DollyGirl12 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I had replied to someones post a little while ago with regard to being verbally abusive at the end of a relationship. I had responded that I found that I had with my ex, triggered by things he was doing. It is not in my character. I was married for 12 years and never spoke to my exh that way. It made me feel bad about myself. A little history, which I have noted in some of my previous posts. I found emails that my ex had sent to personals on Craigslist. I had just left his house only two days before and was scheduled to go back and spend a long weekend there, helping his mother with some things. The last time he had stayed here with me he used my office computer and left his messenger logged in. I didn't realize it and when I logged in to messenger I clicked the mail box and it was his email that opened. Had happened in the past. We were involved in the same group and had many mutual friends on our messenger. I believe he made a BIG BOO BOO by using this account. When the email came up there were emails from people from Craigslist. I looked in his sent mail, nothing there,,then the trash and there were 3 of them that he deleted. I'm sure he realized he used the wrong account. All 3 emails were different, personalized and had his picture attached to them. One of the emails went in to detail, exactly the way he types, telling this couple that he had done a 3some before and that he needed some "excitement" in his life. Now let me say this,,,,this was a man with a severe back injury. You have no idea how many times I lacked "excitement" because of his disability. I am a very sexual woman but because I loved him I accepted it. I didn't go looking elsewhere for my excitement. I confronted him with the emails and he lied and lied and lied. Tried to play the "I was hacked" and "I was spammed" game. NO WAY!!! I'm not an idiot and he was making me out to be one. Telling me I was psycho to believe he would ever do that. The "lightbulb" moment came when he used the word psycho, because he had used that word with me in the past if I had called him on an issue. Lets go back a week before that. I opened my google account and it was his account that was logged on. I didn't even know he had a google account. Anyhow there were searches for escort services in his area. I was extremely upset and hurt and expressed it to him. We argued for days. He "claimed" that he was watching Dateline ID and they had a show on Escort services and they commented how one should look up escort services in their area, as they would be surprised at how close to ones home they may actually be. So, like all us normal people,,,he looked it up. He then started contacting my 17 year old daughter and told her he couldn't understand how I could think he would ever behave in that way, that he was deeply hurt, and so on. I had my daughter giving me terrible grief about it, as she really loved him. Like an idiot I felt horrible about it, thinking I was possibly in the wrong. I went to his home (he is 34 and still lives with his mother) to spend the weekend and talk about things. He made me feel like a complete piece of crap the first couple days. He was acting all insulted, yelling at me for believing things like that. I remember him insinuating that I was lying about something, as he always claimed to dislike liars. Turns out he was one of the biggest I ever met. We had reconciled, but I still felt like crap. I left that Sunday planning to go back on Thursday, as his mother needed help. That never happened after I saw those emails. He did the same thing again with my daughter, after I had asked him to never involve her again. He started contacting her and he let her know what happened. He told her that he thought I was bipolar. Basically when I first found the emails I wrote him a few not so nice emails,,,,and then I ended contact for several days. My daughter kept showing me correspondence. At that point I think even she realized that he was full of crap. That he was lying through his teeth. I asked her to stop communication with him. I did not contact him. He then started contacting me over the weekend and it opened the whole can of worms. I went off on him like I have never anyone before in my life. Afterwards I was completely shocked and horrified at some of the things that I had said. That kind of behavior is not something I had ever experienced. I think it was the combination of finding the things I had found. I had also let inappropriate things slide earlier on in our relationship that I should not have. I also found that he had HUNDREDS of "personalXXX@craigslist" in his email address book, as well as seeing old emails that he was sending to these ads when he was with his ex girlfriend. There would be an email to one of the CL people, and then a lovey dovey email to his gf the next day. I also saw a picture of a young college girl giving him a BJ. I was completely grossed out. He claimed it wasn't him in the picture but I knew exactly what that part of his body looked like. So yeah, I flipped out. But I realized very quickly that I was in a much better place without him as he has some pretty big issues and he chooses not to deal with them.
lolo1234 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 This guy is most likely a sex addict. Don't let your daughter contact him. You should also seek help for yourself. Google family of sex addicts or partners of sex addicts.
Author DollyGirl12 Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 Thanks, yes, I came to that conclusion when it all happened. After doing digging I found a porn site that he became a member of. Not the "regular" type of porn that he liked. Al the gang bang, Interracial porn, Big "you know whats" (he's not big at all). The sad thing is that he has used an old female acquaintances name to set up the account....Lucky her. None of us has been in contact with him since it all happened. Of course I felt like a complete fool because what is a 17 year old going to do,,,she is going to blab about him to everyone, which she did. My exh, my sisters, etc. She was really taken back by all of it. The funny thing is, is that if he was someone I had just become acquainted with, I probably would not have gotten involved with him. We had been members of a trading group and had become very good friends. We use to talk as friends. There was a time that he was very sad and upset because he could not meet someone he felt as if he clicked with. He seemed very genuine and I would not have guessed in a million years that he had these issues. Charming and loving, would always leave me little notes hidden away when he would leave. He had just had major back surgery a few months before we got together. He had some quirky behaviors, but was very charming. I guess looking back he came on very strong. He always claimed that he did not relate to men well and that he was not like other men, in the way he treated women. He had a slew of female friends, I guess you would say. Not anyone that he would keep in regular contact with. Now I see them as numbers he kept so that he could reach out when things weren't going well for him. He always needs to have that attention and adoration. Very narcissistic.
Author DollyGirl12 Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 And P.S. ....I did tell him that I felt he had a sexual addiction. He was extremely insulted. A few months back his sister dropped me a note. The family had loved me very much and were all very sad when things ended. She told me that he said he still thinks about me and misses me and thinks it would be nice if I apologized. I guess he is still living in the clouds.
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