brown03 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Ok i badly need help. 5 months ago this girl had her kid dies at birth and then the boyfriend left her 3 weeks later. My friend introduced us and we hit it off really well so we just hung out for a bit at first nothing serious just kissed. About a months later so 4 months after we started dating and she said i love you first we had already had sex and everything was going really really good. I knew she still had feelings for her ex but didn't care because i could tell she obviously loved me to and was never going back to him. About a month later we found out she was pregnant with my kid and she started to freak out. at first i told her i didn't want an abortion and was totally against it because i had already had one and was afraid it would destroy her after losing her first. She was so afraid of what people would think, of reaplacing her first and ruining his memory, and losing another kid she kept saying she wasn't ready. I got her to feel happy about it for a bit and then she went to talk to her friend and at first she called and said she just needed time to figure out what she wanted to do. she texted me later that night saying i really want you to know that i love you so much i really really do love you and i just need some time Then the next day she called saying she needed her stuff and was breaking up with me she said she couldn't look at me every day knowing what she was about to do. she said she needed to figure everything out on her own and couldn't do it with me. She said she still had feelings for her ex as well and needed to get over those before she could give me 100% of her heart. She said it wasn't fair to only give me half her love. she said we might be able to get back together after all this she just needed some time. She said if fate brings us together then we will be cause she doesn't know what will change in 2 month,1month,2weeks or even an hour from now. I asked her if she was sure and she said all im sure about is getting this doe. I asked if she was sure about us and she said no. But if i love her i will let her go she needs this time and if i love her i will give her it. we have bee dating for 3 months we hung out everyday for 3 month and everything was great until this. its 5 months after her baby dying and only 5 days since break up. I really do love this girl i felt things ive never felt and she said the same. I have texted her saying im her and support her 100% and if she needs me ill be there and im not going to be mad at her no matter what. she text back saying thank you thats all i need. We talked about random stuff like how my mom took it and how are life is going last night and stuff but it started with just her telling me when her apt was. after it was all done i sent her that message and she said thats all i need. Then asked me if her sin card was in my car i went and looked and other than that didn't talk about anything more. cause i don't wanna push her. I can tell she is very scared and hurt about all this but im not sure what to do for right now she has shut me out and doesn't want to see me because she wants to do this on her own. I want the kid but am completely understanding of why she needs to do this im just so scared she is going to regret it as i did the first time and that its going to put her in even more of a bad place. I really want to help because i think by keeping it can help but want her to do whats she needs to do. I really don't want to lose this girl i dated a girl for a year and a half and never felt this way and we just have so much fun together. She still has the consautant and ultrasound to do but it all should be done in a couple weeks please I really need help i don't want to lose this girl. I would love to keep the baby to but over all i just want to get back together with her please help
Mcnulty Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Really tough situation...for both of you. I can understand what she is saying and how she is feeling, I really can. She's been through an awful lot. You should have been more careful, (contraception). Support her if that's what she wants, don't push her on anything. She has been honest with you, which is good...even though it means you know she still has feelings for her ex. Did he walk away from her? How did they split up? I wish you both lots of luck...it's a cliche I know, but you're both going to have to take this one day at a time.
depplover_1980 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Has she been offered any counselling or professional advice for both the grief and potential abortion? I would check if there are any local centres who may be able to help, but then you must give her lots of space - sorting out what to do about the pregnancy is the priority here. I know you are worried and eager to sort things with her, but she is not going anywhere so there is not as much a rush as you think. This woman has been through a terrible time and it is going to require a lot of patience your end.
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