persevere Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I met a woman on a dating website. We did the usual light contact for a few weeks, then set up a date. She is a business woman, with a very good job, who travels a lot during the week. I travel as well for a living. We met on our first date, talked for several hours over a few bottles of wine. It seemed to be a hit. We agreed upon a second date. I gave her a long kiss in her car after the date. I waited three or four days and then contacted her about a second date. There was only one day we could meet that week, and unfortunately it didn't work out. So, we made plans for the following week on Thursday. Again, the only date we were both in town. She called me on Friday and we discussed what we would do. (She did mention that she was a bit taken aback that I kissed her on the first date, that she liked to take things slow. We laughed that it was probably the two bottles of wine) I told her I would contact her over the weekend and we would confirm. I texted that Sunday. She called me the next day (and apologized for not getting back sooner, though I didn't care. It was only one day). Great, so we are on for Thursday evening... Anyway, so I was really looking forward to seeing her all week. Very nice looking woman. good personality, with her head on her shoulders, etc. Thursday (St. Patty's day..this is where the 'Hmmmm' comes in in my mind) comes along and I get a long text, late morning that she had a "blow up at work" and would be going straight to the office when she got back in town (from her business trip). She apologized profusely that she would not be able to meet for dinner and that it was "not normally her style". (My thoughts were..so why no quick trip, later, to the coffee shop or something?) This was followed up directly with a voice mail telling me she was sorry and that she would like to go out again, just that that day was bad timing, "long stressful week...this was the only day I was available...Get in touch if, for any reason, you would like to try again" I was a little suspicious, being no stranger to games. However, things happen. I texted back telling her "I was dissapointed. Was really looking forward to seeing her. Contact me when you can and we will plan another date". This was followed up a few days later (saturday) with a voice mail from me saying "I understood chaotic schedules, was available to see her such and such days this week, have a good weekend. talk soon." Tuesday, today. ...and Nothing....No text. No email. No voice mail...Nothing since her message on Thursday cancelling our second date. Regardless of her sincerity and "profuse apology" for cancelling, last minute with a seeming desire to go about again. I know it's over, but a part of me cannot understand why? I wasn't pushy, or needy...or was I? I don't plan on contacting her again. Thoughts? Thanks!
LondonS Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 No you were fine, if she doesnt follow up,leave her to it. May be she is juggling a few !
Datura Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 It comes with the dating territory... at least of the online variety. Asking why or finding fault with yourself is counterproductive. The only certainty is that she is not true to her word. Better to find that out in the beginning than to have more time wasted.
Von Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Actually, you didnt really mess up, but when you said "I was disappointed"... it sounds negative. Like giving a guilt trip. You can't say anything negative in the beginning apparently, and you really have to be on your game with online dating girls cuz the will move on quicker than a click of the mouse. That's my experience anyways. You should have said "that's cool, I understand, get back to me when your free again and we can setup another date"... That leaves the ball in her court. But like datura said, she most likely wasn't true to her word, and if she never got back to you, that would be the biggest hint she was lying
Author persevere Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Thanks guys/gals. Agreed Von. Perhaps saying "dissapointed" was a bit sketchy. However, I was putting forth my feelings, full bore. Also, kind of a double edged jab. Not that I am vindictive, but "if" she really did have a work "blow up", then sure I was dissapointed that we didn't get together after two weeks of that 'maybe there's something' feeling. On the other hand, if she was lying..bang, you suk. Dissapointed. My job makes me very analytical and I carry that into dating (which is bad). The fact that she said "Not normally my style", to me means it was a lie. Not your style to what? Have something critical happen at work to take care of it? Surely, I would understand that..if true. "Get in touch with me, if for any reason you would like to go out in the near future". Well, no. She blew the date. Why should I have to 'still' persue, which yes, I did to some degree. The best thing I think is to close her off the dating site. Don't call. Let her stew if she wants. Stop worrying about her and move on. Turns out it was likely no loss at all. She's a gamer/serial dater. No call, almost a week later. You are correct, sir. It was a lie. I feel your pain with the online dating. We all want to meet someone and, sure I suppose I am a bit guilty of it, but it's too easy to go "well, he seemed a bit negative with being "dissapointed", what's (insert screen name) up to??. The criteria is too narrow. You both have to be willing to stop playing musical chairs at the same time. It just doesn't happen very often.
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