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He dates me then tells me he has a girlfriend and then insists on being friends?

StarryEyes86

By StarryEyes86
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StarryEyes86 Member

StarryEyes86

Posted
Posted

I was seeing this guy for about a month.

 

So I texted him last night asking if we could hang out. Which then he replied, "Sure, you're welcome to come over anytime." So I told him I would be over around 8:30pm. He then told me that he needed to talk to me about some stuff. Hmmm. Anyway, so he's about 30 minutes away from me. It's pouring rain too.

 

I arrive, and he offers me a beer. He goes outside to smoke and then gestures to me to go outside with him. He shuts the door, and then apologizes to me for getting intimate with me the last time we hung out (making out). He then tells me that he has a girlfriend. And then he tells me that it was unexpected and he thinks I'm a much better person than he is and explaining that he's an alcoholic, chain smokes and doesn't even have a license. I get mad and I'm like, "So you make me drive all the way up here just to tell me this?" And he says that he hopes that we can still be friends and wants me to stay and hang out. I'm pissed and trying not to cry...I go inside and text a girlfriend asking if I could come over. The guy keeps trying to talk to me while I'm texting and I just hold my finger to him and tell him to shut up. He's offering me food, more beer and offering to hang out longer.

 

So...I grab my keys and I head out the door. He then chases me holding his jacket over my head so I don't get wet. And I tell him that I don't need him to help me and as I walk to my car (in the rain), I hear, "So we can't be friends?" I get pissed. I stop and turn around and storm back to him and I say, "Why the **** do you still want to be friends?" He tells me that I'm the coolest and most awesome girl that he's ever met and he doesn't want to lose me as a friend. He goes on to say that he still wants to hang out and do things together. I'm just sitting there...and then he offers his jacket again (I take it because I'm getting soaked at this point). I hand him his jacket back and wave goodbye to him and as I walk away... then he says, "It's not because of your weight you know". I stop again and go back and I say, "I wasn't even thinking about that...but thanks for making it awkward." And he tries to explain himself again. He goes on to say that he REALLY wants to be friends and then he says, "Okay, how about this: Don't talk to me for a week. And if you still want to be friends, call me or text me. The ball is in your court." I tell him that I honestly don't know. He walks me back to my car and tells me again how awesome of a person I am and he hopes to hear from me soon.

 

We got along really well...and I guess when I get over his douchebaggery and over him emotionally I wouldn't mind being friends. But I think that might just be asking for trouble.

 

I've already moved on and started seeing other guys again and have a couple dates planned for this weekend. So I'll be okay.

 

This happened last night so it's still fresh. Now I'm just more pissed than upset. So yeah...WTF. I'm used to when a guy isn't interested, he cuts you off and never talks to you again, especially if he has a girlfriend. That would be easier at least. This was totally new to me.

 

Guys, whats going on in his mind?

Girls, would you still be friends?

zengirl Established Member

zengirl

Posted
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So, I'm confused. . . . he was multi-dating and just got serious with one girl, or he already had a girlfriend?

 

In either case, I wouldn't be friends with the guy. Not that I couldn't be friends with someone I'd dated for a month or so (can and have), but that guy sounds like a Drama King.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

Classic...

 

Pour on the charm, get the oxytocin drip started and then pull the 'you're better than me' mind-f*ck, this time with a girlfriend kicker. I LOL'ed at him pulling out every tape he's ever used to 'talk' with a woman. Epic.

 

'Friends' = I'll add you to my harem

 

Typical alcoholic behavior, IME. I call it the light switch.

 

I could tell you some doozies about female alcoholics I've known and loved in my life. Glad you found out after only a month.

 

I'm not a girl but, as a man, I can't think of one positive reason to have such a person as a friend. There was a time when I was a rescuer and didn't think that way. Times change :)

Dlyrica Established Member

Dlyrica

Posted
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Ew no way! Why in the world would you want to be friends with that loser? What would ya'll do? Hang out with him and his girlfriend? Give me a break...

xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

Posted
Posted

Wow, wow, wow, what a douche....

zengirl Established Member

zengirl

Posted
Posted
Classic...

 

Pour on the charm, get the oxytocin drip started and then pull the 'you're better than me' mind-f*ck, this time with a girlfriend kicker. I LOL'ed at him pulling out every tape he's ever used to 'talk' with a woman. Epic.

 

'Friends' = I'll add you to my harem

 

Typical alcoholic behavior, IME. I call it the light switch.

 

I could tell you some doozies about female alcoholics I've known and loved in my life. Glad you found out after only a month.

 

Can you expand a little bit more on this? I've known some alcoholics but hadn't seen behavior like this ritualized among them. I'm curious about what you mean by this light switch.

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StarryEyes86 Member

StarryEyes86

Posted
  • Author
Posted
So, I'm confused. . . . he was multi-dating and just got serious with one girl, or he already had a girlfriend?

 

In either case, I wouldn't be friends with the guy. Not that I couldn't be friends with someone I'd dated for a month or so (can and have), but that guy sounds like a Drama King.

 

I didn't ask for details. I assumed he was multi-dating and got serious with one girl. But my friends think he might just have a girlfriend back in his hometown. He's military. We're even Facebook friends and I still haven't seen a hint of evidence of a girlfriend.

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted (edited)

Let's see here--the guy is an alcoholic who doesn't have a license. Didn't ANY of this strike you as a red flag earlier on? You stayed anyway though.

 

So many women on here complain about how they want to date a nice guy, but the reason why it doesn't happen for you is because your filters are so messed up.

Edited by Imajerk17
Eddie Edirol Established Member

Eddie Edirol

Posted
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Theres only one reason he still wants to be friends.

 

He needs you as a booty call. Thats it.

 

He...like.... N E E D S you as a booty call, for some reason.

 

He was really pouring on the charm to keep you coming back.

 

Youve always been a booty call to him, you just didnt know it.

 

I hope you know better now.

jane100 Established Member

jane100

Posted
Posted (edited)

hil-arious.

 

but not because of you. this guy wanted some big drama.

 

the best thing is not to provide it!

 

you're young!

 

laugh!

 

walk away!

 

fast, still laughing!

 

its really just funny! he needs to know that! you aren't an ancient married lady, with 20 kids, and a mobile home (trailer-park in the states). so just walk away ... laugh ...next!

Edited by jane100
MarlyStar Established Member

MarlyStar

Posted
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Tell him you'll be friends if it's okay with his girlfriend; let's go talk to her right now.

 

:p

 

No friends.

 

And if it's true he's an alcoholic, you are sooooooooooo lucky to get away from him now. No one can inflict misery like an addict.

Gala Established Member

Gala

Posted
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StarryEyes -

 

Good that you kept your composure (while still getting good and mad), and said as much as you did. The guy is major trouble. Don't look back.

Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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The dating world is filled with some real characters....

oaks Established Member

oaks

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Run. Delete him.

SweetDaphne Member

SweetDaphne

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Run! And delete all areas of contact with him. He's a complete dick and you DO NOT need that in your life. I mean come on, he just screams complete a*hole!

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted (edited)

I think what everyone is missing here is StarryEyes' judgment. The guy was an alcoholic and doesn't have a license, but she stuck out with him for a month. Talk about having bad filters. What could she possibly be expecting to happen?

 

No to sound harsh, but there's something called cause and effect here. She deserved what she got here.

Edited by Imajerk17
  • Author
StarryEyes86 Member

StarryEyes86

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I think what everyone is missing here is StarryEyes' judgment. The guy was an alcoholic and doesn't have a license, but she stuck out with him for a month. Talk about having bad filters. What could she possibly be expecting to happen?

 

No to sound harsh, but there's something called cause and effect here. She deserved what she got here.

 

I'm very well aware, thank you. I'm human and lessons were learned. Honestly, I've dated bigger douchebags who were quite more "normal" and more successful which was why I didn't completely blow him off when we started dating. But anyway, I'm over it. I drank with some buddies and it's all good. I'm just thrown off that he still wants to be friends. Hence my post.

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted (edited)
I'm very well aware, thank you. I'm human and lessons were learned. Honestly, I've dated bigger douchebags who were quite more "normal" and more successful which was why I didn't completely blow him off when we started dating. But anyway, I'm over it. I drank with some buddies and it's all good. I'm just thrown off that he still wants to be friends. Hence my post.

 

 

Even bigger douchebags? How? :confused:

 

Insist that the next guy you date have a car and a job and has his life reasonably in order--the basic stuff of being an adult you know--and you'll probably do a lot better. You seem like you date a lot, isn't there any one of these "together" guys who ask you out? Or do these guys just not excite you?

 

Sorry if this sounds harsh. Seems like common sense to me though. No need to live and learn lessons, just seems obvious.

Edited by Imajerk17
SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

Posted
Posted
"It's not because of your weight you know".

How is this being over looked?

Why would he even mention this if it wasn't on his mind?

You got friend-zoned. I am doubting he even has a girl friend.

elaina Established Member

elaina

Posted
Posted

Girls, would you still be friends?

 

No way!!! I would be tempted to tell his girlfriend, but wouldn't. Rather, I'd just disappear from his life. :mad:

 

That's completely unacceptable behavior on his side!!! No friend of mine would get a pat on the back for that. No way! Only if he apologizes and then only if his girlfriend was around would I even consider it, but that would actually be way too awkward... no friends no. Acquaintance yes, but a true friend,... it would be too awkward and not quite right, i'd think, not unless the girlfriend knew and accepted the past and the friendship, and most girlfriends aren't down with that kind of thing. I don't believe though in being "friends" with a guy behind the girlfriend's back. I am friends with all the girlfriends of my guy friends, but I have never kissed my guy friends, and never will! Trust and respect are huge requirements for friendship.

rachel7475 Member

rachel7475

Posted
Posted

Why did he say that about your weight? Are you under or overweight?

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