mousse Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Hello everyone I was broken up from my ex since 9 months and I recently realised that I'm over him now. I no longer think about him all the time, I'm no longer nostalgic and I feel much better and stronger. I went strictly NC all that time except for two times one in august and one in december where I checked his facebook. The two times I checked his facebook made me feel very vulnerable and I ended up thinking about him a lot after that. So my advise to everyone here is stick with NC, you'll eventually stop thinking about your ex so much and eventually will get over them, like I did.
aloneinseattle Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 So your saying, looking at pictures, or watching videos of you and your ex is breaking NC?
jeff2321 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I believe it is. Looking at pictures just sets you back further. Why put yourself through that pain? I'm 7 months NC and nowhere near over my ex, but i'm better off than I'd be otherwise. I'm still very lonely and heart broken though -- at least I don't have to WATCH my ex date new guys and enjoy her new life without me. My ex is just a big unknown to me at this point which is a relief compared to the alternative. Jeff
stopthemadness Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Love it when i read posts like this. Am right behind you mousse. Been out of breakup for about 8 months now. but only 2 months of no contact. Iam doing alot better now that we have n/c. Went out on a "date" 2nite had a fun time (big smile) OMG turns out life does go on huh? hahaha Maybe one day i can wish him and his new live with girl freind well, But it sure aint 2day!!! And YES YES the healing only really starts once you go N/C 100%......
DollyGirl12 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Congrats on your healing. It takes time, but NC does work. Letting yourself go through the stages is necessary for healing. And sometimes we slip, but we get up and brush ourselves off. It's been over 7 months since my split with my ex. I've actually been reading these boards for a long time and it helped so much. At first I would come on to read about others breakups and try to put myself in their shoes, find a common ground, so that I did not feel so alone. Now I come on once in a while and try to read the inspirational posts. The hardest part for me, in the beginning, was my ex's family. They loved me very much and were just as hurt by our breakup. Nobody really knew what happened. His sister, who I was FB friends with, did ask me. I was honest with her. He had been emailing personals from Craigslist, more than one and looking up escort services in his area. Needless to say, the loving relationship I believed had developed between us over time was destroyed at that moment. We had a LDR but spent alot of time together. He completely denied everything and did the narcissistic thing of turning everything around on me. Somehow I was "nuts" and "psycho" for believing he would even think of doing something like this. He claimed he was spammed and hacked. He wasn't. Each emailed was personalized with his picture attached. I was not kind at all in the end. I actually shocked myself at how mean I was. It just wasn't me, it was the extreme pain and anguish that was guiding my behavior. I had never received any type of apology or feeling of regret from him. I'm not sure if he is capable of it. His sister was very loving and understanding about the whole thing. I asked her not to get in the middle and she didn't. But, she would occasionally ask me if I had heard from him, and what was going on. A few months back she told me that he still missed me and thought about me all the time and she said he thought it would be nice if I apologized to him. Of course she knew I was not going to do that, but I think she was still hoping for some kind of miracle. His family has never liked any of his other gf's. I think that was the nail in the coffin for any nostalgic feelings I may have been carrying with me. At that point I told her that I couldn't communicate with her any further if his name was brought up. She has been extremely respectful of that. I don't think about her any more as a potential family member. I think of her as someone who truly cared about me and felt hurt about what was done to me, even though she could not bring it up with him. She knows I would never take him back and she completely understands why. One of the important things for me, though out everything, was looking back at things I had accepted from the beginning. He was not completely honest and forthcoming at the beginning of our relationship. We had been together a few months and he was telling me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever. I think he knew I was an honest, dependable, and respectable woman. Yet what was to be our first NYE together he wasn't feeling well enough to make the trip (he had a disability) and I had not yet been to his home. Yes, he was 34 and still lived with his mother-I KNOW RED FLAG. Anyhow, come to find out weeks later he had planned on spending NYE with another female. He claimed they were just friends and that he didn't "realize" that we were committed so he felt it was ok. I KNOW ANOTHER RED FLAG. Stupidly I stayed with him. Things seemed to be really good. Then last March I was at his home and he received an email from his previous ex which he opened in front of me because I asked him to. She was responding back to him. He had asked her why she wasted all of his time and her response back to him was to go see a shrink. She had moved all the way across the other end of the country without telling him. I was very upset as I couldn't understand why it would even matter and why he would even bother contacting her since he was so "in love" with me. He made it seem like it was no big deal....YES RED FLAG....and I accepted it. He always made me feel like I was making a big deal out of nothing and turned things around on me to the point that I was feeling bad because I made a huge deal out of things. I think that is where most of my anger came from at the end, last September. To much accepting bad behavior on my part from the beginning. Feeling that if I had ended things at the first dishonesty I would not have been put through such terrible anguish at the end. Finding, after the emails to CL personals, that he had a history of doing this, even when he was with his ex. Having HUNDREDS of Personals addresses in his email address book. Having at least 50-60 women in his phone book (all friends I assume LOL). A leopard doesn't change it's spots. What he did with his ex, he did with me, and will do with the next. He has to feel desired at all times as well as sexually attractive. I was mean, not face to face, to the point of burning all bridges. That was what I set out to do, but honestly it did not make me feel better. I had to then deal with my behavior on top of everything else. Had I been a smarter woman from the beginning I wouldn't have gone through all of this. Regardless of how our relationships end, NC is just so important for healing and feeling better about ourselves. Sometimes a huge chunk our our self esteem is taken away and it's important that we take it back.
Layzie89 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Thank you.for this post. I was having a bit of a weak momebt earlier, mostly due to the 6 beers I drank and was considering re activating my fb to see what me ex has been commebting on mutual friends pages but I decided to come to Ls instead amd saw this thread. Thank god.
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