lovelyladyland Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 How do you guys deal with the obsessive thoughts about the relationship? I'm a couple days in from getting dumped and I can't stop thinking about it!!! About him, our time together, every date we ever had. It's driving me nuts, and I'm tired of crying! I try to get out like go to the gym,but even on the treadmill the thoughts are there. How are you guys coping with this? Or is it just me?
passions Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 You're not alone. It's awful isnt it! For me the only way to deal with it all is to sort of magnify all his faults and think about them only, list them, draw them, imagine them. everyone has faults! And to .. i know this sound weird maybe but to "walk away from them" either physically tear up pics or imagine that im stepping on their picture and leaving it behind on the ground. surround yourself with chores and people. tell yourself that he wasn't worth the time. the world is full of fish. even if you don't see that now, you will. but it's a process like everything else.
Binkini Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I hear ya girl, I'm in the same boat. My BF of over a year kinda dumped me this morning. He's "struggling" again about our relationship (he has OCD issues). This is the 4th time! It usually lasts a few days then he promises me the world and comes crawling back. I usually sit back, say F him, and blare some feel good/angry music. It works for me. Sorry you're having a hard time. It will get better with time.
radiodarcy Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 i know what you mean -- i'm in the same boat. it's really frustrating because i'm sure he's not thinking about me at all! i try to switch gears and think about something else but my thoughts always seem to drift back to him. i guess all you can do is accept it's part of the moving on/grieving process. i've been trying to find other things to focus on. and have also lined up things to do with friends/family and indulged in retail therapy when i can afford it. all of which help. oh - - and coming here helps as well
JasonRules Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Whenever I feel down because I miss my ex I sit and listen to George Michael's "Listen without prejudice" album. These songs were written for us.
takemedrunkimhome Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 How do you guys deal with the obsessive thoughts about the relationship? I'm a couple days in from getting dumped and I can't stop thinking about it!!! About him, our time together, every date we ever had. It's driving me nuts, and I'm tired of crying! I try to get out like go to the gym,but even on the treadmill the thoughts are there. How are you guys coping with this? Or is it just me? to be honest, there really isn't an easy way. I just went through a break up about 2 months ago and I have days where I can't stop the memories from flooding my head. it does get better though, gradually, it just become less and less even though it may not feel that way now.
geegirl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 It's normal to feel this way. You've only been two days out. You've wrapped your life around this person. And now he's not there so it's a lot for your heart and mind to get adjusted to. Don't be hard on yourself. Cry when you need to. Don't keep it in. It only festers and makes it worse. It's cliche but time is what it is going to take for you to separate along with a conscious effort to thought stop. Whenever he/the R comes to mind, you have to shout out loud in your head to stop yourself and think of something else or do something else. The moment you think of one thought regarding him/the R, you feed the devil and suddenly you've spent the past hour having 100 thoughts about him/the R and feeling drained and powerless. One thought about him and you stop yourself and replace it with other thoughts or get busy. If you are on the treadmill, and you start thinking of him, sing to a song from your ipod, think about a good memory that you had with a friend or family, focus on something or someone that gives you strength or makes you feel good about yourself, say a prayer (if you are religious), etc. When I used to get those thoughts, I focused on my Nana (she's gone) and I would talk to her about my day or my work (as I used to), something to take away from him/the R. Every little moment you consciously take yourself away and stop yourself from these thoughts, you are training and controling your mind to soon automatically stay away from what is negatively obsessive and intrusive. Thoughts are powerful. You don't control them and they run rampant. You have to control. You can't sit there and hope they go away. You have to work at it. You have to start filling that old bucket with new ideas and thoughts. The more you fill your bucket with good, the more the bad spills out and washes away. In time your bucket will be fresh and full with good thoughts about you and the life ahead of you. Time and consciously controling your thoughts will get you there.
EyesWideOpen Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Unfortunately, I don't think there is a way to stop obsessing. With the passage of time, it just starts to go away on its own. Hang in there!
Author lovelyladyland Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 It's normal to feel this way. You've only been two days out. You've wrapped your life around this person. And now he's not there so it's a lot for your heart and mind to get adjusted to. Don't be hard on yourself. Cry when you need to. Don't keep it in. It only festers and makes it worse. It's cliche but time is what it is going to take for you to separate along with a conscious effort to thought stop. Whenever he/the R comes to mind, you have to shout out loud in your head to stop yourself and think of something else or do something else. The moment you think of one thought regarding him/the R, you feed the devil and suddenly you've spent the past hour having 100 thoughts about him/the R and feeling drained and powerless. One thought about him and you stop yourself and replace it with other thoughts or get busy. If you are on the treadmill, and you start thinking of him, sing to a song from your ipod, think about a good memory that you had with a friend or family, focus on something or someone that gives you strength or makes you feel good about yourself, say a prayer (if you are religious), etc. When I used to get those thoughts, I focused on my Nana (she's gone) and I would talk to her about my day or my work (as I used to), something to take away from him/the R. Every little moment you consciously take yourself away and stop yourself from these thoughts, you are training and controling your mind to soon automatically stay away from what is negatively obsessive and intrusive. Thoughts are powerful. You don't control them and they run rampant. You have to control. You can't sit there and hope they go away. You have to work at it. You have to start filling that old bucket with new ideas and thoughts. The more you fill your bucket with good, the more the bad spills out and washes away. In time your bucket will be fresh and full with good thoughts about you and the life ahead of you. Time and consciously controling your thoughts will get you there. Thank you so much <3 I've been trying really hard to replace my thoughts as soon as I have them. Thoughts of him just give me a huge knot in my stomach and make me cry. I really hope that soon it starts working. I know that it will in time and your right about all you said, but the meantime f**king sucks! And being here does help alot. It's nice to know I'm not alone even though I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Thank you everyone for responding, it does help <3
geegirl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Thank you so much <3 I've been trying really hard to replace my thoughts as soon as I have them. Thoughts of him just give me a huge knot in my stomach and make me cry. I really hope that soon it starts working. I know that it will in time and your right about all you said, but the meantime f**king sucks! And being here does help alot. It's nice to know I'm not alone even though I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Thank you everyone for responding, it does help <3 It's okay. It's normal. It's hard to stop obsessing but if you can try to control how much you obsess, you will slowly starve that little devil. It will be hard now. But slowly, as you gain emotional and mental strength, you will be able consciously stop and get a grip. When you feel like crying, cry. Let it all out. Baby steps. It does suck. It's painful and it eats at you. As they say, when going through hell, keep walking. You're not alone. I am 2 weeks NC. I can say that 14 days ago, I thought I was going to die and cried for days. Tonight, I am forcing myself to go bowling with my friends. This morning I started thinking of him and said, "Ok, you know what, enough of that" and I switched on the radio and listened intently to a radio show that made me laugh. Little steps hun.
depplover_1980 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Go to a field and then sprint really fast across the length of it. Short term buzz and mind distraction, gets the endorphins going for a bit. But generally you're in it for the long haul i'm afraid, but you're far from alone.
Author lovelyladyland Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 Go to a field and then sprint really fast across the length of it. Short term buzz and mind distraction, gets the endorphins going for a bit. But generally you're in it for the long haul i'm afraid, but you're far from alone. nice idea! i will try that lol
lovnlost Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Dont know where you live....but try the coast. Nothing like listening to the sound of the waves to drown your thoughts out. Or....you could scream until you cant anymore to get out that anger, frustration and other badness. Rivers are good to....anything with the sound of running water. Then there is sailing....this is what I do....I can leave it all behind when I step on board and when I come back...I am refreshed and renewed in many ways and try to think of new ways to persevere and move forward. Try anything that makes you feel like this. Depplover's approach is great. I starting running distance races because of the hurt.....now I truly enjoy it. Take this time to do something you have never done but always wanted to. Put your effort into it. Its healing and you have taken on a new quality that can become a wonderful addition to your life down the road with and with out pain. Just a thought.
turokturok5 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 do what everyone said, get active and such but imo, to stop obsessing you need to only come on these forums for brief periods. I was obsessing over getting my ex back, always posting in the second chance forums and stuff, sitting there all day in front of my tv and laptop. Only when i started to come on here briefly, for about 20 minutes a day or so and avoiding the second chance forums, posting on other peoples posts re-assuring them they weren't the only person feeling like they were, or making posts which weren't concerned with getting my ex back did i really start to stop obsessing over her. Try to avoid posts about people getting back together with their ex's too and things that spark hope, it'l only delay you from moving on.
Author lovelyladyland Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 Yes, I'm more than aware that my ex does not want me back. His mind was made up. And while that's painful, it does save me that confusion at least. I will find other things to do, and I plan on making the gym my friend. Also I've taken the step to seek therapy for my anxiety disorder. This was the last thing I want it to ruin for me. While I'm sure if he was the right one he would have stuck in and just reassured me and it would've gone back to normal. It was just to much and he didn't see me the same. It's so hard to accept that kind of rejection and that's part of the obsessive thoughts, also because he was such a good guy and nothing at all was wrong with our relationship before this so i don't have bad stuff to look back on instead. But I'm trying to just replace my thoughts of him as soon as they come. It's not easy cause there are alot, but I think I'm making progress. And being here really does help. I can't thank you enough for being there with your words whenever I need someone. Its nice to have somewhere to go where people understand you. All my friends are married so they don't really remember what it's like.
depplover_1980 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Good to see you are finally seeking therapy. It will solve many of your problems, including your ability to deal with the fallout of things like this a little easier. See it as personal development and the studying of ones self in order to lead a richer and fuller life. Once you are genuinely happier and coping more effectively, I have no doubt you will meet a wonderful man because you'll be truly ready.
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