LD1981 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 wow, I am having one hell of a time coping here... I have to live with the women I love, the women who loves me (so she kept telling me even the day after we broke up) but I cant have her ... I'm basically floating around, doing nothing, feeling sorry for myself, I try to smile and make out i'm happy with everything and that i'm moving on, but I can only do that when shes in another room... If she looks at me, If I look at her.. I'm off on a depressive tangent running off to the bathroom (the only safe place in the house, where I don't get disturbed) listening to her cry most nights doesn't help either, can't even get her to talk to me How can she say she loves me, wants me, hates herself for not being happy with me, but wishes she was happy :s What sense does that make??? It's been just over a week since the break up and everyday gets harder! the couch gets more uncomfortable, i'm that stressed and depressed, im actually making myself ill!! no where to go and stay without being many hours from my kids (and i certainly couldn't handle that right now) no money at all to even go somewhere for the day... I'm definately not coping very well... i feel like my life has been taken from me and that i'm gonna have to start again from nothing, watching the women i love continue to walk in my previous life wishing I was there.
1784 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I'm so sorry to hear that, LD1981. I don't really know your story or how you arrived "on the couch" but I'm sure that we can all help to some degree. I'm amazed at what I've found on this site and how so many stories could have so many similarities to my own situation. The only advice that i can give you, based on what I know from your above post, is that things will get better. But only if you do something to make them better. I know that you can't just sit on this Web site and expect that by reading post after post that your own life will improve. It's very easy to think that. Reading inspirational posts is a nice little high but afterwords you always have to return to your life. And, well, your life is what you make it. You can either go to the bathroom and brood or you can go outside and take a walk. You can either sulk on the couch or you can go volunteer somewhere, like a cancer ward, where you learn the true meaning of hopelessness. Like I said, I don't know your situation. Perhaps you could enlighten us with more detail and we then could offer you more insight as to where you could start to heal. I'm really sorry that you're not doing so well right now, though. I know how hard this all is. I really do.
Author LD1981 Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 Thanks for the reply, 1784, I understand others are going through the same emotions, which is why I come here for experiences, advice, rants and even just someone to talk to. Well.. My story... I've been married for 6 years (11 days from now to be exact) together for almost 9. We have had our ups and downs.. mostly ups (she sees it differently) We've been through deaths, births, we've struggled with money a lot through our naivity when we moved in together when we were so young. We've had our fair share of arguments but nothing malicious and no real arguments in the lastr year or 2 that I can recall - things actually looked good.. she seemed to be very happy except for the stresses of money. Last 3-4 weeks or so she seemed to have gotten herself quite down and then started losing interest in me more and more, when i asked her what the problem was, she basically said... nothing, worried about money, so we talked about it and it would brighten her up again, but then it kept getting her down.. until a week on sunday ago, when she said she couldn't do it no more, as much as she loves me, as much as she wants me and as much as she hates herself for it, she is unhappy being with me, she said that she should be happy with me no matter what happened around us, wether we were in a cardboard box or a mansion and that she isn't anymore.. I tried to reason that everything was getting on top of us both and that we needed to work through it and fight for what we want, she then said she has no fight left in her for me and thinks she will be happier alone, last tuesday, i burst into tears on the on the couch at 1am, she came running down to see if im ok and said she was sorry, i practically blanked her, she burst into tears herself and ran back upstairs when i got a txt message telling me about how she loves me and always will, how i've always got a place in her heart and thats shes sorry and hates seeing me hurting, that she hates herself for not being happy with me and wishes she was happy with me, that she wants me and her to work more than anything, but thinks this is for the best and that she hopes i see it one day, that she hopes we can be friends and that shes hurting too... Now i'm stuck here in the house, living on the couch, trying to be happy whilst the kids are around, trying to smile and make out im happy with the decision and that im going to move on... but like i say, its near impossible, i get overwhelmed with emotion.. I've never been so overwhelmed with it before, even when my mother died 6 years ago, i didn't cry once, i was the strong one in the family that dealt with it all, i'm usually very good at bottling things up around those that i need too, but i cant do it atm.. I just want to be with her, i just wish there was something i could do, i have no control or power of the situation.... there you go...
brokendreamz Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Hi, Sorry to hear about your situation. Do you think she could be depressed? I displayed many of her thought patterns, particularly 'Why am I not happy with you'. Google 'uncommon knowledge' visit the forum there on depression and see if your wife's symptoms fit. Perhaps she should visit the site too. Depression is a disease that will only get better with treatment - but you need to diagnose it first (something I wish I'd done a very long time ago!). Best of luck to you both.
Author LD1981 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Thanks for the reply, Brokendreamz. I did bring that up a couple of times, but she is determined that she is not depressed, getting her to even look at that site is damn near impossible, its near impossible to get anything out of her tbh. I am looking through the forums myself though, so thank you for the reference. She's now got to going up to her room when the kids goto bed now watching tv up there and avoiding the front room all the time. She's trying everything to avoid me and when she is stood with me at any point i get the same question "have you got the references sorted yet" (to sign with the housing association) and is currently, purposefully, sunbathing in the back garden with barely anything on as if to say.. haha look at me, you cant have it... So I went out back and did it myself. It's like she's staying well out of my way to stop herself from feeling guilty and getting back with me. She is well out of character atm
Author LD1981 Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 wow - Been awake 2 hours and all i feel is a mad anger in me honestly im on the edge of my seat just waiting for someone to push me so i can flip... I never get angry, im too laid back to get angry, i have an extremely long fuse, not today, i swear im losing the friggin plot, i feel like i need to go and smash something up until it doesnt exist anymore
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