Rose T Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I've been broken up 4 months (dumpee) and I'm feeling pretty good at the moment. I think I could handle a date and I have been 'looking' a bit but trying not to force the issue. I've mostly been concentrating on making new friends in the past few months however and what I really love doing is hanging out with one of my new groups of buddies at the moment! (I'm living abroad so I don't have that many "old" friends here). I had forgotten how nice and funny it can be to be with a group of people in a bar, or in a piazza or round a fountain (you may have other outside spots lol!), having a laugh and saying and doing stupid stuff, or making a dinner with a group of friends, going to the cinema, sports events etc. I love all my new networks and groups and have filled "dating time" with their company. It's fantastic! So yes I would date, might be dating in the next few days ( ) but I am not ready to give up the carefree single life just yet.
Thatguyintx Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Nope, not ready yet. Six months out and feels like it could be many more before I have the desire.
LostMyHeart Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 I'm not quite 2 months out from the b/u, and almost a month total NC. I don't know if I am the dumper or the dumpee...yeah, I know...I guess you have to be one or the other right? I went NC and "disposed of him" (his words) because he got a case of GIGs, so we are done as he doesn't want anything to do with me. So, I have been seeing an IC about this b/u as I totally loved this guy, trusted him until the GIGs problems...and am trying to put him behind me. She told me to just start talking to men...not that I have to date, but just talk to men again to try and get this one off my mind. Not sure if that is such a good idea either...I go out and have fun with my friends, new and old...and suddenly, I have this guy pursuing the heck out of me. The other night he kissed me and I kissed him back....I haven't been kissed in almost 3 months since exbf and I were long distance. But suddenly this guy is talking going exclusive. I thought about it the whole next day...I can't do this, jump right back into another relationship...I'm not ready, my heart hasn't healed. It set me back big time. He's a sweet guy, but he isn't Mr. Right and I don't want a Mr. Right Now either. I felt horrible having to tell him that I couldn't be in a relationship right now and at first he felt rejected. After I explained about the other guy and after kissing him it set me back, he understood and said he would be a liar if he said he wasn't interested, but he sees that I am hurting. Am I crazy? This guy is a retired pro football player for the current Superbowl champs...and the guy I am pining over was just the hero in my heart. So, the thought of dating or being with someone else scares me that I will forget the good memories of my ex but at the same time, I doubt that he even thinks of me in the slightest....Limbo.
mbxdad2 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I was the dumper, after nearly two decades in a sexless / loveless marriage with a chronically depressed spouse. Couldn't take it any longer, and started thinking of divorce seriously last year, finalized it two months ago. So mentally and emotionally I've been through a lot over the past 8 months or so. The day after the divorce papers were finalized, I signed up on a dating site and started going on dates... about 10 so far, several second dates. On the positive side, it has been energizing being among 'normal' women, and starting to feel some small amount of intimacy again. Validation I haven't received in my marriage, I am starting to receive with others. However I've started to notice some patterns of behavior which make me realize I have some issues I need to deal with before going much further with dating. (issues such as sexual insecurity, loneliness, need for external validation vs. internal). For example, I put wayyyyy too much emotional investment in any given 1-2 date meetup. I really liked two of the women, and I think they sensed my neediness and bailed. Which hurt. I'll be seeing a therapist to help me get past the neediness bit at least. The sexual insecurity one has me stumped though. On a separate thread I've posted about this... part of me thinks that I can't break through this one without simply having some happy healthy sex! I think that's absolutely possible with one or two of my active dates (not at the same time ) without setting false expectations (i.e. FWB-like relationship). Cue Marvin Gaye "Sexual Healing".
clumsiest Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 I went on one blind date, and spent some time with two other guys as friends and it kind of felt like dates for some reason. Anyway, no. I keep thinking the best way to make friends is by dating, but it isn't. I'm not ready at all....
kaycstamper Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 March 14th was the 6th month anniversary of my break up and I can finally say that I am finally back to being the me I was before I ever met my ex nearly 7 years ago. Thank G-d!!!!! I now know that about 3 weeks after the break up I hit rock bottom, and had a full break down that was probably 2 years coming. While my ex contributed to it substantially he was no way fully responsible for it. My life had just hit a very rocky patch and I had no safety nets in place at the time. At that point if anyone even mentioned the concept of my dating I would start crying. I was swearing off men for the rest of my life. The truth is that I was secretly (I don't think I even knew this myself) hoping my ex would come to his senses and beg my forgiveness for lying to me. Then a few months later I found out that the ex had been seeing someone from almost the day of the break up - that sent me spiraling back down the abyss again. So I still was in no shape to ever date again. Thankfully a very dear friend of many many years finally kicked my butt in gear and dragged me to a doctor and got me onanti depressants - folks if you need them - don't fight it, get the help you need!!! At this point I still don't really feel a driving desire to date, but if someone I trusted set me up, I guess I would acceppt a date. I think I remain gun-shy and scared to risk the happiness and equilibrium I have found. I guess my mancation is longterm! Hi, it's been a while since I've been on line here. I'm glad to hear you're doing better! I still talk to Jim now and then but it's going nowhere, the so called friendship can't be much when we don't even see each other. He's often said he's a "non-participant" in life, I suppose he could say that! I'm still not interested in dating and don't trust men as far as I can spit. Still enjoying my dog and just trying to survive...
EmperorR Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I don't want to date or a new relationship, i just want new people to talk to:laugh:
Duckduckgoose Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I don't want to date or a new relationship, i just want new people to talk to:laugh: I feel that way sometimes. The other sometimes I want a new relationship. But right now I just can't bring my whole self to the table and that's unfair to the guy I would be dating. I just need to distract myself with shiny things, of which I can find plenty. I just go to car dealerships once they close and look at all the pretties Or wash and wax my own car and get ego boost when people stare at it
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