Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Eyeore, I am with you. I take care of my looks and therefore think that I have aged well. I usually date men that are few years younger for several reasons. a) Most men I come across that are over 35 look and dress like my dad and I have no attraction to them. I would be happy to date an older guy that took care of himself. b) A lot of older men are divorced with kids. This is something that I am simply not ready to take on at this point. I could possibly deal with divorced, but kids freak me out. I did date one 36 year old that was hot as hell and never been married/no kids - so there are always exceptions. As for having more/better options when I was 18, this is not true in my case. At 18 I was so shy that I couldn't look people in the eye when talking. I also had no idea how to dress and wore baggy sweaters and jeans. I was almost never asked out. While I am not super confident now by any means, I am much less shy. I am better conversationalist, I know how to flirt, I know how to dress. I know how to make the absolute most of my looks.
TheLoneSock Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 In my opinion age doesn't narrow a woman's dating pool so much as the things age usually brings; such as kids from previous relationships, baggage from previous marriages, weight gain, emotional scaring, and of course a pickier selection process as someone else already stated. Age is most likely just a number (I say most likely because I'm still young) - it's the side effects that make you undesirable. But if you are one that has remained unhampered by said side effects, ie: no kids, not overweight, no divorce baggage, ect. then it will probably remain easy for you to get dates. Basically, the things that make you desirable in your 20s probably work just the same in your 30s if you hold onto them. The same could be said for men I'm sure. Yes?
irc333 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 In my opinion, we an probably pin point it down to women approaching 40, that range between 35 and 40...is really when a woman would probably want to start being less picky (i.e. - start being open to dating men less than 6 feet in height, start dating those guys that are bald or with receding hair lines, start dating guys with less strapping good looks and more on the average side, just start being more aware of your mortality and as one ages, flaws start to show and of course women need to realize men are just as physical flaws as well) Some women in their 40's, STILL have high expetactions though and can still be superficial, and I guess some are trying to still relive their youth of when they could attract the "Tall, dark and handsome types", and are still stuck in that rut. It's funny, because I saw this profile of a woman that is 49 years old...no jokes, she said "Please be OVER 6 feet tall not AT 6 feet tall, oh and please be good looking, not because your mother told you to, but ...well...just because you are." And she wasn't that much to look at physically, being that she is from more of a small town, she looked the part, too. At 49, and with the way she looked, I was wondering what her deal was expecting to date a guy with the kind of appearance she was desiring. I posted this in another thread but am curious about your thoughts. Women over 30 are supposed to have limited dating options. I do understand about biological clock but what if you don't care about having kids? My theory is, that at any age there will be a pool of men of similar age to choose from. Sure, some will prefer 20 year olds, but there is still quite a substantial number of men that care about the connection and woul def consider or even prefer a woman of similar age. Another thing is, I think that beauty fades for both sexes as they age. Many men age quite badly (bald, gray hairs, large gut etc etc). I am not experiencing shortage of options and I am 32 (of course I am just one data point). Agree or disagree?
TheLoneSock Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 It's funny, because I saw this profile of a woman that is 49 years old...no jokes, she said "Please be OVER 6 feet tall not AT 6 feet tall, oh and please be good looking, not because your mother told you to, but ...well...just because you are." Well, these kinds of women (people in general really) are just straight up delusional. There are guy versions to it as well. This is the kind of person who will never 'settle' and will probably take that attitude with them to the grave... alone.
irc333 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 You bring up some interestnig points. Sometimes a woman just ages more nicely than other women, perhaps it's in their blood, like I think there's some women with genetics that allow them to appear younger than they are. I remember people use to make fun of Dick Clark (from American Bandstand), because he always looked young (or remained LOOKING the same age) as he got older. I think Hispanic women or certain Italian or Greek women look great even at 50. I do hear complaints from mid-40's women complain that men their age have stopped being "active" I actually dated a great looking woman, had a butt you could bounce a quarter off of, had a 19 year old daughter that was a straight A college student AND a Hooter's waitress just off campus from a major University. If you saw them together, you'd probably use the line, "Hey, is that your sister ya have with you?" She dressed in the same style as her own daughter (so she didn't dress her age or old...she dressed more trendy with the "kids" these days) she wore her hair long, and has a gorgeous smile. Yes, she wore Roxy attire. lol She has a curvy body, she did keep in shape at a gym though...she said a lot of men in their mid-40s HER age, just didn't stay active like she did. Now, she didn't expect them to really "hit the gym" in the way she does, she just wanted a guy to take a hike or bike ride with. THe last guy she was with, he was a hulking construction worker, and he'd just sit on his arse all weekend, drinkin' beers and watching the game on TV. When she was antsy to get outside to bike ride, get some fresh air, etc. Seems men her age stopped giving a crap about doing that kind of thing, maybe it has to do with lowered testoterone? lol I don't know. So she just happened to date younger guys, not because she's being a cougar about it, she just happens to find men 10 years younger than her to be active...and at least be open to activities (and not necessarily be an athletic man either.) She's 47 now, and I saw a couple of jaw dropping pictures of her in her shorts and bikini top...sitting on the front of a canoe....yowsa. Of course, she does have obvious "smile lines" and wrinkles around her eyes, but her "smile lines" make you forget about that. Wrinkles on a woman don't even bother me at all. Eyeore, I am with you. I take care of my looks and therefore think that I have aged well. I usually date men that are few years younger for several reasons. a) Most men I come across that are over 35 look and dress like my dad and I have no attraction to them. I would be happy to date an older guy that took care of himself. b) A lot of older men are divorced with kids. This is something that I am simply not ready to take on at this point. I could possibly deal with divorced, but kids freak me out. I did date one 36 year old that was hot as hell and never been married/no kids - so there are always exceptions. As for having more/better options when I was 18, this is not true in my case. At 18 I was so shy that I couldn't look people in the eye when talking. I also had no idea how to dress and wore baggy sweaters and jeans. I was almost never asked out. While I am not super confident now by any means, I am much less shy. I am better conversationalist, I know how to flirt, I know how to dress. I know how to make the absolute most of my looks.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Well, these kinds of women (people in general really) are just straight up delusional. There are guy versions to it as well. This is the kind of person who will never 'settle' and will probably take that attitude with them to the grave... alone. There are fat, bald men who are pushing 50 and hitting on 20 something girls The worst part is that they really think they have a chance.
irc333 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Another thing is, I think that beauty fades for both sexes as they age. Many men age quite badly (bald, gray hairs, large gut etc etc). Actually, I heard the opposite is true. LOL That men age gracefully.
TheLoneSock Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 There are fat, bald men who are pushing 50 and hitting on 20 something girls The worst part is that they really think they have a chance. A friend of mine I work with is a year older than I, 25, very attractive, has a plenty of fish account. She pulls it up sometimes at work and we all have a quick stress relief laugh at the expense of whatever 39 or 40 year old dude decided to write her what he deemed to be a witty, flirty and sexually charged message. If only they knew...
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Actually, I heard the opposite is true. LOL That men age gracefully. If you look around you - you will see it's not quite true..
2sure Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I'm 46 and divorced. There doesnt seem to be a shortage available and date-able men around. To any women over 30 or 40 who are single or divorced...dont worry about it.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I posted this in another thread but am curious about your thoughts. It's just plain false. I think the benchmark of 30 years old is very outdated. 30 is the new 20. Or 18. I forget. Anyway, it is very young. I agree with TBF that we hone our own parameters more as we age. I also believe that there is a lot going on biologically (hormonally, probably) with people in their teens and into their 20's that propels them into social and potentially sexual situations that seems to subside as we age. In my particular social world, many, many women did not get married OR start to have children until they had some career success and were over 30 years old. I do notice a trend now for people to be marrying younger again. Cycles, endless cycles.
sumdude Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 LOL just so happens I was out last night at a couple live music clubs. I was hanging out with 3 women, all around 40 years old. One is my ex GF who is in a band with me. All three of these women are attractive and in pretty good shape for their ages and very outgoing. They are constantly getting hit on by men of all ages. They're dating guys in their 20's.. . Of course these guys have nothing to offer in terms of money, stability, they're broke bartenders etc.. but the women don't care They like 'em young n dumb. it's Cougarville out there
2sure Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 There are plenty of available and date-able men out there for women of any age . It might be cougarville in some places to some people, but if thats not want you want - there are lots of other options. The nice thing about dating men over 40 is that they are established, have free time, have interests and most of their children are grown.
SteveC80 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 What i find hilarious is how nervous and defensive women get at even the thought of losing some power in the dating world that they have all their lives
threebyfate Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 What i find hilarious is how nervous and defensive women get at even the thought of losing some power in the dating world that they have all their livesThis attitude is why some fail with relationships, their need to dominate the other person, viewing them more as objects or lesser beings, than realizing that they're another human being with wants and needs. But that's just ThomasX for you...
Star Gazer Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I know we have tons of options... just don't go looking for them at the John Wayne airport!!
Stung Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 In my opinion age doesn't narrow a woman's dating pool so much as the things age usually brings; such as... emotional scarring... I get this concept in regards to certain kinds of baggage, i.e. in the case of the still-bitter divorcee. However, I often read the above sentiment in various other forms on this board, suggesting that there is some inevitable deep emotional scarring/embittering process that occurs with age, and I find it very odd. I know for myself I was an angrier, more unhappy person when I was twenty years old than I am now at thirty-six; I had not yet learned to deal with some of the real traumas of my childhood, and I had serious communication blockages that I hadn't learned to either work around or power through yet. I didn't have anywhere near the emotional tools that I have now, and IMO I was struggling with much more baggage then because of it: angst, depression, inability to trust, lower self-esteem. This seems pretty common, at least in the circles I tend to move in; most of the people I know in their 30s and 40s are in many or most regards calmer, stronger, wiser, more confident, more skilled people now than they were in their early 20s--probably because of how they have learned to deal with their 'baggage' accrued over the years. While I don't exactly relish the idea of the physical changes time will continue to wreak on me over the next thirty years of my life, I am interested to see how I continue to evolve and mature personally and emotionally. Most days I consider it a more than fair trade.
OliveOyl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Although older people (I'm 50) have possibly more emotional baggage and kids, there are also things that we don't have that actually can make it easier to date. For one thing, there is not the social pressure to meet "the right person" to fit in perfectly with your family or impress your social circle. I feel absolutely none of that. I don't need someone to reflect my socio-economic status, so educational background and wealth are not a factor except as how they impact how well we personally get along. I don't need someone to be a "good father" since I'm not looking for anyone to father children. I don't need to play games about when to have sex because hell, at my age and after 2 kids, those games don't make any sense. There is so much that has dropped away that actually it's a huge relief... If I am blissfully happy with a short fat bald man with no money, I'm not going to be disappointing or shocking friends or family - or if I do, I don't care. Now... it's about -- and only about -- compatibility.
Woggle Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 They usually look just fine but the emotional baggage is just through the roof in man y cases. You are talking in some cases about women who have years and years of chasing bad boys and getting screwed over so the wall is ten feet high and a few feet thick.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I'm elderly and I promise you all that I am a far, far better candidate for a happy and successful relationship than I ever could have been in my younger years. The drama! Insecurities! Self-absorsion! All changed for the better by now, thank God. Yes, there is baggage. It's called "My Life So Far."
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Although older people (I'm 50) And, keep in mind that 50 is the new 27.
persevere Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I like women in their 30's because, in general, they do not play games. Women in their 20's can be total nightmares to deal with. That's not attractive and I don't care how physically attractive she may be. Also, the older a woman gets, the more she appreciates the dreaded "nice guy".
Leeway Harris Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I have noticed one thing. There seems to be a contingent of men who were rejected and probably continue to be rejected as twenty to thirty-something men, who feel the need to empower themselves at the expense of women who are thirty and older. It's like a chant that "nah, nah, men age better and get more money so now you wimmens who reject us will be rejected by us since the young ones want us now". And yet, these same chanters are still single while the thirty and older female crowd are all finding relationships. My challenge to the chanters is, put your money where your mouths are. Show us how easy it is for you to find a relationship and settle down. Better yet, get yourselves dates. If you're twenty-something, it should be pretty easy to do so since, as you've stated, there are a ton of single people in your decade. If you're in your thirties with all the purported money that you've wealth gathered, show us how you manage to get those twenty-something honeys. It appears that many of the thirty-something women are already putting our aging old bodies where our mouths are. And if you think we're settling, guess again!! Ouch. So... in other words, it doesn't get any better for men as we get older. That's depressing, I was really counting on that. One more male advantage myth busted. That leaves... nothing, actually. Well, we supposedly make more money, but who the hell cares? Basically, if there's such a thing as reincarnation, and you get to pick, don't come back as a man, it's a very lonely life.
jerbear Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I don't see the myths. I've dated younger and older women, 20's 30's and 40's. I don't think many of them have problems finding short termed relationships to full marriage. I think being a 30 something woman, they have more options. They are in a sweet age group, they can date guys in their 20's, 30's and 40's. Heck they can even go higher, think Getty. Like other posters mentioned that there are people out there that think they have a chance, well that goes for both genders.
GoodOnPaper Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Another thing is, I think that beauty fades for both sexes as they age. Many men age quite badly (bald, gray hairs, large gut etc etc). Highly variable for both sexes. I'm around 25 years out of high school and it surprises me to look at Facebook pics of my old classmates and see some who have aged so well while others look like they are pushing 60! Personally, I think I look better in my 40s than I ever did in my 20s -- too bad I'm not able to put it to the test. The more attractive members of both sexes will be able to find plenty of partners regardless of age, but I would think that for those of us with looks in the average and below-average categories, dating pool size can influence one's level of success. In the early 20s, women simply have much wider dating pools in terms of age -- men who are 5-10 years older are well within their reach. The playing field levels by the mid 30s -- or so I would think -- because women who are 5-10 years younger are within the men's reach. Personally, I don't see cause for ranting from either side.
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