confused611 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 so me and this guy dated for about 4 months. we were really close, basically inseparable, for the first 3 months or so, but never exclusive. I had just gotten out of a serious relationship, even told him to slow down a bit because he was very aggressive and moving quickly. it got to the point where we were either seeing each other every day, or at least talking on the phone every day when we weren't together, and we even went away on several weekend getaways, just the two of us. he woudl tell me all the time how much he loved who I was, how funny and smart and witty and great I am, and how attracted he was to me. he told me he was falling for me and that scared him because he didn't want to get burned, and that he cared a lot about me. after the last trip we took together, he started acting distant, and finally when I asked what was going on, he told me not to expect a serious relationship, he cared a lot about me, and any other time he would want a relationship with me, but the timing is bad (this is a legitimate reason given our current circumstances). we didn't hang out for about 2 weeks, and I gave him his space, until one day I got a message from him that his phone was stolen and he needed my number again, and after that, we started talking a little more frequently, with him calling and texting to check up on me several times a week. one thing led to another, and he came over and we hooked up again, and things seemed like the old times we used to hang out. but then AGAIN he started acting differently, and would tell me he would call or text and not do it (he always used to keep his word), or make plans with me and then break them at the last second. I made the mistake of getting pretty upset after he broke plans with me this last time, and probably overreacted so now I'm scared I've ruined ALL chances with him and have scared him away completely. I don't need a relationship, but I DO like hanging out with him and I do care about him. this leaves me with two questions: 1. how can a guy go from telling you for months how much he cares about you and how amazing and special you are and how he hasn't met anyone like you before, to totally morphing into a person who doesn't call, doesn't keep his word, and doesn't seem like he cares that he's upsetting you? 2. what do I do as far as damage control after getting upset at him for this last outburst I had at him for breaking very simple plans with me?
Datura Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 1. how can a guy go from telling you for months how much he cares about you and how amazing and special you are and how he hasn't met anyone like you before, to totally morphing into a person who doesn't call, doesn't keep his word, and doesn't seem like he cares that he's upsetting you? He lied. You were someone to have sex with regularly and little else. You really want to continue on with a guy whose behavior is hot and cold, and does not keep his word?
Author confused611 Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 while that may be true now, i think for a while it was more htan just about sex for him. HE was the one pursuing ME for the longest time, and told me it was more than just about the sex. he wanted to be with me all the time, we did everything together, talked all the time. for a while there, it was definitely about more than just sex. now...that's probably not the case. but i never asked for a relationship so i don't mind having someone who i like and who i have good sex with...i'm just scared that now he thinks i'm this crazy psycho who's madly in love with him because i got upset over him breaking plans when really i just want to keep hanging out and being friendly/normal.
Kelemort Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 After a few months, if I read this right, he was suddenly changing his tune. I wonder if he changed his mind and realized he wanted something long-term, but knew he couldn't get it from you - at least so soon after a break-up? So he started spiraling back and forth between the two extremes - wanting you, but knowing at the same time that a steady relationship probably wouldn't work out with you. That could explain the back-and-forth. But really...is it worth it to you to get jerked around? Clarify exactly what you want with him again and make it clear that any other alternatives aren't going to happen. See what he says. But if he keeps up this act, it's time to boot him off the stage.
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