Lilmisus Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Yesterday, I told a close friend and coworker that my boyfriend and I broke up two nights before. Once I told her this, she told me not to be mad, but that one of my friends that recently started working there, liked him. She said that she told her about 2-3 weeks prior, and that my ex and a few others knew about it and no one wanted to tell me. She said that she didn't want anyone to tell me because she felt bad about it, but that she really liked him and thought he was super cute. Apparently though she likes a couple of guys there, just my ex the more than the rest. At first I didn't think anything of it since this chick is 18, still in high school and looks like a little girl - and not my ex's type at all. Plus, I know that girls like him, plenty do, he's a very attractive guy and to assume that girls didn't like him would be pretty naive thinking on my part. But then, I was told about all these things that she was saying and doing with or around him and it got my blood boiling. Like how a bunch of them went out to the bar a few weeks ago where she started liking him, how she kept following him around and talking to him, and didn't take my feelings in regard at all when I was trying hard to be friends with her. It made things much more clear as to why she was smiling when she found out we broke up and why she added only him and one other from our job that night. Personally, as soon as I find out that a guy I think is cute or have some chemistry with is in a relationship, I back off immediately, and try hard to see him as only being a friend. If things end with his girlfriend, then maybe I see him in a different light but by then he's already thrown in the "friend zone." I would have assumed that girl friends of mine would do the same for me, but apparently that's not the case. Am I the only one who found a problem with this? My ex when I told him thought it was insane that I felt mad about it, and so did a friend of ours, but they both reassured me that I was overreacting and that my friend lied to me about it - which wasn't the case. How would you feel if you were in my position?
Knittress Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 No, I wouldn't. I think it demonstrates poor character and value the idea of relationships and commitment far too much. But that's not the point - why was your friend such an insensitive jerk to be TELLING you this right now? It's got you all upset - so upset that maybe you are reading a little too much into some flirty 18 year old's possibly-innocent behavior. I'm not saying you are, though. Or that your feelings are in any way inappropriate.
Author Lilmisus Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 No, I wouldn't. I think it demonstrates poor character and value the idea of relationships and commitment far too much. But that's not the point - why was your friend such an insensitive jerk to be TELLING you this right now? It's got you all upset - so upset that maybe you are reading a little too much into some flirty 18 year old's possibly-innocent behavior. I'm not saying you are, though. Or that your feelings are in any way inappropriate. You know..I don't know why she chose to tell me right now..she literally told me like two minutes after I told her the news and that I haven't been able to eat or sleep right since. I think she felt guilty for keeping it from me since she said that she wanted to say something for the past couple weeks, but I was always so happy, and laughing and smiling all the time that she didn't want to upset me, so I'm assuming it was a guilty conscience type thing. Like my ex said though, she's thrives off gossip, and there's no reason to believe her. And maybe her behavior is completely innocent, who knows. After all, like I said, she has been said to like three other guys there, just him more than the rest, and who she knew had a girlfriend (who was trying hard to befriend her). If I found out that she just had a crush on him and didn't do anything about it, I wouldn't care, but it's the fact that I was told that she was broadcasting it without a care in the world and adding him on Facebook (yet no one else) that upset me. Ah well, it won't get her anywhere anyway.
WillSingForFood Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 No, not a chance. Theyre off the market if theyre in a relationship, and I try to respect that, and the girlfriend. What bothers me is that no one told you beforehand, including him, why not? Were they hiding something by not telling you? Or is it really not that serious? Maybe you should confront this girl though. Sounds like she was being a b**** by doing this without any concern of your feelings. Both of them.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 First of all she did not "go after" him. She just said she liked him and confided that in someone. Simply liking someone is a emotion. She didn't act on it and neither did he, Right? Now you broke up with him. He can date whoever he wants. He's not in a relationship anymore. _______________ As for me I think my stance on this is well known. Someone is off the market when they are engaged or married. People who are in so called committed relationships and talk of morality should get of their high moral horses read the bible and realize that they are fornicating like the rest of us... or get married.
Author Lilmisus Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 First of all she did not "go after" him. She just said she liked him and confided that in someone. Simply liking someone is a emotion. She didn't act on it and neither did he, Right? Now you broke up with him. He can date whoever he wants. He's not in a relationship anymore. _______________ As for me I think my stance on this is well known. Someone is off the market when they are engaged or married. People who are in so called committed relationships and talk of morality should get of their high moral horses read the bible and realize that they are fornicating like the rest of us... or get married. I don't think it'll really matter one way or another, but he broke up with me. Not sure if that will change anything in your stance on this or not, but just making that clear. There is nothing wrong with simply liking someone who's in a relationship, as long as you don't cross the boundaries that are in place there, especially if their your friends partner. If all she did was tell my friend that she really liked him, thought that he was cute and whatever, I wouldn't really think anything of it, since I know plenty of other girls who feel the same way. But like I said..it's the fact that she was following him around and talking to him and broadcasting it to others without any regards to my feelings or the fact that he was in a relationship at the time, and no one told me about it that upset me. There are a few other couples at my job, and one coworker of ours had the hots for one guy in a relationship, and didn't care who knew it, even invited him over to her place. He thought it was hilarious, and made sure to tell his girlfriend about it so she didn't think anything of it..and you know, if I was told about this beforehand, I'd probably be like his girlfriend and not care at all. Just laugh it off like they do. I'm really really trying to be friends with him though and he laid it out there plain for me to see that girls like him, that he can't do anything about that fact and that it's not something I should get upset over. He also told me that he has zero interest in dating anyone else, and would definitely not go after her, but that he's a single man now and if he wanted to, he could. Just as I'm single now and can date whoever I want to. But he also assured me not to listen to rumors or gossip, especially when it's my friend who's spreading it, since it's most likely not true.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Are you assuming he left you because of her? That sounds like what's going on.
Author Lilmisus Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Are you assuming he left you because of her? That sounds like what's going on. Nahh. He didn't leave me for anyone, especially her. He told me this, and I trust him, because he's not the type of guy to not give it to you straight. I didn't think of her as a "threat" at all, still don't. Talked to her all day today, and we talked about it along (I didn't bring it up, it kind of just happened to come up) and it turns out that it wasn't true at all. Apparently my friend did her as she's done me in the past by twisting the truth completely around and telling people that she liked others that she had no interest in. I don't think my friend intended to hurt me really, but I think the rumors get mixed up with the truth sometimes with her. But her and I talked and hung out all night while talking about the breakup, hot guys, and random other things. In the end, I realize that it was all worthless bs, and I feel much better about it all.
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