Surf Rider Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 We dated just a little over a year and she decided she didn't want to be with me anymore. I asked her if it was something I did. She said no. I asked her if it was someone else she was interested in. She said no. We never fought or anything like that. I just don't understand why she did this. It has been nearly one year now since she left me and I am still heartbroken over this. I know time heals all, but it is a long process. I just don't get it. I'm not perfect, but I believe with all of my heart I was good to her. She dumped me. Period. No doubt. Of course I've been talking with my family and my pastor about this and they have all given very helpful advice, but the pain is still there. Any suggestions or comments that could help me further?
depplover_1980 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 What advice have you already been given? Are you truly hearing the advice? Is your life busy? Or have you sat around thinking about her mostly this past year? Have you tried dating anyone else? In my experience the pain doesn't ever go completely, but you learn to process it and live with it.
Author Surf Rider Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 What advice have you already been given? Are you truly hearing the advice? Is your life busy? Or have you sat around thinking about her mostly this past year? Have you tried dating anyone else? In my experience the pain doesn't ever go completely, but you learn to process it and live with it. Well, yeah, the advice i have been given by people are all the same answers. I am hearing their advice, but it's easier said than done. This was my first gf and it has been very difficult getting over her. She was a big part of my life and when she left me that big part of my life was taken from me and it's very difficult to find something to fill that empty place in my heart. I don't want to date anybody right now. I know my God has someone for me out there for me though. I guess i haven't found her yet.
depplover_1980 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 It is all in the way you choose to challenge these things and you have a defeatist attitude, like you have succumb to this beating you. How fast you recover from these things is totally dependant on: 1. How much work you put into keeping busy, creating new challenges in your life and filling time.. and 2. Accepting that it is over and you weren't the right person, that the experience was a positive but only if you take the lessons and use them to make you into a better person. I do heavily suspect you've spent way too much time feeling sorry for yourself and not doing/accepting enough. Also bare in mind that we have all been heartbroken at some point, but have faith that most of us survive and move onto better things.
Movingthrough Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 (edited) We dated just a little over a year and she decided she didn't want to be with me anymore. I asked her if it was something I did. She said no. I asked her if it was someone else she was interested in. She said no. We never fought or anything like that. I just don't understand why she did this. It has been nearly one year now since she left me and I am still heartbroken over this. I know time heals all, but it is a long process. I just don't get it. I'm not perfect, but I believe with all of my heart I was good to her. She dumped me. Period. No doubt. Of course I've been talking with my family and my pastor about this and they have all given very helpful advice, but the pain is still there. Any suggestions or comments that could help me further? I know its hard to take what people say and really "feel" it. I would come on here during my breakup and search for answers even though i heard them all. At the point you are in, your best bet is to know you are going to feel a little under the weather and that is what you are supposed to feel like. One thing that has helped me a lot in my bad times is knowing that its normal. Everytime you get those bad thoughts or feel bad, know that love is supposed to feel like that when it ends, and that thousands of people are posting on here feeling the same way. When you look at the facts, and analyze breakups, they are all very alike. That really helped me because no matter who you are you will feel it. Its hard to think she can just be done with it, but trust me, she feels it too. In all reality, do you want someone that doesn't feel it 100%? Do you really think God, a higher power, whoever you believe in wants you to be with someone that can just cut it off like that? Nope. This was a test, and a way to grow and learn. I'm talking to a few girls now and my mindset is so much better then before my breakup, you know the rules, you know the flags, and you know mistakes. This is why they say everyone has to go through a bad breakup at least once. Come on here, read, post, do what you have to do...but just know this is what you are supposed to be feeling and its normal, and it will pass. I was in your same boat months ago, but I'm not in that boat now. Edited March 23, 2011 by Movingthrough
Author Surf Rider Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 I know its hard to take what people say and really "feel" it. I would come on here during my breakup and search for answers even though i heard them all. At the point you are in, your best bet is to know you are going to feel a little under the weather and that is what you are supposed to feel like. One thing that has helped me a lot in my bad times is knowing that its normal. Everytime you get those bad thoughts or feel bad, know that love is supposed to feel like that when it ends, and that thousands of people are posting on here feeling the same way. When you look at the facts, and analyze breakups, they are all very alike. That really helped me because no matter who you are you will feel it. Its hard to think she can just be done with it, but trust me, she feels it too. In all reality, do you want someone that doesn't feel it 100%? Do you really think God, a higher power, whoever you believe in wants you to be with someone that can just cut it off like that? Nope. This was a test, and a way to grow and learn. I'm talking to a few girls now and my mindset is so much better then before my breakup, you know the rules, you know the flags, and you know mistakes. This is why they say everyone has to go through a bad breakup at least once. Come on here, read, post, do what you have to do...but just know this is what you are supposed to be feeling and its normal, and it will pass. I was in your same boat months ago, but I'm not in that boat now. You are right that it was a test. It has made me a better person and stronger too.
purplepanda Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Put your whole heart in things you love... I'm trying to forget about a guy I wanted so badly, but he only wanted a part of me, and when I became inaccessable, he said, "I'm staying away because I unintentionally ruined your life and it hurts too much", but I know that his use for me is done. I just focus on work, on my grades at school, at doing the things I love, like singing and writing my own songs. Never sit around and think too much, because that can hurt. Don't listen to depressing music; it feels like it helps, but it drags you down even further. Hang out with people who make you feel good. And when you're busy forgetting her, you'll find someone even BETTER around the next corner. Good luck.
Author Surf Rider Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 Put your whole heart in things you love... I'm trying to forget about a guy I wanted so badly, but he only wanted a part of me, and when I became inaccessable, he said, "I'm staying away because I unintentionally ruined your life and it hurts too much", but I know that his use for me is done. I just focus on work, on my grades at school, at doing the things I love, like singing and writing my own songs. Never sit around and think too much, because that can hurt. Don't listen to depressing music; it feels like it helps, but it drags you down even further. Hang out with people who make you feel good. And when you're busy forgetting her, you'll find someone even BETTER around the next corner. Good luck. I appreciate your help! Thanks.
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