hesh86 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I've known this woman for more than one year and we have been dating for almost two months now. I am from India and she is A US citizen, christian (united methodist), white and 7.5yrs older than me (i'm almost 25) She has had health issues and she told me about almost every health issue before we started dating. Last night, she told me about the one thing she kept hidden from me. She was a miracle baby. The doctors didn't think she would live due to a non-genetic birth defect. In order to save her, they had to do 25 surgeries (not making this up). One of these surgeries as I came to know yesterday, was removing her uterus. She can never become a mother. After she told me this, I was in a state of shock. She was crying and upset. I was also very upset, but told her that I would not break up with her. We hugged and I even kissed her, but told her that she should have told me this before we started dating. She said she was afraid to tell me, since she would lose me. She still does not want to lose me. I told her I was hurt but not angry at her. I still need to think about this. What should I do? I love her, but I don't know if I love her enough that I can sacrifice being a father for her. I have already made sacrifice by falling in love out of my race, country, religion and to a person older than me. My parents know that I'm dating her and even talked to her. They did not approve at first, but now they are okay so long as I am happy. They don't know that she is barren. BTW, her eggs are healthy so she wants to either adopt or go for a surrogate mother if we decide to get married and raise kids in the future. Please help
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I've known this woman for more than one year and we have been dating for almost two months now. I am from India and she is A US citizen, christian (united methodist), white and 7.5yrs older than me (i'm almost 25) She has had health issues and she told me about almost every health issue before we started dating. Last night, she told me about the one thing she kept hidden from me. She was a miracle baby. The doctors didn't think she would live due to a non-genetic birth defect. In order to save her, they had to do 25 surgeries (not making this up). One of these surgeries as I came to know yesterday, was removing her uterus. She can never become a mother. After she told me this, I was in a state of shock. She was crying and upset. I was also very upset, but told her that I would not break up with her. We hugged and I even kissed her, but told her that she should have told me this before we started dating. She said she was afraid to tell me, since she would lose me. She still does not want to lose me. I told her I was hurt but not angry at her. I still need to think about this. What should I do? I love her, but I don't know if I love her enough that I can sacrifice being a father for her. I have already made sacrifice by falling in love out of my race, country, religion and to a person older than me. My parents know that I'm dating her and even talked to her. They did not approve at first, but now they are okay so long as I am happy. They don't know that she is barren. BTW, her eggs are healthy so she wants to either adopt or go for a surrogate mother if we decide to get married and raise kids in the future. Please help Having many friend of various backgrounds (including Indian) I understand how important parental feelings can be in regards to one's love life. But the issue really is going to come down how happy you are with her, and whether she shares your overall life values. You both can adopt, or go for a surrogate if you want (I would suggest adopting as there are many children who could use a good home, but that's up to you two). At the end of the day, your parents and extended family will one day pass on and it will be just you and your spouse and the family the two of you have. Will you be able to look in the mirror and be happy with your choice? Or will you be filled with regret?
Nexus One Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 (edited) I'll tell you how I personally think what I would do. Note though that I'm not trying to say that you should do the same, I'm just giving you my perspective on it. I think that if I would be really head over heels in love with a woman, then it wouldn't matter to me whether we had children or not, because I would be with her because of her. BTW, her eggs are healthy so she wants to either adopt or go for a surrogate mother if we decide to get married and raise kids in the future. Well, that then seems to solve it. Edited March 25, 2011 by Nexus One
Stung Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 One of my husband's colleague's and his wife used a surrogate last year. Their twin girls are beautiful, a genetic mixture of both of them just as traditionally-carried babies would be, certainly no less his in any way. The experience of pregnancy was different, obviously, and I can understand feeling some regret at missing that, it can be a big bonding experience--but he's definitely getting every inch of fatherhood, from spit up to sleepless nights to paying for daycare to watching their first steps.
stook Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Bro don't feel like you are never going to have kids or be a father. There are many options out there for you. There are so many deserving children out there waiting to be adopted that you can provide the life that there birth mother couldn't. Including infants and able to raise that baby as your own. My girlfriend was adopted and is extremely grateful and appreciative for the life she was given and loves her parents very much. Coming from my girlfriends perspective though try to get some background info on the child first. A couple things that my girlfriend wishes she knew but can't and never will unless her mother tracks her down someday is her nationality she thinks she's Italian but not sure and thinks she has some other origins, and her birth families medical history. So she knows what to expect for herself and some of the the health issues she haw had growing up. Good luck with your future. Wish nothing but the best for you guys. Don't let it bring you down
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