tiffin Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 My ex turned into a verbal abuser after leaving, something I had never seen prior. Just wondering if anyone has had this happen and why.
ShoeGurl1973 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 YES! I just experienced this when my bf broke up with me over the weekend. He broke up with me and I asked him to have his things out of the house the next day because he was so nasty to me. He proceeded to tell me I was a loser for not being married by 37, no one would want me and i'd be alone in my house forever, and that he only went out with me because he was lonely. It crushed me to my core. I know it was partially due to alcohol, but that is no excuse. There are just some boundaries you don't cross in a relationship. I am sitting here missing him like crazy but honestly, I shouldn't be with anyone that is even capable of speaking things like that to someone they loved. I didn't even know who he was at the time and it broke my heart. As I look back, I saw a pattern with drinking alot and the verbal abuse. I overlooked alot of it blaming it on the alcohol but its really no excuse.
Jerrica Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 as hard as it is to do. REALLY try not to take anything he says personally. The hurtful things he said are definitely a reflection of himself and his OWN issues. He is trying to transfer his "emotional poison" onto you to try and make himself feel better, DON'T LET HIM. Don't believe it for a second! Stay strong and appear unaffected by it. HE is the loser and obviously very insecure...
sweetblubrry Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 YES! This definitely happened not in my last relationship but the one before that. Not a hint of it during the relationship, ever. But once we break up oh yes... got all possessive and verbally abusive toward me. We only dated 2 months so my theory is he has always been like this. But he is always on his best behavior at first. Because even later my coworkers and such started hating him because of his attitude and stuff. Was never like that in beginning because he hid it. True colors always come out eventually.
Sugarkane Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Unfortunately thats what my ex did. He dumped me out of the blue and Iasked him for answers. He was completely callous to me and I cut him off and haven't talked to him since.
DollyGirl12 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I have to admit that I behaved in a way that I never have before when I ended things with my ex. I was very upset with myself afterwards and spent alot of time working on myself. Things had just spun out of control at the end. First, he was emailing personals on Craigslist...saw them with my own 2 eyes. Each email was personalized with his picture attached. He then proceeded to lie and lie about it and tell my I was psycho,,,,how could I think he would do these things,,,,blah blah. I gave him a piece of my mind and left things alone for several days. He provoked more when he started contacting my teenage daughter. He told her the whole story and I had her asking me how I could ever think he would do something like that. He had previously contacted her when we had a spiff and I asked him to never get her involved again in our personal issues. But, he did. I was not very nice to him after that. We had an LDR so everything that happened with us was via email. I'm sure I hurt his feelings, but prior to that he showed absolutely no remorse for what he had done. And when I read the FB messages he was sending to my daughter he was making comments such as "How could your mother think I could do something like that, I think she is bipolar". In my opinion, you NEVER involve someones child. So yes, I would say I pretty much flipped out after that, but, he was provoking much of it with his comments and emails. Before that I was pretty much leaving him alone. I feel like I burned all bridges, which was probably for the best. It is not in my character to behave in that way.
DollyGirl12 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 And P.S....I had alot of remorse and felt terrible about the things that I said to him. I did show to several level headed friends and every one of them told me he deserved it. However, because I do not behave that way I did have difficulty dealing with it.
EmperorR Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 My ex said I'm bipolar and cursed me out because I told her I don't want her talking to my family anymore.
depplover_1980 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I think dumpers become emotionally abusive because either they need to convince themselves they're doing the right thing so make you feel worthless, or they are so self centred they blame you for wasting a section of their lives. I think dumpees become emotionally abusive simply because of the anger, hurt and disappointment, but there may be an element of trying to convince themselves for protection purposes here too.
Call Me Al Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I went to a therapist for a while and told her I had issues with this in the past. Her honest to god response to me was because my 'moon is in Scorpio'. I stopped going to her a week later. When I was much younger, I would point that sadness and agresssion towards the person who caused it...but it never resolved anything and it didn't help me feel any better. I've learned to channel it as the years have passed. If this happens, its just an unfortunate expression of "I am sad"
Strength of Heart Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I think dumpers become emotionally abusive because either they need to convince themselves they're doing the right thing so make you feel worthless, or they are so self centred they blame you for wasting a section of their lives. I think dumpees become emotionally abusive simply because of the anger, hurt and disappointment, but there may be an element of trying to convince themselves for protection purposes here too. This is true, my ex tries to lay blame on me now for holding her back from doing things like going out to parties, getting absolutely trashed, and making a fool of herself (Something she does every weekend now) and said I was breathing down her neck and not letting her be herself. She's a very insecure person, we went out 2 and a half years, had tons of amazing happy memories together. It's hard, but try not to take the things they say personally. The dumpers usually will say anything hurtful just because they need to make themselves feel like they made the right choice in breaking up. But also do learn from your mistakes, nobody is perfect in a relationship and you need to pick out little things you weren't perfect with that you can improve upon for your next relationship. And most importantly, do NOT hold grudges. It may make it easier to supposedly "Get over" them but really you are just holding yourself back from living happily and healthy, also that kind of emotional baggage like grudges are stuff that can carry into your next relationship with a new person.
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