somedude81 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 to have to constantly reject men she's not attracted to. Usually she's nice and polite about it but it's probably stressful to her, especially if she actually knows the guy and doesn't want to hurt him. She tries to be kind, but she can never know how the men will take it; if they even accept it at all. I've seen women post on the forums that they were attracted to something like 2 out of every 100 men. It's a completely different from my natural reaction where I could be attracted to 80 out of 100 girls. In a way, I almost pity her for having to be without a partner because none of the potential men do anything for her. But what should she do, let herself settle and go for a man that could love her? Or just live her life not worrying about it. Someday her prince might come, or maybe he won't. What if there's already somebody else on the back of his horse?
fishtaco Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Well, I can't speak for women, but I think maybe 1 out of 10 is a more realistic number, as opposed to 2 out of 100. And for me, that's about right too. I would have sex with 80 out of 100 women I meet, but a LTR, about 10% I'd say.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Try to picture an obese woman you are repulsed by calling you 5 times a day. It ain't easy.
fishtaco Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Try to picture an obese woman you are repulsed by calling you 5 times a day. It ain't easy. If I have sex with her will she go away?
Intricategirl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Alright, I'll play along... Women are choosy because apparently you aren't. If you're content to be with 80/100, then why are you knotted over it? Go find one of them and leave me to my choosiness. But frankly, knowing that I might be one of 80% of women doesn't really make me feel very special in any way. However, when I pick a guy, he knows I'm really picking him. And that I didn't settle. And that he's one of very few that I wanted to spend time with. Besides, we still live in a world where women who reverse those numbers and go for 80% of guys are called a lot of filthy names.
Kamille Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 When you say 80 out of 100, do you mean all ages, economic background, body types confounded? I'll be honest, those play an important role for me. I'm more attracted to people who have about my body type (average), are about my age or older, and share the same economic background (middle class; have either an urban hip or a business casual style). This means I'm probably attracted to about 10% of the male population. However, among men who are in those categories, the number likely jumps to me finding something attractive to 50% of those guys.
Author somedude81 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Well, I can't speak for women, but I think maybe 1 out of 10 is a more realistic number, as opposed to 2 out of 100. Taken from a woman's thread I just went through 100 guys on this dating site and found 2 I'm attracted to I've heard other women similarly comment. And I think I know who feels the same way. Why else would she still be single and dateless at 21? And for me, that's about right too. I would have sex with 80 out of 100 women I meet, but a LTR, about 10% I'd say. LTR's are a different issue. Even then, there would still be 80 women that made the first cut. Try to picture an obese woman you are repulsed by calling you 5 times a day. It ain't easy. To me it seems like having 2 or 3 obese women approaching me everyday, wanting to smother me. They may be good people, but there just is nothing there.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Yeah somedude, if you asked me out knowing that you would go for 80% of women - it wouldn't exactly make me feel good.
Kamille Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Yeah somedude, if you asked me out knowing that you would go for 80% of women - it wouldn't exactly make me feel good. In my twenties, my guy friends and I discussed attraction and they admitted they found something like 50% of the women around them attractive. I didn't take it to mean they saw all women as numbers. I somehow felt it was but a positive thing. If men were so easily swayed by a woman's charms, it made my job way easier. I could take it for granted that if a guy was talking to me, there was a good chance he was attracted to me, and then I could decide whether or not I wanted to flirt with him. A guy finding a girl attractive does not take away his power to decide whether or not he actually clicks with a girl enough to want to go on a date with her. Feeling special comes after, once you actually know the person. Doesn't it?
SmileFace Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I never understood the word mature. People only prove to me everyday it has nothing to do with age.... sigh
SmileFace Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Feeling special comes after, once you actually know the person. Doesn't it? No, not when you need external validation to validate your own self worth.
MarlyStar Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 If you like him or he seems like a nice guy, you really do feel bad. I don't think it's something to pity a gal over, but the feeling of disappointing a guy who seems nice, likeable or decent is a bad feeling that lingers for a long time, even if you don't see him again. You just WISH you could feel differently, and sort of hate yourself for not being attracted. If he's a jerk, or obnoxious or clearly unsuitable, like a 60 year old hitting on a 24 year old, or someone with an approach that is obnoxious, or conceited or so clearly out of touch with normal social behavior, then you deal with it and maybe even laugh it off with your friends. Or the guys who seem nice but when you decline, they show a smidgen of bitterness or same something they think is cutting. You don't feel bad about those at all. You know they are just trying to save face, but you figure whew you dodged a bullet with that guy. Then there are the scary ones, the ones who are obnoxious, pushy, strange, staring or following you, the ones who make sexual comments or veiled threats or just seem creepy. Those guys scare you to reject, but you have to, but you are afraid of their reaction. The vaguely or not so vaguely crazy, the ones who seem violent or mean or threatening somehow. These guys made you feel bad for weeks after an encounter with them. Not only do you look over your shoulder for a while, you wonder what you did to attract them; what's wrong with you. These guys might be one out of 10 or 15, but they make women leary of all men. Most women have had the experience of a stranger coming up to her and asking her out out of nowhere and then when she politely turns him down, he starts insulting her or yelling. It's a bad bad scary feeling. Most guys are in the first category and you do feel bad declining. It never occured to me until now, but I don't guess many men know that women do feel bad when they say no to nice guys; it DOES bother them.
Author somedude81 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 When you say 80 out of 100, do you mean all ages, economic background, body types confounded? No, I was automatically narrowing it down to a certain age range and body type. So it would be 80 out of 100 of a certain but very broad category. Women too old and too thin/heavy were already ruled out and not part of the 100. I'm assuming the woman who is attracted to very few men, has already ruled out the guys she considers not possible. I'll be honest, those play an important role for me. I'm more attracted to people who have about my body type (average), are about my age or older, and share the same economic background (middle class; have either an urban hip or a business casual style). This means I'm probably attracted to about 10% of the male population. However, among men who are in those categories, the number likely jumps to me finding something attractive to 50% of those guys.So 50% for the filtered men doesn't sound that bad. Yeah somedude, if you asked me out knowing that you would go for 80% of women - it wouldn't exactly make me feel good. Kamile did a good job of explaining it. Putting it in a different way, I could be attracted to 80% of the girls who go to my university. The major filter would be age, since the vast majority of college students are 18-22. But there could be a girl on my campus who is attracted to only 10% of the male population. That's the discrepancy that's puzzling.
Stung Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 2 out of 100 sounds about right to me. It might actually be a little high. It is what it is.
MarlyStar Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Taken from a woman's thread Quote: I just went through 100 guys on this dating site and found 2 I'm attracted to I made contact with about 30 guys or had them contact me and there were two of those that I was attracted to enough to go out with. However, there were about 20 others on the site that I was attracted to and initiated contact that had no interest in me, some didn't even look at my profile and others did and decided not to respond to me. So of about 50 guys, mutual attraction came down to two. I rejected about 25 guys, and about 25 guys rejected me.
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I remember a long time ago in high school I casually dated a guy..A real nice guy. Romantic, good looking, kind hearted, fun, smart, good sense of humour, treated me so well.. I wished I could have fallen for him but after 2months or so of going out, and also fooling around, kissing, cuddling, I felt nothing. Not a drop of wetness between my legs! I was attached to him on an emotional level but felt nothing for him, no chemistry. It was rough ending it, didn't like having to hurt him but I knew he liked me more than I liked him and it wouldn't be fair to stay with him knowing how I felt. Some women can connect easily with men and find sexual attraction happens easily. I've always been one where the moon/sun/stars have to be in the right place for me to feel it all and go for it.
threebyfate Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Some women can connect easily with men and find sexual attraction happens easily. I've always been one where the moon/sun/stars have to be in the right place for me to feel it all and go for it.Same here. Alignment or go home.
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Same here. Alignment or go home. :laugh::laugh:
Author somedude81 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 If you like him or he seems like a nice guy, you really do feel bad. I don't think it's something to pity a gal over, but the feeling of disappointing a guy who seems nice, likeable or decent is a bad feeling that lingers for a long time, even if you don't see him again. You just WISH you could feel differently, and sort of hate yourself for not being attracted. Most guys are in the first category and you do feel bad declining. It never occured to me until now, but I don't guess many men know that women do feel bad when they say no to nice guys; it DOES bother them. I'm starting to understand this. There is a girl that I had really strong feelings for but she didn't feel that way about me at all. But she considered me to be a good friend even though she made it clear nothing would happen between us. I've mentioned the story a few times here on how we went on a date and she ended up bringing a guy friend to basically chaperon. What's really fun, that despite her not wanting to be alone with me, she wanted to make sure that I had a good time. She actively tried to give me the date I wanted despite her not liking me that way. Even now she's still super nice and she's giving me dating advice and wants things to work out for me; as long as I forget about her I almost pity her because she's an adult and never had a relationship. So she never gets to experience everything else that's a part of that. It's her choice, but in a way, it's not. If he's a jerk, or obnoxious or clearly unsuitable, like a 60 year old hitting on a 24 year old, or someone with an approach that is obnoxious, or conceited or so clearly out of touch with normal social behavior, then you deal with it and maybe even laugh it off with your friends. I'm aware of that happening and I think it's fine to laugh about it. Most women have had the experience of a stranger coming up to her and asking her out out of nowhere and then when she politely turns him down, he starts insulting her or yelling. It's a bad bad scary feeling. That's the darker side about being a woman. I've heard stories. It's something a man can never really empathize with.
Kamille Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Some women can connect easily with men and find sexual attraction happens easily. I've always been one where the moon/sun/stars have to be in the right place for me to feel it all and go for it. Hehe. While I may find something attractive to 50% of men "my age", it's a lot more rare for me to connect with someone for LTR material. I would say I dated 5 ducks in-between my LTRs. So that's 1 out of 5 out of 50% of 20% of the population. Which means ah... could someone else do the math? (Hey, I never said I had a high IQ! )
Author somedude81 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 I remember a long time ago in high school I casually dated a guy..A real nice guy. Romantic, good looking, kind hearted, fun, smart, good sense of humour, treated me so well.. I wished I could have fallen for him but after 2months or so of going out, and also fooling around, kissing, cuddling, I felt nothing. Not a drop of wetness between my legs! I was attached to him on an emotional level but felt nothing for him, no chemistry. It was rough ending it, didn't like having to hurt him but I knew he liked me more than I liked him and it wouldn't be fair to stay with him knowing how I felt. Some women can connect easily with men and find sexual attraction happens easily. I've always been one where the moon/sun/stars have to be in the right place for me to feel it all and go for it. Wow, that seems really crazy. I wonder why woman are like that? He sounded like he could have been the perfect husband. And yet you weren't excited by him. That's one reason why men think some women are crazy
Author somedude81 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Alright, I'll play along... Women are choosy because apparently you aren't. If you're content to be with 80/100, then why are you knotted over it? Go find one of them and leave me to my choosiness. But frankly, knowing that I might be one of 80% of women doesn't really make me feel very special in any way. However, when I pick a guy, he knows I'm really picking him. And that I didn't settle. And that he's one of very few that I wanted to spend time with. Besides, we still live in a world where women who reverse those numbers and go for 80% of guys are called a lot of filthy names. As a man it's not in my best interest to be too picky. Sure I could have a lot of filters and only be into 10% of the female population around me. But if those 10% all reject me, where does that leave me? So there isn't any point in making "you" feel special if there is a chance that "you" would reject me. It's just wasted time and energy.
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Wow, that seems really crazy. I wonder why woman are like that? He sounded like he could have been the perfect husband. And yet you weren't excited by him. That's one reason why men think some women are crazy How is it crazy? And what I mean by that is, you think I'm crazy because I didn't feel any sexual attraction to him? See, it's hard for you to understand. Let's try it this way.. You see a woman, you're hot for her. I mean she is perfect in bed, you two have wild hot sex and you can't get enough .. As you get to know her, you find out she's not the brightest bulb in the package, she's got some annoying habits and her social skills are limited. Not long term relationship material, not wife material.. yet, you have such good sex. Yet she has fallen inlove with you, wants to be with you all the time..But, aside from the hot sex, you don't feel the love for her.. Now does that seem crazy? Reverse it and maybe now try to understand. Make sense?
threebyfate Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Now it's my turn to throw in some quasi-biology/sociology. As keeper of the womb, women are instinctually going to be more picky where we're not going to mate with every horn dog around.
Darren Taylor Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I'm not a woman and obviously never will be, so I'll never be in that type of situation. Even the best looking men won't go through that. Obviously, you're not going to be attracted to every single individual of the opposite sex. But, if you're at the point where you're chronically single, you may want to re-evaluate things.
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