turokturok5 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Won't go through the whole story, but basically it's been 6 weeks since i was dumped out of the blue. Didn't see what i did wrong at the time, started putting everything in my head into words to apologise but she just told me that it definately wasn't my fault. Sent her a message a few days ago, because i felt she may have done it because i was feeling a little insecure, i think it was fair for me to feel this way though since the first time i met her parents they said i was a great guy and was welcome to go over anytime and i was allowed to sleep over her house too, exept she always made excuses for me not to go over. Also she ALWAYS wanted to do things in a group setting, hardly ever alone which i thought was pretty lame. I just sent a plain, un-emotional letter point out that i was sorry for getting angry after the break-up, that i understand it was mainly my fault and that she made the right descision. My friend, who is really close to her now tells me she texted him shortly after i sent the message asking if he told me to send it (i have no idea why) Then the next day she replys saying "thanks for apologisng and im not saying that its your fault." So obviously she was the one with the problem because i treated her well, i don't feel anywhere as bad as i use and im starting to move on. Yesterday i saw her at uni and i didn't get anxious/excited/nervous or anything, i just casually walked past and jumped on a different bus to her, usually i would have gotten on the same bus as her just so she could see that i was doing fine by myself and i wouldn't pay any attention to her existence but i didn't even want her to know i was there. But i still feel kind of empty sometimes when im sitting at home alone. Am i stuck with this feeling untill i find another lady friend, i just want to be single for now but without this feeling.
shawn923 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Man... I would love to give u some advice here, but i cant im suffering the same way... Im single, she dumped me, i went NC, yet i still feel empty... I dont even wanna new gf right now. It seems as if she TOOK my heart. It sucks man.... I seriously thought just erasing her from my head would be much easier.
Author turokturok5 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 It's so confusing hey. I swear though, it's not because of that particular person tbh, i mean i did really care about my ex exept i've been hanging around one of her friends lately at uni who is dating my friend and i have so much more fun with her than i did with my ex. We're always laughing, messing around etc etc. I think it's just the thought of being single that makes me feel empty - that i don't have anyone who actually cares about me on an emotional level and i don't have someone to hold
LostMyHeart Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I think it's just the thought of being single that makes me feel empty - that i don't have anyone who actually cares about me on an emotional level and i don't have someone to hold Ditto on that one Turok - that's exactly how I feel too. I go out with my friends and try to have fun but he is always there on my mind, missing that daily connection....and then I have to remind myself that he didn't want this in the long term. My emptiness comes from what I am missing that I had in my life as well as the feeling of remorse that he turned the "dumping" around on me....essentially making me the dumper. You simply don't dump someone you love, someone that makes you happy (but yes, can make you sad too) unless they do something intolerable. Today makes 3 weeks total NC and over six weeks since I had to let him go because his actions were hurting me. I can't tell if it's getting better or worse really. On one hand, I think if he had ever felt anything for me at all, he wouldn't have tried to keep me as a backup plan while he realized that he might be missing out on being with other women, but according to him, I'm the bad person because I didn't believe him. Even with all of that, I miss the man I used to know as he is not that man anymore and hadn't been for a while.
Author turokturok5 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Ditto on that one Turok - that's exactly how I feel too. I go out with my friends and try to have fun but he is always there on my mind, missing that daily connection....and then I have to remind myself that he didn't want this in the long term. My emptiness comes from what I am missing that I had in my life as well as the feeling of remorse that he turned the "dumping" around on me....essentially making me the dumper. You simply don't dump someone you love, someone that makes you happy (but yes, can make you sad too) unless they do something intolerable. Today makes 3 weeks total NC and over six weeks since I had to let him go because his actions were hurting me. I can't tell if it's getting better or worse really. On one hand, I think if he had ever felt anything for me at all, he wouldn't have tried to keep me as a backup plan while he realized that he might be missing out on being with other women, but according to him, I'm the bad person because I didn't believe him. Even with all of that, I miss the man I used to know as he is not that man anymore and hadn't been for a while. I think this is what really helped my ex moved on and it was pointed out by her friend. Her friend is rather un-popular with males though, she isn't very attractive and on top of that she is really loud, swears and doesn't have a very nice personality. I was informed that before my ex dumped me, her friend said to her "we're going to get so many guys at uni!" and my ex somewhat agreed to it. Kind of reinforces the fact that she didn't really want to be with me, but hey, i did nothing really wrong so its her loss.
Movingthrough Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Won't go through the whole story, but basically it's been 6 weeks since i was dumped out of the blue. Didn't see what i did wrong at the time, started putting everything in my head into words to apologise but she just told me that it definately wasn't my fault. Sent her a message a few days ago, because i felt she may have done it because i was feeling a little insecure, i think it was fair for me to feel this way though since the first time i met her parents they said i was a great guy and was welcome to go over anytime and i was allowed to sleep over her house too, exept she always made excuses for me not to go over. Also she ALWAYS wanted to do things in a group setting, hardly ever alone which i thought was pretty lame. I just sent a plain, un-emotional letter point out that i was sorry for getting angry after the break-up, that i understand it was mainly my fault and that she made the right descision. My friend, who is really close to her now tells me she texted him shortly after i sent the message asking if he told me to send it (i have no idea why) Then the next day she replys saying "thanks for apologisng and im not saying that its your fault." So obviously she was the one with the problem because i treated her well, i don't feel anywhere as bad as i use and im starting to move on. Yesterday i saw her at uni and i didn't get anxious/excited/nervous or anything, i just casually walked past and jumped on a different bus to her, usually i would have gotten on the same bus as her just so she could see that i was doing fine by myself and i wouldn't pay any attention to her existence but i didn't even want her to know i was there. But i still feel kind of empty sometimes when im sitting at home alone. Am i stuck with this feeling untill i find another lady friend, i just want to be single for now but without this feeling. I think this normal. You had a loss and thats what you feel. Eventually that loss will turn into more of a powerful thing where your body and mind will get used to it. Lately i have also had that feeling of something is missing, feeling empty, but feeling empty is better then feeling like sh*t. Its like i said in another post, you have to know that this feeling is normal, and just like the other thousand members that have gone through this, it will pass. Dont do what most do and jumpt into something else just to fill that hole, it wont work.
Author turokturok5 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 yeah i read that before, about the thing where you said it's normal, it does help. its strange though, now i despised her at first for breaking my heart but now i kind of appreciate it. in some way i wasn't good enough for her otherwise we'd still be together, but i've also come to realise im not good enough for myself. i've been wanting to start up sports and things again for so long, but then i got together with her and was like yeah whatever, who cares, i've got the girl i don't need to change. so instead of jumping into another relationship, i've jumped back into soccer and tennis, started hitting up the gym, starting boxing soon and am focusing on my studies. it has helped so much
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