Thedude22 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 You know I see a lot of posts about guys who seem to have issues from start to finish with women but I personally feel confident in most aspects of dating except for one key area: The approach. It may seem minute compared to talking to women, planning dates, being funny/intelligent etc. but those things come fairly naturally to me, yet actually talking to a random woman in a common situation is not. For example, I'm sitting in a coffee shop drinking a latte and I see a cute girl working on her mac book. What the hell am I suppose to do? Plop down next to her and introduce myself. I feel like I'd come off as a creep, even looking at her for extended period of time makes me feel like I'm some kind of stalker or something. I don't know if that's unnatural but it's never been something I've been comfortable with and now that I'm an adult if that's what I need to do to meet new women I really need to get over it. Now as soon as I get even one sentence of conversation into her, I feel golden but I really feel immobilized until then. Part of it is the only guys I ever see do things like that get shot down and are usually weirdos. I don't want to be that but now that I'm out of college it's increasingly hard to meet intelligent women and bars and the internet just don't cut it for me. I have done it a couple times (while drunk of course) and was fairly successful getting numbers but very hard to accomplish that stone sober for me. Any advice? Do people actually pick each other up in places like coffee shops, book stores etc. or is that just a myth?
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 You know I see a lot of posts about guys who seem to have issues from start to finish with women but I personally feel confident in most aspects of dating except for one key area: The approach. It may seem minute compared to talking to women, planning dates, being funny/intelligent etc. but those things come fairly naturally to me, yet actually talking to a random woman in a common situation is not. For example, I'm sitting in a coffee shop drinking a latte and I see a cute girl working on her mac book. What the hell am I suppose to do? Plop down next to her and introduce myself. I feel like I'd come off as a creep, even looking at her for extended period of time makes me feel like I'm some kind of stalker or something. I don't know if that's unnatural but it's never been something I've been comfortable with and now that I'm an adult if that's what I need to do to meet new women I really need to get over it. Now as soon as I get even one sentence of conversation into her, I feel golden but I really feel immobilized until then. Part of it is the only guys I ever see do things like that get shot down and are usually weirdos. I don't want to be that but now that I'm out of college it's increasingly hard to meet intelligent women and bars and the internet just don't cut it for me. I have done it a couple times (while drunk of course) and was fairly successful getting numbers but very hard to accomplish that stone sober for me. Any advice? Do people actually pick each other up in places like coffee shops, book stores etc. or is that just a myth? I have the same problem. The only successful approach that didn't make me feel awkward was when I was standing in line to get some food. I made a dead baby joke and she laughed. Since I was at a carnival I never saw her after that. I wouldn't recommend taking that approach though.
Author Thedude22 Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 I have the same problem. The only successful approach that didn't make me feel awkward was when I was standing in line to get some food. I made a dead baby joke and she laughed. Since I was at a carnival I never saw her after that. I wouldn't recommend taking that approach though. Here is my approach, it's in a way similar, but by no means advisable: I never have to balls to directly go up to a woman and say, "My name is ___ you are lovely, would you care to join me" Instead I sit with someone in her general direction and say outrageous, funny things in a tone where she can hear me. She chimes in to remark on what I said and wham, I'm in. But only works in very specific scenarios and you need a person with you. Also female friends are great, if a girl sees you making another girl laugh she'll likely talk to you first. It's one of my only "moves".
Author Thedude22 Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 I never said it was hard haha. I know all I need to say is introduce myself and begin a conversation but I have a horrible mental block about it for some reason. Always have, in that situation I would have had a thought bubble o something like this. Incite into my complex, overthinking meat box of a brain: ( Wow she's pretty hot I dunno she probably has a boyfriend well won't know unless we try Yeah but uhhh yeah look she's totally one of those preppy cheerleader types we wouldn't get along She has a tattoo Yeah of a butterfly, I really don't want to give her the satisfaction of rejecting me. Well we should have the satisfaction of tapping that fine backside of hers True it is pretty nice, **** she's walking away now Well go talk to her Well now it would be weird I'd have to physically chase her down You should have talked to her at the ****ing door, idiot! Hey that is uncalled for, hey you want to get a fruit by the foot? Do they even make th-no shut up and go hit on that chick! She's getting in her car, she was probably dumb anyway, I can't date a dumb girl. Better than dating porn! Is it though? Porn is very easy, with this girl I have to go and talk to her and risk embarrassment etc. I am ashamed to be part of your consciousness THEY DO have fruit by the foot, ****ing A. Hey when does the new Mass Effect DLC come out....) THE END
pj1970 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 approaching men... making the first move... getting over themselves... obviously missed or ignored while attaining the whole "equality" thing
Eddie Edirol Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Picking up women in publicis the best way to do it. In your case, you see the women on her computer in the coffee shop. You walk up to her and say, "I was thinking of getting a mac laptop, is it really all that everyone says it is?" If she smiles and says yeah, maybe she'll tell you why. If she keeps typing and says yes and never looks at you, you walk away. Thats all there is to it.
Author Thedude22 Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 Picking up women in publicis the best way to do it. In your case, you see the women on her computer in the coffee shop. You walk up to her and say, "I was thinking of getting a mac laptop, is it really all that everyone says it is?" If she smiles and says yeah, maybe she'll tell you why. If she keeps typing and says yes and never looks at you, you walk away. Thats all there is to it. Here's my issue in this scenario. It's more the walking to her table, than the talking to her. I hate doing things for the sole reason of meeting women, haha the only reason I'm not currently enrolled in yoga class. Now what I should have done was go get a napkin (she was next to the napkin station) and act like I was getting one, then talk to her. Added wall was that she had headphones on but this is just a case study. Still easier said than done, but if I can talk to women in class I should be able to talk to them in a damn coffee shop.
mogul Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 No joke, you should try this. A few years back, some friends and I were leaving a restaurant and I noticed a cute girl with her friend talking in the front. We walk past them to what I thought was out of ear shot distance, and said to my friends "that girl was cute". A second later, she says "I'm single" and smiles. Since that instance, we have used that with moderate success just for laughs. Honestly though, the best approach is just be yourself and comment on your surroundings.
Leeway Harris Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I've always been under the impression that women wanted men to mind their own business and leave them the hell alone in public. I've never seen anything to make me question this wisdom.
westernxer Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Once I asked a college girl if I could snag an empty chair from her table and and she totally warmed up to me. It was the easiest pickup ever... her laptop was just a ploy to meet guys. Too bad I couldn't follow up with her, but at the time I was with another group of people, including several females who'd probably be pissed at me.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I've always been under the impression that women wanted men to mind their own business and leave them the hell alone in public. I've never seen anything to make me question this wisdom. When women are single, they only want the guy they ARENT attracted to - to mind their own business in public. Youre forgetting theres rules women apply to attractive guys, and rules for non-attractive guys. Kind of how some women will say they only slept with 3 guys, but they dont count men in other countries....
Leeway Harris Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 When women are single, they only want the guy they ARENT attracted to - to mind their own business in public. Youre forgetting theres rules women apply to attractive guys, and rules for non-attractive guys. Hmm. I don't know which kind of guy I am. So I should probably keep to myself anyway, just to be on the safe side, right?
Author Thedude22 Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 Yeah here's my thing, the media just portrays life as a woman as being hit on non-stop by all guys they meet attractive or no, and I just assume that the majority of the time, they just get tired of it and want to be left alone. That's only true for ungodly hot women, who get tired of it as it happens 10-20 times a day. Normal girls want that attention because they don't get it that often and doing it really makes there day. and when I say normal I mean your 5-8 level hot girls. Here's a question: should you maybe check a girl out and see if she maybe smiles or gives you a non-verbal cue to come on over? I know I could do that but I feel like such a creep just glaring at a girl. I've also been told that while I'm attractive, my "just sitting around" face looks like I'm super serious, so that may intimidate women.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Hmm. I don't know which kind of guy I am. So I should probably keep to myself anyway, just to be on the safe side, right? nope, you dont worry about it. you approach them all, and if they scoff at you, you move on. You dont care about whether they think youre attractive or not. You dont worry about what they think. You just try to get them to laugh and give you the eagle eye. they know whether or not you NEED to succeed with them. if you dont care whether you succeed or not, it makes you much more relaxed about talking to them and what you say. It takes practice though.
rjkaaronrjk Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Approaching women is something that very few men can do well... In fact the majority of the male population doesn't approach at all,Always be smiling this might seem super-obvious, and even too simple to point out, Become outcome independent this is one of those new-agey concepts, and it might seem hard to grasp, but it's super simple actually,Be sure to have a smile, and show interest by encouraging her to continue talking, otherwise you might come off creepy and like a police interrogator.
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