Danca Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Yes, i know this has been done to death, but still.. need advice. Me: I am Spanish, working in France, and I am basically gaga about this colleague of mine, who sits next to me. I have trouble reading the signals, I think i have caught her checking me up a couple of times, at least, and - given that I am not the most discrete person on earth, whenever i speak with her, probably everybody notices - including her. Let's call me A Now, we do have a lot in common, things that are very specific, we both share the same kind of humor and lately, she always tries to speak a bit of Spanish with me. On the other hand, it is very noticeable that she is the kind of person who lives behind a protective wall. She can be very distant and she's got a bit of problem letting people in, and is terrified of being alone (more about this later). She's very passionate and creative, but also extremely shy and has a lot of trouble opening up. In some meetings she was, for example, not asking questions about some dumb stuff she didn't get because she was afraid people might think she was stupid. She started opening up after this incident, when I told her I was not like the rest of her colleagues, that I was not going to judge her whatever she asks, and that she should use the fact that I was not french and stop with all that pretentious bull**** everybody else in our team plays. Ok, so now for a bit of background. I was married and at the moment the divorce proceedings are ending, but I have been separated for a longer while now. When my marriage was falling apart, I was unfaithful to my ex twice. The first time, I did it in order to see if there was something wrong with me, as intimate relations with my ex were at an all-time low. I could see the love dying down, and wanted to get out of my stupor, in a very childish way. The second time, we had already spoken about divorce and I guess I did it not to feel alone. After my separation, during my divorce, I was in a long term relationship so this is not a rebound. And so far, I have gotten all the phone numbers I have asked to woman since arriving here, earlier this year. I have gotten bored with that, as I find that I have nothing in common with them. She: She was involved with a guy for several years. In addition to being a long distance relationship, she was "the other woman". Then she ended it, and after a couple of failed relationships, she's dating a guy for the last four years. She wants to settle down and have kids, he doesn't want to do it right now, but keeps on telling her that eventually they will do it. Let's call her B. To spice things up: A mutual friend of both of us - let's call her C -, one who knows the ins and outs of my story and who knows her as well, was having a drink with both of us after work. We were talking relationships and C said my life was chaos, but at least I was "f**king other girls behind my wife's back". That stuck with B and whenever we talk, she includes it in conversation some times. When I was explaining the reasons I had, B said that you have to stick to a relationship even if love dies, otherwise you risk ending up alone, and she cannot imagine anything worse than that. Sometime later I met C and she said she thought there was something wrong with B. They way she talked about her boyfriend used to be that of a woman in love, and now it is noticeable that she's putting up with him. At this moment in time, I was not falling for B yet, so there was no reason for C to say something like this only to make me feel better. Now, what to do? First of all, she works with me - sits next to me. So if she says she is not interested, it might make things awkward in the workplace. And, if she retreats into her wall, I would have lost a great person - and I can't stand thinking about that. Second, C thinks I go around doing women - nothing further from the truth. I did indeed cheat, but, if there is such thing as an excuse, it was all due the specific circumstances going on at that time. Third, she's in a relationship, and i don't really know what goes on in there, only what C told me some time ago. And finally, to finish a very long post, i have to do something - if you people could see her smile through my eyes - so leaving things be is not an option for me. Also, I truly believe we would be great together, but I don't know how to proceed... Please help.
ginabeana Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Ask her out the next time you see her. Just be respectful and keep it low pressure and casual-sounding so that you two can still be friendly as coworkers if she's not interested. Just make it sound like it's okay one way or the other if she declines. Life will go on. You only live once and love can come when you least expect it. Take a chance.
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