lovesparis Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 y'all have some good advice, even if it's what i don't want to hear sometimes... i respect the collective experience that this board has. in summary: ex-boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago (sudden and unexpectedly) to reconcile with his ex-wife. i don't blame him for this, i'm not angry with him for making that decision-- there was a time in my life where i would have left my new bf for an old one-- i understand the feelings that led to his decision. so i was sad, upset, and depressed, but never angry. contrary to what many of my friends thought i should do, at the end of our conversation i told him if he figured out what he wanted, he knew how to find me. mutual NC after that. posted on breakups and coping a lot for the past few months. i started meeting new people, had a few 1x dates that never went anywhere. i had about 4 or 5 dates with a wonderful gentleman but i couldn't tell if he was interested or if i was friend-zoned (i may have posted about that too) so i met another guy and had a good date with him. in the middle of all this exbf emailed. the gentleman took himself out of the picture, preferring someone younger. the other guy is very interested in starting something, but we've only had 2 dates (and one set for tomorrow). exbf's email said he wanted to talk if i was still interested. i took some time and decided i would like to hear what he has to say, against the advice of most of you here. we talked about all kinds of things, but not what happened/why/his motivation/reason for breaking NC. i thought about calling him out on it like "what are we doing here?" but decided against it b/c i wanted to "play it cool." things were awkward at first, and then they just felt so comfortable... so normal, natural, like no time had passed at all. it took me by surprise, actually. i spent a significant amount of time just staring at his eyes and thinking how beautiful they are and how much i love looking at him and listening to him. we ended with me telling him i was confused b/c we didn't talk about anything. he said he would call and set up a time to talk. so far he hasn't called, but we have emailed back and forth quite a bit- he did say he has some family issues that have been taking up a lot of his non-work time. i have very strong feelings toward exbf. i have waited and waited for this! naturally i'm afraid of getting hurt again. i don't want to rush into anything with him, if he is interested in that (i'm aware he may not actually be). new guy is nice, we have great conversation, he's attractive, fun to be around, has a good job, etc... but i don't get "butterflies" when i'm around him-- like if our knees brush under the table or whatever. i feel like although he's attractive he is like my platonic male friends in that there is no "sexual attraction" to him. he has not kissed me yet, but i suspect he will soon. and that may clear that up for me. my dilemma: my question is do i leave it up to exbf if or when he puts on his big boy panties and tells me what he is thinking? i realize i can't and shouldn't put my life on hold, especially when i have a good man in front of me (lack of sexual attraction notwithstanding). or do i grab the bull by the horns, put my cards on the table <fill in other appropriate cliches> and ask him to share with me his motivation/reason for breaking NC/whatever. do i, in the words of sara evans, stop hoping we can work it out and get a little bit stronger OR, in the words of thompson square, ask him if we are going to do this or not? sorry that was so long.
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