Author somedude81 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 I don't find that I'm constantly rejecting men. Everyone I work with knows I'm taken, people in my social circle know I'm taken, people who share my hobbies know I'm taken, and therefore nobody hits on me. Then I wasn't talking about you I'm talking about the girl in my dance class who canceled our lunch date at the last minute. I'm talking about the girl I saw at Japanese club who wouldn't even let me make a date with her. These girls are cute enough to be hit on, on a simi-regular basis and they have to keep rejecting guys. One day they may reject a stranger, another they have to reject their best friend. I hate to be pessimistic, but I have never heard of an older inexperienced guy share a story of success (unless it's one of those people selling a self help dating product). It has nothing to do with being picky or not. I just think that older inexperienced guys largely (though not all of them of course) have problems attracting women and don't have what it takes to be in a romantic relationship, regardless of looks, personality or any other factors. Why this is I don't know, but from my own real life observances and here on this board this seems to be the case. I'm not going to suggest that anyone give up, because that's really not going to work, but I would suggest finding a trusted person to talk to (either a friend or a professional) because otherwise you're going to make yourself go insane. I think I'm on the road to insanity. I'll just keep my darkest thoughts to myself so I don't end up going to jail. Sadly, I feel like I need a miracle to get me off the path that I'm on.
Author somedude81 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Mr.Cairo welcome to lovehack. Good to see that I have a fan.
brainygirl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I'm tempted to post photos of the girls that I've been attracted to. But I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate it. Especially how I would be posting their picture as proof that I'm not only interested in hot girls. Want me to send you a PM with some pictures? You may be surprised. As a mature woman with children you absolutely need to be picky. I'd say you have far more reason to be choosy than some young chick in college. You've posted pics of girls you liked before. The model shot of the girl in the bikini and flowers covering her tatas? The girl with the long dark hair you said was over weight when in reality she was a healthy weight? I've seen them. And actually, a woman at any age has a right to be picky for any reason. Look at it this way - suppose she wasn't picky in college, because its college and who cares? And the birth control failed and she had a kid with a douche who took off and hasn't been heard from in five years. And now she's stuck raising a child on her own. Because she wasn't picky. Because she knew there were issues with the man's character and his work ethic and she hung dated him anyway. You can't have it both ways - dogging on women with kids because they made a mistake you don't want to pay for, but expecting women you are interested in to be willing to make those same potential errors.
Mr.Cairo Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Mr.Cairo welcome to lovehack. Good to see that I have a fan. You betcha. As long as there are creepy PUA(or wannabes), I gotta make sure my sister doesn't come across charming guys like you.
Author somedude81 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 You've posted pics of girls you liked before. The model shot of the girl in the bikini and flowers covering her tatas? The girl with the long dark hair you said was over weight when in reality she was a healthy weight? I've seen them. The model shot is something I post when the topic of the thread is on really beautiful girls or 1-10. Sure I would have loved to date her but she was so far out of my league it wasn't worth the effort. The dark haired girl, I went on a few dates with till she suddenly dropped me. I don't care about her at all so I didn't feel guilty about posting her picture. The other girls I liked, they're nice people and I still talk to them every once in a while. Though I don't think they are as cute as the first two. And actually, a woman at any age has a right to be picky for any reason. Look at it this way - suppose she wasn't picky in college, because its college and who cares? And the birth control failed and she had a kid with a douche who took off and hasn't been heard from in five years. And now she's stuck raising a child on her own. Because she wasn't picky. Because she knew there were issues with the man's character and his work ethic and she hung dated him anyway. Does that have anything to do with a man's appearance?
Intricategirl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 You're right that there is a difference. The 80 women will make the first cut based on their appearance. Then you narrow those women down to see who you want to date. While an overly picky woman may only have 5 out of 100 men who make the appearance cut. Then she has to narrow those 5 down to see who she will date. All the while she's automatically passed over a bunch of guys who would like to date her. So what? Believe it or not, this actually works for me. So why do you have a problem with what works for me? Continue reading... I'd say you have far more reason to be choosy than some young chick in college. Though this wasn't directed towards me, it's much more true in my circumstance. I'm 34, was married for 12.5 years, have 2 kids, just finished my BS, working on my Master's now, law school in the near future. I have a very sick mom who will likely not make it through the summer, and in June alone I have two art shows, LSAT (hardest standardized test in the world), and other commitments. I'm busy. I'm insanely busy. So let's take away all the stressors- I've still been married and had kids. I'm in no hurry for anything. Getting married and having more kids will never be a goal on my list of stuff to accomplish, because I've already done it. Don't get me wrong, I believe I will be married again. It's just not a goal. And if a guy wants to be with me, we're moving on my timetable, and I'm going to take as long as I want to make up my mind about him. And I've got all the time in the world. Now, as far as being choosy... yeah. I am. I couldn't care less what he does for a living. The last guy I dated seriously was a janitor at a nursing home. I don't care what he drives- a guy I dated non-seriously after him drove an old beatup Chevy from the 80's. I don't care if he wears designer clothes, I don't care how much money he makes, I don't care whether he owns his own home, etc. I've got my own home, job, money, car, and clothes, and I don't need any of that crap. But I'm still picky, and I have no intention of apologizing for it. I'm picky about the people. One guy talked about how he didn't accept bad service and had two waiters fired. Seriously, you're threatened on some level by a waiter? NEXT. Had one guy that ended his marriage because he couldn't figure out why they got married in the first place. Oh, so you act impulsively, you're flaky on big decisions, and second guess yourself? NEXT. One guy drank too much. No explanation NEXT. I was supposed to go out with a guy last weekend who sounded bitter about his ex-wife. That's the mother of your children! NEXT. So yeah. I'm picky. I want to find a decent human being, and I can wait as long as I need to. And the sad part is, all of those guys thought they were great guys. Only one of them was (the drinker), and the issues still weren't able to be worked through. --------------------------------------------------------------- And let's look at what will happen if I never do meet someone that lives up to my standards... I'll still have my own home, car, children, high-paying career, clothes, hobbies, friends, etc. I'll still be selling my work at art shows. I'll still have a great life. I won't have a long term companion to snuggle with, but I also won't have someone that's disrespectful, flaky, bitter, or has a drinking problem. And there's plenty of people out there that are great, decent, likable human beings. For me, it's not about avoiding the guys that have a hobby I don't like, or who has one crooked tooth. It's about finding someone I can have a conversation with 20 years from now. So hell yeah, I'm picky! I wish more people were!
brainygirl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 The model shot is something I post when the topic of the thread is on really beautiful girls or 1-10. Sure I would have loved to date her but she was so far out of my league it wasn't worth the effort. The dark haired girl, I went on a few dates with till she suddenly dropped me. I don't care about her at all so I didn't feel guilty about posting her picture. The other girls I liked, they're nice people and I still talk to them every once in a while. Though I don't think they are as cute as the first two. Does that have anything to do with a man's appearance? This from a man who rates women 1 - 10? Yes, she has a right to reject due to appearance, job, education, accent, the way he talks to his mamma. Its all free game.
Mr.Cairo Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 This from a man who rates women 1 - 10? Yes, she has a right to reject due to appearance, job, education, accent, the way he talks to his mamma. Its all free game. Read my post #50. You'll find out that Somedude sees women as nothing more than 'bitches', ready to have sex with 'anyone' except him. While I'm at it, i apologize for my typos etc. Just to think that my sister is in college surrounded by creeps like this fella is enough to piss me off to the point of making such mistakes.
Author somedude81 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 3)You are 5'6'' which makes you shorter than the shortest people in Europe(The Spanish).I didn't know the Spanish were the shortest on Europe. I'm actually half Cuban which was colonized by the Spanish. My paternal grandfather whom I've never met was also 5'6. I wish my Mom had kids with a white guy. All the men on her side of the family are 6 feet. There was absolutely nothing beneficial from her having kids with my dad. I got...short changed.
SteveC80 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Andy Being shallow means only being attracted to the outer wrapper. It's not like those women are getting to know the deepest innner soul of all the men while the men are only going by looks. A man will take a good decent woman who's looks are anything more than a 5 on a scale of 1-10. While I suppose those women are all only looking for 9's and 10's. I think that is only true of very young women. It's like Chris Rock said in a comedy routine.... Every little girl grows up being told how valuable their pu$$y is but men aren't told how valuable their d1ck is. Or something like that. After dealing with the real world for a while they realize that fairy tales are horse $hit, and will settle for a decent loving generous man instead of prince charming. Scouring tons of these type of sites where women are anonymous and more truthful you learn women are easily more shallow then Men Its just more socially acceptable for women to be,plus when a Man makes a shallow post women are more vocal and scream to the heavens how much of a pig the guy is
Author somedude81 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 I'm not in a good place in life and I've obviously been very bitter about women. One path I'm trying to take to avoid being overwhelmed with anger and hatred is to try to understand and sympathize with women. Sure I can think that a woman is a b*tch for rejecting me but that doesn't do anything for me and only leads to resentment. But understanding that it really is nothing personal and she can't control who she is attracted to, helps take some of the edge off.
Mr.Cairo Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I'm not in a good place in life and I've obviously been very bitter about women. One path I'm trying to take to avoid being overwhelmed with anger and hatred is to try to understand and sympathize with women. Sure I can think that a woman is a b*tch for rejecting me but that doesn't do anything for me and only leads to resentment. But understanding that it really is nothing personal and she can't control who she is attracted to, helps take some of the edge off. And resentment leads to more problems. What if the woman/women who reject you wind up finding about your little adventures on the internet? Do you think they'd like to be thought of as 'bitches' and other slurs? Don't you think that'd make them warn every woman to stay away from you(maybe not a bad idea)? But that's not the bad part. Having this mentality about women will make your life even harder in the long run. You're going to end up working with women or for women. You are going to see women with their boyfriends and their husbands and their ONS and rage inside about it. If you don't want to end up like Sodini, you have to let go of these dark and poisonous emotions and desires. I know that you'd like to have an attractive girlfriend. Everyone would like an attractive partner. I'd like to buy a castle in Scotland. I'll never get it. I accept it and move on, I accept the little joys of life. Think of it this way. You have food, you have water, you have shelter. You have your health, your Country is not torn apart by war, and you can walk the streets by night without the risk of getting shot or raped. You got it pretty good mate. Think of what you have. Do not think of what you can not have - it only creates repercussions for your life. Concentrate in getting your education, marry the homely girl pining for you and be happy. Not everyone can be Brad Pitt and even Brad Pitt has problems.
SteveC80 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Concentrate in getting your education, marry the homely girl pining for you and be happy. Not everyone can be Brad Pitt and even Brad Pitt has problems. To be fair even homely womens standards can be pretty high Online theyres some beasts who standards are crazy
Mr.Cairo Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Concentrate in getting your education, marry the homely girl pining for you and be happy. Not everyone can be Brad Pitt and even Brad Pitt has problems. To be fair even homely womens standards can be pretty high Online theyres some beasts who standards are crazy As there are homely men trying to get it on with their local Angelina Jolie. Are they going to die if they don't snatch up that Angelina Jolie? No. Life goes on. Having a woman is that important to you? Evaluate what you have to offer to a woman and sketch your value as a partner to a woman. Based on how many positive points, you see the woman you CAN have, not the woman you WANT to have.
SteveC80 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 To be fair even homely womens standards can be pretty high Online theyres some beasts who standards are crazy As there are homely men trying to get it on with their local Angelina Jolie. Are they going to die if they don't snatch up that Angelina Jolie? No. Life goes on. Having a woman is that important to you? Evaluate what you have to offer to a woman and sketch your value as a partner to a woman. Based on how many positive points, you see the woman you CAN have, not the woman you WANT to have. I do fine with women,im just commenting on seeing average or ugly guys who struggle I can also see how they struggle with what their "league" is how are people like the op suppsoed to know whe nobodies said yes ? people bb dont walk aorund with their league on their head Unless you want him to go up to a women and think shes hideous enough for me to have a shot leagues are a hard thing to figure out
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 If you have an ugly face, you have to either get plastic surgery, bulk up your body, or go see hookers to compensate for love.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 To be fair even homely womens standards can be pretty high Online theyres some beasts who standards are crazy As there are homely men trying to get it on with their local Angelina Jolie. Are they going to die if they don't snatch up that Angelina Jolie? No. Life goes on. Having a woman is that important to you? Evaluate what you have to offer to a woman and sketch your value as a partner to a woman. Based on how many positive points, you see the woman you CAN have, not the woman you WANT to have. This is a bunch of poppycock. There is more to relationships than simply physical attractiveness. You're making it sound like people should settle for what they can get, that's making a value judgement on both them and the women you think they should date. I know several people, both male and female who are dating people who did not fit their preconceived ideas on what kind of person they should date. It's about compatibility (both sexual and non-sexual), chemistry, genuine feelings, things that can't be adequately described by comparing them to super models or overpaid actors or actresses. For what it's worth I don't find Angelina Jolie attractive at all. I completely understand if others do, but she's just not my personal cup of tea.
GivenUp0083 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I actually feel better after being rejected. There's many reasons for this: - Usually I can tell something is up but I'm not sure, so I feel better when she just flat out tells me she's not interested - I can feel relieved that she told me relatively early in the dating process and I didn't waste too much of my time or money on her - It actually inspires me to be a better guy, you know, like reverse psychology. It makes me think she made a mistake and I'll prove it by moving on in a mature fashion and improving myself for the next girl - Part of me feels bad, but I also laugh at some of them knowing how great a guy I am and that passing on me was a mistake. It's like those 6 teams that passed up on Adrian Peterson in the 07 draft, they all missed out on a stud RB that won't come around again for ages. Don't waste too much time pitying them. Most of these women have bigger problems beyond dating which also makes me feel like a dodged a bullet. I tend to feel worse for the guys they DIDN'T reject...
Mr.Cairo Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 As there are homely men trying to get it on with their local Angelina Jolie. Are they going to die if they don't snatch up that Angelina Jolie? No. Life goes on. Having a woman is that important to you? Evaluate what you have to offer to a woman and sketch your value as a partner to a woman. Based on how many positive points, you see the woman you CAN have, not the woman you WANT to have. This is a bunch of poppycock. There is more to relationships than simply physical attractiveness. You're making it sound like people should settle for what they can get, that's making a value judgement on both them and the women you think they should date. I know several people, both male and female who are dating people who did not fit their preconceived ideas on what kind of person they should date. It's about compatibility (both sexual and non-sexual), chemistry, genuine feelings, things that can't be adequately described by comparing them to super models or overpaid actors or actresses. For what it's worth I don't find Angelina Jolie attractive at all. I completely understand if others do, but she's just not my personal cup of tea. I agree with you in that regard. There is more to a relationship than just sexual attraction. Emotional compatibility, the same goals, the same interests and so forth. But if there's no sexual attraction a relationship cannot be formed. There are several facets to sexual attraction. A very intelligent man can arouse sexual response from an attractive and intellectual woman. Do you see that happen often? I don't doubt that it happens, but I don't advise people to go after the more attractive people. A guy has George Clooney looks? Aim for a very attractive woman? Are you the Prom Queen? Date the Quarterback. Don't go for the average guy. Too much disparity. A woman should have as many high requirements in a man as possible. Remember that women are the holders of life. They should mate with the best of the best out there, and if that means that the average joe has to date an obese woman, so be it. Especially when that average joe can't even be considered average due to his stature. Nearly every woman isn't interested in a guy whose height can even be inferior to the typical 10 year old European boy. Therefore Somedude81 must conform to what he can have, and settle. Settling is good. No unrealistic expectations, no drama, and no heart break. And for the guys who think that 'The Game' works: it's just a tool to make women feel bad about themselves. A woman with self-love would never fall for those cheesy PUA acts. They're ridiculous and only make the guy look like a monkey. Stop trying to get the Queen, go for the maid. You are not the Prince.
PJKino Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Remember that women are the holders of life. They should mate with the best of the best out there, and if that means that the average joe has to date an obese woman, so be it. Especially when that average joe can't even be considered average due to his stature. Nearly every woman isn't interested in a guy whose height can even be inferior to the typical 10 year old European boy. ak. . You make it seem like to find "the best out there" should automatically associated with looks,i agree that there needs to be mutual attraction to sustain a relationship but if women are the gatekeepers things like integrity should be higher on the list then finding the hottest guy you can.. And youre being a little harsh and condescending towards short guys..settle down
Darren Taylor Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 You make it seem like to find "the best out there" should automatically associated with looks,i agree that there needs to be mutual attraction to sustain a relationship but if women are the gatekeepers things like integrity should be higher on the list then finding the hottest guy you can.. And youre being a little harsh and condescending towards short guys..settle down Looks aren't everything, but if you don't have that you better have money and/or status if you want the cream of the crop. Perfect example is Sam Cassell, who used to play for the Clippers. I met him at LAX Airport in 2005. Guy basically looks like E.T., but because of his status, he can get any woman he wants. I've seen pics of him at parties all over the internet. Cairo may be condescending, but his posts are anything but inaccurate.
Mr.Cairo Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Remember that women are the holders of life. They should mate with the best of the best out there, and if that means that the average joe has to date an obese woman, so be it. Especially when that average joe can't even be considered average due to his stature. Nearly every woman isn't interested in a guy whose height can even be inferior to the typical 10 year old European boy. ak. . You make it seem like to find "the best out there" should automatically associated with looks,i agree that there needs to be mutual attraction to sustain a relationship but if women are the gatekeepers things like integrity should be higher on the list then finding the hottest guy you can.. And youre being a little harsh and condescending towards short guys..settle down I do notice a trend of people believing that just because a guy has integrity or is nice, he's automatically partner material? The good looking guys have plenty of positive qualities. Being good looking does not make a person inhuman and having compassion for your fellow human being does not mean that a woman or a man is going to find the person physically attractive. No physical flame, no sex. Lack of sex means a friendship is present, not a romantic relationship. Women and men should aim for equally attractive people AND with the qualities they are looking in a mate. So the average guy should be with the average girl and Mr. Universe should be with Miss. Universe. Yes, I'm sure we've all seen good looking gals and good looking guys with lesser looking mates, but just because there's water in the desert does not mean you are going to find it. About the short guys. Well, it's known that women aren't interested in short guys. It's understandable. I wouldn't want a woman to be taller than me. It wouldn't make me feel like a real man. Is there something wrong with how I feel?
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 This is a bunch of poppycock. There is more to relationships than simply physical attractiveness. You're making it sound like people should settle for what they can get, that's making a value judgement on both them and the women you think they should date. I know several people, both male and female who are dating people who did not fit their preconceived ideas on what kind of person they should date. It's about compatibility (both sexual and non-sexual), chemistry, genuine feelings, things that can't be adequately described by comparing them to super models or overpaid actors or actresses. For what it's worth I don't find Angelina Jolie attractive at all. I completely understand if others do, but she's just not my personal cup of tea. I agree with you in that regard. There is more to a relationship than just sexual attraction. Emotional compatibility, the same goals, the same interests and so forth. But if there's no sexual attraction a relationship cannot be formed. There are several facets to sexual attraction. A very intelligent man can arouse sexual response from an attractive and intellectual woman. Do you see that happen often? I don't doubt that it happens, but I don't advise people to go after the more attractive people. A guy has George Clooney looks? Aim for a very attractive woman? Are you the Prom Queen? Date the Quarterback. Don't go for the average guy. Too much disparity. A woman should have as many high requirements in a man as possible. Remember that women are the holders of life. They should mate with the best of the best out there, and if that means that the average joe has to date an obese woman, so be it. Especially when that average joe can't even be considered average due to his stature. Nearly every woman isn't interested in a guy whose height can even be inferior to the typical 10 year old European boy. Therefore Somedude81 must conform to what he can have, and settle. Settling is good. No unrealistic expectations, no drama, and no heart break. And for the guys who think that 'The Game' works: it's just a tool to make women feel bad about themselves. A woman with self-love would never fall for those cheesy PUA acts. They're ridiculous and only make the guy look like a monkey. Stop trying to get the Queen, go for the maid. You are not the Prince. You're again making attractiveness out to be linear and universal. What somedude81 should do is figure out what parts of his life he is happy with and what parts of it he should change for the better. Then, he can figure out what kind of girl he would be compatible with, because, likely as not she would be equally interested in him. Every guy should feel as though he's getting the queen. His queen, not who you think is "the queen". I am fairly confident that there are several women who somedude81 thinks are attractive that you wouldn't give the time of day to, and vice-versa. I'm sure being short can be detrimental to a guy's overall attractiveness, but I doubt that's it's the end all be all. You think the short (4'11") Indonesian girl I know wants to date a 6'5" college basketball star? I mean really? All this talk about leagues and making sure women choose the best possible mate in terms of height and physical attractiveness and all of that sounds an awful lot like the National Socialists in Germany in the 1930s. Or the eugenics movement. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.
tman666 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 go for the maid. Let's not forget that there is A LOT in between the "queens" and the "mustachioed swine". "The maid" is often a great for a long term relationship because she has a centered opinion of herself, the world around her, and still knows how to be empathetic.
PJKino Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 You make it seem like to find "the best out there" should automatically associated with looks,i agree that there needs to be mutual attraction to sustain a relationship but if women are the gatekeepers things like integrity should be higher on the list then finding the hottest guy you can.. And youre being a little harsh and condescending towards short guys..settle down I do notice a trend of people believing that just because a guy has integrity or is nice, he's automatically partner material? The good looking guys have plenty of positive qualities. Being good looking does not make a person inhuman and having compassion for your fellow human being does not mean that a woman or a man is going to find the person physically attractive. No physical flame, no sex. Lack of sex means a friendship is present, not a romantic relationship. Women and men should aim for equally attractive people AND with the qualities they are looking in a mate. So the average guy should be with the average girl and Mr. Universe should be with Miss. Universe. Yes, I'm sure we've all seen good looking gals and good looking guys with lesser looking mates, but just because there's water in the desert does not mean you are going to find it. About the short guys. Well, it's known that women aren't interested in short guys. It's understandable. I wouldn't want a woman to be taller than me. It wouldn't make me feel like a real man. Is there something wrong with how I feel? I agree most people are near the same level of attractivness but you made it seem like women should try to trade up in looks because therye the gatekeepers AS far as short guys you just sound very condescending about it,and not every women wants a tall man some are actually *gasp* attracted to Men average or a little below average
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