist, to know any of what you just said? :/ It's not obvious by any means.

 

How about her agreeing to go bowling with me? Which she did back out on. Do ya'll do that with perfect strangers too? :\

 

My point in posting that was that... regardless you can't invite someone to your place of business then get angry at them when they show up. :shrug:

Edited April 3, 2011 by Mrlonelyone

[SingVoice]

I guess so SingVoice.

 

I was looking at this from my perspective as a scientist. Taking the equivalent actions is something we don't do for just anyone. (Which would be asking someone to come to a scientific colloquium etc.)

 

How on earth was I, a non-performing artist, to know any of what you just said? :/ It's not obvious by any means.

 

How about her agreeing to go bowling with me? Which she did back out on. Do ya'll do that with perfect strangers too? :\

 

My point in posting that was that... regardless you can't invite someone to your place of business then get angry at them when they show up. :shrug:

 

There's no harm in the misinterpretation. That's why I am here...to clear up all your opera singing questions!!! Haha. It's just different. Honestly...if you can build yourself a following of fans...it's all the better for your career.

You are right...it isn't obvious. Sometimes singers forget that because "our world" is very different.

 

Which leads me to my next point...she might have assumed that you knew that it was just supposed to be casual. And she might have backed out on bowling because she thought that you were going to think it was more than it was. And since she has a boyfriend...hanging out alone with a guy who MIGHT be interested in you probably wasn't a good idea to her.

 

Did she actually GET MAD at you for showing up? I don't think so. My take on it now after knowing more facts is that she probably realized that you thought it was more than it was...and so she kind of disappeared I guess. She probably felt a little bit uncomfortable and maybe didn't want to give you the wrong idea...maybe she felt pressured. Who knows. But still...I don't think she is mad at you as much as she is just kind of avoiding a potentially uncomfortable situation.

[Mrlonelyone]

It sounds like she is sending very mixed signals. If she doesn't respond to your email about the meaning of the specific orders for you not to be allowed backstage thing, then yes, I'd just stay away from her. Gee, how mortifying. Sorry, Mr. Lonely.

 

 

Either that or as SingVoice kinda hints at this person is so stepped in the Opera world that she does not realize how that would look to 99.9999% of everyone else on earth.

 

Suppose I was here describing something I did.. I did the following and said..

 

Come to my place of business.

Watch me teach and tutor.

Take in a lecture given by {insert famous scientist here}

 

Then when the person actually shows up. "I'm uncomfortable". Or "Your a stalker".

 

I wonder what some people who call me a stalker here would say to me if I did that? Hmm? :/

 

@Singvoice.

 

I hear what you are saying. Which is why I posted what I thought really made her uncomfortable to this thread.

 

What I think made her uncomfortable between our pre-show messaging... and the end of the show was her mother comming over to sit by me at the pre-opera lecture. Upon reflection I can't think of who else it could be who would make such a presumption of familliarity (It also shows that I'm not crazy for interpreting her actions as I did if her own mother perhaps did likewise.)

 

Now that would make a perfectly reasonable person uncomfortable in a hurry.

 

I think you are right she's trying to avoid a situation that's built up in her head as having to be akward and uncomfortable.

 

By the by I went on a date, with another woman, from OK Cupid a few days ago and it went well. We have our second date set up for a week from today. Knock on wood. I have no ill will towards E, she's a good trouper, and I would consider her a friend still.

Edited April 3, 2011 by Mrlonelyone