Gironbachs Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 broke up in July - stopped seeing her first week of September. We exchanged some texts like 1st week of November and she told me point blank she wasn't interested and to accept it. I did (maybe not in my heart) I defriended her on FB - the whole deal. We have a lot of mutual friends in town personally and professionally - so her name pops up occasionally. It was painful everytime. I think about her every day. I figured if she really wanted to get in touch with me , she would. She called me tonight. We talked, like a catching up sort of session. I asked her why she called me and she said she had been feeling down and had a bad day and just wanted someone to talk to. No mushy declarations of love were exchanged - we made tentaive plans to go see play this coming weekend. I haven't really healed from the breakup. On some levels I feel like it hasn't gotten any easier at all. I still love her. What did she want? is this 'crumbs'? Like I said, it was left open-ended like a "well I'll let you go, talk to you later, etc, etc, I'm really confused now - I don't know what my next move is gonna be. Part of really wants to rebuff her,be strong and move on - but part of me just wants to run to her. I don't even know what the possible outcome could be as no one has laid out any card on the table. The wolverine with sharp claws trapped in my belly has returned. No idea what to so next
timchambo Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 My take. She misses you and has for a while. It bothered her enough to finally break the ice and call. I wouldn't read into it any more than that. I'm sure at some point you guys were best friends and she misses her best friend. As far as romantic interest goes who knows. If you meet with her this weekend I would shy away from any of that talk. Keep your expectations low man, though I have no idea how I would be able to keep my emotions in check. I would probably blow my ex off if this happened to me. Then again my ex is scantless.
Chi townD Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Breadcrumbs... She even stated that she had a bad day and needed someone to talk to. SO, in my opinion, she used you to feel a little better and that's it. If you do go to the play with her, I would keep my guard up. Sounding like she wants to put you in the friend zone!
2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 (edited) I think some people are being a bit brutal about this recontact by the ex, they're not going to phone and say Hi I want you back because they are not sure if you have really moved on or are dating someone else first so they are fishing. It is worse when these types of convos are left open-ended, but you could wait and see if she contacts again, might be an idea to say well give me a shout later on byee when ending the contact and see if she gets back. Were you best friends, who broke it off, why did you break up and how long were you together? Did you have any contact after the BU at all and what was her attitude towards you if you did have any contact after BU? From what you say she sounded kind of nonchalant? 2011 Edited March 23, 2011 by 2011
Breayanna Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Listen to yourself say... The wolverine with sharp claws is back.... Do you want a love that is a wolverine? Or involves one? You don't need to settle for it if you choose not to. You could choose to go the whole way now and amputate that one once and for all. Let go. You've already taken some major ground in that direction. Just some thoughts....
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geegirl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 broke up in July - stopped seeing her first week of September. We exchanged some texts like 1st week of November and she told me point blank she wasn't interested and to accept it. I did (maybe not in my heart) I defriended her on FB - the whole deal. We have a lot of mutual friends in town personally and professionally - so her name pops up occasionally. It was painful everytime. I think about her every day. I figured if she really wanted to get in touch with me , she would. She called me tonight. We talked, like a catching up sort of session. I asked her why she called me and she said she had been feeling down and had a bad day and just wanted someone to talk to. No mushy declarations of love were exchanged - we made tentaive plans to go see play this coming weekend. I haven't really healed from the breakup. On some levels I feel like it hasn't gotten any easier at all. I still love her. What did she want? is this 'crumbs'? Like I said, it was left open-ended like a "well I'll let you go, talk to you later, etc, etc, I'm really confused now - I don't know what my next move is gonna be. Part of really wants to rebuff her,be strong and move on - but part of me just wants to run to her. I don't even know what the possible outcome could be as no one has laid out any card on the table. The wolverine with sharp claws trapped in my belly has returned. No idea what to so next I think it's selfish. As a dumper, you know that the person you dumped was and probably still is emotionally hurt or recovering from the break up. How do you not stop to think and wonder what your contact could do to that person? Find someone else to nag about your bad day. Not the person you know was and is probably still hurting. She put her needs first before she thought about you. And her reasoning for contact is because she was having a bad day and needed someone to talk to??? If after this talk, she then comes back with something more significant pertaining to your R, then you can decide if it is worth pursuing. But let her make all the moves. You sit back and keep on doing what you've been doing. Anything more in the form of "i'm having a bad day, waaaahhh, make me feel better" should keep you sticking to your guns and moving forward with your life. You said part of you wants to run to her. What will you be running to? So you run to her, then what? She's just given you breadcrumbs. Not worth running to. Rebuff, be strong and move on. You can be friends with her when you are totally healed, if she/you are missing the friendship.
robinseggblue Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I think you should go to the play, but be very guarded. Having said that, I think that there has to be some sort of giving on your side as well, so that there is mutual attraction. If you play it too cool, nothings gonna get going, if you know what I mean. I am one to talk, because I always tend to play it cool as I am scared, yet I suspect from what I read here on LS that you can't be so scared if you're going to go ahead on a date with her. Only you know in your heart what you should do. Personally, I think you only live once, and if you love her, (keeping in mind how hard love is to find) you should go and see what happens. I know a lot of people say to stay guarded, and will advise you not to go, however, if you think you can handle it... All in all, yes, it will hurt if she is not interested in more, and you are---but honestly, are you going to die? Hurt is hurt and nothing more. It is a VERY painful emotion, but it is not death. I for one, think it makes you feel alive. Pained, hurt, sad, depressed --yes---but alive. Would you be doing anything differently in life, if you weren't still in love with her? If the answer is yes, then perhaps you should rethink seeing her again, but if the answer is no, I think you should go. In other words, if she is still affecting your life so much that you can't get out and date others, or are stagnating, then it is probably too soon to see her. Just my take of course. There will be many who believe the opposite, as always.
lolo1234 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 My thoughts... Breadcrumbs Don't run to her -- please just don't appear like you're dying to have her back in your life. You will drive her away with your neediness. She might have had a bad day and wanted to get some attention that would make her feel better. Something to boost her self-esteem.
danrs Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 (edited) I'd say that IF reconcilliation is on her mind, you're in an ideal spot, if you don't blow it. Contacting you to talk after 4 or 5 months of NC? It may be absolutely nothing more than what she said, but it may be more. Only she knows right now. But don't blow it by having hopes it is any more than a simple get together to catch up though. Have no expectations, and that way you won't be disappointed. I wouldn't take the "had a bad day, wanted to talk" thing as a breadcrumb necessarily. She may want something. It may be just an ego stroking (breadcrumb), it could be she feels enough time has passed to pursue a friendship (okay if you can handle it), or it could be she's beginning to regret her decision....MAYBE. Sounds like possibly "fishing", but there's no way for you to know that now. DON'T get your hopes up. See her. Let her lead the conversation. Do not bring up ANYTHING about the relationship (please don't, you'll ruin a chance if it's there). She needs to bring this up, not you. And if she does, do not jump at the chance. Be yourself, be funny, confident, and friendly. You should know by the end of the night if she's fishing for more or not. Then you can decide if you want more, or if you're comfortable with less (friend zone) at this point. If you feel you can't keep your mouth shut about the past, it's too soon, and I wouldn't do it. Talk about the past can come later, if and after a reconcilliation process has started. Do not push for conversation about reconcilliation. She must lead the conversation, if it is to happen, and you must appear as though you're indifferent about it. You need to appear as yourself. Treat her like a sister you haven't seen in a while. Just have catch up, converse, have fun, and leave it at that. Doing so should put you in a very attractive light to her. Even if she has no desire to reconcile now, it could plant the seeds to make her re-think her decision in the future. If she does want more, DO NOT jump at the chance. That would be the worst mistake you could make. If she can make the leap to mention it, you "need a little time to think about it". it's out there then, and she'll go back from a nice evening wondering if you're going to call her. She needs to walk away from this meeting with a very real doubt about if you'll take her back or not (again, if that's what this is). Good luck. Edited March 23, 2011 by danrs
Beeotch Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 (edited) broke up in July - stopped seeing her first week of September. We exchanged some texts like 1st week of November and she told me point blank she wasn't interested and to accept it. I did (maybe not in my heart) I defriended her on FB - the whole deal. We have a lot of mutual friends in town personally and professionally - so her name pops up occasionally. It was painful everytime. I think about her every day. I figured if she really wanted to get in touch with me , she would. She called me tonight. We talked, like a catching up sort of session. I asked her why she called me and she said she had been feeling down and had a bad day and just wanted someone to talk to. No mushy declarations of love were exchanged - we made tentaive plans to go see play this coming weekend. I haven't really healed from the breakup. On some levels I feel like it hasn't gotten any easier at all. I still love her. What did she want? is this 'crumbs'? Like I said, it was left open-ended like a "well I'll let you go, talk to you later, etc, etc, I'm really confused now - I don't know what my next move is gonna be. Part of really wants to rebuff her,be strong and move on - but part of me just wants to run to her. I don't even know what the possible outcome could be as no one has laid out any card on the table. The wolverine with sharp claws trapped in my belly has returned. No idea what to so next I can empathize, as I have been there. The good news is that these feelings are how you're supposed to feel. It doesn't make it any easier, I know, but atleast you can rest assured that no you're not pathetic, no you're not a fool, no you're not some crazy person who can't get over their ex; but you are going through the NORMAL process....and with any process, there is a beginning, middle and end. You seem to be somewhere in the middle, closer to the beginning...and you have a ways to go. I can't put a time frame on when you will be over it...but with each day, you'll get closer It is also normal, albeit torturous, that exes do sometimes come back and you have a wonderful time together and "reconnect" on some level...then all your hopes of a reunion return and fill you with dread, anxiety, hope, fear, unnerved etc. Happened with me and my ex on several occasions...it always left me more anxious when he did show up than when we were in NC. I still thought of him during NC but I felt fine holding my ground and going with the flow. When he showed up (texted me, called, asked to hang out etc) that is when I LOST IT! I didn't know what to think, feel, do, didn't want to make a mistake...wanted to give him a chance and run to him and be comforted but also wanted to be guarded and tell him to eff off. However, I am here to tell you, 2 years post, having moved on....you do make it through! My friend and I always say "The universe will align"....meaning, you don't have to know what to do, as things will work themselves out. They ALWAYS do! When I worried about what to do when my ex showed up....I got sooo worked up and usually things faded away and he disappeared on his own again. Likewise, if it is "meant to be"...events will transpire in such a way as to bring you together. My ex came back several times after months of not speaking, after getting new gfs and each time I felt like we must be meant to be or something because why else would he keep coming back when he has all this other stuff going on in his life....I also at the time wanted him back despite his bull, I figured we could "fix" it then ride off together. Today, we are still not together and what's better is I have NO desire for that, I am happily in-like with someone else who I actually want to be with (whereas before it would be more of a distraction and me comparing them to the ex, gladly tossing them aside if he were to show up), I am indifferent to him and his life and can look back and shake my head and laugh at how I saw things/felt before. I actually initially came back to LS to find my old posts when things were fresh to compare with now and see my progress. While going through it there seems to be NO relief and you just want a pill to take for it to go away... Been there and I feel that way now about other things in my life. But coming out on the other side after almost 2 years of it...and that breakup being the most traumatic of my life...I KNOW I can and will survive anything no matter how tedious it is now and that life's lessons are usually wrapped up in chaos and we often don't see the point until we go through it and come out reborn so to speak. It is all for a reason and when you focus on your growth versus gaining love and affection from this other person...things accelerate from my experience. Naturally, you usually focus on this other person and feeling like them coming back will "fix" your world...but overtime once you realize such isn't the case and focus on you and what you can control in your world....things look up and get better more quickly. Goodluck to you. You will be just fine and things will align. Edited March 23, 2011 by Beeotch
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