blacksentra Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Me and my ex have been completely done since November, with a few instances of LC since then. So last night I decide to check her fb (bad idea I know), just to see how much I have progressed with getting over her. Well after checking it I realized 2 things: 1. Im still nowhere near getting over her. I was up all last night thinking about what I saw on her page. She has a lot of party pics up and a few guys are flirty with her on her page (to which she recipricates)..........You guys dont even have to scold me on this. As I was logging in, I knew I was making a stupid mistake. So I'm just taking this bump and going back NC lol...........but: 2. I realized that she's so "ugly" to me now. All she talks about is going to a bar/party and as I stated before, all her pics are of her bar hopping with her girlfriends. In one she looks SLOPPY drunk. Seeing all of that was so unattractive. Also, the guys that pop up on her page look like clowns:lmao:. If I didnt already have the emotional attachment to her, I would never go out of my way for a girl like that. I was kinda dissapointed actually. Her personality has made a complete 180 since we broke up; gone is the sweet, innocent, shy girl that I fell for. It just kinda hurts that she finds more enjoyment in getting drunk and hit on at the bar than trying to make our relationship work. Just wanted to vent
s2k1099 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 She's probably trying to use that as a way to cope. It doesn't work too well. Every time a friend tells me he just broke up with his girl and how me and him need to hit the clubs, It never works. They usually just sit there being anti social in a silent sulk, checking their phone until 2am.
tommy.is.my.name Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 You know when I dumped my ex ex I did a similar thing. I was a hot mess. Looking back now I think all the partying, getting wasted (even at work as a ran a bar) was due to me feeling bad about dumping her. And I was trying to fill a void in my life. Trying to replace the love I threw away. In a way I think my current breakup is partly due to the baggage I brought into it from the previous relationship. Try not to let the sloppy party pics hurt ya.
Author blacksentra Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 @fresh.........thanks for blunt advice.......straight and to the point @s2k........I don't know about her using clubbing as a means to cope. We've been broken up for quite a while now (officially in August, completely off since November) and it was her decision, so I think she's pretty much over me by now. I really believe thats her new lifestyle and she enjoys that scene. Im just shocked by it. @tommy.......the pics don't hurt as much as they dissapoint me. Me and her used to laugh at girls who thought it was cute to post drunk pics on fb, now she's one of them lol........she's changed, for the worse in my opinion breaking up SUCKS!
flitzanu Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 @fresh.........thanks for blunt advice.......straight and to the point @s2k........I don't know about her using clubbing as a means to cope. We've been broken up for quite a while now (officially in August, completely off since November) and it was her decision, so I think she's pretty much over me by now. I really believe thats her new lifestyle and she enjoys that scene. Im just shocked by it. @tommy.......the pics don't hurt as much as they dissapoint me. Me and her used to laugh at girls who thought it was cute to post drunk pics on fb, now she's one of them lol........she's changed, for the worse in my opinion breaking up SUCKS! f'd up right? its like they go from normal into bar-slut overnight once they dump us. i'm with you on the points in the original post, i was dumb and checked my ex's page often, and just saw such a gradual decline into looking like the same whorish party girl that every dude is trying to nail because they're a lush.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Well, now you have a glimpse of what was to come anyways. I never did get the bar scene.
flitzanu Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 in all honesty, and i'm not a girl so i can't speak for them.......but i'm a firm believer it's all about attention. they can't replace YOUR attention with only one person, so they want it from everyone around them, all the time. it's kind of a hollow existence i'm sure, which is why many of them eventually come back around and see that they've been acting like a child.
1784 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 (edited) Facebook. God, it can be so damaging. Why? I'll tell you why. Facebook isn't real life. It's kind of like vacation pictures. Vacation pictures always seem so nice, don't they? The sun is out, you're tan, everyone is smiling, everything looks picturesque, etc. It's a vacation. It's not real life. This does not represent you. Just because Maui is nice this time of year doesn't make your life any different. When people post on Facebook they post things that will get them attention. Things that might make you jealous, things that may make you laugh, etc. Do you think they're going to post something like this: "Just pulled my car over to the side of the road because the tears in my eyes from my breakup were actually causing me to endanger other drivers. God I miss him!" Of course people don't post things like this. It's sad and pretty pathetic. But that doesn't mean that it didn't happen (or something similar). Please don't give Facebook the undue attention that it so frequently gets from dumpees (and/or dumpers). You're not going to find what you want on Facebook. You are going to find what that person is trying to PROJECT to the world. That's not the same as what they are feeling. Chances are they are overcompensating for what they ARE feeling. They want everyone to know just how special (insert name here) is. Just how HAPPENING their life is. How nothing can interrupt their good times and good humor. It's not real. It's just a mini vacation from reality. That's why people like it. So please... stop checking Facebook. I can promise you that NOTHING positive can come from it. Delete her/him now. Right this minute. Not later. Not next week. Now. Read this and unfriend that person. You'll thank me later. Edited March 22, 2011 by 1784
ladeedee Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I totally agree with 1784 except I deactivated mine. Those 2 days after we broke up I would look at his page and watch it. I was devastated and I wanted to look. I thought, "I'm already doing horribly how much worse can it possibly get!" Nothing happened of course. Though back last year he put his pictures on 'private' and this was after I had posted pictures of us together. I didn't believe him when he said it was to hide other "embarrassing" pictures. The day after we broke up, he took the privacy off. Of course I looked. There were pictures of us only and maybe one other picture with a friend. I felt like he was such a jerk. He knew I'd look and wanted to prove a point. Yes, I was being insecure about it at the time, but who does this a day after a breakup? Then only to put it back on private? Then the updates are a whole other thing. I completely removed my relationship status and deleted the update so people wouldn't see it. He changed his to 'single' and it was published. Someone liked it. So I thought I'd comment on it and the least he could do is respect what we had and not draw attention or drama to the situation. I did it, he could do it too. So he did. And I respect him more for it. Right after, I deactivated FB! People are ridiculous and FB is pure drama. Deactivate! You'll find something better and more substantial to life!
mousse Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Facebook. God, it can be so damaging. Why? I'll tell you why. Facebook isn't real life. It's kind of like vacation pictures. Vacation pictures always seem so nice, don't they? The sun is out, you're tan, everyone is smiling, everything looks picturesque, etc. It's a vacation. It's not real life. This does not represent you. Just because Maui is nice this time of year doesn't make your life any different. When people post on Facebook they post things that will get them attention. Things that might make you jealous, things that may make you laugh, etc. Do you think they're going to post something like this: "Just pulled my car over to the side of the road because the tears in my eyes from my breakup were actually causing me to endanger other drivers. God I miss him!" Of course people don't post things like this. It's sad and pretty pathetic. But that doesn't mean that it didn't happen (or something similar). Please don't give Facebook the undue attention that it so frequently gets from dumpees (and/or dumpers). You're not going to find what you want on Facebook. You are going to find what that person is trying to PROJECT to the world. That's not the same as what they are feeling. Chances are they are overcompensating for what they ARE feeling. They want everyone to know just how special (insert name here) is. Just how HAPPENING their life is. How nothing can interrupt their good times and good humor. It's not real. It's just a mini vacation from reality. That's why people like it. So please... stop checking Facebook. I can promise you that NOTHING positive can come from it. Delete her/him now. Right this minute. Not later. Not next week. Now. Read this and unfriend that person. You'll thank me later. awesome post
1784 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 awesome post Thanks. This was one of the many realizations I have come to since my most recent breakup. I'll tell you something I'm not proud of. It took me a few weeks to unfriend her. I was so sure I could handle it, I'd be fine, it's just Facebook, etc. But I realized I was checking her profile every day, multiple times. At work, on my commute home, at home, before I went to bed. Looking for well, anything. I don't even know what I was looking for. Something good? Something bad? Scraps. Scraps of the person I used to think I'd marry. It WAS pathetic. Of course a few people had suggested that I block her and/or unfriend her but I merely waved them aside. Finally, much like the drug that it is, I decided I really had to stop the madness. So one morning I got up from bed, went RIGHT to the computer, logged in to FB and went to her page. I hesitantly clicked on the UNFRIEND button. This is the scary part. I was literally sweating. It was the dead of winter and I was sweating. This really was like coming off of heroine or something (not that I'd know - settle down). But I was so nervous to do it. To break from her. To lose that ability to check in. But then I did it. I clicked on it, confirmed it and proceeded directly tot he shower. In a few minutes I was fine and I am REALLY REALLY glad that I did this. It felt like such an innocent thing while I was checking. You can judge a thing based on how hard it is to give up. I never realized how hard it would be to initially do. So all of you who insist on lurking on FB, just realize that you'll never truly be able to let go. You're not living your life, you're just spying on hers. While you may THINK you have some kind of right to do this, you simply do not! Let it go. They are gone. There is only you. Pay attention to YOUR life, not theirs.
Call Me Al Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 (edited) The vacation pictures comment really amused me. I have been to several fairly boring parties before where people take pictures with these wild exaggerated looks on their faces and stuff...and two weeks later when you see the photo evidence on Facebook it looks like they were at some awesome party rather than the snorefest you attended. I dont see any reason why you need to de-activate your own account because of an ex. Simply block them. Un-friending a person means you can still see their comments and posts amongst mutual friends. Blocking them means they basically disappear A few weeks ago a friend of mine copied and pasted a status update from my ex to show me she was in a pretty miserable place. Their heart was in the right spot, but I asked them to not do that again as it sort of set me back a bit emotionally. Edited March 22, 2011 by Call Me Al cuz
ladeedee Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I didn't purely do it just cause of an ex though.. I had been getting really annoyed with just about everything that was on there. The ex was my tipping point and I don't miss it. That's just me though I don't regret it because I'm really getting sick of facebook in general.
Jdw_Icequeen Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 1784... Really liked your comment aswell. I deleted my ex long ago. He has his profile on lock but I could see his profile pic where you can see him at a concert.. He was also there with my best friend that he stole from me.. Long story lol.. I can't see anything but his profile pic and it really erked me!! Just as simple as that.. Why in the HELL would you want to see anything else?? On the other hand hearing that they are just vacation pictures to make everything look grand made me feel a whole lot better about that.. Your so right, he is now completley blocked on facebook. So is my ex bestfriend and another party involved trying to create drama.. So yes I agree with Al there... BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK!! Blacksentra I also wanted to say not to beat yourself up to much, most all of us slip up in one way or another breaking NC pleading begging crying.. What the hell else are we suppose to do? We are hurt and just because most dumpers don't show emotion because they have done there best to check out as quick as possible, dosen't mean we are crazy for doing so.. Even though alot of them will try and make you think you are..
lolo1234 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 The vacation pictures comment really amused me. I have been to several fairly boring parties before where people take pictures with these wild exaggerated looks on their faces and stuff...and two weeks later when you see the photo evidence on Facebook it looks like they were at some awesome party rather than the snorefest you attended. Oh hilarious! Yeah I also like 1784's post. Very true and observant. I'm lucky in that my ex doesn't have a FB page.
Author blacksentra Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 Well, now you have a glimpse of what was to come anyways. I never did get the bar scene. I couldnt agree with this any more!.....she turned 21 around the time we went off for good, so im pretty sure if we had stayed together her bar hopping would have created even more stress @1784.....yea i agree. FB is def a tool ppl use for gratification and to look "cool".....but regardless of this it still has an emotional impact on me and I need to stay away. Its just so crazy. Her newfound lifestyle really just came out of nowhere. We used to spend our friday/saturday nites just hanging out and watching movies.........now it seems her weekend isnt complete without picking up a bottle smh people change i guess
GreenPolicy Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Breakup was 10/16/2010. Defriended her around Halloween. Last looked at her fb on 12/2/2010. Thankfully it was pretty private and all I saw was her profile picture of the Bay Bridge, which means she visited her sister in the Bay Area for Thanksgiving. I will never snoop again.
Author blacksentra Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 ^^^ You have got to be kidding me! what do you mean?
Rosberg Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Looking at an ex on facebook is a generally bad idea. Just follow my lead, and you should be okay, at least people say i'm doing fabulously since my break-up in november of last year. No Contact, Immediate deletion off your fb friends list. Start thinking about what kind of things to do, things you enjoy, try getting into anything you'd be interested in, and soak your mind in it. Listen to music, for an example, for me, "**** You" By Cee Lo helped alot. just, Forget about her, she shouldn't be in your mind, invading your happiness. She belongs to the past, actions prior to the present, actions taken back then, sholdn't be occupying your mind as you now hopefully read my comment. If all else fails, get a trusty friend over, have a couple of drinks but stay in and try talking it over, i've found that sometimes helps. The easiest way i could explain my situation regarding my ex now, is that "I'm Free".
DollyGirl12 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I totally agree with 1784 except I deactivated mine. Those 2 days after we broke up I would look at his page and watch it. I was devastated and I wanted to look. I thought, "I'm already doing horribly how much worse can it possibly get!" Nothing happened of course. Though back last year he put his pictures on 'private' and this was after I had posted pictures of us together. I didn't believe him when he said it was to hide other "embarrassing" pictures. The day after we broke up, he took the privacy off. Of course I looked. There were pictures of us only and maybe one other picture with a friend. I felt like he was such a jerk. He knew I'd look and wanted to prove a point. Yes, I was being insecure about it at the time, but who does this a day after a breakup? Then only to put it back on private? Then the updates are a whole other thing. I completely removed my relationship status and deleted the update so people wouldn't see it. He changed his to 'single' and it was published. Someone liked it. So I thought I'd comment on it and the least he could do is respect what we had and not draw attention or drama to the situation. I did it, he could do it too. So he did. And I respect him more for it. Right after, I deactivated FB! People are ridiculous and FB is pure drama. Deactivate! You'll find something better and more substantial to life! I completely agree with this. GREAT post. My ex didn't even want to add me to his FB as a gf. He balked and balked over it. He had many females that he had some sort of relationship with on there, whether it was casual or an ex. It didn't bother me until he started acting shady about things. One of the females that he dated previous to me, that he claimed was nothing, kept sending him friend requests. He didn't want to add her because they split up when she went through his phone and started calling people that she found him texting and speaking to . I do remember when that happened because we had actually been just friends at that time. He had called me way back then and asked me if she had called me, as he had received calls from other females telling him that she called him and he was embarrassed. But,,,,,like a true person with no feelings at all the minute we broke up he took me off of his facebook and added her as a friend. I'm sure it was just to hurt my feelings, but really all it did was show me his true character.
smudge21 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 So much of this rings true it's scary. That same feeling I had when hovering over the button for removing her from my FB friends. Yet it was a sudden decision. I did it and almost right away it felt like a weight had been lifted. I've still got feelings for her (it's only been a week since the deletion) but I know now that I am moving on finally. Not seeing her updates or looking at her pictures is such a help. With FB you are still a part of their lives. You're reading what they're up to and feel like you're still in there.
turokturok5 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Me and my ex have been completely done since November, with a few instances of LC since then. So last night I decide to check her fb (bad idea I know), just to see how much I have progressed with getting over her. Well after checking it I realized 2 things: 1. Im still nowhere near getting over her. I was up all last night thinking about what I saw on her page. She has a lot of party pics up and a few guys are flirty with her on her page (to which she recipricates)..........You guys dont even have to scold me on this. As I was logging in, I knew I was making a stupid mistake. So I'm just taking this bump and going back NC lol...........but: 2. I realized that she's so "ugly" to me now. All she talks about is going to a bar/party and as I stated before, all her pics are of her bar hopping with her girlfriends. In one she looks SLOPPY drunk. Seeing all of that was so unattractive. Also, the guys that pop up on her page look like clowns:lmao:. If I didnt already have the emotional attachment to her, I would never go out of my way for a girl like that. I was kinda dissapointed actually. Her personality has made a complete 180 since we broke up; gone is the sweet, innocent, shy girl that I fell for. It just kinda hurts that she finds more enjoyment in getting drunk and hit on at the bar than trying to make our relationship work. Just wanted to vent Exactly my thoughts, i fell for my ex for those reasons too. Exept after she broke up with me she ; Lied to me, started trying to get together with my best mate, flirt with my mates in front of me, act as if i don't exist, exclude me etc etc. Yet she was the one who dumped me and said she still wanted to be "good friends."
betterdeal Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 So last night I decide to check her fb (bad idea I know), just to see how much I have progressed with getting over her. Not much, given that you're measuring your happiness in reference to someone you once gave some of your time to. You'll get there, eventually. I wish you and her well in your pursuit of happiness.
Recommended Posts