Illiandra Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 The x and i have been broke up for 2 months. The first month we saw each other 5 times and he even took me out for my birthday back at the end of feb. however, after my birthday he said i was cold distant and just mean! now he is saying he needs to think about things, and needs some time away. so i asked if time away meant we are 100% done, if he wants to see others, or a combination of both? his response was right now he needs to heal, he doesnt see a future with us right now, and maybe time away will make him change his mind about us! my question is this, why bother trying to take me out to dinner and see me? to this... not wanting to see me at all, saying he needs time and that he gave it his all, etc! im so frustratied i think its time i go full NC and let him go also our facebook status says in a relationship, i want to change it but all my friends are saying not to because it will add more fuel to his raging fire?! advice thoughts?!?!
0hpenelope Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 If you're broken up, how can you still be "in a relationship" with that person? Oh, I understand this: now he is saying he needs to think about things, and needs some time away. so i asked if time away meant we are 100% done, if he wants to see others, or a combination of both? his response was right now he needs to heal, he doesnt see a future with us right now, and maybe time away will make him change his mind about us! But... he's not in a relationship with you anyway. Is he doing the whole "We're on a break" thing?
geegirl Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Well, technically you are not in a relationship with him. It's almost as if he's keeping you in the back burner while he sorts his "raging fire" and his confusion about what HE wants. Whatever the case, it is your decision to wait or move on. So, can't you just leave your status blank? You can remove the "in a relationship" and not list a status. Or do you want to list single to 1) get a reaction out of him 2) just want to list yourself as single because you feel you are.
Author Illiandra Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 0hpenelope - thats why a part of me wants to remove the in a relationship status. He didnt say break he said time away. At this point we arent texting, calling or even seeing each other. The first few weeks post break up we were. Now its just "He needs time away" geegirl - if i go to change my status it will update his status and send him a message saying so and so has changed her status and on his page he will get a news feed that says hes listed as single now. Thats how the new face book works. So if i update my status to reflect blank status his will to plus the news feed. I am not sure if he is just leaving as in a relationship to show me its not 100% over. However, actions speak louder then words, and not seeing me or wanting to talk about things now, means its more then likely done. I tried to see him 2x after our dinner and he just kept saying no i am sorry i need time. After this i decided that NC is the best option for my sanity!
Rose T Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 NC definitely works wonders. If you don't want the stress of the status change, you could just change who can see your relationship status to "just me". That way it doesn't get splashed all over your news feed.
confused1989 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I'm a guy but I was in this position but my ex actually "hid" that we were in a relationship so that no one could see it besides me and her, and I just removed it all together. Reason for doing this is because she obviously had me on the back burner and it took a mental toll on me to continuously log on and see that I was in a relationship with someone that I wasn't really in a relationship with.
geegirl Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Have you both discussed how much time? Or is that up in the air too? If you're uncertain about his reaction or rocking the boat where changing this status is concerned, then I would just leave it alone. Maybe give yourself a timeline as to how long you will wait for him to get his head straight and tell you yay or nay. You have a life too. Sitting around and waiting Confused Boy to decide what he wants is catering to his selfish ways. Maybe you step up and give him a timeline instead of placing all the power and future of the R in his hands. My ex was confused. I called him one morning and said, "Look, 3 months and you get all the space you need to make up your mind and get your head straight." Deadline came and I asked him and he said he could not do it. Sometimes a break can help but most times it's a sign of what's to come. Who knows. But you need to have a say and control over this too. Seems like he has called the shots and he wants you to sit around and wait for him. You are in this too. So you get a say too.
Author Illiandra Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 confused1989 - its not set on private its on both of our pages. But I do see how that could definitely hurt you when its just set to certain people views got to love technology! geegirl - time was not discussed just that now he is unsure and the future he does not know what will happen or how he will feel! I do like your idea of setting a timeline even for myself. I will leave it up for another month, if there is NO contact on either of our ends then I have every right to switch it. I am finishing up my Masters Degree in May and I told him I would love for him to be there when I am done. Perhaps then things may change or he will miss me enough or by then I may have realized this was not right. Who knows. It is just painful that someone who was willing to try can go complete cold turkey within a matter of weeks. Especially after "celebrating" my birthday
geegirl Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I think this is a great start. It also allows you this month to figure out if you want to be with someone who is so wishy washy. You get a say too as to whether this is right for you. You get to decide whether this is something you want. Not sit around and wait to be accepted and validated by him without ever delving into your own needs and wants and reasons for being in this R. And this time will also allow you to gain some clarity and make good choices for yourself. More rational than emotional. I've seen bizarre behavior in my time. Much worse. But the best thing to do is not spend energy analyzing his behavior as you will never understand why people do the things they do and their motive. Stay with your plan and keep moving forward.
Recommended Posts