Believer69 Posted April 2, 2004 Posted April 2, 2004 OK, I know I'm not the only one who has had this issue. my BF has never been in serious relationship, and this one happended fairly fast. Anywho, he stated up with an old friend of his who he hadnt been in touch with for several months. Since they have been back in contact, they see each other ALL the time. We live together, and with that, should come some type of comunication as to when you will not be home, right? I think so. All I want is to know ahead of time that they will be speanding the evening together, so I know to make other plans, etc. Unfortunaly that is not how it happens. It is a phone call from "Jack" and then he's out the door. They do stupid things like play video games, or watch cartoons. Yes, I see that is the "boy" inside, but what about me? I have expained my upset to him, as I said before, its about 4 times a week. My BF is on partial unemplyement and only works 15-20 hours a week, and "Jack" is a college student, they spend HOURS together while I'm at work, but thats not enough appearently. So, I get upset, my BF doesnt love me, or I bore Him, and get all drama queen on him, and it doesnt help, obviously. Now I see it in him, the urge to go...but he doesnt becuase he knows I will be upset. I dont wnat to be bossy or anything, cant they just make plans!! And occationally on the spur of the moment hang out, but it was ALL the TIME. I have heard him tell "Jack" he didnt want to hang out, but then some how, "Jack" convinces him. I dont think "Jack" is being very GF friendly. I am sure other people have this issue, what do you do. I dont want my BF to have to choose. AHH its so frustrating!
girly Posted April 2, 2004 Posted April 2, 2004 sweetheart, i know exactly where you are coming from. i had the same deal with my guy.. but it wasn't any four times a week. that is excessive. first of all, do you know if your bf was close to his dad or if his dad is a big part of his life... in a positive way? i ask this because in dealing with my own situation i realized that my guy was a bit dependent on his guy buddy (it wasn't all in my head after all. ) because he was trying to find someone who could take his dad's place. he was lonely for a male figure in his life. whether us women want to except it or not, we can't be everything to our men. we can't fix things for them. i did the dramaqueen thing on my guy, too. and it did not work. if anything, it made it worse. he would just stick around to shut me up.. that made me feel even worse. perhaps you are too available. if you were busy focusing on a life outside of your relationship, you wouldn't have time to freak about what he is doing with his guy friend. i don't mean that to sound harsh.. i'm speaking from experience. the more bored i got, or the more i stayed home to try and see if i could catch an ounce of his time, he left with his buddy. once i stopped trying to stop him, things changed somewhat. i mean, sure, he still hangs out with his guy friend. but he also hasn't gotten too comfortable with me. maybe you need to turn the tables on him a couple times. when he wants to be with you, say you already have plans(whether it's true or not) he needs to feel motivated to fight for your attention. it seems that he has gotten comfortable just doing what he pleases cuz you are still always there, waiting for him to change. but once one person changes, the other is forced too as well. shake things up, and keep him on his toes. and if that doesn't work... maybe you should look for another guy who can devote more time to your relationship than to his fantasy world 4+ a week. good luck..keep me updated!
Believer69 Posted April 2, 2004 Posted April 2, 2004 Hey Girly, thanks. I knew I wasnt the only one! I do agree with you in that I should try to get out more often without him, but I do have a lot on my plate. I work full time, I have a 14 year old child, and I pay all my bills. I come home and want to relax wit my man, and he's out. We have discussed this, and I have started to get through to him. I am a lot more "maure" then him, no age wise, although I am 3 years older, but I have been through a lot more, and am familiar with the "relationship" basics. It makes me feel like he doesnt want to be around me for what ever reason. I say it makes me feel like maybe we dont have enough in common, etc. He thinks I am rediculas, but he hasnt been going out with "Jack" as much. I dont want him to be with me out of guilt, or to prove to me he loves me. I just wish there was an easy solution, but I guess thats asking a lot, I mean, it is a realationship, when are they ever easy!!! I know i do get "drama queen on his a@# sometimes, due to my own insecurities, but its not all me.
Believer69 Posted April 2, 2004 Posted April 2, 2004 FYI: I am at work and I rushed the last reply so please forgive the typo's!! Thanks all!
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