TwiceTheSpice Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I had been friends with this guy for about three years, and he lived in a different city than me so we didn't see each other much. When we first met and hung out I knew that he liked me but he had a girlfriend so I didn't let anything happen (he never really tried anything beyond flirting anyway). A few months ago, he was in my city and it was the first time that we had hung out when we were both single. We ended up hooking up and he told me that he had liked me and wanted something to happen between us since he met me. I told him that I had liked him too. After he left, we kept talking and he said he wanted us to see each other more and start dating if it worked out. So I was planning to go see him in a few weeks, but about a week after we hooked up, he started acting really weird like he didnt want to talk to me. Then I found out from a friend that he had been talking to his ex about getting back together. She broke up with him a month and a half earlier because she wasn't in love with him anymore. He barely even apologized and acted like he didnt care and that what ever was between us didnt matter to him at all. All he cared about was getting his ex back. For the next four months, he tried talking to me about three times, just saying Hi and the third time I finally answered him and we talked for a few minutes. A few weeks after that, I was in his town visiting other friends when I randomly ran into him at a party. He asked if I was still mad and I said I wasn't and that i just wish he woiuld have told me that he wanted to try to work things out with his ex again. He gave me a hug and said he was sorry again and we started talking like old times and I thought that we could be friends again. But as soon as I left the party, he started texting me that he was sorry and that he messed everything up. Then he said that he missed me a lot and wanted to see me the next day because he wanted to make things better. I never told him I missed him because I didn;t know if he was still with his ex or not. One of my friends had told me that she thought that they had never really gotten back together but I didn't want to complicate things anymore. So I met him the next day thinking that he would explain all the mixed signals he was sending me but he never did. He just said that he felt bad for not talking to me and wanted to talk more. We hugged goodbye again and it seemed like everything was fine, but he hasn't talked to me since. I haven't tried talking to him either because I don't know if he wants to talk. He is still talking to his ex and from what I have heard, they aren't dating but they are hanging out and talking quite a bit. I don't know what I should do or think at this point. I really don't want things to be over between us because we have been friends for a long time and I still like him but as long as he is talking to his ex, it seems like he wants nothing to do with me. Should I even bother with someone that would treat me like this? He has never acted this way toward me until he started talking to her again, so I really think that he is a good person. I also don't get why his ex is still hanging out with him. He obviously wants to get back together with her but it seems like she is stringing him along. One of my friends thinks that it's because she found out about us and got jealous and she knows that by talking to him now, it prevents him from moving on...I don't know...
angelboots Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 ultimately coming from a girl who was stuck in a similar situation, cut him loose. for good. he is using you as he's back up option. Ask yourself this. Even if in the end he's ex did turn around and finalise their break up and he comes running back to you, would you be happy knowing that your only he's second choice because the first one fell through? Would you be worried he was still holding out hope that in the future she might change her mind and be willing to take him back? Would you be able to forgive the fact that in the past every time she showed him even a glimmer of hope that she might have changed her mind that he totally avoided you and didn't care about your feelings at all? I played the back up girl role for a year before I finally accepted that that was all I was. Now he is blocked from even contacting me as every time he does it only causes me pain and turns out to be because she isn't giving him the attention any more or is seeing someone else. You deserve better then to be settled for. We all do. Save yourself the pain and end it now. Show him you wont be played around with. Be strong.
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