DLFresh Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I will try to make this short and sweet and any/all advice is greatly appreciated...My ex girlfriend and mine were together for almost 3 years and lived together for a year and a half...She broke up with me about 2 months ago stating that she loved me and was attracted to me but felt that our communication/emotional connection was missing...I have to admit my mistakes were being a bit closed off, taking the relationship for granted, and not being engaged in the relationship as I should be...Anyways, after trying to tell her how I felt and we should work things out, I agreed with her and moved out month and 1/2 ago...Anyways, we went pretty much no contact for 3 weeks...(a lot had to do with us both being out of town) - then she asked me to lunch...I agreed and we went to lunch and it was nice...no mention of the relationship but when I left, she hugged me and started crying. Anyways, I went into no contact again...the following Friday evening she texted me and said she had a package for me and if I wanted to come by the house that weekend to pick it up...I told her I would get it the next week during the day (knowing full well I would not see her) - she then wrote me back saying to let her know if/when I would like to get together again...I did not respond till the following Sunday, and asked her if she would like to go to dinner...we did and had a great time and she said she wanted to stay in communication and see each other still and kissed passionately at the end of the night...we wrote each other the next day both admitting we needed to see each other. The following friday (last friday) we had lunch again and kissed passionately again, and she brought up things she would like us to do together...we went and hung out again that night...this is where it gets a little weird...we were having a good time but she said she was still confused about us...she said that she missed me like crazy and feeling are there but brought up our commucation issues and that we would need to communicate to see if it could possibly work...I saw her Satuday night again, we were all over each other, I helped her move the next day, we kissed each other, saw her last night, we kissed again (we are wrapping up things at the house we lived in...why there is so much contact!) Question...we are having a garage sale this saturday...I want us to reconcile but don't want to blow it by bringing up the relationship stuff too soon...also, there is no other guy in the picture that I am aware of and when we broke up, she stated it was not to date and there was no other guy (we always had a very trusting relationship...I take it as face value) I do want her to know that i will not be her "plan b" while she figures things out or share her with other guys...I don't want to scare her off though...how would you handle this situation? I do love her very much and want to make things right...i have learned alot about the mistakes I contirbuted to our relationship going south...No contact I think would not work in this situation...so much for short and sweet! I welcome any advice, but any girls that could shed some light would be really apprciated...thanks so much!!!!
Author DLFresh Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 I meant to say "I DO want her to know that I will not be her "Plan B" ....sorry about that!
Author DLFresh Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 Even if it just makes me feel better for a bit or a little peice of mind
hunk Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Mate i'm going through the exact same thing, except my girlfriend hasn't made it painfully obvious that she still wants to be with me. C'mon man it's right in front of your eyes what she wants. Don't play stupid NC games, have a proper conversation with her and tell her you ****ed up and want to make everything right, and you're sorry for the way you treated her and made her feel. Tell her you took everything for granted and you never want this to happen again. It's what she wants to hear from you and the longer you play the hard to get game she's just going to assume you are in fact complacent and taking her for granted and just forget it.
Author DLFresh Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 I appreciate it hunk - you are right...I have read so much stuff online and I followed my instincts and it seems to be working...went NC to gives us both a break, then started being nice and open when she contacted me - (her as well) - thanks again, It helps a lot
hunk Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 no worries. i know how you feel, but i got my advice from people here and i'm meeting with my ex tonight to basically tell her exactly what you're going to tell yours. In cases where we've been negligent and taken it for granted, we need to admit fault and just own it. No game playing, just straightforward communication.
aerialgirl Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Hmm yes this is tricky. I'm in a similar situation with my ex and it's SO hard to not get carried away, but we don't want to be strung along either. The good news for you is that she's talking about "a future" with you so that means she's open to it. Take is super slow and I reckon don't be overly available even if things are going well. In my case we were 4yrs together, living tog for 3yrs. He broke up about 2months ago due to prolonged period of stress and tension and fights. I moved out. We had a month solid NC then he passed me in his car and chased me down then asked me to visit our dog at his place (where i used to live with him). He then told me how miserable he'd been, how he'd found it hard to sleep, missed me and only broke up because of the fighting, not because he didn't love me. That i was the most beautiful girl in the world etc. I kept it fairly cool although kissing etc went on. Two days later a text then nothing for a week. Then we randomly ran into each other last week and again he asked me to come visit and why hadn't i responded to his text. I visited a few evenings later and things went well - had dinner, a wine and talked and kissed. He called me next morning (first time call since breakup) and said he needed to see me and hadn't been able to sleep. I went over and he repeated more of what he'd said before, that i was his soulmate and he hadn't been interested in anyone since we broke up. He cooked me lunch and was so affectionate but STILL didn't say anything about actually giving it another try. The bad news is that i let myself get carried away and slept with him (arrrgh). It seemed perfect at the time and it's not like he acted weird afterwards (quite the opp in fact he was loving and affectionate) but now I'm feeling really really insecure. When i went to leave i told him that i wasn't into being a FWB (he said: "you'd never be that") and that we needed to think about whether we wanted to take this slow and see how things go - or not see each other again. He said he felt i am his soulmate but he is massively confused. I WISH I HADN'T SAID THAT but I was feeling vulnerable. So he said he'd call me that night and didn't. I was stunned. Now it's 2 days later and no contact from him. I have no idea what to do/think. Is he thinking it over or was it just a cynical play for a 'one for the road?' it sure didn't feel like it. thoughts?
Author DLFresh Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 Hey thanks for the feedback Aerialgirl...I think you are right and I think the key is not to take things too fast... as far as your situation is concerned, I would be very weary...hate to say it but I would never tell a girl I was into her or make her feel I was and then go NC on her, especially someone I had a long history with. Luckily, in my situation, there has not been a lot of ups and downs like that...everything has been pretty straight forward from "this is not working out" to "this is why it is not working out, and we need to communicate if there is a chance of it working" so if I were you, you may want to go NC for a while...if he reaches out to you, let him know what your boundaries are and that you will not stand for someone being flaky in your life...good luck, I hope everything works out for the best
lawwal Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 I think she's made it pretty clear she wants to try again. With my ex, I just went with my gut too and instead of NC, I'll respond to her texts and if she does it a lot, I may send one uninitiated text. Anyway, I've been getting so many mixed signals. She'll say "I don't like you" a lot and then hug me or say it with a smile, we still have sex, eat together, etc....and it'll seem like we have a fun night and then she'll say "this is the last time" or "we should stop ...". Sometimes she'll text me a lot, other times she'll go a day or two without initiating. Totally confusing...but seems like she's just as confused. Hoping some time apart will let her gain some clarity. Good luck!
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