cantunderstand Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 (This will be long, sorry) Basically, I just got out of one of the most complicated relationships I've ever been involved with. (I'm going to call my ex X and the new girl I just split from A). Basically I split from X over the summer, we had been dating for 2 1/2 years and it was good for about 2/3 of the time, towards the end, I just became so unhappy and she did as well and we split with no real hard feelings. During the time I was dating X I hung out with her and her friends on occasion, one particular friend, A. I met A through X because X worked with her and had become good friends. A was very attractive, nice, and funny and was also in a long term relationship with a guy. I never thought of her in any way other than X's friend, and i've never thought or have cheated on any gf. A added me on FB and of course I didn't think anything of it and there was no reason to. A's boyfriend asked her to marry him and she said yes. At this point, I had already split with X and living in a different state. I found out about a month later that A had broken up with her fiance because allegedly my X and her fiance had made out and fooled around together while they were engaged. Long story short, I got a message from A about a month later (hadn't ever hung out with her or talked with her alone before) asking how I was and everything. I immediately assumed she just wanted to get back at X by maybe doing something with me but I talked to her anyways and we exchanged numbers. I came back home to where she lived (where I'm from originally) for xmas and we ended up grabbing lunch one day. We got along, ended up going to her place and made out for almost 4 hours on her bed. We ended up getting really intimate for the next couple of weeks and spent almost every day together. One day she said she was falling for me and I said I was too. After about 2 weeks she said she loved me and i loved her too. Everything seemed perfect, as new relationships do at the beginning. We talked about some pretty serious things early on, I told her that I was currently looking for work and that I might have to move somewhere, she said she would move with me or if I moved back I could live with her. Obviously, hearing these things was incredible and because I was so in love I believed all of it. I had to leave for about a month to go back to where I'm from for school though and we agreed to keep talking to each other. After about 3 weeks, I came back. She said she was really confused about things and was still hurt from her break up and wasn't sure what she wanted. I asked her if she was still in love with her ex and she said she would be lying if she said she wasn't. She assured me that she could never get back together with him because he had treated her so badly, but that she was so hurt now that she couldn't be in a relationship right now. I said I understood, and that I would wait for her to figure her things out. We of course still spent time together, hung out a lot, and slept together. Once again I had to leave for about a month again to get back to school. For the first week we were apart, things were fine, we talked consistently, we still said we loved each other but a couple weeks later, a huge distance started to form. I found out that she had been spending time with her ex, even went down to see his family with him. She never admitted this and I never mentioned that i knew, but it tore me up. I eventually came back again and we had a serious talk, i told her that I was in love with her still but that I needed to know how she felt. She said she wasn't sure she could be anything more than a friend to me since she was still so confused about things. She swore that she still cared about me but wouldn't say she loved me anymore. Later that night she texted me saying she didn't think it could ever work out, and I begged her to try one more time with me and we can start over, taking it much slower than before. We planned on spending the next day together as just friends and hang out and see how it felt. It seemed like everything was back to normal again, we were getting along, we were kissing passionately still, and she looked at me like she loved me still. We went back to her place to watch a movie and about 20 min in, she said she wanted to talk in her room. She started crying and told me that she just didn't feel it anymore, said she lost all her feelings for me. I looked into her eyes and asked her to honestly tell me that they were just gone, and it took her a sec looking down and then shook her head saying yes. She also said she had told her ex that she was ready to try again with him but that he had feelings for someone else, and she admitted she could never trust him again. I left angry, confused, broken, and lost. I have never fallen for someone so fast and couldn't even think. So many thoughts have been going through my mind, how can she take back someone who cheated on her when they were engaged when I was giving her everything!? Obviously, I can't make her have feelings for me, but for some reason I can't help but feel like she still has feelings for me since she kissed me and looked at me so passionately the day we hung out. At the same time, I want to be strong and realize that someone who is going to take a cheater back isn't worth my time. Its only been two days since we "split", yesterday was the first day of NC, i didn't text her or talk to her all day until I received a text from her around 8 asking how my day was. I had to respond, i said it was hard but that I was making progress. She said she wanted to still be friends and that she still thought about me. I'm just so hurt and want more than anything to believe that maybe soon she will want to get back together. I just don't know what to do, what do you think? Help!
Mcnulty Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 You're not going to like this...lets look at the facts. her fiancee had "made out" with your ex..that ended the engagement. Then out of the blue a tenuous link is formed by this girl getting in touch with you...is this random? No, I think she has seen you as a link or way of getting back at her ex and your ex. I'm afraid it looks like she's been using you to get at them somehow. Now she wants to get back with her ex who kind of cheated on her?? Bigger fool her, let her make her bed and lie in it...he's done it once, he'll do it again, (possibly). You have to get this girl out of your life...she's told you she's not in love with you and all the above has happened! You've been dealt a ****ty deal here and I'm sorry for that. This is just my opinion I must add.
Author cantunderstand Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 I can see that the obvious answer is to just let it go. And at first I thought that her sole intention was to just get back at her ex and my ex. As time went on though, I felt like her feelings were genuine. She would initiate the talking, leave me messages on FB, and call me to say she missed me. It just slowly dissipated and I thought it was just the distance that was killing it. For some reason, part of me wants to think that she told me she didn't have feelings for me just to avoid hurting me by continuously keeping me waiting because she isn't ready to make a decision. The other part of me wants to just move on but it is just too hard right now. I feel like if I moved on, I would ruin the potential chance that I might have. I think I'm going to ask her to grab lunch or a drink with me and I can explain all my feelings...but I don't want to appear desperate.
Mcnulty Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 It seems you haven't took on board any of my words...that's fair enough, good luck. I think you're kidding yourself and if anyone else wants to chime in, please do.
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