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Four months later and I think he's living with someone else...

shocked_confused

By shocked_confused
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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shocked_confused Established Member

shocked_confused

Posted
Posted

Hey guys, I posted this in the "coping" forum as well, so I apologize in advance for double posting but I need lots of advice and comfort. So here goes:

 

My boyfriend broke up with me 4.5 months ago, a few weeks after he moved down to a sunny southern state for work. We're 24/25, dated for almost 6 years and were each others' first loves. He basically ended it because he was starting a new chapter in his life and wanted to be single. We've been NC ever since.

 

Soooo, I had a moment of weakness the other night and unblocked him from facebook, i didn't add him as a friend but we have lots of mutual facebook friends so i decided to snoop on their walls a little to see what kind of messages he's been leaving them.

 

Most of the messages stated how he is living and loving life and how well he is doing, which was fine, whatever. But in one of his messages, he was talking about how great his place is and how "we've really created a great space"....WE??? who the hell is WE??? I immediately jumped to the conclusion that he was living with a new girlfriend (which i'm not 100% sure if he's got a new girlfriend), OR he could have gotten a roomate since he has a 2 bedroom place...i don't know.

 

It became clear to me that I'm totally not over him yet, ugh. Can someone really just completely forget their first love who they just broke up with and have another lover move in so soon?? reallly????

 

And please please please don't tell me facebook is stupid and to stop checking up on him, etc, i know the drill. I had one weak moment in 4.5 months. And I plan on re-blocking him as soon as facebook allows me to. Apparently they have a 48 hour rule before you can reblock someone.

 

Anyway, can you guys offer me any opinions, advice, or words of encouragement? I need it :(

takemedrunkimhome Member

takemedrunkimhome

Posted
Posted

i don't think anyone forgets their first love, it's not something you can erase. on the other hand, you don't know who he's living with, so why get all worked up?

 

if he has found someone else, im sure it wasn't easy to forget you. like i said no one really forgets their first love. he's moved on with his life, he found a new focus, and as much as it royally sucks, it's not you. you have to accept that, but it is easier said than done.

 

you've been set back, i've been there. just try to leave it be and try not to think too much into it, you'll only be hurting yourself.

VJohnson32 Established Member

VJohnson32

Posted
Posted

You cant really forget somebody you once loved but you learn to cope with it. You have been with him for 6 years and thats a long time ... it will take longer than few months to get over him. The less contact you have with him and yes that includes checking his fb account the quicker you will forget about him but never completely. You will still have him in your heart but it will be somewhere where it doesnt hurt and doesnt bother, very very deep in a little corner of you heart where it will pop out once in a while just to remind you of him but without any feelings.

geegirl Established Member

geegirl

Posted
Posted

I still remember my first love. It was 15 years ago. I think of him fondly but not with deep loving feelings anymore. You always remember your first love, especially if things were good between the two of you. And it's safe to say that you remember a good partner whether it was your first love or one of many. I'm sure he still thinks of you. It's hard to discard that many years of being with someone.

 

Relationships don't always work out. Some end and some become lifelong commitments. Needs and wants change as people grow and sometimes the R that they're in is not providing them with what they need at that time in their life. So they move on. I know it hurts but don't take it personally. He's evolving and growing into his new life. Once you heal from this, you too will branch into new experiences and you will meet new people that will sustain your needs at various points of your life, whether friends or a significant other.

 

Get back to your NC. It hurts to wonder if he has moved on but when the R ends, the next step is moving on. It's a natural process. It's rational and what we have to tell ourselves. We're baffled that they've moved on so quickly. They've processed their feelings on a different level than you and I have. How quick he's moved on does not dictate what you meant to him. It's just his way of how he processed the break up/healing/moving on versus how you've decided to process your time of healing and moving on.

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shocked_confused Established Member

shocked_confused

Posted
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Posted

Thanks guys,

 

I'm mad at myself for unblocking him. I woke up just now feeling a little crappy. I hate set backs! I have all these exciting things going on right now, like a promotion at work and some vacations in the near future and this is what I think about... UGH.

 

Thanks for your responses guys...I just hope i feel indifference sooner rather than later. I don't want to be one of those people that takes YEARS to get over somebody, the thought of it makes me just cringe.

Thatguyintx Established Member

Thatguyintx

Posted
Posted
I just hope i feel indifference sooner rather than later. I don't want to be one of those people that takes YEARS to get over somebody, the thought of it makes me just cringe.

 

It might make you cringe, but there is nothing wrong with it. Healing comes to different people with different timeframes. Don't dwell on he time, focus on the healing. Focus on learning about you and growing.

 

Keep on posting. People here will get you through this!

JasonRules Established Member

JasonRules

Posted
Posted

Shocked,

 

 

It is best to have never allowed curiousity to have gotten the best of you. In cases like this the addage "Ignorance is bliss" rings very true. After a break up, it is always best to remain in the dark as to the status of your ex. That way you do not need to go through the emotional roller-coaster anymore.

 

In my specific case, I have friends who are friends with my ex on FB, but I never ask them anything about her posts or her status. I have specifically told my friends to not tell me anything about her. The bottom line is, I do not want to know. If she reaches out to me, that's a different story, but me going around and asking is a recipe for heartache and frankly, I'm simply too tired of being heart broken.

 

Of course, in your case the "damage is done" so to speak, but we have to see the positive in this. While you did get hurt by finding out this information, you have to see the bright side of things.

 

Your ex is now with another woman, so this should bring some finality to you in terms of not waiting around anymore hoping for a reconciliation. It's time to close the chapter on this, give yourself some time to heal, and move on with your life. There will be another man who you'll fall for head over heels for. This I can guarantee you.

robinseggblue Member

robinseggblue

Posted
Posted

Your ex is now with another woman, so this should bring some finality to you in terms of not waiting around anymore hoping for a reconciliation. It's time to close the chapter on this, give yourself some time to heal, and move on with your life. There will be another man who you'll fall for head over heels for. This I can guarantee you.

 

 

She doesn't know if her ex is with another woman. He could be living with a male roommate.

 

If curiosity got the better of you, and you checked his FB, so what? Now you have some information and you can think about it. This is what naturally happened. You got curious. Maybe you're still interested in him. So what? I know the info that you got makes you unhappy and now it is upsetting you, but don't be so hard on yourself.

 

In my opinion, it's more difficult to face the truth. More noble in a way. You get bad information and then you deal with it and keep on living. The same way people deal with any bad information like death, or job losses etc.

 

Avoiding information is just avoidance period. Yes, it can help you to forget someone faster, but it's not natural. I know my perspective is a bit weird, but it's just what I think. If you avoid all information for the time being (as you were doing for 4 months) do you think you will have any less curiosity in 4 months from now? Do you think if you keep him unblocked and follow his life, and just deal with the info. that you will be worse off? Or stronger?

 

Just something to think about. Most people take the easy route and avoid. You don't have to. That's all I'm saying.

hoping2heal Established Member

hoping2heal

Posted
Posted
Hey guys, I posted this in the "coping" forum as well, so I apologize in advance for double posting but I need lots of advice and comfort. So here goes:

 

My boyfriend broke up with me 4.5 months ago, a few weeks after he moved down to a sunny southern state for work. We're 24/25, dated for almost 6 years and were each others' first loves. He basically ended it because he was starting a new chapter in his life and wanted to be single. We've been NC ever since.

 

Soooo, I had a moment of weakness the other night and unblocked him from facebook, i didn't add him as a friend but we have lots of mutual facebook friends so i decided to snoop on their walls a little to see what kind of messages he's been leaving them.

 

Most of the messages stated how he is living and loving life and how well he is doing, which was fine, whatever. But in one of his messages, he was talking about how great his place is and how "we've really created a great space"....WE??? who the hell is WE??? I immediately jumped to the conclusion that he was living with a new girlfriend (which i'm not 100% sure if he's got a new girlfriend), OR he could have gotten a roomate since he has a 2 bedroom place...i don't know.

 

It became clear to me that I'm totally not over him yet, ugh. Can someone really just completely forget their first love who they just broke up with and have another lover move in so soon?? reallly????

 

And please please please don't tell me facebook is stupid and to stop checking up on him, etc, i know the drill. I had one weak moment in 4.5 months. And I plan on re-blocking him as soon as facebook allows me to. Apparently they have a 48 hour rule before you can reblock someone.

 

Anyway, can you guys offer me any opinions, advice, or words of encouragement? I need it :(

 

I do not think anyone forgets their first love. I remember all my so called loves I have no feelings there one way or the other but you know, I remember who they are. We does not mean a gf but it really does not matter, he seems to have moved on regardless and since he ended it and given the reason, it sounds like he started moving on before he actually called it totally done which is why it seems like he moved on so quickly.

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shocked_confused Established Member

shocked_confused

Posted
  • Author
Posted

hey guys,

 

Thanks for all your advice, I really appreciate it. It's really hard to move on after being with someone for a long time. I'm glad I can get all my thoughts out on here.

 

All day this issue was realllllly bothering me and I just needed to know if my suspicions were true, so my brother's gf and I checked his profile through her account since she still has him on. I didn't find any messages or photos that indicated he had a girlfriend. His birthday just passed and most of the messages he received were from people I already knew. No sexy messages from strange girls.

 

Soo I'm going to go with "he got a male roomate" and call it a day. I feel much better knowing now. I think if I found out that he actually has a gf then I would have been upset but at least it would have provided me with the closure I needed.

 

It just feels like we broke up for no real reason, just that he wanted to be single...

 

Anyway, enough of the analysis, it's friday night and I'm going for drinks with friends and forgetting about these last 2 days. lol.

 

Thanks guys :)

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