P&R Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 (edited) I told LS about this guyfriend before; he was her movie buddy, and at the very start of our relationship she was actually hanging out with him more than me. They went out twice a week sometimes, and they would do the whole dinner and a movie thing alone. He also invited her to go wine tasting with him for two days. The winery is 4 hours away from the city. When my girlfriend told me this it made my eyesbrows raise. Apparentely he has a girlfriend but something about this guy seems "off" to me. I know for sure that she's not cheating, but I know that she is naive when it comes to the feelings of the opposite sex. For example, she doesn't know when men are flirting, and she told me a story of a guy that asked her out for 4 months. She thought this guy was joking. I was also clearly flirting with her before I asked her out... I was trying to be obvious but she just didn't get it. When I told her that I liked her she was caught off gaurd. She didn't go on the winery tasting trip, and she hasn't seen a movie with him for awhile after I voiced my concerns. I told her I didn't mind if she still went to movies with him... I told her I just don't like it when I don't get much time with her, and some random guy is getting just as much time. Now I get a lot of time with her so it's not really an issue on the time thing anymore. Now here is my question... Should I be weary of this guy? Something about him just doesn't seem right. I haven't felt this way about any of her guy friends. Edited March 24, 2011 by P&R
Romeofud Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 In other words, you feel this guy might be preparing to put the moves on your girlfriend, hmm? There really isn't much you can do other than to let her know, so she's aware of it, and then let it be. Dont get your underwear twisted over this, man.
EyesWideOpen Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 The guy might have ulterior motives...but ultimately it comes down to your girlfriend. If it ever got to a point where she was aware of his interest, would she act on it? If the answer is no - then it doesn't matter if the guy is fishy or not. If the answer is yes - then that's a whole different issue, isn't it? Trust in your girlfriend, and unless he strikes you as the completely creepy (as in capable of taking advantage of her while out in wine country) type...let it be.
Author P&R Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 The guy might have ulterior motives...but ultimately it comes down to your girlfriend. If it ever got to a point where she was aware of his interest, would she act on it? If the answer is no - then it doesn't matter if the guy is fishy or not. If the answer is yes - then that's a whole different issue, isn't it? Trust in your girlfriend, and unless he strikes you as the completely creepy (as in capable of taking advantage of her while out in wine country) type...let it be.she wouldn't ever act if he was interested. However she might still hang out with him since I think he is a good friend of hers. I'd be worried about my girlfriend in wine country more for her safety-- she gets completely confused while she's drunk, she doesn't know where she is, and you can literally convince her of anything. Plus it only takes a little amount of alcohol to actually get her drunk. She usually doesn't drink because of how she is when she is when drunk. She also always has a handler when she is drunk, usually either me or her best friend....
alphamale Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 now here is my question... Should I be weary of this guy? Something about him just doesn't seem right. I haven't felt this way about any of her guy friends. go with your gut instinct
mystice Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 yes this guy deff sounds like hes trying to make a move on her. dont let him or her fool you. its always better to be aware then not to be. sincerely a married woman
Author P&R Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 (edited) yes this guy deff sounds like hes trying to make a move on her. dont let him or her fool you. its always better to be aware then not to be. sincerely a married womanI do not question my girlfriends sincerity. She is an honest person who genuinely cares for me. Our relationship is going great but since she is terrible at sensing romantic feelings towards her I feel I have to be on the lookout for her. Although I'm struggling to know whether that is actually a good thing to do. Edited March 24, 2011 by P&R
zengirl Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I think if you are comfortable with her other male friends and with men/women being friends in general, and this guy stands out to you, I'd keep an eye out for it, particularly if your GF really *IS* bad at reading interest, but nothing much to be done except trust her. I think you handle it well in laying down some boundaries in a loving way --- you want to make sure you're getting time with her, maybe not comfortable with her going away on faraway trips with him, but not saying "Don't see this guy!" or anything unrealistic. I think it's okay to express concerns and talk about appropriate boundaries with opposite sex friends, as long as it's not accusatory or demanding. Personally, I have many male friends and even a male roommate who is a good friend (and common movie buddy), but I know enough to hold a guy back in my life, if he has feelings with or is flirting with me. I wouldn't hang out with those guys alone, though they may be present in a group setting. However, if your girlfriend is admittedly not terribly savvy about picking up on those feelings. . . . that complicates matters. Just don't start getting accusatory or demanding, because that never helps matters. It sounds like she respects your feelings and boundaries. Really, what matters isn't what this random guy will do --- he can't steal your girl if she wants to be with you --- but the way you and she communicate and proceed together.
Hannah86 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 It sounds like your girlfriend is respecting your wishes which is a great sign. It might be frustrating to you to have to spell it out for her, but you have to do it if she really IS clueless about guys flirting with her! The guy definitely sounds fishy, but there's nothing you need to do about it...unless he starts butting in on what's going on between the two of you. You never know, he may be using his outings with her to make his real girlfriend jealous, but knows your girlfriend isn't a real threat to his relationship.
EyesWideOpen Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I was wondering if this guy was her friend before you came into the picture...so I went back to read your original post on this guy. I see that he was her friend prior to the relationship, so I think that it is important to point out that women can have male friends who are nothing more than that. Especially this day in age, as gender lines are more and more fuzzy...it's not uncommon that a guy and girl can hang out without being interested/attracted to each other. For example, I tend to get along better with guys...and as a result have a number of guy friends. Some of my closest friends are guys I have known since high school. The fact that I have a long-standing friendship with them does NOT in any way indicate that I am attracted or interested in them! They are simply friends. Period. Outside of a good buddy for movies/playing video games/hiking/snowboarding/whatever...I have no interest in them. Pretty sure that's mutual...and even if it weren't, guys are capable of picking up when a girl isn't interested. So going along with this theme, it is also important to realize that generally jealousy is a problem with the person who is getting jealous – usually based in some sort of insecurity or bad experience, which that person then projects onto their SO. I was married to the jealous (amongst other undesirable traits) type who, because of his jealousy issues, would continually act as though I had intentions/feelings that simply were not there. He was even insistent that I was interested in our *mutual* best friend from high school – a friend that I had known (and could have gotten involved with) long before I met my husband. His jealous was completely irrational and...well, to say the very least...f*cking frustrating. When I look back, though, I realize he was a very insecure person...and I think on some level he knew he was not a good husband. Rather than deal with those insecurities and shortcomings, though, he pushed those issues onto me. Don't be that guy. You do need to recognize that this friendship existed before you came into the picture, and regardless of what the situation was before...she is not with him, she is with YOU. Now she is being upfront about this guy. The simple fact she's not trying to hide it should tell you something about her intentions. Also, from what you've written, she doesn't seem the cheating type. So as far as simply a male/female friendship...you need to trust in your girlfriend. Now the caveat. Yes. I do realize there are some complete sleaze balls out there...in which case it shouldn't be jealousy that you feel, it should be fear for her safety. A fear that is based on something of substance beyond the fact that he's a guy who happens to have a (maybe many) female friend(s). You've said that something strikes you as "off" about this guy. Could you describe what you mean? Does this mean that you have actually met this guy, and the creep meter went off the charts? Or is this someone you haven't met, and really don't have any gauge on...and you're simply skeptical that a male/female friendship can be just that?
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