Sparklyred Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 We dated for 2 1/2 months. We got along so compatibly on certain things- we really enjoyed spending time together. We did alot of things- skiing, skeet shooting, playing music, cooking, chilling, and we had good sex, really good. So after 2 months and i feel him somewhat pulling back- I'm wondering if this is that time that guys pull back because they get scared.... I sat on my anxiety for weeks - slow and steady wins the race- but our 3x a week went down to 1x a week the last 2 weeks- and I things came up in his life that were legitimate issues that kept us apart. Work things, family things...But yet, I felt this gnawing thing in my gut that it's more than that.... I meant to talk to him about it, because if there's anything real here, then I should be able to. To have the check in conversation- the are we ok here...Even at 2 1/2 months. So I did. And I thought it went better than any communication I have had in any relationship. I was honest, I spoke from my heart. I wasn't emotional, I was logical. I didn't accuse him of anything. He has 2 young children. He told me that though he wasn't pulling back for any other reason than he is anxious about a trial coming up that next week- (he practices law)...but since I BROUGHT IT UP, he did have some concerns about us in the long term....He said he thought that I'd be bored in the long run with a life with little kids. I responded that there's no reality to that thought. I love children and there's nothing more I want in life than to be a parent and part of a family unit...He said the kids got hurt by the last relationship and he is wary and maybe over wary. I said that I understand that totally and respect that and respect and like him more because he thinks of his kids first- and that's the way I'd do it too if I was in that position. But I need to know- if he's sure that meeting his kids isn't on the horizon- even if we wait a while- then I don't know what to say- He responded that he had hoped for the last few weeks not to actually have this conversation- he wanted things to keep going as they were- and realizes that was a selfish act. He said if we break up, he'd like to be friends and still do things together- like play tennis and hang out. I said I don't think that would be possible for me to do- I like him and I don't want to break up- and I think I'd feel like I wanted to make out with him if we were to be friends- plus- I'm not looking for a casual relationship. Nor was he- because his Match profile spoke to a man who wasn't into that either. We got off the phone with my saying- it's not an ultimatum, just think about what you want. I felt so mature when I got off the phone--- and guess what...I haven't heard from him since. No email, no text, no phone call. For 5 days. Suddenly, it hit me- he's not going to. That might be it. How incredibly cold it feels. I feel so hurt. Even if he was to contact me- and I don't know that he will- these 5 days of not knowing and no contact has been very hard- and makes me question the whole relationship. Was he just using me? Was I a fun, single break away from his life with his kids? Never intending from the start to take it anywhere? I am just sooo hurt.
SingVoice Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I can completely relate to your situation right now. I'm about in the same boat. I was dating a guy who also had a LOT going on in his life. And we had a "talk" as well...and then last week he didn't call me...just texted me. Then I called him and he never called me back. I texted him to find out if he was still going to this concert I was doing that I had already gotten him a ticket for. No response. I even flat out asked him if we were over. No response. While I DO believe that certain kinds of men need time to think about things...in BOTH of our cases I don't believe we will hear from the men again. I think your best bet is to just let him go....don't contact him again. You put yourself out there by initiating that conversation...and then he fell off the face of the earth. It's not as if in those 5 days he didn't have 5 minutes to talk to you. I think it's not a good sign...and you are right...you probably won't hear from him again unless it's a breadcrumb he is throwing you. I know it hurts...I am in the same boat.
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