Unbalanced Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I planned a second date with this girl almost a week ago. Today was the day of our date and i texted her confirming that I was meeting up at 5pm. She said that "she cant today because shes gonna have a lot of hw, and maybe we can reschedule" wtff? i understand school and hw is important but weve had these plans for a week, u have ur syllabus u know whats expected of u and by when, u dont just get assigned overnight hw in college. i havent responded to her yet bc idk how to. i plan on not investing my time in her anymore, but idk how to go about ending the contact. just never respond to her anymore? or do i say something? i have no respect for flakes and would never want to date one. Also i go to school far away from her, this is my spring break so my time is limited, so ud think if she was really interested shed work around my schedule, no?
jane100 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 So, if you hadn't confirmed, would she have turned up? Next!
Mrlonelyone Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I know the feeling. She did offer to reschedule. Reschedule the date and if she does not go through with it then you know whats what. As for not getting overnight or random HW in college. Take it from an old hand. Professors can do things like that with no real consequences. Plus she may have procrastinated or something was harder and took longer than she thought. If she met some other guy in that week or changed her mind in that week since setting up date #2 don't worry about it. She would have changed her mind anyway no matter the timing. We cannot control weather they are going to change their minds or not. So, if you hadn't confirmed, would she have turned up? Next! The way he tells it... it makes it sound like she was just going to no show on him. That true.
Lilmisus Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Speaking as someone who's in college, not all classes perfectly outline what the homework load is going to be like on the syllabus. Actually, none of my classes this semester do, but only two of them do we actually have homework in. My point is, depending on her major (I'm assuming you guys are in college) and depending on how many classes she's taking this semester, this could be a very legit reason to not go out. Maybe she has three 10 page papers to write before the end of the week? A couple of tests coming up? Has to read and go over 30 pages worth of her text and turn it in by the end of the night? You really have no idea, and you can't assume that everyone is like you and has their entire schedule mapped out and knows what they have to do. Her education is much more important than a second date with you, and I think it's great how she has her priorities in order. Try taking her up on her offer of rescheduling, and if she bails on you again, then there's your real answer - it wasn't about homework at all, she's just not into you, and that's when you just give up on it.
bac Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I planned a second date with this girl almost a week ago. Today was the day of our date and i texted her confirming that I was meeting up at 5pm. She said that "she cant today because shes gonna have a lot of hw, and maybe we can reschedule" wtff? i understand school and hw is important but weve had these plans for a week, u have ur syllabus u know whats expected of u and by when, u dont just get assigned overnight hw in college. i havent responded to her yet bc idk how to. i plan on not investing my time in her anymore, but idk how to go about ending the contact. just never respond to her anymore? or do i say something? i have no respect for flakes and would never want to date one. Also i go to school far away from her, this is my spring break so my time is limited, so ud think if she was really interested shed work around my schedule, no? I think that she is truthful and you are wrong. h/w is a serious thing and it is hard to postpone it. And, she thought that you were a kind and understanding guy who could handle it with class and balance.
zengirl Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I planned a second date with this girl almost a week ago. Today was the day of our date and i texted her confirming that I was meeting up at 5pm. She said that "she cant today because shes gonna have a lot of hw, and maybe we can reschedule" wtff? i understand school and hw is important but weve had these plans for a week, u have ur syllabus u know whats expected of u and by when, u dont just get assigned overnight hw in college. i havent responded to her yet bc idk how to. i plan on not investing my time in her anymore, but idk how to go about ending the contact. just never respond to her anymore? or do i say something? i have no respect for flakes and would never want to date one. Also i go to school far away from her, this is my spring break so my time is limited, so ud think if she was really interested shed work around my schedule, no? The only problem I have with her excuse is that she waited till you texted her to tell you. I've had to postpone dates, but I always text the guy proactively. To me, there's a big difference between the two, and waiting till you texted suggests avoidance (unless it had JUST literally come up). And no, she wouldn't "work around your schedule" even if she was interested. TWO people need to consider BOTH schedules. Sometimes HW can surprise someone. I mean, sometimes I get behind, or my work throws me a loop, and have to cancel social plans. Granted, I'm in a PhD program and never had those problems in undergrad, but I took an undergrad that was super easy for me.
Andy_K Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I think that she is truthful and you are wrong. h/w is a serious thing and it is hard to postpone it. And, she thought that you were a kind and understanding guy who could handle it with class and balance. Bull****, she's a self-absorbed flake. Notice that she does NOT say sorry, nor was she the one to mention to him that she wouldn't be able to make it. She did that only when he tried to confirm the date. Were she a decent and respectful person who was genuinely interested in him, she'd have said without prompting "Hey, I'm really sorry but I'm going to have to cancel tonight as I've got waaay too much homework to get done. Lets reschedule for another time. I can do thursday or saturday?" To her text of "cant today because I'm gonna have a lot of hw, and maybe we can reschedule" I would reply with "Ok, thanks for letting me know. Give me a shout when you're free and we'll sort something out" And then do nothing. Chances are you won't hear from her again, but if she does take the initiative to try to rearrange something, then you know she's actually interested. Any flake must be made up for by a suitable amount of effort on her part. No point you doing all the work.
Fugu Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I planned a second date with this girl almost a week ago. Today was the day of our date and i texted her confirming that I was meeting up at 5pm. She said that "she cant today because shes gonna have a lot of hw, and maybe we can reschedule" wtff? i understand school and hw is important but weve had these plans for a week, u have ur syllabus u know whats expected of u and by when, u dont just get assigned overnight hw in college. i havent responded to her yet bc idk how to. i plan on not investing my time in her anymore, but idk how to go about ending the contact. just never respond to her anymore? or do i say something? i have no respect for flakes and would never want to date one. Also i go to school far away from her, this is my spring break so my time is limited, so ud think if she was really interested shed work around my schedule, no? You should respond because it will make you look and feel respectable. But you do not, and you should not, give a lengthy response or put much thought into it, and your response would be an opportunity to leave the ball in her court. I would just say something like, 'No worries. Let me know when you're free. See ya.' -- or something like that. You play it cool, and it comes across as cool. But you leave it to her to make the effort, and I would not contact her anymore unless she contacts you. If she does contact you and wants to set up a date, then you should take her up on it. If not, well, you know where you stand.
bac Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Bull****, she's a self-absorbed flake. Notice that she does NOT say sorry, nor was she the one to mention to him that she wouldn't be able to make it. She did that only when he tried to confirm the date. Were she a decent and respectful person who was genuinely interested in him, she'd have said without prompting "Hey, I'm really sorry but I'm going to have to cancel tonight as I've got waaay too much homework to get done. Lets reschedule for another time. I can do thursday or saturday?" To her text of "cant today because I'm gonna have a lot of hw, and maybe we can reschedule" I would reply with "Ok, thanks for letting me know. Give me a shout when you're free and we'll sort something out" And then do nothing. Chances are you won't hear from her again, but if she does take the initiative to try to rearrange something, then you know she's actually interested. Any flake must be made up for by a suitable amount of effort on her part. No point you doing all the work. It is the second date. They do not have a good communication yet. I have the same situation right now. We set the second date yesterday but my situation has changed today. Also, I have already cancelled the other second date with the guy once. And, I did say sorry. I do want to meet the guy very much but I have other responsibilities including the hatred h/w. I have no idea how to explain all the things to a guy.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 BAC. This time say your sorry with flowers and a conciliatory BJ. Then he'll know you really mean it. J/K You do have to do something concrete to show your interested in this guy.
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I planned a second date with this girl almost a week ago. Today was the day of our date and i texted her confirming that I was meeting up at 5pm. She said that "she cant today because shes gonna have a lot of hw, and maybe we can reschedule" wtff? i understand school and hw is important but weve had these plans for a week, u have ur syllabus u know whats expected of u and by when, u dont just get assigned overnight hw in college. i havent responded to her yet bc idk how to. i plan on not investing my time in her anymore, but idk how to go about ending the contact. just never respond to her anymore? or do i say something? i have no respect for flakes and would never want to date one. Also i go to school far away from her, this is my spring break so my time is limited, so ud think if she was really interested shed work around my schedule, no? That's crap and she's given you a "line" to get out of the date. Noone cancels twice with the excuse of hw. Back off and let her call you to set up the next date. If she doesn't call and set that up then you have your answer. DO NOT call her and ask her out again. That would be desparate on your end.
bac Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 BAC. This time say your sorry with flowers and a conciliatory BJ. Then he'll know you really mean it. J/K You do have to do something concrete to show your interested in this guy. After reading the post, I do not believe in men's rationality anymore:) I guess I should go no matter what. Even, if I fall asleep in restaurant or I fall asleep while kissing the guy, it is less dramatic for male's ego than cancellation of the second date.
purplepanda Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Ehh I don't think she's worth your time. Try to reschedule I guess, just in case, but I've been stood up and when I asked him why he said, "homework". It was a friday night. :/
Darren Taylor Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I was on the girl's side until the text part. If you hadn't texted her OP, you would have shown up at the date and she wouldn't. The only reason she said she couldn't make it was because you texted her. She didn't have the decency to do it on her own.
Lilmisus Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I was on the girl's side until the text part. If you hadn't texted her OP, you would have shown up at the date and she wouldn't. The only reason she said she couldn't make it was because you texted her. She didn't have the decency to do it on her own. We can't know for sure though if she wasn't planning on calling or texting him a little later. He messaged her before noon today (since this was posted before noon), she could have easily been in class still and had just found out about her homework load for the night and may have just been waiting till after class to text him. We really don't know though since we only have this one text from her and what he has to say to base our judgments off of.
Darren Taylor Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 We can't know for sure though if she wasn't planning on calling or texting him a little later. He messaged her before noon today (since this was posted before noon), she could have easily been in class still and had just found out about her homework load for the night and may have just been waiting till after class to text him. We really don't know though since we only have this one text from her and what he has to say to base our judgments off of. Bull. She didn't even apologize, nor did she reschedule with another date. If she said "I can't make it tonight, but how about Tuesday?", that would be different. But she didn't. If she procrastinated, then perhaps she needs to nix that habit. Next her OP. If she can do something like that unapologetically and without rescheduling, you don't need her.
Author Unbalanced Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 Thanks for the responses everyone. I didn't text her back for like an hour after I got that message from her, but when I did, all I said was "Alrightt". Honestly, its hard enough as it is trying to maintain a long distance relationship with someone while I'm at school, and I wanted to hang with her at least twice while home for spring break. She cancelled our first plans since ive seen her last time i was home today, and now my break is almost half way over. I'll go on the 2nd date if she decides to set that up, but in my eyes, this relationship is now close to dead.
persevere Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Bull****, she's a self-absorbed flake. Notice that she does NOT say sorry, nor was she the one to mention to him that she wouldn't be able to make it. She did that only when he tried to confirm the date. I agree. She didn't have the decency to call him and let him know what was going on. Did this homework pop up instantaneously? No. She could still meet for a cup of coffee or a quick sandwich. Afterall, everyone needs a study break or a break from homework. This is an excuse. She's immature and cares about herself. Period. I wouldn't waste another minute...
persevere Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Unbalanced. Hang in there. I know how tough it is to get rejected or tangle with women who are inconsiderate. My only advice is to not push the issue, trying when you know inside they are playing games. ie, if you make a date with someone and they blow it off, tell them how you feel! It really makes you feel better, though its the hardest thing to do at the time. "What? you didn't know about the homework?" Or, better yet. Make a date, don't follow up with a confirmation. If they are really interested (and responsible), they will be there. Make them come to you.
bac Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 After reading the post, I do not believe in men's rationality anymore:) I guess I should go no matter what. Even, if I fall asleep in restaurant or I fall asleep while kissing the guy, it is less dramatic for male's ego than cancellation of the second date. I am glad that I had the second date with the guy. He was much more open about himself on the second date. He enjoyed a strong drink and told me that he had 4 attempts to kill himself during last year because a girl who was 20 yrs younger than him rejected him after dating him for a few months. He looked so so depressed. He told me that he had never taken any antidepressants. I asked him why he was not able to kill himself if he had 4 attempts. He told me that the rope did break when he tried to hang himself and the medications did not do the job as well. How strange........ I doubt that he might have any erection in the condition. I have no idea what I can do with the guy and why he needs any dates. I have 3 options. The first option is to go on the third date to continue the terrible conversation. The second option is to go to his/my place to f...k him. The third option is that he will vanish into thin air by himself. I would prefer at least to f...k him but he might give me some problems if he likes drama so much.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 We can't know for sure though if she wasn't planning on calling or texting him a little later. He messaged her before noon today (since this was posted before noon), she could have easily been in class still and had just found out about her homework load for the night and may have just been waiting till after class to text him. We really don't know though since we only have this one text from her and what he has to say to base our judgments off of. Yeah, but aren't most classes on a Monday/Wednesday, Tues/Thurs type of schedule? So if you have homework due Wednesday, you knew about it on Monday. At least that's how it is where I go to school. And OP I would reschedule the date and see what happens. If she shows great, if not well then at least you know where you stand.
dispatch3d Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I take it you didn't take a difficult engineering degree haha.
dispatch3d Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Yeah, but aren't most classes on a Monday/Wednesday, Tues/Thurs type of schedule? So if you have homework due Wednesday, you knew about it on Monday. At least that's how it is where I go to school. And OP I would reschedule the date and see what happens. If she shows great, if not well then at least you know where you stand. In engineering we did our homework in a blizzard while walking up a mountain for 50 hours a week. In all seriousness it wasn't unusual to have something on every day of the week (assignments due monday wednesday and thursday, test tuesday and thursday, some lab due friday). It depends on what her major is. If she's like Arts or business I'd say she's kinda useless. If its engineering lol eeee! may want to get used to her having homework to do.
phineas Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I was in electronics engineering. I never had surprise assignments that had to be due the next day. I did have assignments that made my brain melt & run out my ears by surprise & I had to cancel stuff in order to finish them. But It seems to me she was planning on blowing him off or she's terribly disorganized.
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