Breezy Trousers Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) IMO, you are an abused woman, not a codependent, and you're in a difficult situation. Your husband is either dealing with sex addiction or narcissistic personality disorder. That's for you to decide. Why are you so invested in loving him while refusing to love yourself? You don't deserve this. Please, please, PLEASE!!! ... I hope you google and read all you can about narcissists / narcisstic personality disorder because what you're describing sounds a lot like it... Melanie Tonia Evans is a favorite resource for information (podcasts, ebooks), but Jill Scott is good, too.... Also, please read Lundy Bancroft's book, "Why Does he Do That?" (It's a book about verbal/physical abuse from men in marriages, but I now believe that "domestic violence" is just an old-fashioned word for "narcissistic abuse." ) They deliberately seek out partners who are highly empathetic, loyal, trusting and forgiving. (Read Sandra Brown for more information on that.) With NPD, there is no hope for them getting better, but partners will spend their entire lives giving them multiple chances after the tears, the flowers & kisses..... With sex addiction, they don't get better until they hit bottom -- usually involving a spouse leaving or filing for divorce. Bottom line: You will have to leave at some point. I recommend educating yourself and finding loving support in the meantime. Even with knowledge, these dysfunctional relationships are difficult to leave because the traumatic bonding can be as addictive as a bag of crack cocaine. It's why NO CONTACT is so necessary. It's also why all the experts scream, "Get out as soon as you can.." They know how hard it is to walk away from an abusive relationship the longer you're in it. I believe many affairs -- certainly not all, but a good percentage --involve a partner with NPD or sex addiction. I also believe that many affairs are inherently abusive, not just to the spouse but to the affair partner. Emotionally intelligent/conscious, healthy people do not easily cross boundaries. Edited April 5, 2011 by Breezy Trousers
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