Where is this going?

[olia]

Hi all,

I am not sure where is this going. Me and him met in Dec 2009 and we were going out for an year . We were very close and all the signs came from his side in terms of he loves me and then even we almost talked about marriage. I was never clingy except for the fact that I loved him a lot and missed him so I used to tell him we should be together and it never seemed a problem for him . We both had failed marriages so this was no flings or rebound we had come in this relationship very maturely. He used to be very affectionate. One day in November 2010 after being almost an year together he declared that he was not ready and does not feel for me any more. Off course I was devastated his reason were not so right in terms of he want to settle in his life professionally where as he is already doing good. It was clear he is not in to me. I tried to know the cause and each time the answer was its not you its me , I need space etc. I need three months and see how I feel for you, Its been three months now.

I cried , tried to explain him but nothing worked . He said he will fix it but never did. Then I kind of put my guards down and let it go for a while . I was hurt in but I was not showing that. He went for a holiday and came back again with a bang that he is fine now and was again very sweet but that was just for a day.

Few days back I asked him if he is planning to give it a second chance with no pressure at his pace when he is free from work and all. He said friend ship is the only thing he can offer me for now and rest he does not know about future. We went NC in between when he was on holiday. I have read various articles how to get back ex and I really want to be back with him. There is no time during the day when I do not think about him or miss him. I do not disturb him , try and understand things , give him space , do not talk about relationship.

He has slowly now reduced contact the only contact we make during the day is like 1 min call to know how are we doing and that’s about it. If we meet up he is sweet tries to touch me .

Do I have a hope? I have to mention that he has been really rude at times to me. But I don’t seem to let it go and trying to hold on. I am 29 and feel I am already old to get guys in future. I would also state that I sued to be very negative person and all the situations I have mentioned I have attracted my self as I used to imagine them before hand. In my heart I feel he might come back and e sorry for all this but again that might be short lived. I want to know from a guys perspective what does this all mean?