How many dumpees look back at what they did in the early stages of the breakup and...

[hellon]

So, does it follow then that if I'D "really loved" HIM, I would've begged and pleaded? Or at least asked him to stay? Because I didn't, I just let him go.

 

You can't make anyone love you or stay with you, but I lost someone once before by being too shy, shut-down, and prideful to tell him how I felt. (We reconnected and reconciled later.) Sometimes people do leave because they don't know the other person cares. I've done it before. Some people are shy, scared. prideful, and not great emotional communicators, but they have other terrific qualities and are very loving once they feel secure in how the other feels. It's all very individual.

 

In this case, I am 98% sure that this guy is brave enough that if he loved me, he would've fought to let me know. And 95% sure that he probably knew how I felt, and didn't want to be in a relationship with me anyway. Hopefully, I've got it right and I'm sparing myself more grief and sparing him guilt by just letting it be. But the 2% and 5% of doubt really bother me.

 

For those people who cried and begged, the silver lining is that you know 100% the person knows how you feel, and chose to leave anyway. I don't think keeping dignity at all costs is automatically "better" than being honest and truthful. I think honesty and truthfulness open the door to deeper connections in the long run, and I feel like a lot of game-playing is advocated on these forums. I'm great at the game-playing and looking dignified...in fact, I don't even know whether I'm officially the "dumpee!" But I'm not so great at really connecting intimately with someone and sharing my heart with him, even if I love him. I kind of think people who call twenty times and say "I love you" and "please don't leave me" should be proud--when they do meet the right match, they won't lose that person out of being too cowardly to open up to them.

 

 

When my ex dumped me, I begged for a month after- I really tried everything. It didn't work, and after that, I pushed him away- he would tell me he missed me, loved me SO much, wanted to fix everything... I told him I missed us, really wanted us to see each other again, etc. BUT, I never replied with "I love you" or "I miss you," or "please just come back."

In the end, he gave up on me, moved on, and actually told me he had never really loved me...

And yet, I STILL beat myself up thinking that if I had just said the right thing at the right time, we would be together now. It's just one of those "what ifs" that I'll never really get the answer to.

 

But for you, if you're really that curious, what's keeping you from finding out? So you went NC, and that's usually the best route, but there are exceptions to every rule... you can also reach out to someone, without being a pathetic beggar. So why not contact him now, if you have that 2% and 5% doubt? The worst that could happen is that he confirms what you already think. Then, at least you have closure.

[Katt22]

My biggest wish is that I could have left with one ounce of dignity. He tried to dump me the first time in a text message while he was at work. I freaked out, mass called him and made him come home. By the time he arrived I was in a full blown panic attack. I cried and begged and pleaded, I hyperventilated and passed out on the bathroom floor.

 

He stayed with me for another month out of pure guilt. Every time he told me he loved me it tasted like a lie. I hate myself for not being strong enough to walk away, for not having one shred of self respect enough to not let him see me fall apart. I guess its all a learning experience.

 

I called him twice afterwards out of pure weakness, crying. He sounded happy, I died a little inside.

[otherfish]

I guess the way you exit a relationship depends on the person that you are with. My ex and I got into the smallest/stupidest of fights. She told me if I was going to have that attitude I could leave (she always takes this route). So, I packed my bag and left.....without really saying a word.

 

She is very controlling, selfish and tends to attempt to keep you in her box. I knew the only way I was ever going to penetrate her "walls" was if an argument ever did get to the point of a breakup I ABSOLUTELY could not beg and plead for her forgiveness and to stay together. I just simply walked out when she told me to. I have been NC for a bit over a month now and I wish I knew to the extent my silence has crushed her ego. It might sound harsh but if I want her back I have to make her understand that Iam my own person and cannot be controlled.

 

We were together.....2 1/2 years......

[Username37]

Looking back, I felt ****ing stupid.

 

It's almost a year now and I'm a totally new person.

 

We do crazy things when you're in love

[knathema]

it has only been 2 weeks, but i already felt ****ing stupid for doing it. Yet i still miss her. I pretty much did everything on that list.

[PelicanPete]

She broke up with you on a trip to see her family, where you could not leave other than to get a flight back home? WOW what a b!tch! Whatever her "reason" for wanting to end your relationship, unless you were beatiing the c*ap out of her or sexually assualting her I'm pretty sure it could have waited for two days until you were back home.

 

You dodged a bullet my friend, one day in the not too distant future you will suddenly realise this and be greatful you don;t have her in your life anymore.

 

hahaha yes, I did dodge a bullet although it didn't feel like it at the time. 4 months since our breakup and shes married the major downgrade that she left me for with them both being 20 years old. I don't think her parents or family were present for the wedding either, considering they got married on the other side of the country. I wasn't ready to get married yet so I think that was part of it

 

And no, I never abused her. She just didn't love or care about me anymore.

[nyc_guy2003]

When I broke up with the girl I dated before I met my wife, I

 

-cried in bed after getting her breakup email. Yes, breakup via email.

-sent her a long reply telling her how great she was and how we should stay friends yada yada yada and all she wrote back was "great thanks"

-snail mailed her a birthday card...4 days after getting dumped. No response.

-emailed her 3 weeks after that telling her about getting stuck in the cold rain and how I would've preferred to have been sleeping in her bed. No response.

 

In the grand scheme of things they weren't that embarrassing but I still should've tried to keep what little amount of dignity I had left after getting shown the door via electronic circuitry.