Puddle Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 If you're not committed to someone you're dating, are you under any obligation to tell them about other people you're sleeping with? I've been seeing someone for about a year but the relationship won't go anywhere for reasons I can't say here (no, neither of us is married.) We see each other for companionship and convenience, I suppose. When I start feeling neglected I see other guys but I don't tell the main guy about them, mainly because I'm not sure how he'd take it. Maybe he'd care, maybe not. Lately I've been feeling really guilty about it, even though we're not technically boyfriend/girlfriend. I tend to have a bad conscience about these things at times but I also know telling the truth only hurts people sometimes. So I don't know if I should tell him or just keep my mouth shut?
NoMagicBullet Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 At the very least, you should make it clear to your partners that you are not monogamous. Even when using protection (I'm assuming you do), there is always some risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease from a partner. Your partners should at least know they are not the only one, so they can make an informed decision about what you do (or don't do) together. You don't need to go into details about who, where, etc, but you should be honest from the start that you aren't sexually exclusive, especially with anyone you regularly have sex with.
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 If you're not committed to someone you're dating, are you under any obligation to tell them about other people you're sleeping with? I've been seeing someone for about a year but the relationship won't go anywhere for reasons I can't say here (no, neither of us is married.) We see each other for companionship and convenience, I suppose. When I start feeling neglected I see other guys but I don't tell the main guy about them, mainly because I'm not sure how he'd take it. Maybe he'd care, maybe not. Lately I've been feeling really guilty about it, even though we're not technically boyfriend/girlfriend. I tend to have a bad conscience about these things at times but I also know telling the truth only hurts people sometimes. So I don't know if I should tell him or just keep my mouth shut? I think you need to have a conversation with him to find out what the relationship is and where it's going. Committment or no committment. Though I do think if you start having sex with others, he has a right to know. TALK to your 'guy' and go from there. Just keep in mind, are you okay with him dating other girls? Would you want to know?
Author Puddle Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Honestly I don't think I'd want to know if there were other girls. It would hurt so I wouldn't want to know. This relationship is not healthy and I've been thinking of ending it soon anyhow, so I wouldn't have to tell him if that happens. I tell myself, what good would it do to possibly hurt his feelings or make him feel differently, when I'm trying to stop being with other guys anyway. But on the other hand, my conscience hurts sometimes. My best friend says since we're not committed I don't have to tell him. Tangled webs suck. Thanks for the advice guys.
D-Lish Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I am all about multi-dating when single, as long as there is no sex involved. It's just not cool to sleep with multiple partners without disclosing.
DollyGirl12 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I am all about multi-dating when single, as long as there is no sex involved. It's just not cool to sleep with multiple partners without disclosing. Perfect, I couldn't agree more. Even when not committed, when having relations with more than one person, whether we like to admit it or not, we are putting anothers health at risk, as well as our own. Personally, I don't want that responsibility.
brainygirl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I think you owe it to the guys to let them know the situation. Maybe the relationship isn't growing because instead of putting work into it, when you aren't happy, you go sleep with someone else.
collegeguy_24 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 If you are having sex with other people aside from him, you should tell him. He may be under the impression your exclusive, or he may know your not. Either way, you should tell and he should tell you if he's slept with anyone else, that way you can both make healthy decisions. In todays world there are all kinds of STDs and what not, so having little bit of communication can, in the long run, help you both avoid that kind thing.
zengirl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 If you're not committed to someone you're dating, are you under any obligation to tell them about other people you're sleeping with? I've been seeing someone for about a year but the relationship won't go anywhere for reasons I can't say here (no, neither of us is married.) We see each other for companionship and convenience, I suppose. When I start feeling neglected I see other guys but I don't tell the main guy about them, mainly because I'm not sure how he'd take it. Maybe he'd care, maybe not. Lately I've been feeling really guilty about it, even though we're not technically boyfriend/girlfriend. I tend to have a bad conscience about these things at times but I also know telling the truth only hurts people sometimes. So I don't know if I should tell him or just keep my mouth shut? I think it's rude to sleep with one person and date others, but I don't think there's a "rule" about telling or not. I assume if you told a guy you were dating that you had a bed buddy, said dating-guy would not think anything serious could happen between you two. Most people wouldn't like that.
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