gynerz Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 So I'm not perfect. This is the first time I have posted a thread. I am a 25 year old female with borderline sexual addiction. I have a boyfriend who knows nothing about my problem, I have been able to hide it from him for the four years we have been together. Needless to say, I have not been faithful to him. It is a terrible thing to say, but I constantly need the attention of men. Not necessarily sex, but just the game and the attention. Well, I started talking to a guy that lives in my hometown (3 hours away). We actually went to high school together. The worst thing is we have fallen in love and he knows I am in a committed relationship and wants me to break it off and be with him. The only thing that matters anymore is being with him. This is the man I would never cheat on. I haven't felt this way about someone for many many years, and I am truly lovesick. The main commitment to my boyfriend is financial. We own a house together. It would be fairly easy to part ways, but I am afraid of it not working out with the other man. I don't want to ruin my life I have here to find out it won't work between us. My man back home would also never leave the area, so we have a conflict of interest as far as living arrangements. Any advice? I am the happiest person in the world with the new man, but I don't want to lose my best friend and my current boyfriend. He would flip out and probably try to harm me if I told him the truth. He has made some vague comments before, and I don't even want to test the waters until I am completely sure. Any advice?
Bryanp Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I am curious how you would feel if the roles were reversed and your boyfriend was doing to you what you have been doing to him? You are deluding yourself because there is no way they both can remain in your life. If you really have a sexual addition it will only stop in the short term. You need to seek out therapy. You sound extremely selfish and self-destructive. Please seek out therapy so you do not hurt yourself and hurt others in the process. I wish you luck.
P&R Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 If you want everything you will end up with nothing at all. You cannot have them both, you must choose. Honestly I don't think you should even be in a relationship judging by what you're saying. This will be a continuing cycle unless you get help, and you will not only be hurting yourself but other people in the process. This new guy will probably only fulfill your desires for so long, and then the cycle will continue once again. You will just end up hurting, and potentially destorying peoples lives. Cheating REALLY affects people in terrible ways, and it usually stays with them for a very long time.
jnj express Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 You haven't felt what way in many many years---you are only 25---you haven't even faced many many years You have probably been hooked up since mid High School The best thing you could do for yourself---is to break both relationships---date both of the guys---if they wanna know why --tell them you are too young for all this committed crap----tell them you wanna sow your wild oats---tell them you wanna experience life---so just go out and have a good time meanwhile unhook yourself on your house commitment--sell and split the profits----do not tie your money up with anyone else till you marry take your time about commitment, and go enjoy life
PegNosePete Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 You are not healthy to be in any kind of committed relationship. You need to break it off with all the guys and just be single, until you can make a proper commitment. If that means therapy or counselling or treatment or whatever, then do it. It's not fair on these guys to lie and cheat. It will end badly for them and for you.
Chi townD Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 You say that if you were with the guy from your home town that you know you wouldn't cheat on him. You also state that you have a sexual addiction. So, don't kid yourself, yes you will. Hell, you're already cheating on your current boyfriend and I'm sure that you thought the same thing when you started the relationship with him; "this is the one, I'll never cheat on him." If you know he will get violent if he knew the truth, then get out now! Because, I don't care how good you are about covering your tracks, he's gonna find out. He might already suppect something isn't right already. I agree with everyone else. You need to stop BOTH relationships and fix yourself.
oldguy Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 You say that if you were with the guy from your home town that you know you wouldn't cheat on him. You also state that you have a sexual addiction. So, don't kid yourself, yes you will. Hell, you're already cheating on your current boyfriend and I'm sure that you thought the same thing when you started the relationship with him; "this is the one, I'll never cheat on him." If you know he will get violent if he knew the truth, then get out now! Because, I don't care how good you are about covering your tracks, he's gonna find out. He might already suppect something isn't right already. I agree with everyone else. You need to stop BOTH relationships and fix yourself. EXACTLY! thank you.
mark982 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 sure as poo-poo stinks you'll cheat on the other guy, don't kid yourself or us
Kelemort Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Imagine you head off to be with this new guy back in your hometown. On the one hand, he treats you very well, welcomes you into his home, gives you all the sex you want. On the other hand, maybe he wines you and dines you the first week. Then he's cheating on you, flirting with others, hitting you, never paying attention to you, etc. The grass always looks greener on the other side, but let's be realistic here. If you ONLY stay with your boyfriend because of the money, it's a sad relationship to start with. If you're thinking of straying because you have the delusion that things are going to be much better or necessarily more fulfilling, you have to ask yourself why. Is there any basis for that belief? It could just as well go bad. You need to get this resolved, because let's be honest here - this is just going to go up in fire and brimstone for you. You will inevitably lose both of these men (how much respect can this guy have for relationships anyway when he's chasing another woman who is in a relationship? I'd never entertain the flirting of someone in a relationship. Frankly, it would repulse me) and maybe fracture your chances of finding a steady relationship again in the future. Approach your boyfriend now and let him know about your problem. And then get treatment for it.
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