How many dumpees look back at what they did in the early stages of the breakup and...

March 23, 2011

How many dumpees look back at the early stages of the break-up and feel really pathetic. I mean, i thought about everything i did within the first week of being dumped, i felt so embarrassed, chucked for a bit and literally face-palmed.

In order of events i ;

Sat there while she was dumping me, looking as upset as possible hoping she would change her mind out of guilt.

Sent her a message the next day saying sorry for everything i did and that i hoped we could work something out, i also said "this is the last message i'll send you" obviously i lied.

Rang her the next day saying i was okay with the break-up, proceeded to offer to drive 45 minutes away to pick her up from the bus station.

Rang her again saying i needed to talk to her.

Typed out a literal 10 minute, pretty much english speech quality message which i practised learning off by heart.

Went and saw her, poured my heart out (10 minute speech)

Said things like "ill always love you and be there for you, trust your heart and you'll make the right descision."

Told her i was going to the other side of the country for a week and admitted it was because of how upset i was.

AFTER READING HER THE MESSAGE, i sent her pretty much exactly what i said to her in person along with "just in-case you forget something i said."

And then while i was away, i would sit there texting things into my phone that i was going to say to her, as i had decided i would call her straight away when i get back and ask her out to coffee.

And up till a few weeks ago, i pretty much analysed everything she did, taking them as signs that she still had feelings for me but couldn't admitt it.

Looking back at all this now, i feel so pathetic. I cannot believe i let myself go that low to try get back someone who didn't want me. What the hell was i thinking, if i did get her back, how freaking awkward would it be, i don't think it would have even lasted a few hours if my first tactic of "looking as upset as possible so she took me back out of guilt" would have worked. Anyone else in the same boat, was what i did as pathetic as what you did?

March 23, 2011

wow... yeah I hate thinking about that. I don't know, maybe its me but I think its especially pathetic when a woman begs for her ex to come back. So I never got to that low.

The last time I saw him was pretty bad though. I asked him to come meet me after I had been out wiht some friends. We talked about "us" and I told him I knew that I had made mistakes and I was willing to work on them. I tried to convince him that we should still be together and his response was "Yeah, I can be with you." not Yeah I WANT to be with you but I CAN be with you. Those words cut through me!! I asked him to take me back to my car. Since then I've sent him random texts which started up in conversations but never did I beg for him to come back. But still... I think the fact that I initiated these conversations is bad enough. I hate thinking that he thinks he has the upper hand. Seriously shameful.

March 23, 2011

Well i was soo broken the first like month of the breakup. That i put my self in therapy. Oh but that didnt stop me from pleading and begging. It was so sad. I got to where i could go days with out me contacting him, because of my therapist am sure. But it wasnt only me, he would email me and call me too. That went on for 4 months. The whole time he was dating and telling me all about it!!!Ya and i would listen to it just to be having contact I guess. Well the madness has stopped now.. We have had n/c for over 2 months and am soo much better now..Its true what they say. You can only really start to heal when you go N/C.

Edited March 23, 2011 by stopthemadness

March 23, 2011

Me!

Now I can laugh and shake my head like WOW Beeotch,were you serious???!!!

But it happens to the best of us...heartbreak makes you do crazy things. Hopefully I have learned a thing or two now though for next time (not that I am looking forward to any future heartbreaks, but if it should occur).

But the extent to which I chased my ex....omg...yeah right! Never again. Ofcourse I think it is natural to pursue why's and hows and so on. But esp if that person is being rude and arrogant, I will NEVER run after them. One thing I gained was more spiritual peace and awareness...which allows me now to be able to see the bigger picture and to surrender events to the Universe versus looking to the individual or myself. This helps a lot with managing things out of my control...so if it should occur again, I'd much quicker ask for the Universe to show me the way and handle it than to chase anyone down.

I must also add...pages and pages of lengthy emails to someone who doesn't even write back...OMG! Craziness...never again!

Edited March 23, 2011 by Beeotch

March 23, 2011

MEE!!! ahhaha I was the most pathetic in my entire life with this women. I regret it and I will never do that again. I think this is one experience I learned a lot from.

-she broke up with me

-I told her that I love her and if we could work it out and I want another chance

-I kept calling her and she at first answer my calls but then just ignored them . One day I called her like 400 times (in just one day!!!!) She answer one to tell me how pathetic I was being and that If I didn't have anything better to do than sit near a phone calling her.-she changed her phone number and house number-

-I drove two hours to go see her as ask her if she wants to work on our relationship (she said no and that she didn't love me).

-Left voicemails pouring out my heart while crying.

-Asked for the expensive things I gave to her back (but then just told her to keep them)

-called her while crying

-Attempted to kill myself and ended in the hospital.

-I was in a really dark place and started cutting myself

-Told her she is the only person I'll ever love and she can count on me for everything and I would do anything for her

- well there are more things but I can't think of more right now but this is a sum of the crazy ones. haha I was being a stalker, but, I don't know, its just at the time, it felt like if I didn't have this women I was better off dead.

Well now, looking back, I can see how crazy I must have been and what drove her away so quick. Like you, I tried to analyze everything she did but I failed to realize that she had cheated on me with multiple people while being together. I always but the blame on myself but Its not my fault, I realize now that she never truly loved me if she could do that.

I feel pathetic for what I did but at least I learned my lesson hard and I wont ever be making that retarded mistake ever again.

Edited March 23, 2011 by BlindRage

April 21, 2011

Honestly you guys are so lucky you even got to the stage where you can just look back and laugh. I'm still fresh out of the relationship and I still feel like running after him, especially at night when I'm thinking that he's spending late nights with some one new and I'm home alone crying. I have however managed to stop running after him and even though I feel like throwing myself at him it does make me feel good about my self that I finally did manage to get myself together and walk away.but that's just some times. I still miss him so much it hurts. But I just keep hoping that one day the tables will turn and I will be strong and independent and be able to walk away and not give a ****.

April 21, 2011

Well... when she dumped me i started to cry.... YES to cry in front of her, in hopes that she´ll change her mind... it doesn´t get any more pathetic than that... never again.

Next time someone dumps us the way to go is to have a poker face, repect their decision and never ever contact them again.. it´s their loss

April 21, 2011

Honestly you guys are so lucky you even got to the stage where you can just look back and laugh. I'm still fresh out of the relationship and I still feel like running after him, especially at night when I'm thinking that he's spending late nights with some one new and I'm home alone crying. I have however managed to stop running after him and even though I feel like throwing myself at him it does make me feel good about my self that I finally did manage to get myself together and walk away.but that's just some times. I still miss him so much it hurts. But I just keep hoping that one day the tables will turn and I will be strong and independent and be able to walk away and not give a ****.

Whats the point:

I can speak for a lot of us here, and we are not laughing that much, most of us are still in pain (otherwise we woulnd´t be in this site in the first place). When was your breakup? i´m assuming he dumped you isnt it?

Yes , in these situations our mind is our worst enemy... we always think the very worse possible scenario with or ex having so much fun, dating, having sex with other people and honestly sometimes that could make a person go totally insane. I won´t lie you have a long way ahead of you to total healing, i´m 7 months close to 8 since she dumped me and i´m nowere near to be fully healed, BUT i´m definetely getting better.

The one thing i can say for sure is to go FULL No Contact, i mean NO facebook, twitter, msn, bbm, texts , eliminate mutual friends as well (that´s usually were one sees the ex in painful pictures for us)... time for you to heal. Oh and no matter what DO NOT accept any offer to be "best friends" or any of that nonsense... do not take that bait.

You live in Nyc (that was my home for 7 years as well) go to central park, to the Met, realize that the world doesn´t revolve around your ex, and if you need get one or two books in barnes and noble to help you deal with a break up.

We are here, and this comunity is really good, you´ll be fine... believe me ... you´ll be fine.

Edited April 21, 2011 by ccfan

April 21, 2011

Oh man it was pretty pathetic. I'm just going to pretend the first couple days after the breakup never happened.

April 21, 2011

All of the above is nothing compared to what did. I openly wept in front of her mother and told her that her daughter was the only woman I had ever loved. It was a true statement but absolutely pathetic behaviour. I'm trying to get over my pathetic actions during the first two weeks after the break up as much as I'm trying to get over her.

April 21, 2011

Me!

Now I can laugh and shake my head like WOW Beeotch,were you serious???!!!

But it happens to the best of us...heartbreak makes you do crazy things. Hopefully I have learned a thing or two now though for next time (not that I am looking forward to any future heartbreaks, but if it should occur).

But the extent to which I chased my ex....omg...yeah right! Never again. Ofcourse I think it is natural to pursue why's and hows and so on. But esp if that person is being rude and arrogant, I will NEVER run after them. One thing I gained was more spiritual peace and awareness...which allows me now to be able to see the bigger picture and to surrender events to the Universe versus looking to the individual or myself. This helps a lot with managing things out of my control...so if it should occur again, I'd much quicker ask for the Universe to show me the way and handle it than to chase anyone down.

I must also add...pages and pages of lengthy emails to someone who doesn't even write back...OMG! Craziness...never again!

haha this is me!

count me in here. damn...just think of all the good stories we give them

April 21, 2011

All of the above is nothing compared to what did. I openly wept in front of her mother and told her that her daughter was the only woman I had ever loved. It was a true statement but absolutely pathetic behaviour. I'm trying to get over my pathetic actions during the first two weeks after the break up as much as I'm trying to get over her.

Oh man. At least you can admit that. I almost did that once a long time ago

April 21, 2011

Oh yeah... My breakup did not go well. He screwed around on me with his best friends little sister, who was a friend of mine. I moved all my things out and tried to be civil about it, then he would harrass me about "taking too long" to get moved out. I smashed his guitar and threw away alot of my belongings and I hate the way I handled things, looking back. I know I have a right to feel betrayed (and boy do I!) but I crossed lined that should not be crossed. Yesterday I attended this girl's father's funeral, mostly in support of her brother, but also to let her know that despite everything that was done, I want to step up to the plate and forgive and forget. I realized how many friends we still have in common and how ****ty I feel having them know I broke his guitar. I am feeling pretty much over all the emotional highs and lows, I felt worthless for so long. My ex's best friend is like a brother to me, he took me into his home when this happened and wanted to beat my ex's ass and screamed at his sister when it came out what was going on. I know now what a douchy POS my ex was and although I still have trust issues, I am in a good relationship now with a man I can see myself loving for years to come. I still regret that poor guitar.

April 21, 2011

Oh the humiliating things we do in the name of "love"...

Glad to hear I'm not the only one.

April 21, 2011

Oh God, I forgot about the note I left! "don't worry, guitars are like women, you'll find another." Shoot me...

April 21, 2011

In addition to a whole long list of pathetic behavior which includes begging, driving 4 hours just to see him and beg some more in person, telling him I hated him for six straight months after that, even when he was being nice, a not-so-healthy amount of stalking...

I told him I was getting married when I found out he had a new gf.

I don't even have a boyfriend.

April 22, 2011

AT THE primary stage of breakup, i applied for an exam and got myself busy reading self-help books

April 22, 2011

ughh, im pretty much guilty of a lot of pathetic post break up actions with my my ex that i felt were right, but now when i look back, i see them as pathetic, and i see her as she really is. i dodged a bullet. of course it hurts to think of the betrayal, but in the end, im the one who made out.

April 23, 2011

This sounds weird but, seven months after, I really regret not being MORE pathetic. I wanted to give him plenty of time and space to miss me, so I went No Contact right away, avoided seeing him. (He didn't contact me either.) When we ran into each other on the street, I played it cool. I was warm, friendly, and neutral, didn't say anything personal, and handled myself well.

I thought the universe would reward me for having some dignity. But now I wish I'd begged, pleaded, wept, whatever unattractive things I felt like doing, so I would be 100% sure he knew how I felt and was deciding to leave anyway.

In the past, when I was more of a pathetic disaster in how I acted with guys, they were all lured in and never wanted to leave me! I feel like not only in the breakup, but in the whole relationship, I lost out by not being shrill, manipulative, and weepy. I didn't feel as solid in myself when I acted those ways, but guys LOVED it. Not that I want to go back to acting those ways, ever. But, with this one, I wish I had NOT gone No Contact. I wish I'd gone to see him at work and told him I was in love with him and please give me another chance. All the things you're not supposed to do.

Yes, someone begging us to stay with them can be a little bit of a turn-off, but ultimately if we want a real, long-term relationship, we need to find someone who values other things about us (how we look and smell, how it feels to hold us close, our sense of humor, our uniqueness, the special feeling of connection we have together) MORE than whether or not we seem needy towards them in a bad moment while threatened with losing them.

I agree with people here who advocate No Contact as a tool for moving on out of the relationship. To get someone back, though, no. I wish I had NOT put my dignity above laying it on the line. Maybe if I'd made all those big mistakes, he would think I'm pathetic and desperate. But not making them certainly hasn't brought him back, and I don't feel any less pathetic and desperate. I think I feel more pathetic and desperate. Maybe nothing ever would've brought him back. In which case I would've rather pulled out all the stops. The only reason I didn't is that I didn't want to lose him more.

My friend got dumped around the same time I did. She begged and wept, and actually tried physically holding on to him while begging and weeping. And now he has come back to her.

April 23, 2011

You can't make anyone to love you or to stay with you. How about changing your thinking a little - he didn't beg and plead and what's not as well, although if he'd really loved you, he would've. Just read hundreds and hundreds of posts here - losing love is such a painful experience, people are willing to do anything to get their partners back.

Let him to remember you as a woman who walked away with respect and dignity. Most of relationships don't work out. But you don't have to hit the rock bottom and start hating myself for all the pathetic things you've done...in vain. Your friend won't keep her partner for long. If he wants out, he'll be out...its like a time bomb. He may be just sitting around and waiting for someone better to show up...is this what you want for yourself? Good luck.

April 23, 2011

You can't make anyone to love you or to stay with you. How about changing your thinking a little - he didn't beg and plead and what's not as well, although if he'd really loved you, he would've. Just read hundreds and hundreds of posts here - losing love is such a painful experience, people are willing to do anything to get their partners back.

Let him to remember you as a woman who walked away with respect and dignity. Most of relationships don't work out. But you don't have to hit the rock bottom and start hating myself for all the pathetic things you've done...in vain. Your friend won't keep her partner for long. If he wants out, he'll be out...its like a time bomb. He may be just sitting around and waiting for someone better to show up...is this what you want for yourself? Good luck.

This is spot on.... nothing really much to add, if they didn´t want us, all the begging in the world would only change the situation for the worse, better to walk away with our dignity... it´s hell on earth i know and although it´s been 8 months since she dumped me and i´m still suffering, a lot, i prefer to keep my dignity at al times ...

Edited April 23, 2011 by ccfan

April 23, 2011

I broke down when she first broke up with me, mostly because she broke up with me after we just got to her parents house and I had no support. I had to spend an entire day there after the breakup with a lot of her family there which was pretty uncomfortable, too shocked to eat or sleep but I wasn't a complete mess . I held strong through the entire flight and drive home. Complete wreck for two weeks and sent her about 3 emails saying I needed to talk to her. She eventually got back to me and said some pretty hurtful things which gave me the strength to go NC. I did a few things wrong but I was a breakup noob . I just try to forget it ever happened.

April 23, 2011

I broke down when she first broke up with me, mostly because she broke up with me after we just got to her parents house and I had no support. I had to spend an entire day there after the breakup with a lot of her family there which was pretty uncomfortable, too shocked to eat or sleep but I wasn't a complete mess . I held strong through the entire flight and drive home. Complete wreck for two weeks and sent her about 3 emails saying I needed to talk to her. She eventually got back to me and said some pretty hurtful things which gave me the strength to go NC. I did a few things wrong but I was a breakup noob . I just try to forget it ever happened.

She broke up with you on a trip to see her family, where you could not leave other than to get a flight back home? WOW what a b!tch! Whatever her "reason" for wanting to end your relationship, unless you were beatiing the c*ap out of her or sexually assualting her I'm pretty sure it could have waited for two days until you were back home.

You dodged a bullet my friend, one day in the not too distant future you will suddenly realise this and be greatful you don;t have her in your life anymore.

April 25, 2011

You can't make anyone to love you or to stay with you. How about changing your thinking a little - he didn't beg and plead and what's not as well, although if he'd really loved you, he would've.

So, does it follow then that if I'D "really loved" HIM, I would've begged and pleaded? Or at least asked him to stay? Because I didn't, I just let him go.

You can't make anyone love you or stay with you, but I lost someone once before by being too shy, shut-down, and prideful to tell him how I felt. (We reconnected and reconciled later.) Sometimes people do leave because they don't know the other person cares. I've done it before. Some people are shy, scared. prideful, and not great emotional communicators, but they have other terrific qualities and are very loving once they feel secure in how the other feels. It's all very individual.

In this case, I am 98% sure that this guy is brave enough that if he loved me, he would've fought to let me know. And 95% sure that he probably knew how I felt, and didn't want to be in a relationship with me anyway. Hopefully, I've got it right and I'm sparing myself more grief and sparing him guilt by just letting it be. But the 2% and 5% of doubt really bother me.

For those people who cried and begged, the silver lining is that you know 100% the person knows how you feel, and chose to leave anyway. I don't think keeping dignity at all costs is automatically "better" than being honest and truthful. I think honesty and truthfulness open the door to deeper connections in the long run, and I feel like a lot of game-playing is advocated on these forums. I'm great at the game-playing and looking dignified...in fact, I don't even know whether I'm officially the "dumpee!" But I'm not so great at really connecting intimately with someone and sharing my heart with him, even if I love him. I kind of think people who call twenty times and say "I love you" and "please don't leave me" should be proud--when they do meet the right match, they won't lose that person out of being too cowardly to open up to them.

April 25, 2011

You know, as a person, I may come of to some people as COCKY, ARROGANT, Flashy and all of that.

But I also look back on what I did during the first few months of the breakup, and think to myself as "wow I was pathetic" this just shows that love can change you, and can't make you act ways that you never would, ways that you would criticize another person for.

I use to call over and over, beg, make Ultimatums to get a response, cry, fake cry, trying to talk sad. I mean I did everything you would think that would get a person back, however the only things that worked were the opposite.

If I would act as if im over her, that would get her attention, or act like a jerk that would work, but in the end I was still no threat towards the new guy.

Geesh, im embarrassed over all the stuff I did to attempt to get my ex back.

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How many dumpees look back at what they did in the early stages of the breakup and...

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