Myth about women over 30

[lino]

Before meeting my current girlfriend, I went out with a handful of women over 30 (right now I'm nearly 29 myself) and I noticed 2 major things different between them & younger females.

 

One is that they prioritise the man's career/income/status above everything else.

 

Secondly, The majority of them had been in at least one failed very serious relationship or engagement prior to being involved with me and judged everything about me in a direct comparison to their ex serious partner/fiance.

 

I thought both these traits were pathetic and unfair & greatly turned me off older women who I'd previously thought would be easier to deal with than younger ones.

I'm now in my first ever serious relationship with a girl who is a year younger than me.

 

 

I don't do divorcees and/or single mums so thankfully never had to deal with their even heavier baggage!

[Els]

Simple; I go after girls with common interests versus just looks. As long as the girl is cute enough, which I'm sure you were because you never mentioned yourself being overweight and most young women are cute.

 

The whole reason I took the time to get to know my most recent crush, is because she had this on her backpack. She also turned out to be a huge gamer.

 

So it's cute enough, plus common interests, plus how we get along.

 

 

Fair enough. Also, myself at 18 would have agreed to your date invitation, from what I can tell about you over this board, although with the relationship experience I now have under my belt I would realize that we wouldn't be a good match.

[Chicago_Guy]

I posted this in another thread but am curious about your thoughts.

 

Women over 30 are supposed to have limited dating options.

 

I do understand about biological clock but what if you don't care about having kids?

 

My theory is, that at any age there will be a pool of men of similar age to choose from. Sure, some will prefer 20 year olds, but there is still quite a substantial number of men that care about the connection and woul def consider or even prefer a woman of similar age.

 

Another thing is, I think that beauty fades for both sexes as they age. Many men age quite badly (bald, gray hairs, large gut etc etc).

 

I am not experiencing shortage of options and I am 32 (of course I am just one data point).

 

Agree or disagree?

 

If you are looking to get married, your potential pool of men will almost certainly decrease when you get to 35+ as some men may view you as an unsuitable pregnancy risk.

[Eternal Sunshine]

If you are looking to get married, your potential pool of men will almost certainly decrease when you get to 35+ as some men may view you as an unsuitable pregnancy risk.

 

 

I don't care for getting married and having kids that much, I care more for finding a good relationship and just being happy.

 

If I were ever to get married, stars would have to be perfectly aligned and there would have to be no doubt in my mind that I am absolutely 100% in love and committed.

 

In my 32 years, I have never felt that way about anyone and I doubt that I ever will.

[Eeyore79]

I don't expect a woman to lower her standards standards for me, you can't make anyone do anything, but it makes for valid topic as to why some people, both men and women, who are chronically and keep themselves single indefinately.

 

I had a very candid conversation with a friend who's 30 and has never had a girlfriend. He said he aspired to date women who were 10's in terms of attractiveness, and had no desire to pass the time with less attractive women while waiting for this perfect 10 to come along. Of course, that's assuming that there will eventually be a 10 who wants to date him!

 

I put this to him, and he was completely unable to accept the possibility that there might never be a 10 who wants him - he had the mindset that if he waited long enough she would eventually show up. When I suggested that he might not be attractive enough to ever date a 10, he simply insisted that he would improve himself until he was attractive enough. I pointed out that there's a limit to how much someone can improve themselves, and he still might never be attractive enough for a 10 - he refused to accept this. He wants a 10 and refuses to settle for anything less; meanwhile there are a bunch of quite decent 5's who would happily date him.

 

I will never understand why people feel entitled to have someone who's more attractive than themselves, simply because they "want the best". That attitude works for material possessions which have no choice about who owns them, but when the other party has a choice, you have to be realistic about who is likely to choose you. I guess people have this mindset of "The American Dream" - you can have the best of everything if you work hard enough for it - but it doesn't really apply to dating.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Eyeore,

 

One of my brother's friends is 29 and never had a gf. He also only wants the perfect looking girl. He likes skinny, petite blondes with big boobs and perfect faces. While he is waiting, he chooses to sleep with prostitutes that look like his ideal girl. To him, that's better than settling for a 6 or a 7. Realistically, he is very average looking and should be happy with a 5.

 

Too bad he is going to die alone.

[Eeyore79]

One of my brother's friends is 29 and never had a gf. He also only wants the perfect looking girl.

 

It seems to happen quite often among men. I don't know any women who behave the same way

[irc333]

Indeed, I remember this Myspace blog from a woman that lives in my rural area/community. (Acutally this area is a wide spanse of towns that are all small towns and cities where people hire their family members at municipatlies, lol)

 

Anyhow, there's this rather attractive early 30 something that lives in such a town near me, she had a nice bikini photo of her laying out at the beach, she wasn't doing a sexy pose or anything sleezy, not in shape, but very curvy.

 

She had a few blogs up about her chronic single-dom. She had a post where her friends were pestering her about being boyfriend-less...she doesn't even DATE apparently. She works at a Walgreens or some corner chainstore.

 

Apparently, her friends and family had been hasslin' about this, and she felt free to blog about it.

 

She was stating, "Why do people have a hard time gasping I don't want to waste time with a guy I'm not interested on going out on a date with, when I know he isn't THE ONE."

 

Now, to clarify, this woman won't even go out on A (one) date, unless she KNOWS the guy is her "one and only".

 

So remains dateless often times.

 

She even blogged about how it sucks that plumbers are portrayed on TV as hot dudes with 6 pack abs, but when she hires a plumber, he's some fat older guy with plumber crack. lol

 

So the pattern of her blogs tell her about her superficial nature, and it doesn't help matters much, because the kind of man SHE's looking for, at least geographically desirable (in her area), are already married or spoken for. Small towns are notorious for the beautiful people coupling up during their Highschool years, marrying, and then having families.

 

So, in essence, she's up a "S's" creek without a paddle.

--

 

There was also another woman in the same area, on a dating site, no joke her TITLE read, "Perfect 9, seeks the same" or something to that affect.

 

At least she sees herself as a "9" though. But, to be honest, she was a very attractive school teacher (actually wish we had teachers like her growing up, lol) Single mom. So maybe she had good reason to have those expecations, because, well, she's a hottie herself.

 

I'm finding attractive women in small towns are doing dreadfully poorly when it comes to dating prospects, because all they have to choose from are the toothless, elderly, and some left overs who wound up staying single, average Joes who missed the boat in marrying younger. (Some leave, and then come back to their home town, after college, being laid off in another city, or simply wanting to back near family)

 

 

 

I had a very candid conversation with a friend who's 30 and has never had a girlfriend. He said he aspired to date women who were 10's in terms of attractiveness, and had no desire to pass the time with less attractive women while waiting for this perfect 10 to come along. Of course, that's assuming that there will eventually be a 10 who wants to date him!

 

I put this to him, and he was completely unable to accept the possibility that there might never be a 10 who wants him - he had the mindset that if he waited long enough she would eventually show up. When I suggested that he might not be attractive enough to ever date a 10, he simply insisted that he would improve himself until he was attractive enough. I pointed out that there's a limit to how much someone can improve themselves, and he still might never be attractive enough for a 10 - he refused to accept this. He wants a 10 and refuses to settle for anything less; meanwhile there are a bunch of quite decent 5's who would happily date him.

 

I will never understand why people feel entitled to have someone who's more attractive than themselves, simply because they "want the best". That attitude works for material possessions which have no choice about who owns them, but when the other party has a choice, you have to be realistic about who is likely to choose you. I guess people have this mindset of "The American Dream" - you can have the best of everything if you work hard enough for it - but it doesn't really apply to dating.

Edited March 29, 2011 by irc333

[EasyHeart]

It seems to happen quite often among men. I don't know any women who behave the same way

This was sarcastic, right? Most of the single women I meet in their 30s are either incredibly picky (must be over 6'2", must own a house on a lake, must have an Olympic medal) or incredibly unpicky (falls in "love" with every ONS who picks her up in a bar).

[irc333]

Yeah, you must not be around women much, or you're just not talking about their dating stories.

 

lol

 

 

This was sarcastic, right? Most of the single women I meet in their 30s are either incredibly picky (must be over 6'2", must own a house on a lake, must have an Olympic medal) or incredibly unpicky (falls in "love" with every ONS who picks her up in a bar).

[somedude81]

Fair enough. Also, myself at 18 would have agreed to your date invitation, from what I can tell about you over this board, although with the relationship experience I now have under my belt I would realize that we wouldn't be a good match.

Yay, that's at least one more date for my books.

One of my brother's friends is 29 and never had a gf. He also only wants the perfect looking girl.

 

It seems to happen quite often among men. I don't know any women who behave the same way

Those are the women who get into a FWB situation and hope that the guy will come around.

 

The only difference between them and the guys is that the the women who do it actually get to have sex with the men who are out of their league.

 

It isn't any less foolish, may actually be more so.

[Eeyore79]

This was sarcastic, right? Most of the single women I meet in their 30s are either incredibly picky (must be over 6'2", must own a house on a lake, must have an Olympic medal) or incredibly unpicky (falls in "love" with every ONS who picks her up in a bar).

 

I think most women do date, even if the guy is less than ideal. She will probably date the non-ideal guy and trade him in for a better option when one comes along. I don't know any women who stay 100% single while waiting for Mr Perfect.

[somedude81]

I think most women dodate, even if the guy is less than ideal. She will probably date the non-ideal guy and trade him in for a better option when one comes along. I don't know any women who stay 100% single while waiting for Mr Perfect.

I do.

 

In a separate group are the women who are in FWB with Mr. Perfect hopping that he will come around and want to date her.

 

Until then they ignore everybody else.

[Woggle]

This was sarcastic, right? Most of the single women I meet in their 30s are either incredibly picky (must be over 6'2", must own a house on a lake, must have an Olympic medal) or incredibly unpicky (falls in "love" with every ONS who picks her up in a bar).

 

This is sort of true. A man either has to be a complete scumbag or be superman. Regular guys doing our best to make it in this world tend to have it the hardest.

[Woggle]

I think most women do date, even if the guy is less than ideal. She will probably date the non-ideal guy and trade him in for a better option when one comes along. I don't know any women who stay 100% single while waiting for Mr Perfect.

 

This is actually worse. It is better to stay single than use innocent people as placeholders until something better comes along.

[somedude81]

This is actually worse. It is better to stay single than use innocent people as placeholders until something better comes along.

Meh, I'd rather be a place holder than be ignored. As long as I actually get something out of the experience.

[SummersEve]

Interesting post. I am well into my forties and married, but yes I definitely hear there is a man shortage for the older ladies.

 

I figure it's paybacks for when we were young and cute and too snotty to bother with the guys our own ages, lol.

 

Still, it doesn't mean you can't find anybody if you're an older woman. You can always work with what you've got to increase your odds. And then if you want to couple up, all you need is one. Otherwise, plenty of guys would probably have sex with you even if you were an old hag. I'm not worried about it.

 

I think in the thirties there are less singles out there. A large percentage are married and a lot of the ones who are now have extra baggage, kids or bitterness. It makes sense that it would get harder.

 

And then when you get into the forties an beyond, once you've already done the marriage, house, kids thing, a lot of people of both sexes might prefer to just have "friends" and keep their freedom. Maybe they don't feel a burning need to couple up like they did in their twenties. Been there, done that, yanno. So it could be that the ones who are so picky know they're not "10s" but still don't want to bother if it's not somebody they were wild over. Just a thought.

[GivenUp0083]

She had a few blogs up about her chronic single-dom. She had a post where her friends were pestering her about being boyfriend-less...she doesn't even DATE apparently. She works at a Walgreens or some corner chainstore.

Apparently, her friends and family had been hasslin' about this, and she felt free to blog about it.

 

Now, to clarify, this woman won't even go out on A (one) date, unless she KNOWS the guy is her "one and only".

 

So remains dateless often times.

 

She even blogged about how it sucks that plumbers are portrayed on TV as hot dudes with 6 pack abs, but when she hires a plumber, he's some fat older guy with plumber crack. lol

 

So the pattern of her blogs tell her about her superficial nature, and it doesn't help matters much, because the kind of man SHE's looking for, at least geographically desirable (in her area), are already married or spoken for.

 

I'm finding attractive women in small towns are doing dreadfully poorly when it comes to dating prospects, because all they have to choose from are the toothless, elderly, and some left overs who wound up staying single, average Joes who missed the boat in marrying younger. (Some leave, and then come back to their home town, after college, being laid off in another city, or simply wanting to back near family)

 

You really sound like you KNOW these women as you happen to know a lot about them despite never meeting them....

 

Can anyone else spell "stalker"?

[irc333]

Well, if you're going to open your blog up for the entire world to see, how is that stalking? It's her choice to air out her laundry online.

 

You really sound like you KNOW these women as you happen to know a lot about them despite never meeting them....

 

Can anyone else spell "stalker"?

[Untouchable_Fire]

I had a very candid conversation with a friend who's 30 and has never had a girlfriend. He said he aspired to date women who were 10's in terms of attractiveness, and had no desire to pass the time with less attractive women while waiting for this perfect 10 to come along. Of course, that's assuming that there will eventually be a 10 who wants to date him!

I put this to him, and he was completely unable to accept the possibility that there might never be a 10 who wants him - he had the mindset that if he waited long enough she would eventually show up. When I suggested that he might not be attractive enough to ever date a 10, he simply insisted that he would improve himself until he was attractive enough. I pointed out that there's a limit to how much someone can improve themselves, and he still might never be attractive enough for a 10 - he refused to accept this. He wants a 10 and refuses to settle for anything less; meanwhile there are a bunch of quite decent 5's who would happily date him.

I will never understand why people feel entitled to have someone who's more attractive than themselves, simply because they "want the best". That attitude works for material possessions which have no choice about who owns them, but when the other party has a choice, you have to be realistic about who is likely to choose you. I guess people have this mindset of "The American Dream" - you can have the best of everything if you work hard enough for it - but it doesn't really apply to dating.

 

I have known guys that were picky like that.... but when I actually started asking who in real life was pretty... LOTS of girls made the cut.

 

The truth is that it's typically just an excuse. Those guys are afraid to put themselves out there for rejection.

 

I think most women do date, even if the guy is less than ideal. She will probably date the non-ideal guy and trade him in for a better option when one comes along. I don't know any women who stay 100% single while waiting for Mr Perfect.

 

That is HORRIBLE! People like that deserve to be branded with hot irons... so we can all know what selfish pieces of crap they are!

 

This is actually worse. It is better to stay single than use innocent people as placeholders until something better comes along.

 

YES! I'd rather be single that be used.

 

I don't really see women over 30 having fewer options... I see them changing their standards a lot.

 

The ones that I find very irritating are the ones that are late 30's early 40's... living off alimony and child support and chasing after 20 something guys. My cousin is 22 and recently had a FWB relationship with one. She got extremely possessive so he told her to get lost. The male equivalent of this is gross.... I don't understand why they make TV shows and glorify the female's who do this... It's just gross.

[GivenUp0083]

Well, if you're going to open your blog up for the entire world to see, how is that stalking? It's her choice to air out her laundry online.

 

I just find it weird to read about someone's personal life that you don't even know. That and you recall these "memories" so vividly.

Edited March 29, 2011 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Woggle]

The ones constantly complaining about a man shortage should ask themselves what they offer the man they want. The same goes for men with high standards. To me a person should be able to live up to the standards they set for others. It's pitiful when a disgusting pig with no job wants a woman with model looks or a woman who looks like she has been used up and spit out by bad boys with three different fathers for her three children wants a hunk who makes a ton of money. Make sure you can offer what you ask from others.

[utterer of lies]

I just find it weird to read about someone's personal life that you don't even know. That and you recall these "memories" so vividly.

 

I really feel like you could benefit from taking up another hoppy to occupy your time.

 

 

It's always great when random strangers on the internet know what's best for someone else.

 

 

I found that irc333's post was a positive contribution to the thread, while your complaints about him reading and recalling what he read on a public blog are ... at least as much noise and thread derailment as this post of mine.

[Untouchable_Fire]

The ones constantly complaining about a man shortage should ask themselves what they offer the man they want. The same goes for men with high standards. To me a person should be able to live up to the standards they set for others. It's pitiful when a disgusting pig with no job wants a woman with model looks or a woman who looks like she has been used up and spit out by bad boys with three different fathers for her three children wants a hunk who makes a ton of money. Make sure you can offer what you ask from others.

 

That's not how xbad boy chaser women think.

 

She realize's that laws stack all the divorce cards in her favor... so she goes to marry the high income guy... with the intention to cheat with the more attractive guy later.

[irc333]

Right, I recall, "vividly" that this woman was constantly complaining about her on man shortage in her area of the world.

 

That she actually admitted in her profile that she was trying it again, because the men in her area were all college aged, so was taking a shot at another attempt at online dating.

 

She must've added a whining list about 7 or 8, "Don't email me if..." sentences....like "don't email me if you're a player, you play games" same stuff you always see on dating profiles.

 

To the ones that actually complain about their dating situation IN their profile, they should just throw in the towel. They're at the point they should be giving up already OR, perhaps rethinking their dating criteria.

 

 

 

The ones constantly complaining about a man shortage should ask themselves what they offer the man they want. The same goes for men with high standards. To me a person should be able to live up to the standards they set for others. It's pitiful when a disgusting pig with no job wants a woman with model looks or a woman who looks like she has been used up and spit out by bad boys with three different fathers for her three children wants a hunk who makes a ton of money. Make sure you can offer what you ask from others.