MistyBryant Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Hello everyone, I am new to this website and I have a few questions. Has anyone ever had an open marriage and was still happy with their spouse? My husband and I have been married for 6 years and I feel like something is missing. So I suggested to my husband that we should try an open marriage. He is a little skeptical about the open marriage but he said he is willing to try it out. So is it possible to have an open marriage? Should we have rules? Will we be happier with our marriage? P.S. I decided on the open marriage because I caught him talking to another girl and she believed he was single. So I thought since he acting like he wants an open marriage maybe we should have one. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredReality Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Hello everyone, I am new to this website and I have a few questions. Has anyone ever had an open marriage and was still happy with their spouse? My husband and I have been married for 6 years and I feel like something is missing. So I suggested to my husband that we should try an open marriage. He is a little skeptical about the open marriage but he said he is willing to try it out. So is it possible to have an open marriage? Should we have rules? Will we be happier with our marriage? P.S. I decided on the open marriage because I caught him talking to another girl and she believed he was single. So I thought since he acting like he wants an open marriage maybe we should have one. After 6 yrs there can be lot's missing...and there are a lot of ways to figure out what that "thing" is...or ways to spice things up...it all depends on what you want and what you need. Marriage takes a lot of maintenance and there are plenty of ruts and lulls. It's possible to have an open marriage...people have done it...hopefully someone who has tried it will respond and give you accurage insight. The part that got me, though, was that you said you thought of doing it because he's acting like he wants one. Does that mean YOU want one? Are you ok with him sleeping with other women? And is he ok with you sleeping with other men? What if you fall in love with one of your lovers or he falls in love with one of his? It's entirely possible...a huge part of the beginning of a relationship is the infatuation stage...at that point people want to be with eachother as much as possible...to the point they are willing to neglect other things in their lives - i.e. their wife or husband. Personally I'd say an open marriage isn't a very good idea if you want to stay married. However, I have only seen one couple attempt this and they split up horribly and bitterly. I know it isn't for me b/c the thought of my husband with another woman makes me want to wretch. I'd probably scratch her eyes out and glue the tip of his penis to his inner thigh while he was sleeping....so it's not for me - like I said, hopefully someone who has done it will offer you more insight, but definitely think of all the aspects of what you're considering before you go ahead with it. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarbritches Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 No way, I couldn't handle my husband touching somebody else. I have no desire to be with anybody else. My option is it will destroy your marriage not help it. Get help fixing your marriage, don't invite another woman in to your life. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 My husband and I have been married for 6 years and I feel like something is missing. This is why an open marriage won't work. Opening a broken marriage will not fix it. It will simply open the door wider to accommodate more damage until it finally weakens entirely and collapses. It would be like building an addition onto a house that has a rotting foundation. An open marriage has to start with two happy, well adjusted and immune-to-jealousy people who choose to open a marriage out of wanting to share themselves with others to enhance the experience, and not one or both unhappy partners who are looking for something 'missing' to fill a gap. If you find what is missing outside of the marriage, then there is very little chance you will still prioritize a marriage that is 'missing something' over a relationship that provides 'what is missing'. The marriage will become obligational and you will find yourself wanting to be with the outside partner more and more. Find what is missing first if you want to keep your marriage intact. When you find it, repair your marriage and find yourselves back on a stable foundation then you can talk 'open marriage'. If you do it now, you'll just have a regular old broken marriage with acknowledged infidelity. That will simply lead to divorce. I learned the hard way. I still mourn the loss of my husband to this day even though we see and talk to each other daily and are still friends. We did the 'open marriage' thing and all it did was open up to divorce. Neither of us really wanted an open marriage. We just wanted to find what was missing between us. I kick myself every day that we didn't put forth the effort to find it with each other before splitting off from each other. Now its too late. Don't make that mistake if you want to keep your husband. Fix it first, then open it. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 For obvious and many other reasons, you DO NOT want to go that route. The fact that you even suggested that to your husband is highly disrespectful, and making him feel like he's not enough for you. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 It's possible to have an open marriage and be happy, though I think that's very rare. But in order to do that I think you need to be happy within the marriage unit itself before bringing others in, which you don't seem to be. Link to post Share on other sites
elemental1 Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I keep reading/hearing more and more about open relationships/marriages as of late.... speaking from experience (my gf of 8 years recently proposed the idea of and open relationship to me) I think it will do nothing but harm to your marriage/relationship. To me, sex is rarely ever 'just sex' - it is almost impossible not to get the emotional mixed with the physical. So unless you both are mentally and emotionally prepared to do something like this, then your marriage will suffer. I agree, it is a rare thing if it works.. As a testament to just how damaging just the mere suggestion of an open relationship can be... since my gf brought up the whole idea, I havent felt like myself. I am always suspicious now (and I was NEVER like that before) and I just dont feel right... it is causing problems and nothing has even happened... so tread VERY carefully...... Link to post Share on other sites
confusio Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I know some people who tried it after the women had an affair, but they tried to make it work for theirs kid. It didnt work out so well for them, I'm not saying its imposible, but most likely it wont work. Also, prepare yourself to be judged by people, a lot... Link to post Share on other sites
PorkRinds Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 For obvious and many other reasons, you DO NOT want to go that route. The fact that you even suggested that to your husband is highly disrespectful, and making him feel like he's not enough for you. Who has Misty been talking to? Link to post Share on other sites
PorkRinds Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I keep reading/hearing more and more about open relationships/marriages as of late.... speaking from experience (my gf of 8 years recently proposed the idea of and open relationship to me) She is cheating on you. I think it will do nothing but harm to your marriage/relationship. To me, sex is rarely ever 'just sex' - it is almost impossible not to get the emotional mixed with the physical. You sound like a "nice guy." So unless you both are mentally and emotionally prepared to do something like this, then your marriage will suffer. I agree, it is a rare thing if it works.. As a testament to just how damaging just the mere suggestion of an open relationship can be... since my gf brought up the whole idea, I havent felt like myself. Of course not. It means she has already moved on but still wants to keep her hooks in you to smooth the inevitable transition to the new man. I am always suspicious now (and I was NEVER like that before) and I just dont feel right... it is causing problems and nothing has even happened... so tread VERY carefully...... Separate all financial accounts, collect all your possessions, change the locks, put her stuff out on the curb. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I'm happy in an open M of over 20 years, but I don't think it is something you should enter because you feel something is missing or you are concerned your spouse wants to. For me, a successful open M is based on a certain perspective about human connections, marriage, monogamy, multiple loves, etc. When both partners share the same perspective and are committed to the same vision and goals, it can work well. But, it is not a marriage problem solver. More likely to create new problems. As to rules. Definitely. Make whatever rules, promises, agreements work best for the two of you. However, from what you post, I think your M will be stronger if you look at ways of filling whatever is missing with each other and with yourselves, without bringing any additional sexual or romantic interests into the mix. If you do that successfully, you may find you have no interest in an open M. But if you still do, then would be a better time to consider it. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 (edited) If there's a hint of doubt on anyone's part, then by all means an open M should not be explored. If your H is skeptical, (he's probably WAY more than skeptical, just didn't express his true feelings), then IMO I don't think this is a good idea. I can only tell you that if my FWW came up with that idea, she'd be an XW. I think a go of MC may help a lot more than you think. Edited March 24, 2011 by seibert253 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistyBryant Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 It seems everybody is saying that an open marriage is not a good idea. Thanx everyone who replied. It had me thinking a little bit more on what I should work on. I guess I have to find something else to help with the "something is missing" part of my marriage Link to post Share on other sites
Karma24 Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 My husband and I have been married for 6 years and I feel like something is missing. P.S. I decided on the open marriage because I caught him talking to another girl and she believed he was single. So I thought since he acting like he wants an open marriage maybe we should have one. So which one is it? That you feel like something is missing (the real reason, I think) or the passive-aggressive one that you added in your post-script? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistyBryant Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 So which one is it? That you feel like something is missing (the real reason, I think) or the passive-aggressive one that you added in your post-script? I have to say it's both. I started thinking that way because it felt like something was missing. Then when I found out about what he was doing then i figured he probably wanted the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
SummersEve Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Misty, do you think you are looking at this as a way to perhaps ease out of this marriage? The reaction I would expect to catching your husband talking to another woman who believed he was single would be.... not really to say, okay then, let's go ahead and do others. Do you care what he does? Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Hello everyone, I am new to this website and I have a few questions. Has anyone ever had an open marriage and was still happy with their spouse? My husband and I have been married for 6 years and I feel like something is missing. So I suggested to my husband that we should try an open marriage. He is a little skeptical about the open marriage but he said he is willing to try it out. So is it possible to have an open marriage? Should we have rules? Will we be happier with our marriage? P.S. I decided on the open marriage because I caught him talking to another girl and she believed he was single. So I thought since he acting like he wants an open marriage maybe we should have one. It sounds like you want an open marriage for the wrong reasons. You are scared your husband will cheat on you, therefore if you suggest an open marriage and give him the green light, it may make it less painful. Actually, I think it is going to do the opposite to tell you the truth. It will probably open up a whole can of worms that you DON'T want opened. Also having an open marriage and having an affair are two completely seperate things. Link to post Share on other sites
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