Ok girls, let's get this online dating thing handled

[Von]

So, I've gone from totally calling off online dating due to my frustrations you can read about in my threads, to giving it another chance but I don't want to multi-date off site and I want to improve my profile and approach to it. Because maybe I've been doing it wrong. So any girls on here that reply to this thread I will PM you a link to my profile and you can see my pics and description and critique it so it would generate some honest interest without sounding too forward or too uninteresting. (right now it's rather long lol) (and I don't want it out in public hence the PM thing)

 

Also, what are the best things to say on a first email, or what piques your interest the most that you want to hear? That you can put in here.

[D-Lish]

You should make sure you have good pics- that's the number one lure for both sexes!

[happily_ever_after]

I agree to good pictures. People online are attracted or not to the first thing they see, which will be your pictures.

 

Make your profile fun to read, and try to show your sense of humor if possible.

 

Good Luck!

[Von]

Ok that's one PM sent! I need lots of opinions otherwise I'll hafta make it public and I don't want my thing copied!!!! Cuz it's pretty dam good... Well I think anyways lol

[Von]

I agree to good pictures. People online are attracted or not to the first thing they see, which will be your pictures.

 

Make your profile fun to read, and try to show your sense of humor if possible.

 

Good Luck!

 

I have great pictures :-)

One of my hobbies is photoshop, so I can take normal pics and make them look awesome

[D-Lish]

The pics are good, but the body of the profile seems disingenuous and contrived.

 

It seems like you're trying to give off the "I'm too good to be true vibe".

There is also an element of conceit to your profile "I get a lot of mail" stands out to me.

 

I'm just being honest, it's the kind of profile I'd roll my eyes at and move on.

 

I'm just giving my honest opinion. If I were you I'd shorten your profile, take a more humble approach.

[Von]

The pics are good, but the body of the profile seems disingenuous and contrived.

 

It seems like you're trying to give off the "I'm too good to be true vibe".

There is also an element of conceit to your profile "I get a lot of mail" stands out to me.

 

I'm just being honest, it's the kind of profile I'd roll my eyes at and move on.

 

I'm just giving my honest opinion. If I were you I'd shorten your profile, take a more humble approach.

 

Thank you. It's not contrived, that's actually what I think, but where would you say I need to cut back? And I don't want to give off im too good to be true. I really think I'm that good. That's my confidence. But I want to come across the right way.

 

Ok deleting "I get a lot of mail", even though I do.

 

So you had a "whatever" moment. What do you suggest I change to be more humble. Or better yet, what caught your attention. Besides my pics :/)

[D-Lish]

Thank you. It's not contrived, that's actually what I think, but where would you say I need to cut back? And I don't want to give off im too good to be true. I really think I'm that good. That's my confidence. But I want to come across the right way.

 

Ok deleting "I get a lot of mail", even though I do.

 

So you had a "whatever" moment. What do you suggest I change to be more humble. Or better yet, what caught your attention. Besides my pics :/)

 

I got tons of mail when I had a profile, but voicing that just seemed conceited and irrelevant to the process. The truly confident people I know never see a need to voice it. I guess the overall vibe I got was that you were trying to convince yourself how wonderful you are, and that doesn't translate well on paper.

 

Honestly, the body of the profile was a bit cheesy IMO. It's like you came up with every cliche you think women want to hear and put it in your profile.

 

I'd make your body much shorter. I think you hype yourself up so much that the truly good women will bypass your profile because it's;

 

A) too long.

B) too contrived.

C) too much like you're saying everything you think "every" woman wants to hear instead of being yourself.

 

Yes, you should sell yourself in a profile, but not to the point where you come off sounding conceited. I'd cut back on the words, the sexual innuendos (you made a reference to what you're capapable of in the bedroom) and zone in more on your interests. Maybe try and be a little more light hearted.

 

I mean, I am 41, and might not be your target audience. Maybe someone younger might have a different perspective. All I can tell you is that I would have gotten to the comment "I get a lot of mail" and moved on. I only read further because you wanted a critique.

 

 

 

 

I think you could say a lot more with a lot less words.

[Von]

That is such good insight! I agree now that I see another perspective. I will make some changes and then see what you think.

 

Anyone else game for a blunt look at what I can do?

[Kamille]

I never really on-line dated, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

 

I loved the pic! Definitely keep that one.

 

I agree that you should take out the "I get lots of mail" line.

 

I loved the paragraph that followed, about what you were looking for.

 

I did like the "about me" part of the message. Perhaps I liked it because I tend to be attracted to men who have that "compassionate, strong, protective vibe". I also like versatile people, and I think you did a good job putting that forward. I found that part too long and a bit repetetive. At the beginning, for instance, you find 4 ways of saying: "I'm an open honest guy".

 

There was another thread once where a LS poster, Little Tiger, explained how she went about writing her profile. Basically, she figured out who she wanted to attract and then wrote the profile accordingly (who is your profile going to attract?). I'm guessing that, as you do get a lot of mails, you're probably trying to figure out how to attract a particular audience, right?

 

I read somewhere else that it's best to stay away from clichés on profile, and perhaps better to go into anecdotes and specifics. You do some of both in your profile. shifting from clichés to anecdotal styles.

 

One of the cliches I would edit out is the one about you listening to her even though you're rolling your eyes in your head. The joke, while cute, contradicts the point you're trying to make.

[D-Lish]

That is such good insight! I agree now that I see another perspective. I will make some changes and then see what you think.

 

Anyone else game for a blunt look at what I can do?

 

I was attracted to the humility in my now bf's profile.

 

He just made light of the fact that he was shorter with red hair, but he did it in a way that was incredibly funny, and not "poor me". He had a nice mix of vulnerability, humility, humour, and confidence.

 

I'd never entertained the idea of dating a ginger before I saw his profile, but he changed my mind.

 

At the 5 month mark, I am not sure we are actually right for one another, but his initial profile was nothing like I've seen before, and it def made me pay attention and want to meet him.

[Von]

Again great advice! I guess alot of what i say can actually be "shown" instead of worded. You ladies are awesome. I never would have got it. And I'm not the clueless guy I made myself sound. But in the moment when was writing my profile my passion came out WAY too much. This kicks ass thank you!

[Intricategirl]

FYI: My dating profile used to be a list of 35 things about me. It was a little long, and I should have gotten rid of at least ten of them. But I loved the crap out of that profile, and got an insane number of responses to it.

 

Oddly enough- and I don't know that any of the guys I dated who read it have figured this out yet- it's an instruction manual for me. I'm telling them everything they need to know about me in there. Some of it takes some figuring out because I did have fun with it, but it has all the big stuff in there. It gave us things to talk about, they could read it and tell instantly whether they were interested or not, and it was a lot more fun than the typical "I'm into X and Y and Z." Like I said in the message, don't tell them what they're looking for. You don't know them and haven't even met them! Tell them who YOU are and let them decide if you're right for them. I just took it to the extreme.

[Von]

I was attracted to the humility in my now bf's profile.

 

He just made light of the fact that he was shorter with red hair, but he did it in a way that was incredibly funny, and not "poor me". He had a nice mix of vulnerability, humility, humour, and confidence.

 

I'd never entertained the idea of dating a ginger before I saw his profile, but he changed my mind.

 

At the 5 month mark, I am not sure we are actually right for one another, but his initial profile was nothing like I've seen before, and it def made me pay attention and want to meet him.

 

You wouldn't happen to have a link or copy of it that I could see would you? Not because I would ever duplicate but just for ideas. Seriously. I'm actually such a happy great guy but I'm deep and pour my heart out way more than I need to lol.

 

I'm sorry if it may not work out. But things work themselves out right? I can't belive I'm saying that I get so bitter and frustrated sometimes! A person can have a shoe in each door sometimes.

 

But you can always talk to me I do listen. Whether or not I roll my eyes in my head lol

[D-Lish]

Again great advice! I guess alot of what i say can actually be "shown" instead of worded. You ladies are awesome. I never would have got it. And I'm not the clueless guy I made myself sound. But in the moment when was writing my profile my passion came out WAY too much. This kicks ass thank you!

 

I think others are right in suggesting that you decide what kind of woman you are looking to attract and write your profile accordingly.

 

If you keep your profile the way it is, you will still attract women- but the kind of woman that would be enticed by your profile is the exact kind of woman you have been complaining about in other posts.

 

Maybe tell us what kind of woman you really want to find, and that might help us to help you with your profile.

[Von]

Well I know what I want. It may not be that easy to describe. I want the girl in my "looking for" paragraph. I want to find someone who is cool, not easily turned off by sarcastic teasing, stable, doesn't have to be worked on to be a better person because she already has goals or is working on it, easy to talk to, has morals and boundries, really beautiful, has her sh*t together, no baby daddy drama, exciting... I dont know. Every guy wants that.

 

Think of what you would want in yourself if you were gunna date you. At my age I'm getting that "time to settle" feeling. So being ultra picky is not something I can do forever

[Crazy Magnet]

I too have a random list of facts about me on my profile about me too but it's a lot shorter than 35. It's around 11 or 12 I think. I mixed my list with some paragraphs about who I am as a person. I skipped all the "honest, sincere, blah blah BS" that's on every other profile. Nobody cares about that. Everybody says it. Two weeks in I've gotten 120+ emails and who knows how many "winks" and guys who have stuck me on the "favorites" list. The most common comment is "Wow! Refreshing profile." So that should be your goal, to stand out and not be like everyone else.

 

I give them something to grab onto in the profile and interact with it. Such as: "You lived in XXXX. That must have been crazy/interesting/fun. What was that like? How did you get from XXX to YYYY?"

 

I don't know what your target age is. I'm 31, so if that's helpful I'll critique what I can. I write profiles for my guy friends all the time and they are pretty successful with what I give them.

[Imajerk17]

I too have a random list of facts about me on my profile about me too but it's a lot shorter than 35. It's around 11 or 12 I think. I mixed my list with some paragraphs about who I am as a person. I skipped all the "honest, sincere, blah blah BS" that's on every other profile. Nobody cares about that. Everybody says it. Two weeks in I've gotten 120+ emails and who knows how many "winks" and guys who have stuck me on the "favorites" list. The most common comment is "Wow! Refreshing profile." So that should be your goal, to stand out and not be like everyone else.

 

I give them something to grab onto in the profile and interact with it. Such as: "You lived in XXXX. That must have been crazy/interesting/fun. What was that like? How did you get from XXX to YYYY?"

 

I don't know what your target age is. I'm 31, so if that's helpful I'll critique what I can. I write profiles for my guy friends all the time and they are pretty successful with what I give them.

 

Wow, 120 emails in 14 days. That comes to like 10 a day. It explains a lot of why women online are so into instant chemistry. Why would she want to go out on a second date with a guy she isn't that into when she has 10 emails waiting in her inbox?

 

Even if only 10% of those emails are any good, that's 1 new promising prospect a day every day.

 

Most women's profiles are filled with cliches. Everyone on Match is laid-back but ambitious, and sarcastic (I don't know why every woman on Match says she is "sarcastic" in her profile but for whatever reason I see that word all the time.) Most women also make the mistake of (a) too many headshots, (b) at least one picture of them being "too" friendly with another guy--I don't want to see it!

 

That said, as a guy, this is how I decide whether I will write to someone. I'm not looking for a professional writer or photo-journalist, I am looking for a great girlfriend. If I like her pictures, that's really most of it. I will then look through the text of her profile and try to come up with something that I can use for a first email, and pretend (sort of) that this is what attracted me to her and not her looks (haha). I'm not too fussy on the quality of writing--again, I'm not looking for a professional writer as I am a great girlfriend. I will try to look past all the chiches and whatnot and try to see what is a genuine red flag.

 

That said, a well-written profile can go a long way towards your getting good emails. It's great when she leaves something to ask her about. I'm observant, I'll pick it up. What makes it hard for me to write is when (a) the girl writes hardly anything, then it's hard to have enough material to think of an intelligent question, or (b) the girl writes out her whole life story, and then what am I going to ask--she already answered all of the questions. So ladies, if you're not getting any smart emails, this might be why.

 

My point in this is that the guys who write you are really attracted to your pictures. The "hook" that you put in your profile just makes it easy for the smart ones to write you a good email.

Edited March 23, 2011 by Imajerk17

[Crazy Magnet]

Wow, 120 emails in 14 days. That comes to like 10 a day. It explains a lot of why women online are so into instant chemistry. Why would she want to go out on a second date with a guy she isn't that into when she has 10 emails waiting in her inbox?

 

Even if only 10% of those emails are any good, that's 1 new promising prospect a day every day.

 

Most women's profiles are filled with cliches. Everyone on Match is laid-back but ambitious, and sarcastic (I don't know why every woman on Match says she is "sarcastic" in her profile but for whatever reason I see that word all the time.) Most women also make the mistake of (a) too many headshots, (b) at least one picture of them being "too" friendly with another guy--I don't want to see it!

 

That said, as a guy, this is how I decide whether I will write to someone. I'm not looking for a professional writer or photo-journalist, I am looking for a great girlfriend. If I like her pictures, that's really most of it. I will then look through the text of her profile and try to come up with something that I can use for a first email, and pretend (sort of) that this is what attracted me to her and not her looks (haha). I'm not too fussy on the quality of writing--again, I'm not looking for a professional writer as I am a great girlfriend. I will try to look past all the chiches and whatnot and try to see what is a genuine red flag.

 

That said, a well-written profile can go a long way towards your getting good emails. It's great when she leaves something to ask her about. I'm observant, I'll pick it up. What makes it hard for me to write is when (a) the girl writes hardly anything, then it's hard to have enough material to think of an intelligent question, or (b) the girl writes out her whole life story, and then what am I going to ask--she already answered all of the questions. So ladies, if you're not getting any smart emails, this might be why.

 

My point in this is that the guys who write you are really attracted to your pictures. The "hook" that you put in your profile just makes it easy for the smart ones to write you a good email.

 

Yes you are so right! I'm lucky that I'm attractive. I know exactly what pulls guys to my profile and it's certainly not my witty headline (those things are quite lame actually.)

 

I also made sure to include only a head shot for my main profile pic. I think I have two head shots, two full body shots, and two in groups with my friends, which I made sure were all female. There will be no surprise as to what I look like when I show up. Again though, I'm really secure with my looks so I don't feel the need to hide anything.

 

Giving guys things to hook onto in the email really weeds out a) the spam emails and 2) the people who clearly haven't bothered to read it. Don't send me a "hi" and expect me to say something back.

 

I have come across more than one guy I find attractive that I would like to email but there is NOTHING in the one paragraph he bothered to write that I can even comment on. So, I pass. (Meanwhile the man is wondering why he can't get anywhere online.)

 

It's all about being 1) attractive 2) approachable. The only typical dating thing I've got on my profile is about kids, which I state are a must for me in a LTR.

[GivenUp0083]

Well what are you looking for man? Just going on dates or finding a girl that's a good fit for you? Online dating can take time, it's not a quick-fix solution.

 

If you're looking for a girlfriend that is a good match for you and makes you happy, just be yourself, try to share unique things about yourself, and STAY POSITIVE.

 

When emailing girls, actually read their profile. Try to be a little funny about something they mentioned and ask them quesitons about them to try and get to know them. Make it sound like you're just trying to make conversation with a stranger. That's all you're doing. Take it one step at a time.

[Imajerk17]

I have come across more than one guy I find attractive that I would like to email but there is NOTHING in the one paragraph he bothered to write that I can even comment on. So, I pass. (Meanwhile the man is wondering why he can't get anywhere online.)

 

 

Likewise. I have come across more than one girl's profile like that. Text which is basically only one paragraph that is full of the typical cliches, and a collection of pictures that do a great job showing off her physical beauty, but don't seem to have an interesting story behind them otherwise. What am I supposed to write her besides the usual "I like your smile"? I know that won't get a response so why put myself out there.

 

And I'm guessing that this woman wonders why she gets all sorts of dumb responses.

Edited March 23, 2011 by Imajerk17

[Crazy Magnet]

Likewise. I have come across more than one girl's profile like that. Text which is basically only one paragraph that is full of the typical cliches, and a collection of pictures that do a great job showing off her physical beauty, but don't seem to have an interesting story behind them otherwise. What am I supposed to write her besides the usual "I like your smile"? I know that won't get a response so why put myself out there.

 

And I'm guessing that this woman wonders why she gets all sorts of dumb responses.

 

My favorite is the paragraph is the one where all they say is they are new to online dating, aren't sure what to write, and ask girls to message them if they are a good match.

 

A good match to what? Your photo?