grecian Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I am with my guy for over 4 months now, we're happy together and already talked about marriage and family. We're at an age and a point in our lives where we both know what we want and we're not playing around. I am still debating with myself on one thing. Should I tell him how i feel about him, what my expectations are when we get married and so on, or should i let him take initiative? I mean he has already talked about marriage and he made it perfectly clear he wants to be with me but since we're still in the courtship stage i don't know how to handle this. Is it good for the woman to be direct and say what she wants and expects from the guy or just let it flow and talk about certain issues as they come? I don't want to seem like i'm pushing the situation or rushing, even though he is pretty direct and is not afraid to speak up his mind either. At the same time, he is pretty old-fashioned and likes to take initiative for certain things. What would you do?
Imajerk17 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I am with my guy for over 4 months now, we're happy together and already talked about marriage and family. We're at an age and a point in our lives where we both know what we want and we're not playing around. I am still debating with myself on one thing. Should I tell him how i feel about him, what my expectations are when we get married and so on, or should i let him take initiative? I mean he has already talked about marriage and he made it perfectly clear he wants to be with me but since we're still in the courtship stage i don't know how to handle this. Is it good for the woman to be direct and say what she wants and expects from the guy or just let it flow and talk about certain issues as they come? I don't want to seem like i'm pushing the situation or rushing, even though he is pretty direct and is not afraid to speak up his mind either. At the same time, he is pretty old-fashioned and likes to take initiative for certain things. What would you do? I don't get it. What you have been doing for the first 4 months has obviously been working. And yet you seem to be thinking of changing your game plan. Back off on trying to get him to "express his feelings more" or whatever. Or you will be on here talking about how he is really pulling away and how can you get him back into you.
MutteringUrchin Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 The way a man reacts to a direct woman depends on the man in question. Some men love it, some are scared off. As said, though, what you've been doing seems to be working. Why change.
carhill Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 OP, has he told you he loves you yet? From my read of your past threads, he's 'going along', essentially letting you 'drive' the relationship, rather than being proactive. What's your opinion of that assessment?
Author grecian Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 OP, has he told you he loves you yet? From my read of your past threads, he's 'going along', essentially letting you 'drive' the relationship, rather than being proactive. What's your opinion of that assessment? Well, i was the one who said "i love you" first but he said it back to me and since then he tells me that he loves me very often and without waiting for me to say it first. He has even said he wants me to be the one and that i'm what he was looking for. My question is: is it good if i open up my heart completely and tell him what i feel or wait longer?? I give him compliments and i show appreciation and happiness when he does something i like, but should i make any grand revealing of my deepest feelings and tell him that i believe he is the one for me as well??
carhill Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 'I can envision myself spending the rest of my life with you and having a family with you. I can't imagine another person I've loved at such an elemental level. How do you feel about that?' Words I've *never* heard in my lifetime, even from my now exW. I'd have no problem having that conversation, or starting it, and have, a couple of times. Interesting that it's the women who were afraid.
Imajerk17 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Well, i was the one who said "i love you" first but he said it back to me and since then he tells me that he loves me very often and without waiting for me to say it first. He has even said he wants me to be the one and that i'm what he was looking for. My question is: is it good if i open up my heart completely and tell him what i feel or wait longer?? I give him compliments and i show appreciation and happiness when he does something i like, but should i make any grand revealing of my deepest feelings and tell him that i believe he is the one for me as well?? Good. That's enough. Wait for him to do show his deepest feelings. Then you can reciprocate. I am telling you this as a guy.
threebyfate Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 What do you want to do? What feels more authentic to you? Are you the type of person to tiptoe around issues or do you prefer to be straightforward? Also, he's not afraid to be straight-forward. If he takes offense at you being straight-forward, he's a hypocrite which is something to bear in mind. And to be straight-forward with you, the more you pretend to be something you're not, the more a shock it will be for him after you relax. Fear of loss should never guide people's relationship dynamics. If someone doesn't have similar goals and values in life, the sooner to find this out, the better.
Author grecian Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 What do you want to do? What feels more authentic to you? Are you the type of person to tiptoe around issues or do you prefer to be straightforward? Also, he's not afraid to be straight-forward. If he takes offense at you being straight-forward, he's a hypocrite which is something to bear in mind. And to be straight-forward with you, the more you pretend to be something you're not, the more a shock it will be for him after you relax. Fear of loss should never guide people's relationship dynamics. If someone doesn't have similar goals and values in life, the sooner to find this out, the better. Sometimes when we're in a romantic mood it drives me crazy, i wanna tell him what i feel and why i love him so much. So far i've been showing my love to him with actions rather than with words. He's been the same way for the most part. Our communication is very good and whenever i had an issue with him i've been direct with him and he likes that. In fact he prefers when we solve an issue right there and then. He's been very direct with me from the beginning and it doesn't scare me a bit. We have talked about our goals and our philosophies in life and we are completely compatible on all the serious issues. I also still have a few questions that i'd like him to answer but should i take it easy and slow and wait until opportunity arrives or just shoot it??
threebyfate Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I also still have a few questions that i'd like him to answer but should i take it easy and slow and wait until opportunity arrives or just shoot it??I can't tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing since it's your relationship and there's no way for us to know what he's like without first hand experience with him. What's confusing to me is that you're saying how straight-forward your relationship communications are but you're hemming and hawing about asking him a few direct questions. If you post the questions, it might help to understand your reluctance. For example, if your question is "When are we going to get engaged" at the four month mark, I can see why you're reluctant to ask this.
one goal Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Be direct. Like my teacher wont reply to asking her out. If she was more direct with me I'd appreciate it.
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