Wolf18 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 But what happens when the academic/nerd types that you're into are the ones that don't want to be with you? Is that when one just gives up entirely? I don't doubt that what you're saying has some truth to it, but not all of us are attracted to supermodels. I'd prefer more academically oriented girls, except they're never interested. That's what gets me frustrated. I find the same to be true. I honestly think that the less popular, more average girls are harder to get to like you than the giselle bundchens. Yes, the hot model looking girls want to date guys like them, but the nerdy girls dream about the quarterback too. Women practice hypergamy most of the time, and this can get frustrated for a guy who just wants a girl like him.
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Thanks a ton for your thoughts. Your words give me hope, and honestly I think that's part of what I needed right now. Thank you Glad I could help. You're welcome to PM me any time.
somedude81 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Then why should the women who are not attracted to you give you a chance? You're not single and alone because women in general don't find you attractive - you're alone because the type of women you want don't find you attractive. Very different dilemma. I hate to break it to you but the Giselle Bundchens of the world want to be with Tom Bradys. I'm in the camp that today's woman has ridiculous standards for what she deems is attractive to her. I only go after woman that are in a similar attractiveness level of myself. I'm not ugly nor obese so why should I have to settle for a woman who is? For the past couple years I've only gone after average girls and don't even bother giving the hotter girls any attention. I'm at a complete loss for why ordinary girls keep rejecting me. For the record, I've only actually rejected one woman. It was back when I was 18 and she was 25. I was very shy back and then and wasn't comfortable with the thought of an older woman. Plus, she simply wasn't attractive to me at all. She also disclosed far too much about herself that basically freaked me out.
lizwashere Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 But what happens when the academic/nerd types that you're into are the ones that don't want to be with you? Is that when one just gives up entirely? I don't doubt that what you're saying has some truth to it, but not all of us are attracted to supermodels. I'd prefer more academically oriented girls, except they're never interested. That's what gets me frustrated. I empathize with having difficulty finding a romantic partner - I didn't date in high school and only had my first romantic relationship when I was 23. As a matter of fact being a nerd myself, I never cared much for the model/QB type myself. I've always been a good student and smart and have never been inclined to dumb myself down to attract a certain type of man. My advice to you is not to look or act like you are desperate - people can smell desperation a mile away. Work on improving yourself, read newspapers and books so you become more knowledgeable and are able to engage in a wide range of conversations. Don't become obsessed with the idea that your happiness and self worth depends on having another person in your life. Lastly, please avoid being bitter and angry toward women, members of the opposite sex can in fact pick up on those feelings.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 I empathize with having difficulty finding a romantic partner - I didn't date in high school and only had my first romantic relationship when I was 23. As a matter of fact being a nerd myself, I never cared much for the model/QB type myself. I've always been a good student and smart and have never been inclined to dumb myself down to attract a certain type of man. My advice to you is not to look or act like you are desperate - people can smell desperation a mile away. Work on improving yourself, read newspapers and books so you become more knowledgeable and are able to engage in a wide range of conversations. Don't become obsessed with the idea that your happiness and self worth depends on having another person in your life. Lastly, please avoid being bitter and angry toward women, members of the opposite sex can in fact pick up on those feelings. I'm actually pretty knowledgeable on a wide range of topics. My friends and others who know me refer to me as a Renaissance man so I got that one covered. I don't think it's desperation as much as it is me being generally unsure of myself when with a girl (on a date, hanging out etc.) and that paralyzes me with inaction. Most of this inaction is in an effort to not look desperate or clingy. And bitterness. I had that phase long ago. Then I realized that no one cares if you're bitter, they'll just ignore you and go on with their own lives. That, and it takes a lot of energy to be bitter all the time.
Confused100 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Personally, if a girl is reasonably attractive and has atleast a few things in common with me, then it's a done deal on my part. How come this chemistry stuff doesn't affect me? Is it because, instead of saying "there was no chemistry" when I meet a superficial or obese girl, I just say...the truth? How can you have no chemistry with someone that makes you laugh, isn't particularly ugly, shares 90% of your interests, and who cares about you deeply? I guess that is just the enigma of a woman's mind. I feel the same way. I'm completely inept when it comes to getting girls. When I do get the balls to ask them out, I get rejected. The thing is, in those cases, we did share interests, we had a great time together, etc. I guess I just don't know how to tell whether someone likes me as a friend or as something more. For example, there was this girl I liked a lot back in January. I thought we had great chemistry together, but she said no. We've remained good friends and I lost interest in her because she didn't feel the same way. But, then this past week, she gets a little drunk, and while we were at a hangout/party, she comes and sits in my lap and starts kissing my neck and face (she also said not to tell anyone). That got me interested again. So I talk to one of my best friends, asking her what I should do, and she tells me that I should probably not do anything unless she does makes another move (because her telling me not to tell anyone was a bit of a red flag). I thought, okay, I'll trust her advice, since I don't trust my own skills at reading situations like this. Sure enough, just a couple days ago, she starts talking to me about this guy she's interested in (who's also interested in her) and how they've been discussing dating.
somedude81 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Ishe gets a little drunk, and while we were at a hangout/party, she comes and sits in my lap and starts kissing my neck and face (she also said not to tell anyone). That got me interested again. And you didn't do anything back to her?!!?!?!?@!!@?!@? Odds are she was sober enough to know what she was doing to you. Why didn't you do anything?!!>?1 I would kill for a chance like that with a girl I am or have been intersted in!
Confused100 Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 And you didn't do anything back to her?!!?!?!?@!!@?!@? Odds are she was sober enough to know what she was doing to you. Why didn't you do anything?!!>?1 I would kill for a chance like that with a girl I am or have been intersted in! I don't know. I guess I felt that I would be taking advantage of her. Too late now. And, that's the farthest I've ever gotten with a girl, lol.
Dust Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 (edited) The guy who killed himself, David Reimer correct? That psychologist Dr. Money was a f-ed up individuel Correct, sad but true. Edited March 28, 2011 by Dust
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 I don't go after the hotties, usually. I've learned that they usually aren't interested in dating someone like me. However, the average looking girls don't want to date me, either. They'd rather date the masculine "jocks", than some skinny nerd. I am comfortable with who I am physically, but they aren't.
somedude81 Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 I don't know. I guess I felt that I would be taking advantage of her. Too late now. And, that's the farthest I've ever gotten with a girl, lol. LOL, you should have punished your conscious. It's pretty easy to tell when someone is too drunk that it would be taking advantage. But if she's talking and walking normally but acting horny, that's when it's time to strike. Kissing a drunk chick is fine though it's probably best to check that she's not wasted before you get too close to sex.
Confused100 Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 LOL, you should have punished your conscious. It's pretty easy to tell when someone is too drunk that it would be taking advantage. But if she's talking and walking normally but acting horny, that's when it's time to strike. Kissing a drunk chick is fine though it's probably best to check that she's not wasted before you get too close to sex. Yeah, that's the point she was at. I'm kind of kicking myself for not doing anything now... Maybe that would have sparked something. Who knows. Like I said I don't know how to read situations at all.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Yeah, that's the point she was at. I'm kind of kicking myself for not doing anything now... Maybe that would have sparked something. Who knows. Like I said I don't know how to read situations at all. LOL, damn man, this is all on you sadly. You need to follow your natural instincts to bang, bang, bang! and not whatever mental cock block you have setup in your mind. CARPE DIEM!!!!
Confused100 Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Gah, now I feel like an idiot... Even when there is an opening, I find a way to screw it up, lol. I guess I know what to do in the future if a situation like that ever arises again.
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