26pointblue Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I think it's obvious that some MM leave. I wouldn't say it's 'rare' at all. Not, at least, from my observations in real life, here in this forum or other forums on LS & other boards. Like someone said, go to the Infidelity board and read about spouses who leave for their APs. Or to any marriage-saving type of website. They do leave all the time. Now, do they succesfully keep a relationship with the AP once they leave? Are they douchebags? Are they just eternally unhappy & wanting what they can't have -- grass is greener type of thing? Does AP regret ending up with MM after all? Sure. The situations are endless. And sometimes it does work out for MM & AP. I don't think there is anything 'rare' about any affair result. It's all over the map as far as I can tell. Sure, people usually stay with what's comfortable/most familiar but some don't.
BB07 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Oh good grief! What does it matter that some mm in the news leaves his marriage for the OW? I mean really.......some mm do leave, so what. What is really important here is that women don't put themselves into relationships (affairs or not) that cause them to feel second best, cause them to feel immeasurable pain, and that cause destruction to themselves and others. Affairs......often do cause those very things.
bentnotbroken Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Oh good grief! What does it matter that some mm in the news leaves his marriage for the OW? I mean really.......some mm do leave, so what. What is really important here is that women don't put themselves into relationships (affairs or not) that cause them to feel second best, cause them to feel immeasurable pain, and that cause destruction to themselves and others. Affairs......often do cause those very things. :laugh::laugh:This so reminds me of my favorite aunt. Stop sitting on your heads and do something.
jthorne Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Boy, am I confused. The OP of this thread is mad that posters warned her that MM was a manipulative jerk. And sure enough, she's posted recently that yes, he was a manipulative jerk. So now we have a thread about another admittedly manipulative jerk, and it's supposed to prove something.
PorkRinds Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 My xMM left and got a D (too bad he turned out to be a total azz, but he did leave and did D). Didn't you realize he was a total azz the very first time he cheated with you? 1
PorkRinds Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 And sometimes it does work out for MM & AP. On those rare occasions when two cheaters successfully wind up with each other in a committed, monogamous relationship, it "works out" for everyone, because that's two less cheaters in the dating pool.
PorkRinds Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Boy, am I confused. The OP of this thread is mad that posters warned her that MM was a manipulative jerk. And sure enough, she's posted recently that yes, he was a manipulative jerk. So now we have a thread about another admittedly manipulative jerk, and it's supposed to prove something. It proves that sometimes, a cheater is actually successful at the game of cheating. You see, the OP wants us to see that sometimes the OW/OM "wins." Except the grand prize is......a cheater. Proving.....?
BB07 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 It proves that sometimes, a cheater is actually successful at the game of cheating. You see, the OP wants us to see that sometimes the OW/OM "wins." Except the grand prize is......a cheater. Proving.....? I certainly don't see that BrokenLady see's herself as winning just because her mm left. She was trying to make a point about what she feels is a generalization here at LS. I'd venture a guess that she feels pretty dang lucky that she is OUT of mm's life.
Author Brokenlady Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 I certainly don't see that BrokenLady see's herself as winning just because her mm left. She was trying to make a point about what she feels is a generalization here at LS. I'd venture a guess that she feels pretty dang lucky that she is OUT of mm's life. You betcha. Everyone lost in my situation.
greengoddess Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 You betcha. Everyone lost in my situation. nah the wife won!! She got rid of the cheating louse and can start a new life with someone who really loves her. Well that is if her husband didn't damage her too much emotionally.
PorkRinds Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 The clear intent of the thread-starter was to try to retroactively justify having gotten involved with an MM in the first place, even though in her particular case, it didn't pan out. She wants us to believe that it wasn't automatically a huge error of judgment from the get-go, because gee, sometimes these things do work out. It's just a more subtle form of blame-shifting. "See it's not my fault that I chose to have an affair, because sometimes, it works out for the cheaters." Guess what OP? Even if your MM left his BS for you, and the two of you got married and lived happily ever after, it still would have been wrong.
Author Brokenlady Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 nah the wife won!! She got rid of the cheating louse and can start a new life with someone who really loves her. Well that is if her husband didn't damage her too much emotionally. Nah. She hasn't been able to hold a relationship since the separation 2 years ago. Partly bc she's only looking for men with a lot if money, and partly bc she is an abusive pathological liar, just like her xH. Too bad they aren't getting back together.
Author Brokenlady Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 The clear intent of the thread-starter was to try to retroactively justify having gotten involved with an MM in the first place, even though in her particular case, it didn't pan out. She wants us to believe that it wasn't automatically a huge error of judgment from the get-go, because gee, sometimes these things do work out. It's just a more subtle form of blame-shifting. "See it's not my fault that I chose to have an affair, because sometimes, it works out for the cheaters." Guess what OP? Even if your MM left his BS for you, and the two of you got married and lived happily ever after, it still would have been wrong. Nice try Dr. Freud, but no. My point was simply to discuss the fact that there's a lot of posters here who claim to want ow to "see reality", but the so-called reality just isn't the case a lot of the time. The fact that I internalized some if this mythology kept me in the A much longer and added to my agony. I just want people to step back and realize they don't really know the "truth" about anyone's situation and should probably post as such.
bentnotbroken Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Nice try Dr. Freud, but no. My point was simply to discuss the fact that there's a lot of posters here who claim to want ow to "see reality", but the so-called reality just isn't the case a lot of the time. The fact that I internalized some if this mythology kept me in the A much longer and added to my agony. I just want people to step back and realize they don't really know the "truth" about anyone's situation and should probably post as such. So I understand you position clearly...you are saying that people you don't know, have never met, who contribute nothing to your life made you stay in an affair with someone who was a nutball because of their opinions....hmmm okay. And you think their opinions added to your agony..interesting. Seems if someone is that dependent on strangers' opinions, a whole lot more going on than what is happening between you MM.
Author Brokenlady Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 Call me naive, I didn't realize people come here just to spew their crap, not to offer support or even just factual information. I couldn't talk to the bs in my case, so I sought objective opinion. Problem is, few people here are objective, and most have a "not nice" agenda. I should have realized that much of what I was told was complete and utter nonsense by people with an axe to grind. call me what you will, but it messed me up. I doubt I'm the only one that's happened to.
bentnotbroken Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Call me naive, I didn't realize people come here just to spew their crap, not to offer support or even just factual information. I couldn't talk to the bs in my case, so I sought objective opinion. Problem is, few people here are objective, and most have a "not nice" agenda. I should have realized that much of what I was told was complete and utter nonsense by people with an axe to grind. call me what you will, but it messed me up. I doubt I'm the only one that's happened to. Could it have been the situation that you found yourself in that messed you up and you are still looking for someone or something else to blame? Just a question. I don't know if you are naive or not...what I do know is blaming people who you have never met and have opinions(as you yourself do) based on life experience seems a bit over the top. But hey that's just me.
PorkRinds Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Nice try Dr. Freud, but no. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. My point was simply to discuss the fact that there's a lot of posters here who claim to want ow to "see reality", but the so-called reality just isn't the case a lot of the time. The relevant "reality" is not whether or not the MM leaves the marriage for the OW, it's whether or not the OW should have gotten into the affair in the first place. Just because Senator Harry Hooper left his wife for the OW (if he did), does that mean his OW was justified or made a good decision to get involved with him? I don't think so. (Well she did get a good government job after this all came out, but I don't think that's what we're talking about. At least I hope not.) The fact that I internalized some if this mythology kept me in the A much longer and added to my agony. This really doesn't follow. If you iternalized mythology that the MM "never leaves" for the OW, why would that keep you in the affair? Stay focused on your actions since that's all you can control. Going into it, you have no way of knowing whether or not the MM will leave his wife for you. Odds are against it, and even if he does, it's unlikely to result in happiness for anyone involved. I just want people to step back and realize they don't really know the "truth" about anyone's situation and should probably post as such. The relevant truth which applies is that most of the time the OW would be better off not getting involved with an MM in the first place. Your OP doesn't provide anything to the contrary. The lady in question would have been better off not getting involved with Skunkator Hopper.
Author Brokenlady Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 (edited) PR, No, this forum is decidedly NOT to determine if affairs are good, whether they end well, or whether one should get into one. Posters here are ALREADY in an A. This forum is to get help with these painful relationships. I don't see bible-thumping or morality policing on the forum description. Your post once again reiterates the same lies I was told. It's important to understand how thus info may be received, with defensiveness and a commitment to prove your misinformation wrong. Plenty of MM love their ow. Plenty if them also leave. Saying otherwise to vulnerable people doesn't make it so. And please don't try to pretend you care in the slightest about what's best for an ow. Edited March 25, 2011 by Brokenlady
PorkRinds Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Your post once again reiterates the same lies I was told. Except that nothing in my posts in this thread were "lies."
tami-chan Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 That's the kind of man OW find attractive? Wow what a prize. Not sure how "powerful and moneyed" he is...but many women find those two things attractive in a man.... So are you better looking? pictures or it's all hot air!
alexandria35 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Nice try Dr. Freud, but no. My point was simply to discuss the fact that there's a lot of posters here who claim to want ow to "see reality", but the so-called reality just isn't the case a lot of the time. The fact that I internalized some if this mythology kept me in the A much longer and added to my agony. I just want people to step back and realize they don't really know the "truth" about anyone's situation and should probably post as such. I'm intrigued. How did reading here that married men rarely/never leave their wives for the OW, force you to stay in the A longer than you would have had you never read this "myth"? I would think that seeing all the negative comments on this board about being involved in an affair would cause an easily swayed reader to want to end the affair, not stay in it. How do suppose it is that you interpeted the same comments in such a way as to cause you to remain in the A? I'm seriously interested in hearing your thoughts on this.
SidLyon Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 I'm intrigued. How did reading here that married men rarely/never leave their wives for the OW, force you to stay in the A longer than you would have had you never read this "myth"? I would think that seeing all the negative comments on this board about being involved in an affair would cause an easily swayed reader to want to end the affair, not stay in it. How do suppose it is that you interpeted the same comments in such a way as to cause you to remain in the A? I'm seriously interested in hearing your thoughts on this. I was wondering about this as well. I joined LS a few months before the OP and it didn't take me long to work out that many (if not most) affairs follow one of only a few patterns. One of these patterns is a so called cake-eater affair where the MM genuinely cares for (and often loves) the OW but has no real intention of leaving his marriage. D-day usually prompts the beginnings of NC which is often broken in the early days as the MM tries to wean himself from the OW. A variation of this is where the A goes underground and continues despite the married couple trying to rebuild their marriage. These are typically common affair/discovery patterns and is probably what prompts the "MM never leave" idea. The other main type of A pattern I see on LS is the so called exit A where d-day sets in motion the exit, which may take a while, and may initially look like the above. In fact they may be indistinguishable for a while especially if there's the flip-flopping between both women. Other exits occur quickly after d-day and in some cases there may be no d-day. The patterns do vary, and there may be others outside what I said above, but these are far less common. Often it's not until a few months/years later that you can really tell what sort of A it is/was anyway. This means that at the time, looking at the patterns may give you (the general you, as in anyone in the triangle) an idea of what the future holds. What will actually happens is probably anyone's guess IMO as the intensity of the feelings of the persons involved, is not (IMO) a good predictor of how it will all turnout.
Silly_Girl Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 I think what people actually say is that MM rarely leave. And that's true. Donna, plenty of posts allude to the Never not the Rarely. There's also the MM who leave for their OW but no one (not even the BS) is aware. They just begin 'dating' whilst separated.
Silly_Girl Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 On those rare occasions when two cheaters successfully wind up with each other in a committed, monogamous relationship, it "works out" for everyone, because that's two less cheaters in the dating pool. If they are in a monogamous relationship that suggests the world is not being 'protected' from two cheaters. There simply exists two people who cheated once and may have circumstances that led to that and may never cheat again for the rest of their lives. Maybe they were just meant to be together
bentnotbroken Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 If they are in a monogamous relationship that suggests the world is not being 'protected' from two cheaters. There simply exists two people who cheated once and may have circumstances that led to that and may never cheat again for the rest of their lives. Maybe they were just meant to be together Maybe so.
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