irc333 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 She's a 36 year old college professor (Ph.D). (Actually, it's kind of suprising to see someone of this stature on a free dating site) She had stated that "higher education is important to me, so that it's imperative, and she's spent 10 years in college and should have career success (like herself) in order to be a match." Some people have stated in here that eduacation doesn't mean squat, at least when it comes to an active dating or social life in who you care to associate with or date for that matter. Those in the blue collar or Bachelor's degree need not apply? Do people with PhD's think they're better than undgrads? I did learn in sociology class that people who date of which are in different social classes, typically don't work out. Is there some truth to this? Have your own experience. Have you tried dating a PhD as a Bachelor's degree holder or vice-versa? Though, expecting someone to date with an education is an expectation to be found on a job description than a dating profile, right? Just something I have wondered about. I mean, I know rednecks living in a single-wide who drink beer and play with shot guns around a bonfire woudn't be compatible with a holder of a Ph.D. But I would imagine if you get into someone who is at least someone with somewhat of an education could get along with anyone with a higher education, right?
zengirl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 She's a 36 year old college professor (Ph.D). (Actually, it's kind of suprising to see someone of this stature on a free dating site) She had stated that "higher education is important to me, so that it's imperative, and she's spent 10 years in college and should have career success (like herself) in order to be a match." Sounds like a prissy way to say it, but I don't disagree with the sentiment. And I'm getting my PhD but by no means wealthy, nor caring about wealth. Education on the other hand. . . . Some people have stated in here that eduacation doesn't mean squat, at least when it comes to an active dating or social life in who you care to associate with or date for that matter. Those in the blue collar or Bachelor's degree need not apply? Do people with PhD's think they're better than undgrads? I wouldn't date someone without a college education. A Bachelors is fine to me, but the man has to have shown consistent drive towards his career, interest in learning consistency, and continual growth. That could mean going back for more schooling, it could mean pursuing the cutting edge of his field, it could simply mean creating his own projects and loving his day job. I don't judge someone solely by their education, but I think anyone who wants one can get a B.A./B.S. in this day and age and I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't value going to college and graduating. I think graduate level/PhD coursework depends more heavily on the field you're in, what you want to do, etc, but a Bachelors is more "expected" nowadays, at least amongst those who are smart and driven (which I am and expect my partner to be). However, there are many folks with college degrees who don't value and appreciate their education --- who don't truly love and get excited by learning --- and those guys I couldn't date. Plenty of guys just get the Bachelors to get a job and make money. Nobody really gets a PhD for that reason. You have to love learning and your specific subject to go for a PhD, and I think that takes a certain mindset----but not everyone of that mindset will want/need/get a PhD.
Author irc333 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Right, but also on the other hand, the "Career Student" isn't really seen all to favorably by some either. To me, a PhD is kind of overkill anyhow. lol Unless it's needed as a job requirement or something. Sounds like a prissy way to say it, but I don't disagree with the sentiment. And I'm getting my PhD but by no means wealthy, nor caring about wealth. Education on the other hand. . . . I wouldn't date someone without a college education. A Bachelors is fine to me, but the man has to have shown consistent drive towards his career, interest in learning consistency, and continual growth. That could mean going back for more schooling, it could mean pursuing the cutting edge of his field, it could simply mean creating his own projects and loving his day job. I don't judge someone solely by their education, but I think anyone who wants one can get a B.A./B.S. in this day and age and I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't value going to college and graduating. I think graduate level/PhD coursework depends more heavily on the field you're in, what you want to do, etc, but a Bachelors is more "expected" nowadays, at least amongst those who are smart and driven (which I am and expect my partner to be). However, there are many folks with college degrees who don't value and appreciate their education --- who don't truly love and get excited by learning --- and those guys I couldn't date. Plenty of guys just get the Bachelors to get a job and make money. Nobody really gets a PhD for that reason. You have to love learning and your specific subject to go for a PhD, and I think that takes a certain mindset----but not everyone of that mindset will want/need/get a PhD.
Knittress Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 (edited) Right, but also on the other hand, the "Career Student" isn't really seen all to favorably by some either. To me, a PhD is kind of overkill anyhow. lol Unless it's needed as a job requirement or something. A Ph.D IS a job requirement to be a professor, but I've known several Ph.Ds who don't do much with it. It is DIFFICULT to become faculty, especially tenured faculty, and only a handful of Ph.Ds will make it - so it's really nothing to sneeze at. I've got a master's and while I don't consider myself superior to anyone, I'm not impressed by an undergrad degree. Any half-assed fratboy can get one, and it's practically the new high school diploma. In fact, I've got to wonder about someone who DOESN'T have one, knowing the social cost of avoiding higher ed... Now it seems like you can't really go very far without a MA, it appears to be the new minimum for a decent admin-type job. Edited March 24, 2011 by Knittress
Eclypse Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Just curious then, do you all care what university people got their degrees from? A lot of my friends didn't do too well in hs so are now in rather mediocre universities. I got into the no.1 ranked university in the country and am just finishing my bachelors. So is this bachelor worth more than others? Also just thought I'd point out that the only reason I'm getting a degree is so that I get a good job. Personally I hate university life and find it to be incredibly dull, but I know if I want to be successful I'll need a good degree to get a good job. I'll most likely stay behind for masters.
Intricategirl Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 It depends. I've dated someone who dropped out after finishing most of his degree. He had a great career that he loved, but apart from that was one of the most well-read individuals I ever met. Not necessarily the most highly educated or intelligent. Just that he could hold his own in any current events discussion. I've also dated a PhD, someone with a Bachelor's, someone else who dropped out... the whole gamut. I prefer someone who loves to learn, but I think there are a lot of different kinds of learning. All in all, a couple may find it easier if they are well-balanced on many different levels. Education is one of those levels.
pj1970 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 yea prior to womens' liberation it was the norm to date and marry outside of ones' status, obviously the real reason for womens' lib wasn't really to strive toward a society where status was of no regard, but to compensate for global over-population, Darwinism... that's why the movement to "equality" wasn't for the sake of equality, it was/is about power- and just like every other power-based struggle throughout history has proven to be a disaster to put it conceptually- prior to the liberation movement, men were like countries with nuclear weapon potential, and women were like countries w/out nuclear potential all "liberation" did was give women nuclear weapons, when the goal should have been in disarmament unfortunately, the physio-psychology of women makes "un-nuclear" men unattractive, because of innate nesting instincts - the female bird still wants the man to build the nest, but now women control half of the sticks- and as such now still expect men to build the nest so it's a catch 22 the real goal should be in destroying the concept of money and power altogether, because at its root, it is only greed, which is really an abomination, especially because it ends up controlling the world, even though there are those resisting this tendency the Dalai Lama, the Pope, any of extraordinary moral clarity will still get obliterated in a nuclear blast, just like those of low or no moral standards in this age of the fight against terrorism the terror of selfishness still goes basically unchecked, except by self-imposition women want equality but still expect the guy to hold the door open- which is a power in itself for real equality women still have yet to cede and consider more than selfishness there are many who do not ascribe to these standards, but they're rare
Crazy Magnet Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I'm nearing the end of my PhD and her request doesn't sound too far off from what's in my profile. I want someone who will value education because they will value how much work it took to get me to this level. The most recent ex only had a BA, the guy before him only had a HS diploma. <--this guy did NOT value education in any way, shape, or form, and it's one of the main reasons I broke it off. College is an absolute must these days. I won't entertain the idea of dating someone without their undergrad completed again. Honestly, I prefer it not be from Podunk U. I think that's an influence of my academic environment though. I'm at a top school so pretty much the entire faculty hails from an Ivy. We are most assuredly socialized as students to think our PhD is better than those from "lesser" universities and that if we land at a "lesser" institution for a post doc or tenure track position we have somehow failed. Ah, such is life in the academic world. And yes, a PhD is most definitely a job requirement for academia which is pretty much where we all want to land.
zengirl Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Right, but also on the other hand, the "Career Student" isn't really seen all to favorably by some either. To me, a PhD is kind of overkill anyhow. lol Unless it's needed as a job requirement or something. Well, nothing is seen favorably by everyone. But when you talk about this woman, you're talking about what would be seen favorably by someone with her background and goals. This is a compatibility issue more than a "What's better?" issue, really. The idea that the only important part of learning is what's required for a job is dreary to me, and I suppose the reason I'd potentially find other PhD students attractive is almost all of them (though many non-PhD students are this way) have a passion for learning more and more about their subject matter, almost to an infinite degree. To me, seeking that kind of expertise in a subject----any academic subject, really----is kind of sexy. It shows curiosity, drive, and a love of learning and what they do. Getting a higher degree JUST for a job----say an MBA is perhaps one of the most common offenders at this level, which is I guess a terminal degree though only a Masters----and not because you truly love and enjoy the subject matter would not be nearly as attractive to me. Generally speaking, I would prefer a PhD who barely scraped by but LOVED his area of study to a guy with an MBA/JD who only got it to make money. To me, money isn't really part of the equation. It's that passion for a subject and for learning.
mogul Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 This is an interesting topic to me. I'd like to see how women feel about this issue. Lets say a guy is doing very well career wise (100k+) annually, but he doesn't have a college degree. He is clearly articulate, well rounded about politics, world/current events, and extremely well versed. You can tell he is driven, and very passionate about what he does and successful. Would his lack of formal higher education (degree) be a deal breaker? I think some people put too much emphasis on a degree. Would it still matter if he makes more than most college grads? Any input is appreciated, thanks.
Intricategirl Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 This is an interesting topic to me. I'd like to see how women feel about this issue. Lets say a guy is doing very well career wise (100k+) annually, but he doesn't have a college degree. He is clearly articulate, well rounded about politics, world/current events, and extremely well versed. You can tell he is driven, and very passionate about what he does and successful. Would his lack of formal higher education (degree) be a deal breaker? I think some people put too much emphasis on a degree. Would it still matter if he makes more than most college grads? Any input is appreciated, thanks. I answered that exact question above in my first paragraph. That guy made a ton of money, very well-versed in current events, loved what he did, and was a great conversationalist. So, no, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I'm also very entrepreneurial, and it's attractive to me. So if a guy started his own business and was very successful with the same above listed qualities, education wouldn't be an issue. EDITED TO SAY: formal education wouldn't be an issue.
alexlakeman Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 What's the big deal? Just move on... It's easier for a woman to be picky about those things.. Come on, can you see her, a PhD, dating a cashier from Walmart, a waiter, or a customer service agent? What the heck would they talk about? What about when they go to social events? how weird would that be? Plus, it's part of the being in the same $$ level... Personally, I rather date someone that put the time and effort in getting an undergrad or higher education, just as I did... Why should I bother dating a high school graduate? ALTHOUGH, I have dated more than one lady with just a high school diploma and they've been great, even at social events having to do with work etc.. So even though I prefer higher degree also, I have to say, it not really necessary..
Crazy Magnet Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 This is an interesting topic to me. I'd like to see how women feel about this issue. Lets say a guy is doing very well career wise (100k+) annually, but he doesn't have a college degree. He is clearly articulate, well rounded about politics, world/current events, and extremely well versed. You can tell he is driven, and very passionate about what he does and successful. Would his lack of formal higher education (degree) be a deal breaker? I think some people put too much emphasis on a degree. Would it still matter if he makes more than most college grads? Any input is appreciated, thanks. I personally find brains more sexy than money. I do have a couple of friends with PhDs married to men like this. It works for them very well. Both men, however, are insanely smart and self study (if that makes any sense.)
zengirl Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 This is an interesting topic to me. I'd like to see how women feel about this issue. Lets say a guy is doing very well career wise (100k+) annually, but he doesn't have a college degree. He is clearly articulate, well rounded about politics, world/current events, and extremely well versed. You can tell he is driven, and very passionate about what he does and successful. Would his lack of formal higher education (degree) be a deal breaker? I think some people put too much emphasis on a degree. Would it still matter if he makes more than most college grads? Any input is appreciated, thanks. I would find such a man very unattractive. To me, a lot of money and a little education is the worst combination, as the only excuse for not getting an education (and I still wouldn't date these folks, but at least I get it) is not having access to funding. I value education for its own sake, and I guess I want that in a partner. I'd rather date a guy with a degree who made 30K (and have) and was struggling to pay for grad school than a guy who made a lot of money and didn't think degrees mattered. But I'm a mildly poor teacher/reading coach/PhD student. So it has to do with compatibility, I guess.
Sanman Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Now, I'm a guy. However, I am in the same position as the woman mentioned in the OP and understand the reason for this. It definitely has more to do with interests that $$ for most I know. With the exception of my best friend (a very talented computer programmer and manager) pretty much all of my really good friends have at least one grad degree and we tend to be nerds interested in politics, education policy, history, medicine, technology, etc. I have plenty of friends that just went of college and got a job. They make great drinking buddies for when I want to watch the Knicks game. Other than that, we have little to talk about. I have dated women with only undergrad education and the ones that have no intention of pursuing graduate studies in the future tend to have little in common with me. This is not to say that they are not driven or good at what they do, we just live in different worlds. That is not to say that those without such degrees are not able to be articulate and enjoy similar interests, it is simply that it is very rare.
allenmj Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 . . . I wouldn't date someone without a college education. I'm going to assume that you mean or the equivalent of..... I work in a field that does not require any actual "degree" so to speak, yet the level of training I get rivals the best bachelors programs from any university. I'm required to get constant continual enhanced training on a multitude of topics in order to keep up with the needs of my career. I also make decent money at it, all without a college degree. I have a friend with a masters in psychology and she wouldn't last one day doing what I do. My point? Having a piece of paper from some organized school does not magically make you better than someone else, so as I said when I started this post, I'm going to assume you mean the equivalent of a degree.
mogul Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I would find such a man very unattractive. To me, a lot of money and a little education is the worst combination, as the only excuse for not getting an education (and I still wouldn't date these folks, but at least I get it) is not having access to funding. I value education for its own sake, and I guess I want that in a partner. This annoys me a lot. People that put too much emphasis(not saying all) on a degree, imo lack a lot of social skills. I hate the mentality that they have a degree means they're better than you. Most people go to school with the mind set that the degree with help them progress in life and their career. I did very well in HS, got accepted to a few prestigious universities, but declined due to the fact that I had other opportunities arise. What is the point of a degree if I can bypass that step and still be more successful than grads. I have a very entrepreneurial mindset and possess an ability to charm people in getting my way.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I have three things to say about that dating profile. Those things are that I agree with the sentiment, requiring a PhD specifically might not be enough to get what she wants, plenty of people have the qualities she wants who don't have a PhD per se. I understand her sentiment. Why I do boils down to a few things. For one the best relationship I have had was with another science student when I was an undergrad who had similar credentials and ambition to my own at the time. I have written about her under the initial S ad nauseum by now. Then there are the historical facts that many scientist marry other scientist. Famously Marie and Pierre Currie, and Albert and Milleva Einstein. These two cases lead to the third reason.... Which is best related by way of a story I found elsewhere. http://thetwobodyproblem.blogspot.com/2010/03/scientist-marry-other-scientists-as.html recall a conversation I had in graduate school at a dinner table for a retreat. Sitting there was a very senior scientist in a different but very closely related department than mine. His hobby was/is to track and run stats on all of the trainees of the combined PhD programs he was associated with and nationally, and had been doing that for years. I said to him jokingly, "so should I marry a plumber to be successful in science (probing his knowledge about the two body problem)?" He said something very simple: Scientists marry scientists as good / successful as themselves. Excellent scientists marry excellent scientists, and mediocre scientists marry mediocre scientists. The Curries shared a Nobel prize... and were married until death. Marrie won a second nobel prize. Her daughter Irène Joliot-Curie would even go on to share in a nobel with her husband. They aren't the only ones by any means. http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/nobelprize_facts.html "Family Nobel Laureates" Compare them to the Einstein's. They were married where Albert just squeaked by in his studies and Millieva just missed squeaking by. They were both in the beginning well matched. Outsiders one of whom would get all credit for a nobel prize while the other got the money. Then one had a much better career and they got divorced in part because of that career. Einstein found a job in Berlin and Milleva did not leave Switzerland. One son went on to be a physics professor... So matching by level of success is not a bad idea. As unromantic as it sounds the cold hard statistics show that on average such couplings work better in the long haul. Their will be some who are far from the norms and defy the odds but they aren't representative. Plenty of people have the qualities she wants who don't have a PhD per se. If she wants someone who takes education seriously who's not going to resent her success. For example. Freeman Dyson A very gifted, high IQ, successful theoretical physicist who does not have a formal PhD. Yet he is a full professor at Cornell. (This is very unusual and perhaps more of a distinction than a PhD itself.) If she made a program that just threw away all the messages from people without PhD after her name she would throw away a Freeman Dyson. He is not alone in this as if you look at the job boards in various trade publications.. I know physics so lets take "physics today". There are many positions which will take a MS holder with undergraduate teaching experience on as an assistant professor with possible tenure. (The PhD. is assumed to have TA'd for a couple years and so would have experience most of the time.) So who's really better someone with a Masters who has more experience and a faculty position...weather it's prestigious or not... or a PhD holder who can only get a job at Barnes and Nobel? Depending on the field there could be a "glut" of PhD's and not enough research positions for them. Which is a reason that one must often judge a researcher MS or PhD holder based on their publication list.. How many publications is their name on... and how many coauthors do they have... Then read their work and see if they are a total crank.. etc. Last requiering a PhD may not be enough to get what she wants. She is a successful academic. She really wants another successful academic. There are practical and logical reasons for this. Now such a person who has a PhD will have a much easier time of things.. especially when it comes to the "two body problem" alluded to earlier. If she marries a PhD then if one gets a sweet job offer they can negotiate for a position for their spouse in the same university or at least region far more easily than if the other person is not a PhD. BUT As I pointed out suppose that PhD is in a field like English Lit where there are far more PhD's than jobs for them? Such a spouse would arguably be a liability. They would at least not bring in a salary anything like her's. Which could breed resentment unless that person has given up all ambitions of their own. A person with a MS or a BS in engineering , just an example...any technical field could meet her needs as well as a PhD. Perhaps have an easier time trailing her and finding work wherever her career takes her. That is so because while a MS or BS holder may have a hard time getting on faculty they have an easier time getting a job in industry and outside academia. As a PhD looking for a job outside academia may be seen as "overqualified". http://roomfordebate.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/30/what-is-a-masters-degree-worth/ TLDR: I understand her sentiments since like her I have seen the same historical and modern day examples of couples who both had PhD's and ones where one person did not. Unless the spouse who is not a Doctor of Philosophy has no ambitions and is ok with being second fiddle that can cause friction. However having golden letters after ones name does not ensure they are a successful academic. Plenty of successful researchers never get a PhD these days and they publish valuable work and teach undergraduates just as well as any PhD. Plus they may have more job options even if those jobs aren't as illustrious. I wrote MS but any masters is what I really meant.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Now here is a counter example for the idea that a PhD would be needed for a happy marriage. This one shows that a formal education is not the best measure of intelligence. Consider the personal life of the illustrious Richard Phillips Feynmann, Doctor of Philosophy, Professor of Physics, 1965 Nobel Physics Laureate (along with Sin-Itiro Tomonaga and Julian Schwinger for their work on Quantum Electro Dynamics) reported IQ of 125 (in the top 10%). To get a feel for the man WATCH THIS VIDEO. His first wife did not have a PhD. Arline Greenbaum was no dummy. Gleick describes her (in a biographical book on Feynman) as a woman of high culture, with "well-bred talents for playing the piano, singing, drawing, and conversing about literature and the arts." She died of Hodgkins in 1945. His second wife Mary Louise Bell was from Kansas and that marriage ended in divorce. I can find no information on her beyond that the marriage was short. Odds are she was an average person from Kansas with average intelligence and creativity...not a match for a mind like Feynman. His third wife and the one he was with the longest. Gweneth Margaret Howarth Feynman , free-lance landscape artist, world traveler and widow of Nobel Prize-winning physicist Richard Feynman, died of cancer just days before her 56th birthday. She was a creative artist type who's intelligence expressed itself through her artwork. She also did not resent Richard's success and academic distinction. TLDR: A PhD who's a towering mind like Feynman can find a match with someone who's not a PhD or an acameic if that person is intelligent. That person also has to not covet, devalue, or resent the PhD's education likewise the PhD has to respect the intelligence of their SO. What matters is matching intelligence with ambition, drive and temperament and a dozen other things. A PhD can indicate ambition and drive for sure...but it should not be a deal breaker if a person does not have one.
Star Gazer Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Now here is a counter example for the idea that a PhD would be needed for a happy marriage. There are plenty of studies out there that show the more educated both partners, the less likely they are to be in an unhappy marriage and/or divorce. That should tell you something.
zengirl Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I'm going to assume that you mean or the equivalent of..... I don't. I work in a field that does not require any actual "degree" so to speak, yet the level of training I get rivals the best bachelors programs from any university. I'm required to get constant continual enhanced training on a multitude of topics in order to keep up with the needs of my career. I also make decent money at it, all without a college degree. If you read the rest of my post, I say that training for career is not what I see the sole goal of college to be, nor attractive to me on its own without a formal education. My point? Having a piece of paper from some organized school does not magically make you better than someone else, so as I said when I started this post, I'm going to assume you mean the equivalent of a degree. It's not about being "better" --- it's about what's attractive or compatible with different people. This annoys me a lot. People that put too much emphasis(not saying all) on a degree, imo lack a lot of social skills. I hate the mentality that they have a degree means they're better than you. Most people go to school with the mind set that the degree with help them progress in life and their career. I did very well in HS, got accepted to a few prestigious universities, but declined due to the fact that I had other opportunities arise. What is the point of a degree if I can bypass that step and still be more successful than grads. I have a very entrepreneurial mindset and possess an ability to charm people in getting my way. I've underlined the phrase I find very unattractive. To me, the point of a degree is not just to find a job. It is to get an education, formally, to think critically in an academic setting with your peers, and to absorb knowledge and skills. I value education as an end in and of itself. Which is why I find such statements unattractive. That's just me. You guys should stop trying to make it about better or worse, and realize it is, as I say, more about compatible values. I don't lack social skills. (In fact, you learn many social skills at University, frankly, and people who go to University have different social capital than others.) I just value different things for different reasons, and of course that impacts who I date.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Zengirl and others. In that thread where someone showed up and spoke of wanting someone with a simmilar IQ (someone who had a BSSE or some such)... he was called elitist, arrogant, etc. So was I. Well the "self proclaimed" college grads and near PhD holders... :lmao: Of this board why are you not also elitisit, arrogant, etc for wanting someone with an education. How is a PhD in underwater basketweaving better than a career diploma or certificate? I mean I see how a BS in physics is harder to get...based on the number of people who graduate from such programs... than a PhD in just about anything and therefore siginifies a superior mind. Just kidding. (or am I?) Take a hint from Dr. Feynman and
EasyHeart Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 The bottom line is that we are all entitled to be attracted to whatever we find attractive. I know women who won't date a man who isn't over 6'2" or who isn't blonde or who doesn't have inherited wealth. (And I'm not starting a gender war. Men -- including me -- have equally silly requirements). A woman with a PhD wanting to date a man with equal education doesn't seem anymore silly than other arbitrary factors. Personally, I find that about 90% of attraction is mental, and I go nuts over wickedly-smart women. That being said, I haven't found much correlation between intelligence and education level, either among dating partners or in my business life. (and I have a stack of degrees, so I tend to have an 'education is good' bias). Some of the smartest people I've met didn't go to college, and I haven't been terribly impressed with some of the PhDs that I've met (especially social science types). I've noticed a real closed-mindedness and lack of curiosity among academics that I've dated, which is a real turnoff for me. I guess what I really find attractive is curiosity and a desire for life-long learning, rather than specific academic achievements. A person who asks a lot of questions is interesting to me; someone who knows all the answers is not. But to each his or her own. If someone doesn't want to date me because I don't have a PhD (or because I have dark hair or because I'm only 5'11" or because my dad worked in a factory), it's her loss, not mine.
denise_xo Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 In that thread where someone showed up and spoke of wanting someone with a simmilar IQ (someone who had a BSSE or some such)... he was called elitist, arrogant, etc. The OP in that thread spoke specifically of having to 'lower himself' in order to engage with, well, the majority of people on their terms. I haven't seen any such sentiments in this thread. What zengirl and others have said, quite clearly, is that they have certain criteria they employ when they try to find a compatible partner. Like you said below, it's fundamentally about matching interest, different kinds of intelligences, and outlooks on life. It's not about the degree qualification in itself.
proactivedreamer Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Hmmm isn't is possible to be educated without having obtained a degree? I think there are a great deal of generalizations and assumptions being made about men or women who don't obtain degrees and whether they are worthy of being potential partners. There are many people who don't go school but instead pursue their passions, and often times become entrepreneurs. There are various ways to obtain an "education" that doesn't involve a class room or books. Travel, for instance, is one of the best ways to learn about the world and people, so I wouldn't say that obtaining a degree is the end all be all of what it means to be an educated person. In fact, I think its unfair to assume that everyone can obtain a degree or should. Unfortunately, degrees are the standard by which our capacities are judged but I think it is very limiting and it isn't fair. My father, for instance, didn't finish college but he is incredibly articulate, understands human behavior, and so forth. He is a self-taught man, so I wouldn't say you are more or less educated just because you got your education from a class room. That's just how I see it.
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