somedude81 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 BTW, I don't buy the personality thing. I've got 1 good female friend who I'm very close to, yet she isn't attracted to me (and no I'm not her friend for her looks, she is not out of my league at all either, I simply like her because we share a lot of very obscure interests and make each other laugh and have a lot of fun). I did flirt with her from the start, tried everything and nothing worked. If my personality, or the OP's personality, was actually creepy or detestable, than girls wouldn't come over to our homes, hang out with us all the time, etc. It's about how you look, and if you're not a 18-30 year old females "type" then you're not going to get anywhere even if you have the most exciting and compassionate personality on the planet. The bold is one reason why I'm starting to hate women. It seems like you would make a perfect couple. But noooo, she doesn't feel chemistry She probably only dates tall attractive men who have very little in common with her. BTW I went though the same exact same thing last year. But I'm fairly certain that the girl I'm interested in isn't seeing anybody at all. And she seems perfectly fine with it, even though things could be so amazing if we were a couple. She has no idea what she is missing...sigh
Wolf18 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Ok here is your guys' dilemma and it is a perfectly understandable one: You are too nice. I know you hear that all the time with no explanation but let me break it down for you. Men think logically: Men like girls who are nice to them + you want a girl+treat her how you would like to be treated= be as nice as possible to girl and she will love you. Women think emotionally: Guy is super nice to girl-Girl does not believe she is worth that level of niceness-girl wonders why guy treats her that nice-Girl thinks there must be something wrong with guy but girl will still be his friend! Make fun of girls sometimes and they will melt for you. She wears an ugly shirt-make fun of it etc. She'll get wet in the panties in a hurry and it's fun conversation. Been there, done that. In high school I was always like this and yeah the girls loved it. Then after HS I kept doing it and girls stopped responding, sometimes they would respond negatively to it. So I figured that I was overdoing it and being TOO mean, and I moderated it quite a bit, and its the same story or worse. So now , I just act like myself and how I feel, putting on an ass hole or nice guy act doesn't work (I'm a bit of both ), so I have nothing to lose really by just acting like myself. Of course, i have no success now either, but atleast I'm having fun with my friends. I'm pretty satisfied with my life and comfortable with who I am, if women can't see that, too bad. Unfortunately, like any young man, I do have bad days where I think about how I'd like to have intimacy with a woman (the kind of intimacy that is harder to share with my male friends and no I dont mean just sex) and someone to give affection and love to. Maybe I should just get a dog (although my sexual needs will remain unmet...or will they *combs hair in 70's mop top and pulls out bag of scooby snacks*) .
P&R Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Read the story of the man with no dick if you ever want to feel better about yourself. Sadly he did end up killing himself but even he got a gf. This man lost his penis as a baby because of some stupid doctor. His parents were then told to remove his privates completely and raised him as a girl. Yet as a teenager he realized he was a man and rebelled. He got a gf’s. The man with half a body, you may have seen him on Jerry Springer. (he worked on the show) He got gf's. The boy born with no arms or legs, just stumps, he looked like just a torso. He got gf's. The wolf boys who grow massive amounts of hair all over their faces. They got gf's. The 600lb virgin who had the nick name and was known as the 600lb virgin… he got a gf. Even the boy in the bubble got gf's. (he was real right) Only thing stopping you is you. All this girls have it easier crap is pointless. I’m glad I’m a man and so are you. I’m sorry you can just sit in a bar and have men offer to buy you drinks but that isn’t reality. You can have it so good if you just make it so.The guy who killed himself, David Reimer correct? That psychologist Dr. Money was a f-ed up individuel
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 The bold is one reason why I'm starting to hate women. It seems like you would make a perfect couple. But noooo, she doesn't feel chemistry She probably only dates tall attractive men who have very little in common with her. Just because I like to throw a curveball into these discussions...I dated a 6'3, attractive, and successful (radiation oncologist) guy for a few weeks before meeting my current boyfriend...and I broke it off with him due to lack of chemistry. There was literally no romantic spark between us especially when it came to intimacy. Just because a woman breaks off a relationship due to lack of chemistry doesn't mean she's just looking for someone hotter.
Wolf18 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 The bold is one reason why I'm starting to hate women. It seems like you would make a perfect couple. But noooo, she doesn't feel chemistry [/Quote] Yeah man, I hear ya. There was a period in time where I did hate her for it, and honestly I still do, but it's not going to get me anywhere. She probably only dates tall attractive men who have very little in common with her.[/Quote] The funny thing is, the guys she dates I can honestly say aren't more attractive than me from an aesthetic point of view, just more attractive because they are her "type". She is 19 years old and is dating a 30 year old guy who weighs 200 pounds (but he is 'strong fat') and is pretty tall. I overheard her and some girl she knows talking on the phone once and she stated her "type" was a tall guy with long blonde hair (the guy she eventually got with). This guy ignored her, refused to drive her to the train station at 12 oclock at night because he wants to save gas, sits in front of the TV all day even when he's with her, did nothing when some guy pushed her to the ground, etc, yet she loved him and not me. Now she's with some dude who looks almost exactly the same, but plays guitar and hockey (even though she always told me she hated guys in bands and 'jocks'). I have short dark hair, am not very tall, but I take her on adventures she tells me she'll remember forever, always tells me how fun and exciting it is to be around me, yet when I ask her to be mine she acts almost disgusted and that just hurts me to the point where I haven't spoken to her in days. I just don't get women. How can such an intelligent girl (she's the most intelligent female ive ever met) be so emotionally stupid as to date a guy for his...hair color and length, and height? I can imagine if your a girl and that's really your thing, you would pick that guy all else being equal (although I still don't fully understand that), but I know for a fact these guys don't have anything in common with her ( and she actually agrees and realizes it on her own), but hey what can you do except delete them from your life and move on. BTW I went though the same exact same thing last year. But I'm fairly certain that the girl I'm interested in isn't seeing anybody at all. And she seems perfectly fine with it, even though things could be so amazing if we were a couple. She has no idea what she is missing...sigh If this girl wasn't seeing anyone at all, it would be far better for my mental health than to see her with the same guys that neglect and are just in it for the sex.
somedude81 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 (edited) Just because I like to throw a curveball into these discussions...I dated a 6'3, attractive, and successful (radiation oncologist) guy for a few weeks before meeting my current boyfriend...and I broke it off with him due to lack of chemistry. There was literally no romantic spark between us especially when it came to intimacy. Just because a woman breaks off a relationship due to lack of chemistry doesn't mean she's just looking for someone hotter. LOL, I'm trying to make myself feel better. I don't need your logic thrown in there One thing though, that doesn't explain why the girl in Wolf18's story wasn't attracted to him. Sharing obscure interests, making each other laugh and whatever things they may have done, had in common sound like a great recipe for a relationship. But the woman not feeling chemistry for only God knows why is maddening. Somtimes I wish for a return to a time when a man can just take a woman. Her opinion be damned. LOL I wish I could take women to date court. I plead my argument why she should date me. And she does hers why she shouldn't. Then the judge decides. If her argument is nothing more than, "I don't feel chemsitry," then I'm sure to win Edited March 25, 2011 by somedude81
P&R Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I notice a lot of girls seem to like sarcastic guys/smart asses, however you definitely have to be careful with this kind of humor. I enjoy poking fun at my girlfriend. From the very first time I met her I poked fun at her. For example one time she unintentionally dressed in a long skirt that had a pink and red patern, and a green hoody. I gleefully told her that she looked like a giant watermellon. Girls like getting crap like this and often time they'll come back with another insult. It's just a fun thing to do. Another thing you can use is self depreciating humor. Turn your mistakes, or querks into something funny. For example... Somedude says he has a speech impediment. He could certainly find a way to poke fun at it, in a funny and non demeaning way towards himself. Just remember that you have to be tactful when you use this kind of humor.
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 LOL I wish I could take women to date court. I plead my argument why she should date me. And she does hers why she shouldn't. Then the judge decides. If her argument is nothing more than, "I don't feel chemsitry," then I'm sure to win That sounds like a TV show! It could air right after divorce court and judge judy.
P&R Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 That sounds like a TV show! It could air right after divorce court and judge judy. This show has some potential....
Wolf18 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Personally, if a girl is reasonably attractive and has atleast a few things in common with me, then it's a done deal on my part. How come this chemistry stuff doesn't affect me? Is it because, instead of saying "there was no chemistry" when I meet a superficial or obese girl, I just say...the truth? How can you have no chemistry with someone that makes you laugh, isn't particularly ugly, shares 90% of your interests, and who cares about you deeply? I guess that is just the enigma of a woman's mind.
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Personally, if a girl is reasonably attractive and has atleast a few things in common with me, then it's a done deal on my part. How come this chemistry stuff doesn't affect me? Is it because, instead of saying "there was no chemistry" when I meet a superficial or obese girl, I just say...the truth? How can you have no chemistry with someone that makes you laugh, isn't particularly ugly, shares 90% of your interests, and who cares about you deeply? I guess that is just the enigma of a woman's mind. I consider chemistry to be physically intimate compatibility. How the person displays affection, how he hugs, kisses, cuddles, whatever. And above all I consider chemistry to be sexual. I can be with a man I find very physically attractive only to find that we have no chemistry in bed. Sex is very important to me and I would rather be with a shorter guy with a less than perfect body who I can completely meld with in the sack (aka my bf ); than with a perfect 10 hottie who has a very different lovemaking style from me. Not sure if that's the answer you were looking for but that's what I could come up with.
Wolf18 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I consider chemistry to be physically intimate compatibility. How the person displays affection, how he hugs, kisses, cuddles, whatever. And above all I consider chemistry to be sexual. I can be with a man I find very physically attractive only to find that we have no chemistry in bed. Sex is very important to me and I would rather be with a shorter guy with a less than perfect body who I can completely meld with in the sack (aka my bf ); than with a perfect 10 hottie who has a very different lovemaking style from me. Not sure if that's the answer you were looking for but that's what I could come up with. I see. That doesn't really explain how women "don't have chemistry" before it gets to the point of physical intmiacy or sex, but it's something. Personally though, if I met a girl who was physically or sexually somewhat different and I had a lot in common with her, I would just work around it. I don't get why girls dismiss guys over stuff like that is all i'm saying.
somedude81 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 (edited) Personally, if a girl is reasonably attractive and has atleast a few things in common with me, then it's a done deal on my part. How come this chemistry stuff doesn't affect me? Is it because, instead of saying "there was no chemistry" when I meet a superficial or obese girl, I just say...the truth? How can you have no chemistry with someone that makes you laugh, isn't particularly ugly, shares 90% of your interests, and who cares about you deeply? I guess that is just the enigma of a woman's mind. I smell an episode for Date Court! You can't lose. I consider chemistry to be physically intimate compatibility. How the person displays affection, how he hugs, kisses, cuddles, whatever. And above all I consider chemistry to be sexual. I can be with a man I find very physically attractive only to find that we have no chemistry in bed. Sex is very important to me and I would rather be with a shorter guy with a less than perfect body who I can completely meld with in the sack (aka my bf ); than with a perfect 10 hottie who has a very different lovemaking style from me. Not sure if that's the answer you were looking for but that's what I could come up with. Eh, too bad most women decide they have no chemistry before they kiss you, let alone have sex with you. In Date Court!, if the woman has a poor argument and seems like she will lose, the judge would sentence her to one night of sex. It would be the man's job to plan out the evening and show what he can do. The woman must be accommodating and not make things difficult unless she would rather pay a fine or do time. The next day, the two of them return to trial. If the woman still feels nothing, then she has won her case. If she had a good time, what do you know, happy couple. Everybody wins. Of course it will go both ways and there would be women subpenaing men as well. Edited March 25, 2011 by somedude81
Author ebbandflow Posted March 26, 2011 Author Posted March 26, 2011 Women the great motivators, they’ll get you working. What does that mean??
Author ebbandflow Posted March 26, 2011 Author Posted March 26, 2011 The bolded part is where you went wrong.... You weren't even dating this girl. You were hanging out with her as a friend, and so she saw you as such. Now here is where you made the biggest mistake... You asked her to be your girlfriend when you guys were not even dating. You asked her to make a fairly big commitment without even going on a single date with the girl. This was probably the worst thing that you could have said to her. It's no wonder that she reacted the way she did. If you would have actually asked her out on a date, and dated her for at least a month or so this could've ended a lot differently. Maybe I'm not entirely clear about what constitutes a date. As I mentioned in the OP, we went to cafe's and otherwise hung out quite often. What features classify it as a date? From what I understand, the purpose of a date is to get to know someone, have fun and evaluate compatibility. I feel that we did that. Can you explain what you think may be missing?
Author ebbandflow Posted March 26, 2011 Author Posted March 26, 2011 I have seen it to be true personally. I only use my boyfriend as an example because he has talked briefly about how he really struggled with girls in college. Now in his early/mid thirties he's felt more comfortable socializing with and asking out women that he used to feel were "out of his league." His girlfriend before me was a total knock out, and while I wouldn't say the same for myself I'd say I'm at least average looking, plus we have a great emotional chemistry. :] Whereas women are fawned over and doted upon from the instant we sprout breasts, young guys have to work a lot harder to draw attention to themselves. I think that's why men take a little longer to develop confidence...a lot of the guys who have confidence in college are just cocky. They really have nothing to back it up. As you grow in education, intelligence, and life experience, you will be more confident in your daily life as well as with the opposite sex. Best of luck to you...you sound like a genuine, smart and level-headed guy...don't let this turn you bitter or misogynistic. Things will work themselves out. :] Thanks a ton for your thoughts. Your words give me hope, and honestly I think that's part of what I needed right now. Thank you
Author ebbandflow Posted March 26, 2011 Author Posted March 26, 2011 Make fun of girls sometimes and they will melt for you. She wears an ugly shirt-make fun of it etc. She'll get wet in the panties in a hurry and it's fun conversation. Like I said earlier, teasing consistently yielded negative responses when I did it. Any tips?
Thedude22 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Like I said earlier, teasing consistently yielded negative responses when I did it. Any tips? Not sure man. Flirting is a strange fish. I think probably the absolute easiest thing to do with your life flirting wise is be yourself. I know everybody says that and it is by no means 100% effective but you seem comfortable with yourself that way and if you are comfortable with yourself, she'll see that as confidence. Like me I am a very offensive individual. I use to worry about offending people all the time so I was super shy and always worried about letting myself leak out. Then one day I just said **** it and let it loose. Some women look at me and say this guy is a dick, not interested. Other girls are like wow he seriously just says whatever comes to mind, no BS here, I'm interested. I think your best bet is to just be yourself, don't force teasing if it doesn't come naturally. It also helps to be good looking, but it isn't everything. I'm a solid 7 and I'm not rolling in pussy but I can't lie it does grease the wheels a bit.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Like I said earlier, teasing consistently yielded negative responses when I did it. Any tips? teasing is a balancing act, you have to know what works and what goes too far, you might want to look up PUA techniques to see what the psycology of teasing is so you know what kinds of things to say. BTW a date is simply alone time where you get to get to know each other, when you havent had the chance to do that yet. If you already hang with these girls in school, taking them anywhere is just being a friend because they already know you and think youre safe. If you had 4 unsuccessful dates where you had women at your place, they liked you enough to be alone with you and somewhere along the line you turned them off for some reason. You have to evaluate these dates and see if you can remember where they looked like they started to lose interest in you. You have to be very astute in watching their cues. If you dont remember, then watch the reactions of new women. When you talk to them, see how long they look in your eyes while talking, and then see when you lose that eye contact, and lose their interest in the conversation. They fake it well to avoid just blowing you off to your face. And seriously listen to The Dude, his stuff is right on point.
lizwashere Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 You do have a point. There is a belief that heavier girls are easier. One thing I do know is that they are much more aggressive than average girls. I've had three women actively hit on me, and all three were significantly heavier than I was. If they hit on you then why didn't you give one of them a chance? Let me guess they were "fat chicks" and you were not attracted to them which makes you a hypocrite.
somedude81 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 If they hit on you then why didn't you give one of them a chance? Let me guess they were "fat chicks" and you were not attracted to them which makes you a hypocrite. Why would I be a hypocrite for not giving a chance to a person that I was not attracted to nor had anything in common with? What kind of chance should I have given them?
Wolf18 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 If they hit on you then why didn't you give one of them a chance? Let me guess they were "fat chicks" and you were not attracted to them which makes you a hypocrite. If I am thin and athletic, why is it hypocritical to want the same from a girl I date? What is hypocritical however, is all the brown haired girls who only date blonde guys, blonde girls who only date dark haired guys (and virtually all red haired women, who are pretty universally repulsed by ginger guys LOL), short girls that only date 6 feet tall guys, poor women who demand a rich boyfriend, etc. Nobody is saying appearance makes no difference, of course it does. What a lot of guys complain about is women who are so picky, that they even reject guys who are well within their league based on appearance.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 If they hit on you then why didn't you give one of them a chance? Let me guess they were "fat chicks" and you were not attracted to them which makes you a hypocrite. Would you date a fat man? Or someone you're not attracted to? If so, why?
lizwashere Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Why would I be a hypocrite for not giving a chance to a person that I was not attracted to? What kind of chance should I have given them? Then why should the women who are not attracted to you give you a chance? You're not single and alone because women in general don't find you attractive - you're alone because the type of women you want don't find you attractive. Very different dilemma. I hate to break it to you but the Giselle Bundchens of the world want to be with Tom Bradys.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Then why should the women who are not attracted to you give you a chance? You're not single and alone because women in general don't find you attractive - you're alone because the type of women you want don't find you attractive. Very different dilemma. I hate to break it to you but the Giselle Bundchens of the world want to be with Tom Bradys. But what happens when the academic/nerd types that you're into are the ones that don't want to be with you? Is that when one just gives up entirely? I don't doubt that what you're saying has some truth to it, but not all of us are attracted to supermodels. I'd prefer more academically oriented girls, except they're never interested. That's what gets me frustrated.
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