does he love me? i know the answer...but why is it so hard to leave?

[penelope]

My man of 3 years (who used to be the love of my life) has disappeared. He is bipolar...but does that excuse his erratic behavior when he refuses to get psychological help? Instead he drinks it away and leaves me in tears while he jerks off to porn. I was enough once...and I honestly don't think I have changed. In fact...he has changed me. I look at other women with scorn now...that is not me. I doubt myself...that is not me either. It's like he has broken me, but due to his illness...I'm afraid to leave. But is that fear for him or me?

[Tony T]

A drinker who is bipolar and refuses to get treatment is a timebomb waiting to go off. You are in a classic codependent relationship. It's not likely anything is going to change until you get the nerve to get away from this situation and understand you deserve better. Putting up the post you did was a great first step. Get counselling and other help that will give you the strength to get away from this guy so you can have the life you deserve. You only live once and if you don't make changes you will regret this time you lived in the dumper.

 

Don't worry about your friend. He'll get help when he realizes he needs it...or he will die of alcoholism. He's not your responsiblity. You are the captain of your ship and responsible for your happiness. If you don't take that responsibility, nobody else will....I promise.

[penelope]

Thank you for your insight. I do believe you are right...however, it is not easy to walk away from love is it? Then again, I've always had a hard time walking away from those in need. He is truly the love of my life (when he is himself that is). On a more positive note...I am in the process of walking away. My bags are packed, literally. Thank you for listening Any insight on the porn thing?

[kkat]

I don't have insight on the porn thing really but I do agree with Tony - this is a classic codependent relationship. Try reading some of the great books on codependency and if possible, get yourself into therapy. And above all, get out. You can't help him - you can't cure him, you can't make him take meds, you can't make him stop drinking, you can't make him stop his self-destructive behavior. But you can stop taking responsibility for it and letting it become your own self-destructive behavior. It's a hard pattern to break but packing your bags is a great step and a great sign. You can do it! Good luck!

[TigerEyes]

Originally posted by penelope

My man of 3 years (who used to be the love of my life) has disappeared. He is bipolar...but does that excuse his erratic behavior when he refuses to get psychological help? Instead he drinks it away and

 

 

 

How does he 'disappear'? and what is his erratic behavior?

[penelope]

By disappeared I simply meant that he is not the man I fell in love with. And as far as erratic behavior goes...bipolars when in the mania stage exhibit erratic behavior such as anger outbursts, binge drinking, porn obsession etc.

[Arabess]

Well..if he keeps FEEDING the mania instead of seeking help.....how long are you supposed to hang in there? At some point, this is detremental to your life and your future. Only YOU can decide how far you can support him and at what point you have to withdraw to remain healthy.

[penelope]

Thank you and I agree entirely. I've made the arrangements to move and the breaking it off part is in the works. I gave him the choice...therapy or I'm gone. So far no moves towards therapy therefore...I'm on my way to a better place in my head and heart. It's just the leaving that's hard when you know that the person you love is in there somewhere. Not to mention the fact that it kinda sucks having to walk away from someone that is in desperate need of help and support. I've always worried about others more than myself. Thank you for your reply:)