Hannah86 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months. I feel very comfortable with him in general, but he is still in this honeymoon stage and it is too much. We had a huge falling out a week ago where I confronted him; I told him if he felt like he were acting, I would appreciate if he would tone it rather than be so romantic all the time. It did not go over well, nor did I word it quite so eloquently, but after three days of going around and around with our conversation, he understands that was my point, but he became super self-conscious in the process and ever since our conversation, I'm bending over backwards to overcompensate for what I said....and I felt I was overcompensating my feelings to begin with, and I am so tired of doing it! It's not that I want an *******. I wish he were less romantic, so I could come to him more, if that makes sense. He brings all the emotion into the relationship and I have told him that. He has said that he wishes I could be more affectionate, and I think I would be, if he were less affectionate! How do I fix this horrible cycle? I feel like it's such a STUPID thing to complain about, but it is KILLING my mood and my feelings for him. I don't want to be "on" all the time, I just want to chill and be a little bit cutesy, not LOVEY DOVEY all the time because my feelings just aren't there anymore. I think of him more as a fascinating, talented, interesting companion rather than a new toy I have a crush on. He is still in the new toy phase with me. Things I've tried: 1. Confronting him about it (a week ago) which backfired 2. Faking my feelings to match his 3. Letting him "ravage" me in bed and be a dominating male 4. Opposite lovemaking; let him get super sensual 5. Wrote him a love letter to read when he feels I'm not being affectionate enough 6. Basically moved in with him so he stops complaining about our time apart 7. Telling him over, and over, and over, and over again that I love him, to the point where I feel like I am a broken record, but he truly means it every time... 8. Pushing him to have guys only night (my thinking--he will be more masculine and boyish after hanging around them, rather than be in good-boyfriend-mode all the time) And I realize the horrible irony that I am complaining about a man that's too romantic. Please, only people that have dealt with this or something similar weigh in. I have little incentive to dress up for him, little incentive to put on makeup, little incentive to work out...because he tells me all the time how perfect I am and begs me to never change a thing... Help!
allenmj Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Show him this post. As a guy, if my girl did that, I would "get it"
Author Hannah86 Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 Ha, well he knows I have a profile on here and he's read everything, so perhaps you're on to something. He just may find it himself. Hello sweetie, please don't be mad at me! We can work this out!
blackmagik Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 haah well its funny, sometimes guys can be "too nice" and ruin a good thing with kindness... so killing them with kindness is something that is working here. What he is doing to you is almost smothering you with his romance and affection. This isn't something that is good for the relationship in the long run. Its good to have a guy like that. I was like that when I was in my early twenties, I have since learned that it is something to keep in the relationship but keep the heavy stuff so it means something when it is done. You don't have to be an ******* at all you can still be a nice good guy just don't act like a little girl about the relationship. If the girl is wearing the pants in the relationship and has less emotion invested it can be bad. Smothering can end up putting your fire for him out completely.
Author Hannah86 Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 Hi there...could really use some advice on this...anyone?
westernxer Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 It's not romantic if you feel he's smothering you. Is this his first serious relationship?
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