motherlover Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 i am taking a course, and found a girl in class that is the girl of my dreams, she has a bf, but she says it's not serious.. (if it was, i would stop right there, and move on) she knows i like her, and she thinks im really cute, but for some reason she won't cut it off with him to give me a chance,she seams intreaged, and she has though about it several times, but just cant seem to really committ to breaking up with him, and giving me a chance. Im 25 and very new to relationships, and dating all together, i blossemed very late, and had cute girl phobia all through out high school. so i don't aquire the game that i know if i had, she would be mine. but i have narrowed it down to two options i need help decideing which route to go. option A: being honest with her, tell her how much ive grown to like her, and tell her how happy she would be, i she gave me a chance, tell her how i would spoil her, and treat her like a princess. Option B: play it cool. and just be her friend, and text her here and there. without any flirting. Option C: tell her, as much as i would like to be her friend, i think it would be to hard, knowing her heart belongs to another guy, and that if things dont work out to hit me up. but otherwise this is where it ends.. take into consideration, i truley deeply like this girl, and feel like she is everything i want in a person, and wish so bad she felt the same way, and as much as i would love to just be in her life as a friend, it would make me extremely jealous, knowing someone else is sleeping with the girl of my dreams..
Macaw Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 (edited) I recommend you search google for "Dating Tips" or David D'Angelo/Mystery Man material. They're far from being 100% accurate (I'd say 50-60%) but they gave me a lot of great insights on how to attract woman. You'll need to use your brains to filter out the "ugly, crass or jerk-ish" advice from the good ones though, but when you do, you'll feel a lot better. One piece of advice that struck me the hardest is how most guys new to the game approach every girl they like as a potential wife or long-term girlfriend... and how that puts so much unneeded pressure on our shoulders, and causes us to act incredibly nervous and dorky in the process - because we're trying so hard to please her and be liked. Meanwhile, what's the girl thinking? Well, if she didn't know you yet, she would probably think "I wonder if he's just another jerk who wants to get into my pants?" Which puts absolutely no pressure on her. How to handle those kinds of situations? Well, they suggested to change your mindset to "This girl will probably do something that will annoy me greatly later on, she just hasn't show me yet. What could it be?" And while you might feel like a jerk for thinking like that, it does wonders for your confidence and your attitude around her. They also often say that you cannot "convince" or "persuade" a person to feel attracted to you, by only (only being the keyword) being nice and supportive to them. If your friend doesn't feel any chemistry towards you, she isn't going to leave her guy for you unless you learn how to trigger that chemistry on her. So do search and take a look at the material I told you to. But keep an open mind, and stick to your gut - if something feels wrong to you, it probably is. PS: Do keep in mind that your friend might just be the kind of girl that likes to seduce men and string them along for personal amusement, never really wanting anything meaningful with them. She might also be a liar and her boyfriend believes to be in a serious relationship, while she's flirting with you behind his back and who knows how many other men. Stay alert, and good luck. Edited March 25, 2011 by Macaw
Eddie Edirol Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Yeah if she tells you that she has a boyfriend, and she isnt leaving him, she will never leave him for you. She isnt attracted to him enough to dump him for you. Matter of fact, she says it isnt serious, but if shes still with him, she wants it to be serious. Shes already infatuated with him, theres nothing you can do. Go find a single girl and forget about this one.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I wonder how accurate this pickup stuff is. Do women really fall for it?
Romeofud Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 OP, please enlighten us on what it is that makes this chick the girl of your dreams lol, other than her looks & body? I'm waiting for an honest answer.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I wonder how accurate this pickup stuff is. Do women really fall for it? if you do it right, and adjust it to different personalities, yes it does. try it.
Author motherlover Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 some real great advice in here guys!! really appretiate it:) Romeofud- here is how i know it is love and not lust, when i first started school 8months ago, i noticed her right away, and didn't even take a double look, just thought hmmm she is cute, (7.5 out of 10 cute ha ha) i sat next to her, and got her number the 3rd night. we have texted qlmost every night since, and studied together tons. And i have got to know her very well. she is just my type to the tee, shy, low talker,down to earth, couldn't raise her voice if she wanted too, impossible to argue with, as i don't think she has ever got i a verbal fight in her life.) funny, easy to talk too, caring, good head on her shoulders etc etc etc etc.. and other than what i can explain on what makes me like her, she is the only one i have ever felt this kind of spark with. she has become absolutley perfect in my eyes, and i have slowly put her on a pedistool that grows 10 feet everyday, in my eyes i like who she is, and what she is about so much it has also made her more physically attractive, and i see her as a 10 now. and although i like her, and not just want to bang her, the guy in me would rather spend one night with her than jessica alba, which i cant even believe i would ever say that!! even if i was a billionaire and could literally get any girl in the world, i would still rather have this girl. i do wish i didn;t feel for her so strongly, it's like she has cast a spell on me.
Author motherlover Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 also, she once told me that i would have a chance one day, i asked her well why not now? i said "you have been going out with your bf for 9months, and you say it's not serious, so why are you still in it if it hasn't grown to be a serious relatioship"? she replied "because he is sweet and he treats me good, and there is no valid reason to break up with him. Macaw, i do think you are right, i feel like she likes him more than she is telling me, because she does appretiate the extra attention. the worst part about this whole deal, i recently seen pics of her bf on her fb, and the kid is an absolute ugly doofus..5.5" shaggy hair, dorky smile.. i'm no brad pit, but i think im not to hard on the eyes, and also go to the gym 6days a week. if this kid was atleast good looking, i wouldn't be so butt hurt, but i'm losing out to a complete doofus, that if he wasnt with this girl, chances are he would never even have another gf for the rest of his life... urghh luck f**er so for the rant
Macaw Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 I wonder how accurate this pickup stuff is. Do women really fall for it? The kind of pickup tactics you probably had in mind when you asked that question doesn't work. It's not about cheesy lines, learning how to dance and other stuff that worked in the 80's - its about teaching guys how to get into an state of mind that creates (and shows) confidence, and teaching what to do in most situations an inexperienced guy would have embarassed himself, such as approaching a person and starting a conversation that doesn't become awkward, how to tell the woman is enjoying the conversation with you or being bored to death, etc. They can't even tell (without a doubt, some of them will always suspect it from every guy they meet ) if you're trying to pick her up until you ask for her phone number. Its nothing like "say this line and then this other line and she'll be all over you" kind of stuff. Macaw, i do think you are right, i feel like she likes him more than she is telling me, because she does appretiate the extra attention. the worst part about this whole deal, i recently seen pics of her bf on her fb, and the kid is an absolute ugly doofus..5.5" shaggy hair, dorky smile.. i'm no brad pit, but i think im not to hard on the eyes, and also go to the gym 6days a week. if this kid was atleast good looking, i wouldn't be so butt hurt, but i'm losing out to a complete doofus, that if he wasnt with this girl, chances are he would never even have another gf for the rest of his life... urghh luck f**er so for the rant If you asked any female friend of yours to list from 1 to 5 what they find most important in a guy, out of: -Personality -Intelligence -Looks -Wealth -Religious convictions You'll find out that looks never shows up at #1 or #2 place. In some cases, it might even be dead last... women simply don't dig good looks as much as men do. For many of them, as long as you're not physically repulsive and have other redeeming qualities, you still have a shot with them. In other words, your advantage in this case really isn't much of one. Once you have done your research, I think you should do a make or break for her - give yourself 2-3 months to sway her heart over, and if you can't... you should move on. There are other cute, shy, down to earth girls out there who are single... ones that wouldn't string you along like that.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 You'll find out that looks never shows up at #1 or #2 place. In some cases, it might even be dead last... women simply don't dig good looks as much as men do. For many of them, as long as you're not physically repulsive and have other redeeming qualities, you still have a shot with them. In other words, your advantage in this case really isn't much of one. Thats not necessarily true. they would never admit that looks are number one in a survey, but its women rules. They can lie and not fel guilty about white lies. They have to be attracted to the guy as much as we have to be attracted to them. in fact the young ones have plenty of criteria that they go by to pick a guy. they just get over it when they date out of their league and get burned by the time they are in their 30s. So its more likely that you would get dumped by a young women for a pretty boy.
MistaDynamic Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Thats not necessarily true. they would never admit that looks are number one in a survey, but its women rules. They can lie and not fel guilty about white lies. They have to be attracted to the guy as much as we have to be attracted to them. in fact the young ones have plenty of criteria that they go by to pick a guy. they just get over it when they date out of their league and get burned by the time they are in their 30s. So its more likely that you would get dumped by a young women for a pretty boy. That is so true!! Women below the age of 30 are status seekers. Most won't even consider being with a guy they know they friends won't approve of in terms of looks. Especially women between th ages of 18 to 21. Though there are exceptions to this it's rare.
Author motherlover Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 Once you have done your research, I think you should do a make or break for her - give yourself 2-3 months to sway her heart over, and if you can't... you should move on. There are other cute, shy, down to earth girls out there who are single... ones that wouldn't string you along like that. well she laid it on me yesterday, she told, me that she has been feeling guilty talking to me beind his back, and flirting with me. And told me she has made up her mind as is going to stick with her bf. I told her that i was kind of shocked as i thought i was getting closer to having a shot with her, and she claims she started liking me alot, and said she can't be doing this while she has a bf. (i don't what she meant by "doing this" i think she just means filrting i suppose.. i responded and hour later and just wrote "k" she said "i know you're mad, i feel way bad, and i hope you don't feel like i lead you on.. so what do you want to do? I said, well i would love to still be friends. it's not like either be my gf or get out of my life, i like you, and i think you are way fun to hangout with. she said "i was hoping you would say that:) Anyway! Obviously i'm not giving up on getting her haha, i figure it jsut gives her that much more time to possibly develop feelings for me, or just a chance to get to know me better. But here is my problem, i am not a strong person, and get super jealous... if she was single, i could be her friend, but since she has a bf, i don't think i'm strong enough to be her friend, it bugs me knowing she is texting him when we hangout. Also her bf live by me, and i have to drive by his house on the way home unfortionatly, and it kills me to see her car parked there. Even though i should not have these kind of jealsou feelings since she has never been mine.. so even though i don't feel like i could handle being her friend emotionally, at the same time, i would HATE for her just to drop out of my life..
Author motherlover Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 you know, it is so easy to just tell me to cut her loose, and move on because there is more fish in the sea. And i wish so bad i could just be joe cool, and say no biggie, and move along.. i'm also aware my feeling for her are far to strong givin our history(which there isn't..) and circumstances. i thinks part of it is i really did like her personality, and her looks.. but what makes it worse, is i rarely meet girls, so it's not as simple as moving on to the next.. i meet a new girl maybe twice a year. and that's literally just a new girl, not neccessaraly a girl i even want to date. I also am a bit picky and have standards, so add that to the fact that i never meet girls anyway. and i just feel like i'm in for a long dry spell. I think fishing is a great analogy to dating. (get a fish on the line, is a girl you are talking to, realing her in to the boat, is getting her to date you) it's like this.. I havn't been fishing long, i get some nibbles on the hook once and awhile. but rarely get one on the hook. i got one on the hook, and i'm being careful not to try to real her in to fast, giving some line when she needs a sec to distance herself, felt like i realed her in up to the boat, got my net out to swoop it up, and she got off the hook, but now she want's to still hang around the boat, but knows to stay away from that hook. now i'm down, and discouraged, because that fish was not only everything i wanted, but it's not like i get a fish on the line often, and when i do, chances are there not gonna be that big, and i want to real them in anyway.
y2k Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 you know, it is so easy to just tell me to cut her loose, and move on because there is more fish in the sea. And i wish so bad i could just be joe cool, and say no biggie, and move along.. i'm also aware my feeling for her are far to strong givin our history(which there isn't..) and circumstances. i thinks part of it is i really did like her personality, and her looks.. but what makes it worse, is i rarely meet girls, so it's not as simple as moving on to the next.. i meet a new girl maybe twice a year. and that's literally just a new girl, not neccessaraly a girl i even want to date. I also am a bit picky and have standards, so add that to the fact that i never meet girls anyway. and i just feel like i'm in for a long dry spell. I think fishing is a great analogy to dating. (get a fish on the line, is a girl you are talking to, realing her in to the boat, is getting her to date you) it's like this.. I havn't been fishing long, i get some nibbles on the hook once and awhile. but rarely get one on the hook. i got one on the hook, and i'm being careful not to try to real her in to fast, giving some line when she needs a sec to distance herself, felt like i realed her in up to the boat, got my net out to swoop it up, and she got off the hook, but now she want's to still hang around the boat, but knows to stay away from that hook. now i'm down, and discouraged, because that fish was not only everything i wanted, but it's not like i get a fish on the line often, and when i do, chances are there not gonna be that big, and i want to real them in anyway. This is one thing I HATE from females (this happens more when they're young). They reject a guy and they still "friend zone" the guy and they do their best to hang out with the said guy while being all "loyal" to the bf IN FRONT OF THE GUY. The girl knows you probably are attracted to her still. You're obviously staying around to try to get a shot when this guy becomes an afterthought. My advice.........get something out of this. If you can't get her, then you need to get something out of her (or at least try). She's hot right??? So she should know some other hot females, or she may have access to other hot females around you understand??? Just standing around chilling with her all the time while getting nothing is a loser move. Network!!!! If she doesn't have access to other good looking females, disappear. Young girls, who have high demand from boys, have big egos and LOVE to have control over guys like you, so stop them from doing it, and get something out of all of this (networking to other girls her level or higher via her) or get away from her!!!!!
somedude81 Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 That is so true!! Women below the age of 30 are status seekers. Most won't even consider being with a guy they know they friends won't approve of in terms of looks. Especially women between th ages of 18 to 21. Though there are exceptions to this it's rare. I really think this is the truth. Ugh, women suck.
Ross PK Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 I don't think there's anything you can do to make a girl like you. They're pretty much impossible in my eyes.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 That is so true!! Women below the age of 30 are status seekers. Most won't even consider being with a guy they know they friends won't approve of in terms of looks. Especially women between th ages of 18 to 21. Though there are exceptions to this it's rare. I agree. It's crap.
interfuse Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 I don't think there's anything you can do to make a girl like you. They're pretty much impossible in my eyes. I'm a female and gee I feel the same way about guys too. LOL
interfuse Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Not trying to be mean motherlover, but you sound like some of the guys and my past guy friends that try to get me to date them even after I say no and don't feel the same way. It gets very aggravating to women. I was/am single when I told them no. This girl is taken already; I don't think she's going to leave sorry. She even told you that she doesn't want to leave the guy. I guess it wouldn't hurt to meet other women from her since you guys have gotten close. Though I will need to warn you, if you do end up talking to another, you have to get over this one completely before dating the other otherwise it wouldn't be fair to her and possibly hurt her.
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